What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[somedude81]

In the "You're right" thread Quiet Storm made an awesome post about chemistry.

 

Her post completely resonated with me and almost seemed like it was written for me.

 

Men are often satisfied with "we get along, we like the same music, we laugh together, she's attractive, we both want the same things in life"- they see a potential match based on those reasons alone. So they think, if she just gives me a chance, she'll like me.

 

That is exactly how I feel about women, but now I'm aware that it's absolutely not how women feel about men.

 

The reason that I have done so poorly with girls throughout my life has been because I didn't understand chemistry, and I still don't.

 

When it comes to interacting with women I really don't have a clue what the hell I'm doing. Because of that I just treat women as if they were gender neutral, and my gender doesn't matter as well and guess what, they only want to be friends with me.

 

Can a guy learn how to create chemistry? If so, how?

[OwMyEyeball]

Do you have an Erlenmeyer flask? Because god help you if you don't when trying to create some chemistry. Beakers won't do it. You need at least two flasks and a graduated cylinder. Maybe a Bunsen burner, but that's more of an east coast thing.

 

Oh, and a pipette.

 

So let's get started:

 

If the ephedrine or pseudoephedrine isn't already in pure powder form, then it must be separated from the tablets of cold medicine that contain it. To do this, the cold medicine tablets are mixed with a solvent and the solution is then filtered and exposed to low temperatures to separate and remove the inert material of the tablet.

The pure pseudoephedrine is then mixed with red phosphorus and hydriodic acid.

The red phosphorus is then filtered out (and later reused), and the remaining acid is neutralized by adding a lye solution.

A substance is added that will bind to the substance, and the liquid concentrate is then drained out.

Hydrogen chloride gas is bubbled through the liquid concentrate, making it a crystalline hydrochloride salt.

This is poured through a filter cloth, and the concentrate that is left on the filter is then dried.

Once dry, the concentrate is "stepped on" (mixed down with inert filler in order to maximize profits), weighed and packaged for shipment or sale.

 

No, wait. This is how to make meth.

 

We're talking about love and all that stuff, right?

 

Yah, sorry dude. Clueless as you are.

[Mister Zen]

You have to flirt and you have to try to bed them.

 

Treating them as gender neutral implies a lack of sexual attraction. This leads women to think you are not interested. Doesn't matter much if she is interested enough though. I've dated girls I had no chemistry with and little in common with... and to this day I don't get what the appeal was on their end. On my end it was obviously sexual attraction. Maybe it was the same for them.

 

Be warm, touch them a lot and flirt. Then bed them. Don't try to analyze it too much. Just try to bed any women you are attracted to. Eventually someone will say yes. That's the male dating strategy.

[Thegreatestthing]

Chemistry and electricity is a spiritual thing,people you shared past lives with feel immediately familiar and sparks fly,it all happens in the spirit,there are people though who know each other for ages then fall in love so maybe you can create it.

In the "You're right" thread Quiet Storm made an awesome post about chemistry.

 

Her post completely resonated with me and almost seemed like it was written for me.

 

 

 

That is exactly how I feel about women, but now I'm aware that it's absolutely not how women feel about men.

 

The reason that I have done so poorly with girls throughout my life has been because I didn't understand chemistry, and I still don't.

 

When it comes to interacting with women I really don't have a clue what the hell I'm doing. Because of that I just treat women as if they were gender neutral, and my gender doesn't matter as well and guess what, they only want to be friends with me.

 

Can a guy learn how to create chemistry? If so, how?

[LittleTiger]

Romantic chemistry is about emotional and physical attraction. It's complicated, different for everyone and impossible to define.

 

To me, it's something that is either there or it isn't - meaning you can't 'inspire' it.

 

I believe it's all about pheromones. The men I have physically wanted the most were just irresistible to me, even before they'd spoken a single word. If I was the type to have casual sex (I'm not) I'd have slept with them regardless of any other qualities they may, or may not, possess - which, I think, is a common male behaviour. Maybe that's because men get this pheromone hit thousands of times more often than women.

 

The theory is that people who's pheromones attract us have a very different immune system to us - so any potential offspring will have the best chance of survival.

 

I think this is the fundamental difference between male and female sexuality. The male needs to spread his seed as widely as possible to ensure survival of his genes, the female needs to ensure she doesn't waste time bearing unhealthy children. Add to that the 'modern complications' of her wanting a life partner she enjoys being with, who is going to be loyal, treat her well and be a kind and loving father to her children, I think it's a wonder most women don't stay single and childless forever!

 

Chemistry is just what it says on the tin - a chemical reaction in the brain. You can no more inspire a woman to fall for you than you can make her enjoy a certain type of food or drink. Sorry!

[Andy_K]

Most PUA stuff is specifically aimed at inspiring the 'chemistry' feeling. Whether it's making your voice deeper and more resonant, improving your posture and body language, flirting, jokes, touching, what direction you take the conversation in, and whatever else.

 

If it's any consolation, I do fine without understanding it whatsoever.

 

I can have one date with a girl where we have fun and chat for an hour or two and she won't want to see me again. I can have another date with a different girl which so far as I can tell goes identically, yet she'll want at least a kiss and another date, or even to jump into bed with me.

[insert_name]

I have the same problem, I want to meet someone I am attracted to who makes me laugh and makes good conversation. Whilst i hear from them that there is no 'spark', like they want their vagina to be twitching like a rabbits nose at the mere sight of me otherwise its going nowhere.

 

Of the dates i have been on recently I thought the ones that had gone well on her part actually didnt and the one that i thought went badly actually went well. The only thing i can deduce from this is that cutting a date short early goes some way to giving a girl that feeling of want, maybe its the take it or leave it nature of a guy just up and leaving after 2 hours that makes him seem unattainable and attractive. The other times i have gone the distance for a number of hours and hung on her every word. So i think a certain aloofness from the guy helps as well. You have to come across like you are in control of the situation and that whether there is a second date depends entirely on how interested you are- i believe this makes you more desirable. Well, at least in terms of getting a second date.

 

I also think that girls using online dating have a more full-on expectation of what they want from a guy as they are being bombarded with offers constantly so for them there is no concept of having to compromise on anything. Probably why I see these girls every time i reactivate my account and wonder why they are still single when they were quite a catch when i met them. They are always rolling the dice because they cant get Mr Perfect, but they have enough options to be able to hold out.

 

A friend of mine tried to make me feel better about my online dating disappointments by telling me about a friend of hers who had been on 2-3 dates a week for a year! I refuse to believe that that numberof dates would not yield at least one or two decent boyfriends! If not then we might as well all pack up and go home.

[LittleTiger]

I have the same problem, I want to meet someone I am attracted to who makes me laugh and makes good conversation. Whilst i hear from them that there is no 'spark', like they want their vagina to be twitching like a rabbits nose at the mere sight of me otherwise its going nowhere.

 

Of the dates i have been on recently I thought the ones that had gone well on her part actually didnt and the one that i thought went badly actually went well. The only thing i can deduce from this is that cutting a date short early goes some way to giving a girl that feeling of want, maybe its the take it or leave it nature of a guy just up and leaving after 2 hours that makes him seem unattainable and attractive. The other times i have gone the distance for a number of hours and hung on her every word. So i think a certain aloofness from the guy helps as well. You have to come across like you are in control of the situation and that whether there is a second date depends entirely on how interested you are- i believe this makes you more desirable. Well, at least in terms of getting a second date.

 

I also think that girls using online dating have a more full-on expectation of what they want from a guy as they are being bombarded with offers constantly so for them there is no concept of having to compromise on anything. Probably why I see these girls every time i reactivate my account and wonder why they are still single when they were quite a catch when i met them. They are always rolling the dice because they cant get Mr Perfect, but they have enough options to be able to hold out.

 

A friend of mine tried to make me feel better about my online dating disappointments by telling me about a friend of hers who had been on 2-3 dates a week for a year! I refuse to believe that that numberof dates would not yield at least one or two decent boyfriends! If not then we might as well all pack up and go home.

 

 

I find it really strange how some of you guys just don't get it.

 

These girls are not looking for 'a decent boyfriend'. There are millions of guys who would make 'a decent boyfriend'. Unless they're just looking for something casual, they are looking for an emotional and physical connection.

 

The one ingredient you can't do without in a romantic relationship is 'sexual desire' ie the physical connection. If it isn't there, you're just friends and you'll never be anything more.

 

Don't kid yourselves that they're not picking you because they have so many to choose from either. If they don't feel any sexual desire for you, they still won't feel it if you're the last man on the planet. C'est la vie!

 

Let me ask you a question.

 

"If you took away all the girls that you find physically attractive and you were left with a choice of girls that you found unattractive, how picky would you be then?"

 

By 'unattractive' I mean no physical reaction from that thing between your legs - unless you closed your eyes and imagined you were with someone else - or even worse, the thought of sex with her made you squirm or feel physically sick! Yes, that's how women feel when they find a man unattractive.

[Haydn]

Bit like when i was a student in the union bar (Days of yore), chatting someone up after 8 beers or seeing a girl i`d instantly chat up (NBR) no beers required.

 

The chemistry was also essentially sexual between us despite how much i pretended to know about the `Bronte` sisters in order to appear erudite and aloof.

 

Sexually smitten.

[PegNosePete]

Creating chemistry is essentially the same as being charming. You can definitely learn how to do that; it's much more of a tangible goal. Google it, read about it, learn it, practice it.

 

As Andy said a lot of this stuff is available on PUA sites. Just filter out all the other rubbish and stupid tricks they have on them.

[xxoo]

I do believe in an actual chemical aspect that draws us to good genetic pairings, but beyond that, charm goes a long way. Charming people read others well, and make people feel like the most interesting person in the room. It intoxicating.

[LittleTiger]

Creating chemistry is essentially the same as being charming. You can definitely learn how to do that; it's much more of a tangible goal. Google it, read about it, learn it, practice it.

 

As Andy said a lot of this stuff is available on PUA sites. Just filter out all the other rubbish and stupid tricks they have on them.

 

 

Nope, it definitely isn't.

 

I've met some good looking guys who were charming and great company and felt absolutely no physical chemistry with them at all!

 

The PUA sites teach 'game'. Game is not the same as chemistry.

[PegNosePete]

The PUA sites teach 'game'. Game is not the same as chemistry.

Which is why I said you need to filter out the rubbish and stupid tricks. If you can do that, there's a lot of good stuff in there.

[Emilia]

Nope, it definitely isn't.

 

I've met some good looking guys who were charming and great company and felt absolutely no physical chemistry with them at all!

 

The PUA sites teach 'game'. Game is not the same as chemistry.

That's because you are not going to be attracted to every charming guy.

 

It's a close definition though. The guys who are good at building chemistry have good social skills.

[GoodOnPaper]

By 'unattractive' I mean no physical reaction from that thing between your legs - unless you closed your eyes and imagined you were with someone else - or even worse, the thought of sex with her made you squirm or feel physically sick! Yes, that's how women feel when they find a man unattractive.

 

And we wonder why struggling guys are panicking. Once you run into one or two or three (or more) women that have this kind of instinctive reaction to you, how on earth could you even entertain the thought that there is a woman out there who will want you physically more than any hot player out there?

[Got it]

Do you have an Erlenmeyer flask? Because god help you if you don't when trying to create some chemistry. Beakers won't do it. You need at least two flasks and a graduated cylinder. Maybe a Bunsen burner, but that's more of an east coast thing.

 

Oh, and a pipette.

 

So let's get started:

 

If the ephedrine or pseudoephedrine isn't already in pure powder form, then it must be separated from the tablets of cold medicine that contain it. To do this, the cold medicine tablets are mixed with a solvent and the solution is then filtered and exposed to low temperatures to separate and remove the inert material of the tablet.

The pure pseudoephedrine is then mixed with red phosphorus and hydriodic acid.

The red phosphorus is then filtered out (and later reused), and the remaining acid is neutralized by adding a lye solution.

A substance is added that will bind to the substance, and the liquid concentrate is then drained out.

Hydrogen chloride gas is bubbled through the liquid concentrate, making it a crystalline hydrochloride salt.

This is poured through a filter cloth, and the concentrate that is left on the filter is then dried.

Once dry, the concentrate is "stepped on" (mixed down with inert filler in order to maximize profits), weighed and packaged for shipment or sale.

 

No, wait. This is how to make meth.

 

We're talking about love and all that stuff, right?

 

Yah, sorry dude. Clueless as you are.

 

OMG I want to like this 100x!!!!! :lmao:

[Got it]

Romantic chemistry is about emotional and physical attraction. It's complicated, different for everyone and impossible to define.

 

To me, it's something that is either there or it isn't - meaning you can't 'inspire' it.

 

I believe it's all about pheromones. The men I have physically wanted the most were just irresistible to me, even before they'd spoken a single word. If I was the type to have casual sex (I'm not) I'd have slept with them regardless of any other qualities they may, or may not, possess - which, I think, is a common male behaviour. Maybe that's because men get this pheromone hit thousands of times more often than women.

 

The theory is that people who's pheromones attract us have a very different immune system to us - so any potential offspring will have the best chance of survival.

 

I think this is the fundamental difference between male and female sexuality. The male needs to spread his seed as widely as possible to ensure survival of his genes, the female needs to ensure she doesn't waste time bearing unhealthy children. Add to that the 'modern complications' of her wanting a life partner she enjoys being with, who is going to be loyal, treat her well and be a kind and loving father to her children, I think it's a wonder most women don't stay single and childless forever!

 

Chemistry is just what it says on the tin - a chemical reaction in the brain. You can no more inspire a woman to fall for you than you can make her enjoy a certain type of food or drink. Sorry!

 

In that case, don't date a girl on the Pill, it messes with the ability to smell/register the phonemes and then when she is off, no attraction.

[insert_name]

I find it really strange how some of you guys just don't get it.

 

These girls are not looking for 'a decent boyfriend'. There are millions of guys who would make 'a decent boyfriend'. Unless they're just looking for something casual, they are looking for an emotional and physical connection.

 

The one ingredient you can't do without in a romantic relationship is 'sexual desire' ie the physical connection. If it isn't there, you're just friends and you'll never be anything more.

 

Don't kid yourselves that they're not picking you because they have so many to choose from either. If they don't feel any sexual desire for you, they still won't feel it if you're the last man on the planet. C'est la vie!

 

Let me ask you a question.

 

"If you took away all the girls that you find physically attractive and you were left with a choice of girls that you found unattractive, how picky would you be then?"

 

By 'unattractive' I mean no physical reaction from that thing between your legs - unless you closed your eyes and imagined you were with someone else - or even worse, the thought of sex with her made you squirm or feel physically sick! Yes, that's how women feel when they find a man unattractive.

 

Thats a very black and white perspective, its not like that for me. I went on a date with a girl who lied about her weight, at first i was shocked and disappointed but went ahead with the date and foubd myself attracted to her all the same because of how sharp she was and her personality despite the physical attraction wasnt all it could have been.

 

I am very realistic in the sense that i am not getting any younger so may very well have to compromise, so i am not necessarily looking for someone who makes my hesrt stop. I know myself well enough to know that that person is a 1 in a million person anyway so even if they exist the chance of me meeting them is minute much less then feeling the same. I get the impression that guys generally have this outlook while women will hold out for Mr Absolutely Perfect no matter what and it does come down to options because if you know as a woman that you have easy access to potential suitors you know you can afford to wait. It stands to reason that if you live in a small rural town with a limited dating pool that 'spark' is not going to be the be all and end all, for example.

[insert_name]

And we wonder why struggling guys are panicking. Once you run into one or two or three (or more) women that have this kind of instinctive reaction to you, how on earth could you even entertain the thought that there is a woman out there who will want you physically more than any hot player out there?

 

Exactly, I feel really special now I know that my failed dates weren't anything personal- they just felt sick at the prospect of having sex with me! I just hope that thought doesnt occur to me the next time I'm on a date as thats really not the sort of thing a man wants to be contemplating when hes wondering whether her laughing at his jokes is genuine interest or just politeness.

 

I can't say I have ever felt that about women, apart from ones who are so ridiculously overweight or underweight that its to the point of them having an illness.

[Lani]

SD- remember in your other thread you were talking about how much you liked busy girl, but couldn't explain why? You just felt it. Knew you liked her but didn't exactly know why you did so much when you knew so little?

THAT is chemistry.

There is no explanation.

It is what it is. And it's either there or it's not.

[xxoo]

And we wonder why struggling guys are panicking. Once you run into one or two or three (or more) women that have this kind of instinctive reaction to you, how on earth could you even entertain the thought that there is a woman out there who will want you physically more than any hot player out there?

 

As a woman, it is bizarre to me that men don't have those same reactions.

 

But I accept how many men are ultimately indiscriminate when it comes to sex, and I get on with life without letting it bring me down. I only need one man to think I'm special. You only need one woman to think youre special.

[Toodaloo]

Somedude chemistry is so hard to understand because it is so unique. Its a mix of things that make magic...

 

When its there, its effortless. It just flows. You can learn to be charming, improve your social techniques but if you haven't experienced it yet you are not going to know it until you do.

 

Torvill and Dean had amazing chemistry, even though they are both married to others... Chemistry isn't about sex its about connection, partnership, equals working together. So chemistry doesn't always mean a relationship... be warned!

 

I have great chemistry with one of my horses. When we were both in a good mood we could produce a dressage test that would make you stand back in awe... We know what the other is thinking, when and we have trust in each other. That is why we were great at Cross Country...

 

When two people have such great chemistry its as though no one else in the world exists, the entire universe centres just around them and that moment. Its silent, there are no words to describe it because you need no words... Its a type of bond.

 

Its very powerful and doesn't happen often.

 

I know some believe that you can build it or create it. I personally do not think you can.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I am not sure that a person can learn how to inspire chemistry but the advice to work on being charming is good. And interesting. If there is not instant chemistry at least if you are charming and interesting you have something to build from, if chemistry can be built which it probably can for some people.

[somedude81]

Creating chemistry is essentially the same as being charming. You can definitely learn how to do that; it's much more of a tangible goal. Google it, read about it, learn it, practice it.

 

As Andy said a lot of this stuff is available on PUA sites. Just filter out all the other rubbish and stupid tricks they have on them.

 

I've actually tried PU for a long while. Hell I used to be a member of a PUA board that had a rivalry with Loveshack.

 

PU just didn't work for me at all. Mainly because it conflicted with me about a lot of things.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

I have great chemistry with one of my horses. When we were both in a good mood we could produce a dressage test that would make you stand back in awe... We know what the other is thinking, when and we have trust in each other. That is why we were great at Cross Country...

 

 

Yes! I have had chemistry with a horse too! Also with girlfriends. We saw each other and we both knew that we were members of the same tribe!