What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[sweetjasmine]

Do you guys really believe that taking this girl to a higher quality restaurant is going to turn the corner for him?

 

No, not necessarily. But I agree with the people who've said that suggesting a place like Denny's sends friend signals and doesn't do much to help with creating interest/tension. Even if this particular girl isn't interested, it'd be good for him to start thinking about this sort of thing in general and it'd be good for him to actually start exploring places around his college and trying new things.

[thefooloftheyear]

It's pretty blatantly obvious that SD needs to get out of his comfort zone and try new things. He shouldn't start things he doesn't intend on continuing, but would it really hurt him to try something different just this once? He may, I dunno, enjoy himself?

 

I never think people should be any less than who they are when they date. From my end this was more about improving SD rather than getting him a date.

 

But lets be honest here...He's not asking you out on a date...he wants to know how to create chemistry, tell him directly what the quickest way is to get in her pants, so he can replace his girlfriend and get laid again..

 

He wants to skip the training camp and season, and go to the Super Bowl..

 

Understand, I believe you are well intentioned and your thoughts are well placed...I just think people are forgetting the goal of the OP...He didnt start the thread by saying,..."how can I be a better man" "how can I be more desireable"??

 

We are wasting our time...but its a diversion, I suppose...

 

|TFY

[Rejected Rosebud]

Chipotle is better than Denny's or Taco Bell, if you insist on chains. What I don't think you're getting is that whatever you suggest to her, or any girl, is a reflection of you and it's going to make an impression. I don't think it's all about the girl, it's more like are you a fun guy who knows how to have a good time and show somebody else a good time? Girls do like that. And everybody is bugging you to ask her, or any girl you are interested in, out on a real date and be prepared to pay for it; if she says yes you have a chance, if she says no, you HAVE NO CHANCE and you should next that girl. I'm kind of concerned that you are still skulking around the busy girl who does not like you, that really is creepy and you should have more self respect.

[Rejected Rosebud]

OP, you and Phoe really need to get together, you seem perfect for each other! I think she has a car and lives within driving distance, what is stopping you two?

[Lani]

But lets be honest here...He's not asking you out on a date...he wants to know how to create chemistry, tell him directly what the quickest way is to get in her pants, so he can replace his girlfriend and get laid again..

 

He wants to skip the training camp and season, and go to the Super Bowl..

 

Understand, I believe you are well intentioned and your thoughts are well placed...I just think people are forgetting the goal of the OP...He didnt start the thread by saying,..."how can I be a better man" "how can I be more desireable"??

 

We are wasting our time...but its a diversion, I suppose...

 

|TFY

 

Okay- well in the interest of 'creating' chemistry (which I don't believe can be done, but I'll play along), wouldn't going to a place with some atmosphere, dim lighting, nice food and maybe even a drink, inspire it moreso than somewhere like Denny's? Aren't late nights more sexy than daytimes or even early evenings?

[ColdEggNog]

SD: I like the idea of casually asking her to join you for a drink at the pub after the dance tomorrow night (I would recommend at least googling it beforehand so you know something about it), but if you don't want to do that, can you explain to me what your reasoning was as to why you can't call her right now and ask her to grab dinner and/or drinks before the dance?

Edited November 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ColdEggNog]

I'm afraid that she will say no, and that will potentially ruin tomorrow night.

 

I just want to have fun tomorrow and see how the night goes.

 

Ah, the fear-driven demotivator. If she says no, how will tomorrow night be ruined? As you said, there are plenty of other girls there-- Busy Girl for example. Wouldn't you feel better knowing that she isn't interested so you can spend more time on other possible leads?

[somedude81]

Ah, the fear-driven demotivator. If she says no, how will tomorrow night be ruined? As you said, there are plenty of other girls there-- Busy Girl for example. Wouldn't you feel better knowing that she isn't interested so you can spend more time on other possible leads?

 

Nope. I want to pretend that she likes me so I can have more fun. That would let me have higher confidence which I can use with other women as well. I also wouldn't have to avoid her whenever I see her.

[ColdEggNog]

Here are three plausible scenarios that I could see for the next 24 hours. Pick the one that seems most appealing to you:

 

1) You go into the dance under the assumption that she is interested. You casually hang out with her, but try to "play it safe." You see that she's dancing with other guys too, ones more assertive, and she is hitting it off with one of them and you start second guessing yourself. You conclude, prematurely, that she is uninterested and you don't end up asking her out for this weekend. You drag it out a little longer, and find that she is now talking to another guy seriously that she met at the dance.

 

2) You call her now, ask her to grab dinner before the dance, she says no. You get sad tonight and are hesitant about even going to the dance tomorrow, but then your great support crew at LS encourage you to go out there and you go. You go out there and see Lunch Girl. Lunch Girl, who I'm guessing would be gentle in letting you down if she's a decent person, will see you and make sure things aren't awkward. You then bounce around from girl to girl like your original plan was and it turns out everything was fine. You don't get a girlfriend at the end of the night, but hey, things could have been worse right?

 

3) You call her now, she is happy that you did and you have a nice chat culminating on you asking her out on a date before the dance. She says yes. You have a great time at dinner leading to a good time at the dance, which if all goes well, means you could probably get a kiss at the end of the night. You then come back to LS, tell us about the great time you had, and then we take it from there.

[Robert]

Let's swing this back on topic please, thanks

[somedude81]

Hmm, I just thought of something. Are there certain conversation topics that are better for inspiring chemistry than others?

 

A while ago a lady friend told me not to talk to girls I'm interested in like a girl would. That I shouldn't ask how her day was, what she did for her weekend stuff like that. Because that's how girls talk to each other.

 

So how should guys talk to girls?

[Imported]

I did this sparadically with some women before ever reading this

 

Secrets to Getting Girls: The Art of the Deep Dive | Girls Chase

 

Hopefully it links you to "The art of the deep dive".

 

I'm not into interviewing women, as in "questions/answers". It's more sharing a thought, belief or past experience she will relate to.

 

Asking a bunch of questions (unless you really know what you're doing and can play it just right!) is artificial and unnatural, especially when you try to get personal.

[cerridwen]

Hmm, I just thought of something. Are there certain conversation topics that are better for inspiring chemistry than others?

 

A while ago a lady friend told me not to talk to girls I'm interested in like a girl would. That I shouldn't ask how her day was, what she did for her weekend stuff like that. Because that's how girls talk to each other.

 

So how should guys talk to girls?

 

I guess my question got lost in yesterday's Denny's debate so here it is again:

 

Have you found ANYTHING among these answers that you feel would help create chemistry?

To me, it's the small things that are nearly indescribable in their subtlety.

So, I haven't weighed in.

 

Just wondering if you've been able to create a short list.

Maybe things you plan to try tonight.

[somedude81]

I guess my question got lost in yesterday's Denny's debate so here it is again:

 

Have you found ANYTHING among these answers that you feel would help create chemistry?

To me, it's the small things that are nearly indescribable in their subtlety.

So, I haven't weighed in.

 

Just wondering if you've been able to create a short list.

Maybe things you plan to try tonight.

 

And I'm now reviewing the thread:

 

I have to flirt.

*Sparks, butterflies. Really vague stuff. Can't be defined

Pheromones

They have to desire me sexually. (I have no clue how to make that happen)

Be charming, though maybe not?

Be interesting, stimulating, witty

One woman has chemistry with her horse

Generate romance out of thin air

Make women feel good about themselves

Spark in the eyes

It's about the vibe

Physical attraction

 

That's from the first 80 posts.

[cerridwen]

And I'm now reviewing the thread:

 

I have to flirt.

*Sparks, butterflies. Really vague stuff. Can't be defined

Pheromones

They have to desire me sexually. (I have no clue how to make that happen)

Be charming, though maybe not?

Be interesting, stimulating, witty

One woman has chemistry with her horse

Generate romance out of thin air

Make women feel good about themselves

Spark in the eyes

It's about the vibe

Physical attraction

 

That's from the first 80 posts.

 

Well good.

Some tangible pointers to try.

Do you see how despite their concreteness, no one is a magic formula?

There's simply no getting around experimentation and trial with error.

Chemistry is so mysterious and elusive...that's why it's valued.

Maybe this thread illustrated that for you.

 

Last thing:

Make sure your hygiene is on point.

Im leafing through my local paper and see here those tongue scrapers are on sale at CVS.

Have you ever seen those?

They're far superior to using a plain toothbrush...I think I'll to pick up a new one...

[normal person]

And I'm now reviewing the thread:

 

I have to flirt.

*Sparks, butterflies. Really vague stuff. Can't be defined

Pheromones

They have to desire me sexually. (I have no clue how to make that happen)

Be charming, though maybe not?

Be interesting, stimulating, witty

One woman has chemistry with her horse

Generate romance out of thin air

Make women feel good about themselves

Spark in the eyes

It's about the vibe

Physical attraction

 

That's from the first 80 posts.

 

While this is an interesting thread, part of me wonders if most of chemistry is largely inherent rather than learned. Sure, you can pick up a few tips and tricks to help out along the way, but I don't think you can learn to inspire that feeling of looking at and talking to someone the first time and feeling an instant connection. Yes, there is a mechanism behind that, but I'm lead to believe it's not something that's largely within control.

 

When I think back on all the girls I've had great relationships with, it's not because we went through a checklist and tried to be "X" for each other. It was like we were two puzzle pieces that fit well together already, we didn't have to force anything. You desire someone or you don't. You click or you don't. Just my 2 cents.

[somedude81]

Well good.

Some tangible pointers to try.

Do you see how despite their concreteness, no one is a magic formula?

There's simply no getting around experimentation and trial with error.

Chemistry is so mysterious and elusive...that's why it's valued.

Maybe this thread illustrated that for you.

 

Last thing:

Make sure your hygiene is on point.

Im leafing through my local paper and see here those tongue scrapers are on sale at CVS.

Have you ever seen those?

They're far superior to using a plain toothbrush...I think I'll to pick up a new one...

 

The list is just so.....random.

 

Mysterious and elusive unfortunately doesn't help me. I've been trialing and error for a long time and I'm 33 and I still haven't figured it out. Surely most guys my age know what they are doing with women.

 

There are some things on that list that I haven't tried, or at least tried to master so I can work on that.

 

As for hygiene. I use the tongue scraper and I floss too! My goal is to always look and smell good. Hygiene is just basic though. It's only relevant if it's bad.

[johan]

Last thing:

Make sure your hygiene is on point.

Im leafing through my local paper and see here those tongue scrapers are on sale at CVS.

Have you ever seen those?

They're far superior to using a plain toothbrush...I think I'll to pick up a new one...

 

Yes, a tongue scraper could make all the difference. Even Cerridwen is always looking for an edge. The job is never complete, is it, C.

[somedude81]

While this is an interesting thread, part of me wonders if most of chemistry is largely inherent rather than learned. Sure, you can pick up a few tips and tricks to help out along the way, but I don't think you can learn to inspire that feeling of looking at and talking to someone the first time and feeling an instant connection. Yes, there is a mechanism behind that, but I'm lead to believe it's not something that's largely within control.

 

When I think back on all the girls I've had great relationships with, it's not because we went through a checklist and tried to be "X" for each other. It was like we were two puzzle pieces that fit well together already, we didn't have to force anything. You desire someone or you don't. You click or you don't. Just my 2 cents.

 

Honestly, the thought of chemistry being something that is inherent, terrifies me. It says that there is absolutely nothing I can do to succeed with women and might as well give up.

 

I need to feel that it is something that I can have control over.

[normal person]

Honestly, the thought of chemistry being something that is inherent, terrifies me. It says that there is absolutely nothing I can do to succeed with women and might as well give up.

 

I need to feel that it is something that I can have control over.

 

If it's inherent, then the problem isn't creating it, it's just finding the right person or a puzzle piece that fits well with yours. Finding that person is within your control, although it might take a lot of proactivity and hard work.

[cerridwen]

The list is just so.....random.

 

Mysterious and elusive unfortunately doesn't help me. I've been trialing and error for a long time and I'm 33 and I still haven't figured it out. Surely most guys my age know what they are doing with women.

 

There are some things on that list that I haven't tried, or at least tried to master so I can work on that.

 

As for hygiene. I use the tongue scraper and I floss too! My goal is to always look and smell good. Hygiene is just basic though. It's only relevant if it's bad.

 

Well, yes and no.

You havent done a lot of "in the trenches" dating so this should usher in a new chapter of your dating life.

Experimentation. Outside your head. It's the new wave.

 

Yes, a tongue scraper could make all the difference. Even Cerridwen is always looking for an edge. The job is never complete, is it, C.

 

Also on sale is a neti pot....maybe if we had considered our sinuses sooner, J, we wouldnt be getting married at our advanced ages...

[Mr Scorpio]

I need to feel that it is something that I can have control over.

 

 

Ok. Go improve yourself until you become the sort of man who "inspires" chemistry in women. Get a career. Get some hobbies. Get in shape. Become well read. Develop an identity that will interest people.

 

 

And no, retaking beginners salsa does not count toward this goal.

[GemmaUK]

And I'm now reviewing the thread:

 

I have to flirt.

*Sparks, butterflies. Really vague stuff. Can't be defined

Pheromones

They have to desire me sexually. (I have no clue how to make that happen)

Be charming, though maybe not?

Be interesting, stimulating, witty

One woman has chemistry with her horse

Generate romance out of thin air

Make women feel good about themselves

Spark in the eyes

It's about the vibe

Physical attraction

 

That's from the first 80 posts.

 

 

From your list..

 

 

Things you can do:

I have to flirt - this is essential in any dating kind of scenario.

Be charming, though maybe not? - Why would you not be?

Be interesting, stimulating, witty - yep

One woman has chemistry with her horse - do you have a horse you could take along to the dance?

Generate romance out of thin air - romance is in the imagination and through gestures. Being considerate and kind may be the level to take it to as you are not dating anyone just yet.

Make women feel good about themselves

Spark in the eyes - in yours yes.

It's about the vibe - yes, be aware of yourself and also the situations going on around you.

 

 

 

Things you can't control in someone:

*Sparks, butterflies. Really vague stuff. Can't be defined - it's a feeling in someone that you cannot make happen, same as you cannot inspire nor create chemistry.

Pheromones - this is either there or not and no one has any control over it. You can however make sure you are wearing anti-perspirant and not too much after shave.

They have to desire me sexually. (I have no clue how to make that happen) - you can't make it happen, either they are sexually attracted or they are not sexually attracted.

Spark in the eyes - is there one in hers?

It's about the vibe - if they're vibe is off you cannot do anything about that.

Physical attraction - again, it's either there or it isn't but you can mak sure you are well dressed head to toe and groomed.

[somedude81]

If it's inherent, then the problem isn't creating it, it's just finding the right person or a puzzle piece that fits well with yours. Finding that person is within your control, although it might take a lot of proactivity and hard work.

 

Then that's the numbers game.

 

It requires interacting with a crap loading of women. Finding the ones that I like, and hoping they like me back. So far I've found one woman, but that didn't even last.

 

How many women do I need to meet and get close to?

 

I don't think anybody can answer that question.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Hmm, I just thought of something. Are there certain conversation topics that are better for inspiring chemistry than others?

 

I think it's been pretty well decided on this thread though not unanimously that a person can't inspire chemistry in another person, it's there or it's not. Most of the suggestions are pretty much to just make yourself a more interesting conscious person and work on your social skills/life and then you will be more attractive to a lot more girls.

Just thinking about how to act or what to do to get girls to like you isn't gonna change anything I can pretty much guarantee you. It is down to who you ARE and how you are living your life not to what kind of words or trick you can learn how to use. Just be an interesting awesome human being and take care of your looks, it will work.

 

Just work on yourself! It will pay off I promise you!