What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[somedude81]

But her interest in you likely didn't. At all. So curb your enthusiasm, because it will lead to heartbreak if you don't.

 

Unfortunately you're most likely correct. That's so frustrating. The more I get to know her the more perfect for me she seems to be.

 

I wonder if there is anything at all that can make her more interested in me.

 

Why is this so one sided when we have many things in common and get along great?

 

Let me guess, the answer is, Chemistry?

Edited November 17, 2014 by somedude81

[GemmaUK]

That's exactly what I'm sure it is.

 

Just that with her personality men can't help but be interested in her.

 

 

I can't imagine a guy not being interested in her. Unless the specific guy thinks she's too short.

 

 

 

Yup.

 

Minor note: We are now texting about exotic hybrid cats! My interest in her just skyrocketed.

 

 

So, ask her out right now, while she is engaged.

Right now, time and place.

 

 

If she says yes you will know, if she says no you will know.

 

 

But honestly I think you don't want to know either way, not really.

 

 

I also don't think you want to pass your exams or leave college.

 

 

I think you want to keep repeating because you felt it never went right years ago.

 

 

Don't do that to yourself SD..

 

 

Change something.

[ASG]

Unfortunately you're most likely correct. That's so frustrating. The more I get to know her the more perfect for me she seems to be.

 

I wonder if there is anything at all that can make her more interested in me.

 

Why is this so one sided when we have many things in common?

 

I have things in common with all my male friends and am not interested in any of them.

 

The truth is, as harsh as this may sound, she clearly has options. And she also probably has a type. And chances are you are not it.

 

Just like you weren't attracted to the girl in the dance class who seemed to be into you and you even refused to give her the time of day, despite many of us telling you that maybe you'd change your mind. The same thing is probably happening to Busy Girl.

Now... do you think you would have become attracted to the other girl, even if her personality was awesome and you had many things in common? Or do you think you'd still be as unattractive as you were initially?

Think on this and answer TRUTHFULLY.

 

I think the answer is that would don't think you would ever be attracted to her. I think that is exactly what Busy Girl is thinking as well.

[somedude81]

I have things in common with all my male friends and am not interested in any of them.

 

Why not?

 

The truth is, as harsh as this may sound, she clearly has options.

 

That I do understand. And I'm sure they are more attractive than I am. She knows that I am similar to her, but that probably doesn't matter to her at all.

 

Do women even care if a guy has common interests?

 

And she also probably has a type. And chances are you are not it.

 

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

My "type" is girls that are cute and friendly. That's it. Then girls who meet that basic criteria I become even more interested in if they have common interests.

 

Just like you weren't attracted to the girl in the dance class who seemed to be into you and you even refused to give her the time of day, despite many of us telling you that maybe you'd change your mind. The same thing is probably happening to Busy Girl.

Now... do you think you would have become attracted to the other girl, even if her personality was awesome and you had many things in common? Or do you think you'd still be as unattractive as you were initially?

Think on this and answer TRUTHFULLY.

 

I think the answer is that would don't think you would ever be attracted to her. I think that is exactly what Busy Girl is thinking as well.

 

The problem is, for lack of a better term. That girl is ugly. She is one of the very few girls I have ever known that had a decent body and an ugly face. I talked to her a bit during the dance on Friday and she was with a really cute girl. It turns out they were sisters.

 

I know for certain that I'm not ugly. I've had several women on this forum who've seen my picture call me handsome and then seriously ask if I'm not lying about struggling with women. I remind them that I'm 5'5 and that they can't really tell in pictures of me.

 

Am I as unattractive as that girl just because I'm short? Maybe so

[somedude81]

So, ask her out right now, while she is engaged.

Right now, time and place.

 

 

If she says yes you will know, if she says no you will know.

 

 

But honestly I think you don't want to know either way, not really.

 

 

I just know that she will say no. It's too soon to ask again.

 

I also don't think you want to pass your exams or leave college.

 

 

I think you want to keep repeating because you felt it never went right years ago.

 

I absolutely do want to get the hell out of college.

 

I have a math learning disability and I'm trying as hard as I possibly can. Calculus is near impossible for me. For some reason I have a very hard time remembering and recalling math concepts. I keep forgetting formulas that I've learned over and over.

 

If I didn't have to pass this stupid class I would have graduated last year!

[sillyanswer]

Just that with her personality men can't help but be interested in her.

 

You've mentioned Busty Girl's personality a few times. What do you know about her?

[Flawlless]

How is it that you support yourself ?!

[GemmaUK]

I have a math learning disability and I'm trying as hard as I possibly can. Calculus is near impossible for me. For some reason I have a very hard time remembering and recalling math concepts. I keep forgetting formulas that I've learned over and over.

 

If I didn't have to pass this stupid class I would have graduated last year!

 

 

I apologise.

I had no idea of this.

 

 

I was also useless at maths.

I have been an Accountant for the past 25 plus years though. Love my job but never wanted to do it for a living as a teen.

 

 

 

 

Re Busy Girl: Would it not be less painful to get it over with?

You posted that you wanted directness a little while ago. Be direct yourself. You will get your answer, the one that is clear for you.

 

 

You say you want a gf but I wonder whether you just really want a crush.

[ASG]

Why not?

 

 

 

That I do understand. And I'm sure they are more attractive than I am. She knows that I am similar to her, but that probably doesn't matter to her at all.

 

Do women even care if a guy has common interests?

 

 

 

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

My "type" is girls that are cute and friendly. That's it. Then girls who meet that basic criteria I become even more interested in if they have common interests.

 

 

 

The problem is, for lack of a better term. That girl is ugly. She is one of the very few girls I have ever known that had a decent body and an ugly face. I talked to her a bit during the dance on Friday and she was with a really cute girl. It turns out they were sisters.

 

I know for certain that I'm not ugly. I've had several women on this forum who've seen my picture call me handsome and then seriously ask if I'm not lying about struggling with women. I remind them that I'm 5'5 and that they can't really tell in pictures of me.

 

Am I as unattractive as that girl just because I'm short? Maybe so

 

Because I am not attracted to my friends. Plain and simple. They are really good guys most of them and might make awesome boyfriends. But I really don't even care if I'm alone forever, cause they are not *IT* for me.

 

As for type... It can be anything. I have a type. It has become quite clear to me what that type is over the years. Tall, older, greying hair, clear eyes, funny. I cannot even express the amount of guys I've dated that fit this description!

That is not to say I don't date anyone else, but this is what I tend to go for. So it is a factor, whether you like it or not, but it is not necessarily a completely exclusive category.

 

 

As for the girl being ugly... you have to understand that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe for Busy Girl you ARE ugly? I mean... it's not that my friends are UGLY per se... But to me, they do absolutely nothing! If I were to post pictures of them on this board, I'm sure some women would say they are ok looking or even handsome. But to me they aren't.

And *THIS* is what you have to contend with. Beauty is subjective and you need to accept that even if you think you are the hottest guy EVER, you might still be ugly for someone.

[ASG]

Re Busy Girl: Would it not be less painful to get it over with?

You posted that you wanted directness a little while ago. Be direct yourself. You will get your answer, the one that is clear for you.

 

 

You say you want a gf but I wonder whether you just really want a crush.

 

She has made it abundantly clear that she is not interested. Once indirectly (hence the moniker Busy Girl) and once very directly, when she texted him she only saw him as a friend. Asking her out would only accomplish him not even having her as a "friend"

[normal person]

Why not?

 

Do women even care if a guy has common interests?

 

Sure. If you have common interests and she's not attracted to you, you're probably a friend. If you have common interests and she is attracted to you, you might be more than that.

 

 

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

My "type" is girls that are cute and friendly. That's it. Then girls who meet that basic criteria I become even more interested in if they have common interests.

 

And it's equally ridiculous that you think someone's biological preferences should be rational. People like what they like and it's pointless to try and argue otherwise. It doesn't make sense and you have to accept it. You have low standards, she has different ones and she can't help it. Illustrating that fact to her isn't going to change anything.

 

 

The problem is, for lack of a better term. That girl is ugly. She is one of the very few girls I have ever known that had a decent body and an ugly face.

 

But what if you have common interests? (sarcasm) And don't you think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be specific to that? Your words, not mine.

 

If you can't willingly give this girl a chance because you aren't attracted to her, surely you can see how Busy Girl can't will herself to give you one.

[thefooloftheyear]

Why not?

 

 

 

That I do understand. And I'm sure they are more attractive than I am. She knows that I am similar to her, but that probably doesn't matter to her at all.

 

Do women even care if a guy has common interests?

 

Yes, they do...a lot...

 

 

 

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

Its not ridiculous....It is what it is...Most have types...

 

My "type" is girls that are cute and friendly. That's it. Then girls who meet that basic criteria I become even more interested in if they have common interests.

 

 

 

The problem is, for lack of a better term. That girl is ugly. She is one of the very few girls I have ever known that had a decent body and an ugly face. I talked to her a bit during the dance on Friday and she was with a really cute girl. It turns out they were sisters.

 

Sorry man, but you aren't in a strong enough position to reject anyone..

 

I know for certain that I'm not ugly. I've had several women on this forum who've seen my picture call me handsome and then seriously ask if I'm not lying about struggling with women. I remind them that I'm 5'5 and that they can't really tell in pictures of me.

 

Doesnt matter what they said.. none of them are ringing you up and none are willing to hitch their wagon to you......They know you are available, yet nothing....Heck, the one woman that admittedly rejects NO ONE, turned you down...

 

Am I as unattractive as that girl just because I'm short? Maybe so

 

And to beat a dead horse further....Your height isnt the problem..

 

 

Sorry to be "rude" Someone has to try to wake you up and smell the coffee...

 

Wash....rinse.....repeat.....

 

TFY

[anna121]

 

Do women even care if a guy has common interests?

 

Sure. As long as he also turns her crank.

 

 

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

Life is tough all over, SD.

[Anela]

Why not?

 

 

 

That I do understand. And I'm sure they are more attractive than I am. She knows that I am similar to her, but that probably doesn't matter to her at all.

 

Do women even care if a guy has common interests?

 

 

 

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

My "type" is girls that are cute and friendly. That's it. Then girls who meet that basic criteria I become even more interested in if they have common interests.

 

 

 

The problem is, for lack of a better term. That girl is ugly. She is one of the very few girls I have ever known that had a decent body and an ugly face. I talked to her a bit during the dance on Friday and she was with a really cute girl. It turns out they were sisters.

 

I know for certain that I'm not ugly. I've had several women on this forum who've seen my picture call me handsome and then seriously ask if I'm not lying about struggling with women. I remind them that I'm 5'5 and that they can't really tell in pictures of me.

 

Am I as unattractive as that girl just because I'm short? Maybe so

 

I've seen your picture, and you aren't my type (not even when I was 21). Not every woman is going to agree with the women you mentioned.

 

If you expect women to not be shallow where your height is concerned, then you need to ease up on your judgements like this. You continue to call this girl "ugly," when she has only ever been kind to you, and seems to like you.

[SteveC80]

It's all about looks early on if a women is physically attracted to you then you have to just not f it up if she's not physically attracted to you nothing will make her attracted

 

Just play the numbers game and go kamikaze style till you find one who you're attracted to who's also attracted to you

[GemmaUK]

She has made it abundantly clear that she is not interested. Once indirectly (hence the moniker Busy Girl) and once very directly, when she texted him she only saw him as a friend. Asking her out would only accomplish him not even having her as a "friend"

 

 

Yes, I know.

I just figured that if he still wants to persue her (even though she has declined twice) that maybe a third time might make him aware if he is clear and she is in return clear.

 

 

To me it is just a pointless struggle to persue someone who is not interested.

I feel ripping the plaster off would be quicker and easier.

SD still believes Busy is in some way interested or will become so though.

We could all be wrong, hence maybe he should ask again and strike while happily texting (albeit about cats) and the iron is hot.

[Rejected Rosebud]

SD, there really is usually no "why" somebody isn't into somebody else unless they are an awful ugly filthy mean person which I am sure you aren't. You don't have friends or any activities in your life besides chasing girls but most people do! We're meeting people all the time, there is a circle of friends that has guys and girls, but things NEVER get romantic or sexual with most of the friends. I'm way too old for you, 24, , but this is how my life is and was in college and I hope it is still this way when I'm as old as you and even older.

Please take my word for this, if you don't stop creeping on a girl friend who has let you know it's not happening, you will be excluded 100%, so you should not do that.

[Mr Scorpio]

I have a math learning disability and I'm trying as hard as I possibly can.

 

No you aren't.

 

I sympathize with your plight and identify with your struggle. I pissed away plenty of time in my 20s: drinking, poker, video-games, concerts, festivals. Late nights. Fun times.

 

But eventually you have to reach a point where you say "f*** this f***in s*** in the a** with a s***** f***in nail!" and you do what needs to be done.

 

For you? That means setting aside "busy girl" and "busty girl" and "girl #5" and focusing on finishing school and getting a job!

 

Do you know what it is like out there? Do you know what it is like out there? Do you know what it is like out there?

 

You're what? 33? Even if you have a baby-face, you're a couple of years away from chronological creeper status. "What do you mean 'what's a payphone?'". You are a couple of years away from being a "COGAC".

 

Which means you are going to have to change your demographic to people your age. Except, they won't take kindly to somedude with a degree and no job.

 

You'll be alone and in debt. And you'll have no one to blame but yourself. And it will likely suck. I would know.

 

Now you're in the home-stretch. Unless you plan to join a Latin street gang, forget about salsa dancing. That time -- and the time you spend here -- is for studying.

 

Need a study break? Fine. Watch one episode of something. Take a short nap. Rub one out, but make it quick.

 

Sponge the career-resources that your university offers. Give yourself a faint glimmer of hope. Buckle down. Stiff upper lip. To the books!

[Rejected Rosebud]

hence maybe he should ask again and strike while happily texting (albeit about cats) and the iron is hot.

I do agree that if you are 100% sure you won't respect her boundaries it's better to just man up, ask her on a real date, and deal with the results!

[PJKino]

I've seen your picture, and you aren't my type (not even when I was 21). Not every woman is going to agree with the women you mentioned.

 

If you expect women to not be shallow where your height is concerned, then you need to ease up on your judgements like this. You continue to call this girl "ugly," when she has only ever been kind to you, and seems to like you.

 

You're one of the women on here who claim looks aren't that important to you.Obviously you're more picky and shallow then you lead on

[Anela]

You're one of the women on here who claim looks aren't that important to you.Obviously you're more picky and shallow then you lead on

 

Hardly. Personality has to count, as well, and when it comes to initial attraction, I have a type, just like everybody else.

[xxoo]

Hardly. Personality has to count, as well, and when it comes to initial attraction, I have a type, just like everybody else.

 

Yes, personality is a big part of type. My type is strong (body and mind), bold, and protective. Makes me weak in the knees.

 

A guy I have a lot in common with and get along with who lacks those traits is a friend.

[xxoo]

IMO I think it's ridiculous to have a type and only be into that specific type.

 

We are talking about sexual attraction: desire for sex vs. no desire for sex. It's not really a logical thing, as you yourself should realize. If it were logical, you would simply will yourself to be attracted to the women who are attracted to you, right?

[hotpotato]

Sd, you obviously have a type. Why act bewildered when women have a type?

[ThaWholigan]

We are talking about sexual attraction: desire for sex vs. no desire for sex. It's not really a logical thing, as you yourself should realize. If it were logical, you would simply will yourself to be attracted to the women who are attracted to you, right?

Exactly - I can probably count no more than a couple female friends who've probably ever entertained the idea of dating me. Now that I'm a lot more grown and a bit more selective, I probably would not date most of them either (and that's not even just to do with looks).

 

Sexual attraction sometimes becomes more refined as you start to understand yourself and what turns you on (and off). Hence why we have types. I have a few types, but generally I have one strong preference, and in some way or another every single girl I've dated/been with intimately has been a near fit for that strong preference. That encompasses more than looks to a degree also.

 

Like I've been saying a lot, I won't be everyone's cuppa. I know that some of you like to diminish that by pointing to interest but that's not just a product of being tall and looking half-decent - that's from the times I actually went out there and had a life too and built up a character. It's become more refined too. I understand the concept of "chemistry" now, having experienced it in doses. I understand what makes myself tick, and ergo, what makes her tick too. That's from meeting more people and actually having more to talk about and more ways to talk too (non-verbally etc).

 

It's innate, it's illogical, it just is what it is. And I didn't even learn this stuff in college - remember I was late too!