What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[xxoo]

Why is that a good gauge for genuine passion? Why not a question such as:

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet a woman?

 

Both are good questions. But the first question cuts to the core of how much you enjoy salsa just for salsa. You should have some interests that have NOTHING to do with meeting women.

 

Did you continue Salsa when you were dating your gf?

[Rejected Rosebud]

It is a good gauge because it's passion if you love to do something for its own sake not because of a different motive but I don't think everybody is going to have passions in their lives. Somebody asked you if you have any interests (not passions) in stuff or people in the world besides young busty girls. If you don't you should! You'd be a lot happier and more interesting!

[GemmaUK]

Why is that a good gauge for genuine passion? Why not a question such as:

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet a woman?

 

 

 

OK, two questions:

 

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet and date a woman who isn't interested in dancing?

 

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet and date a woman who is interested in dancing?

[OwMyEyeball]

Why is that a good gauge for genuine passion? Why not a question such as:

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet a woman?

Others have answered the question better than I would have.

 

So I'll just go on to point out that if you're looking hard to be an interesting, attractive and genuinely happy guy you need to broaden your search beyond catching tail.

 

Trying is the first step towards failure. And failure makes for great stories

 

It's also absolutely crucial to success. And I mean soul satisfying success - the kind of success that speaks for itself and nurtures your spirit. The kind that's born from passions pursued and realized. Not the kind that only satisfies ego - the kind that we find ourselves turning towards when hopelessly trying to impress others for the sake of validating ourselves. That's contingent success - success that we only feel matters because others recognize it as such.

 

When was the last time you tried something completely different from your regular routine? How often do you chase a new challenge?

 

This all goes back to my earlier assertions and what I keep trying to tell you: the answers you seek lie in experiences, not sitting back thinking about experiences and how you'd react to them or how nice they were. You don't know what you really enjoy until you try.

 

Video games, TV, movies and Internet media are fictitious representations of reality. While they may show real events, they will never bring you into the reality of what the people on the other side are feeling. And there are a LOT of really cool feelings worth experiencing out there - and some pretty awful ones as well. But again, the good makes for good living and the bad makes for good storytelling.

[somedude81]

Both are good questions. But the first question cuts to the core of how much you enjoy salsa just for salsa. You should have some interests that have NOTHING to do with meeting women.

 

 

Ok sure. But if I met a girl and am no longer to meet any women, that's the same thing.

 

Did you continue Salsa when you were dating your gf?

 

Yup. We did salsa and swing dancing. Though not as often as I liked. We always had problems getting her work schedule to line up with the day a dance class was being held.

[Imajerk17]

 

This is the advice that frustrates me because I feel that it is not addressing the real issue. It assumes that once I get a career and friends and hobbies, that women will suddenly love me, even if the way I talk to and interact with them doesn't change.

 

Thing is though, as crucial as that is, you've actually gotten far far more advice on LS than "make friends find a job get hobbies". To reiterate:

 

1. Your flirting/humour. Going by what you wrote, needs to switch from goofy/"low-status" to more confident/masculine. Example: You wrote about how you were joking around with Busy Girl--teasing her about whether she could squeeze you into her schedule in a few months. I winced reading that. You got from xxoo specific ways to flirt/tease. Go read your threads from earlier this fall.

 

2. You need to ratchet down your intensity. Compare how your friend in class--the one who advises you on Busy Girl--reacts to you to how Busy Girl reacts to you. With your friend you are loose and have no attachments to, Busy Girl you are quite attached to.

 

3. You need to find more avenues of meeting women. Your ways of meeting women--dance classes--are far too limited. The other guys in your class are meeting women through several classes and maybe work. Guys your age who are successful are meeting women through friends, OLD, and even going out to bars.

 

4. Women in the 20--24 year-old age bracket--MOST of the women in your class--tend to not be looking for likewise to what you are looking for. Many of them just want to have fun at this stage in their life and if they do get a serious boyfriend it will likely be with someone closer in age.

 

 

Now, I don't think you've even ACKNOWLEDGED 1. (I brought this up on a couple of your threads.) That's a shame, as this is probably a HUGE reason why you haven't created chemistry. It (and 4.) might be why girls respond one way to you and respond a whole other way to another guy who seemingly looks a lot like you.

 

You haven't even addressed 3. and you seem to keep resisting 2. and 4.

 

I say this not to pick on you somedude81, but instead for you to see that you have left a lot of money on the table and you'd likely have better results if you did something about this instead.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

OK, two questions:

 

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet and date a woman who isn't interested in dancing?

 

 

Would you continue dancing if you meet and date a woman who is interested in dancing?

 

The second question has already been answered.

 

As for the first question, it would frustrate me for a while if I was dating a girl who had no interest in going dancing. I would probably try for a while to get her to go with me and eventually just give up.

 

I would not go dancing by myself.

[Mr Scorpio]

This post is absolutely golden, there is no other on this site.

There is so much depth and truth to it, much to my delight!

Mr Scorpio has literally given you to the keys to Pandora's box,

A treasure map to follow, with instructions and building blocks.

 

Surely sir you jest,

My post was far from the best.

Nothing much to show.

 

Really just a list,

Trying to convey the gist.

Of the things I know.

 

Some stuff works alone,

some stuff can be done at home.

Just get up and go.

[thefooloftheyear]

Here's a good gauge for genuine passion:

 

Would you continue dancing if you had no opportunity to meet women?

 

 

Stuff/hobbies guys do that have nothing to do with women,usually make them more attractive to women...And stuff that involves women??? Not so much...

 

A guy that was into white water kayaking and racing cars looks better to most of the average women than the guy that goes to salsa or takes a cooking class..

 

TFY

[GemmaUK]

The second question has already been answered.

 

As for the first question, it would frustrate me for a while if I was dating a girl who had no interest in going dancing. I would probably try for a while to get her to go with me and eventually just give up.

 

I would not go dancing by myself.

 

 

 

My shoulders just fell flat...

 

 

No passion.

 

 

Get some passion for something!!

 

 

I love live music.

I like sitting in the park while a brass band plays.

I also like being on the edge (hey I am getting older!) of the mosh pit during a Bad Religion gig.

 

 

I don't stop doing either of these things when I date someone. If they want to come and know the music fine - if they have zero interest in the music then I want to go alone as I can throw myself into my passion for it.

 

 

I want to be intrigued by a man's passion in something. If I want to try it out I will. If I don't like it then that is OK but I will always respect his passion in it. I would feel like he switched his hobby to me if he gave up something he loved.

 

 

But.

You don't love Salsa.

You have no passion for it.

 

 

The thing I thought you loved, you don't.

So, what do you love to do?

Anything?

[GemmaUK]

Stuff/hobbies guys do that have nothing to do with women,usually make them more attractive to women...And stuff that involves women??? Not so much...

 

A guy that was into white water kayaking and racing cars looks better to most of the average women than the guy that goes to salsa or takes a cooking class..

 

TFY

 

Racing cars? Do you know this guy? Can I have his number?

[thefooloftheyear]

Racing cars? Do you know this guy? Can I have his number?

 

 

uhmmm....let me think, now......

 

 

Actually, made me think of another thing.... A couple of my buddies are in a biker club...Nah, no outlaw HA crap...These are just regular working guys, that like to hang out, go on rides/cruises and get together for dinner a few beers, and have a few laughs......

 

Ive gone to a few parties they have hosted....Wow...Women like you cant believe...

 

TFY

[GemmaUK]

uhmmm....let me think, now......

 

 

Actually, made me think of another thing.... A couple of my buddies are in a biker club...Nah, no outlaw HA crap...These are just regular working guys, that like to hang out, go on rides/cruises and get together for dinner a few beers, and have a few laughs......

 

Ive gone to a few parties they have hosted....Wow...Women like you cant believe...

 

TFY

 

 

I have been into motorbikes since I was um.. 7 ...

 

 

But then I hate fishing and I love Robson Green (UK actor) because of his Extreme Fishing show. His passion is sexy....very shexy!

[Rejected Rosebud]

So SD! What interests you in life besides busty young girls? Not counting video games and your dance class at school? What do you think are great qualities in people (not counting boobs and being a young girl! ) I mean what do you admire in others?

[GemmaUK]

So SD! What interests you in life besides busty young girls? Not counting video games and your dance class at school? What do you think are great qualities in people (not counting boobs and being a young girl! ) I mean what do you admire in others?

 

She has to be nice and cute.

 

 

Good question but I suspect that will be his answer as it always is.

 

 

Nice and cute, preferably with big boobs and likes dancing.

Notice there's no personality nor values in there.

[RockyCruz]

When it comes to interacting with women I really don't have a clue what the hell I'm doing. Because of that I just treat women as if they were gender neutral, and my gender doesn't matter as well and guess what, they only want to be friends with me.

 

Can a guy learn how to create chemistry? If so, how?

 

Yes, you can learn. It is a language, an emotional language.

 

Attraction doesn't happen immediate, though people think it does. What happens in beginning isn't attraction, it is - Attention, an interest but this can fade very fast through just a moment of conversation.

 

Most men haven't been taught this language and the challenge for man is his brain is goal-orientated. So his goal orientation mindset gets him to try and ask questions, logic questions, and thinking by doing so, he will identify interest that he can use to converse, to influence the woman he's talking to.

 

However, what happens is he bores her.

 

Look. Before you have approached a woman, and as an example....just walking into a nightclub or in street, or clothing store; wherever you are...she has already noticed you.

 

Her subsconscious has already judged you, labelled you, put you in a box and this can be...

 

"Do I like what I see?"

"How does he fit in my world?"

"What would he mean to me?"

"How does he impact my status?"

"Is he clean? Has he clean Hygiene?"

 

Under 3 seconds, the subconscious mind of the woman has already decided something about you. If you projected lack of confidence, if you don't look after yourself, clean...if you don't interact with other people and show social intuition, if you have women around you, if you got guys around you and your laughing having fun, and leading.....if you didn't project social status....the decision has been done long before you approach.

 

But you have a chance if you don't mess up.

 

A lot of subconscious conditioning, programs, like DVDs are playing in the mind. It happens in a flash, very fast. If you got her attention by just appearances first, and she gives signals, and you have the experience to read them and approach confidently and do not do what most average men do....then you have a higher rate of success.

 

But if you do what most guys do, then the moment you finished your sentence, her filter system is ready, and will detect the pattern of a loser, of a needy, desperate, clingy, lack of confidence guy.

 

It can go either way.

 

She will use you for self validation for increasing her status to other men or women. She can use you to just to feel good about herself. Or she can smile, be polite and to avoid any award confrontation, or out of pity..

 

"Right, great talking to you but got to go back to my friends," and turns her back at you and done.

 

This is where you must know how to create comfort, how to demonstrate masuclinality not desperation, how to become memorable by arousing her emotions instead of talking about logic.

 

It's here where you must know how to go deep in body language, in using and commanding conversation to stimulate her deep subconscious response by making her smile, laugh a little, and slight gentle touch, as you converse.

 

Here is where you must know if she's toxic, a player, someone who is just talking or flirting for self validation, or she's really is curious about you, and interested in you.

 

Knowledge in theory can share this.

 

However, 95% can be taught but...5% must be caught by taking the risks, being fearless, approaching women, failing, learning what to change. re-discovering you, becoming a man.

 

I'd love to have shared more, but I am such a detailed person, it be too long, and its not one thing, it's many things to learn. It's not just about looks. It's just about confidence. There's a many things you learn and when you put it all together, then the magic happens.

 

There is no one magic bullet and most guys are unwilling to put the time, effort, emotional investment and dedication to learn. And if you say to someone here's how to, most have so much garbage in their head, they start talking back and giving their opinion on why it won't work, why this and what if, and but...

 

That's why, sometimes I'm very reluctant to share knowledge and experience about this topic.

 

Anyway, hope what I shared can give you the nudge to see it's knowledge and not some magic, and you'd go to library or whatever and get books on the topic. Start with psychology - social influences etc, how the brain works for man and for woman. Then gradually start going to relationship, dating etc.

Edited November 21, 2014 by RockyCruz

[sillyanswer]

Here's a good gauge for genuine passion:

 

Would you continue dancing if you had no opportunity to meet women?

 

It was only a few short weeks ago that Somedude81 told us that since he had given up on the girls he wasn't going to the dance classes they were in, and several months since he told us that he was taking salsa class because there were "tons of girls there". Based on what he tells us, it seems pretty clear that his motivation for taking dance classes is primarily meeting girls rather than dancing, although it does seem that he also enjoys dancing.

 

I don't see anything particularly wrong with trying to meet girls while doing an enjoyable activity! But, Somedude, when you're dancing with a girl and she asks "So, Somedude, what do you enjoy doing?" what do you tell her?

[Rejected Rosebud]

What happens when school's over in a few weeks, will you still be allowed to sit in that dance class? Or what will you do then?

[Teknoe]

It was only a few short weeks ago that Somedude81 told us that since he had given up on the girls he wasn't going to the dance classes they were in, and several months since he told us that he was taking salsa class because there were "tons of girls there". Based on what he tells us, it seems pretty clear that his motivation for taking dance classes is primarily meeting girls rather than dancing, although it does seem that he also enjoys dancing.

 

I thought that was how most others saw him and dancing, too.

 

It's 95% ladies, 5% general satisfaction. I say 95 because if the women were all "unattractive," odds he sticks it out? 5% if that.

 

Therefore, dancing is not necessarily a passion as much as it is a way to find attractive young girls to target as potential girlfriends. Sure he enjoys salsa, but not in a genuine sense where if it were all "unattractive" girls, I doubt he has enough passion for it to stick it through.

 

I don't know what his passion is beyond wanting to get a GF.

 

If this is true, this is a big hinderance.

[somedude81]

What happens when school's over in a few weeks, will you still be allowed to sit in that dance class? Or what will you do then?

 

This semester is the last time I will take a dance class at my college. I feel that it was my last opportunity to find a girlfriend that already likes to go dancing.

 

I know of dance places that I could go to but actually meeting a girl there and going on dates with her sounds like a really big long shot. I have tried to meet girls at salsa clubs but I just don't know how to pick up women in a club environment. Dance classes have a lot more opportunity to talk and get to know people. Especially if you saw them twice a week for months. Trying to talk to a girl at a dance club is really hard, and rarely would I see the same people the next time I go.

 

Most likely I'm not going to go out dancing by myself because I just don't have fun in those places without being with somebody/friends. Dancing with a different random girl gets boring really fast. I rather dance with friends, even better if it's a girl I like.

 

Odds are the next time I go dancing again won't be until I take a girl there on a date, and then I have no idea how long from now that would be.

Edited November 22, 2014 by somedude81

[lollipopspot]

I know of dance places that I could go to but actually meeting a girl there and going on dates with her sounds like a really big long shot. I have tried to meet girls at salsa clubs but I just don't know how to pick up women in a club environment. Dance classes have a lot more opportunity to talk and get to know people. Especially if you saw them twice a week for months. Trying to talk to a girl at a dance club is really hard, and rarely would I see the same people the next time I go.

 

Most likely I'm not going to go out dancing by myself because I just don't have fun in those places without being with somebody/friends. Dancing with a different random girl gets boring really fast. I rather dance with friends, even better if it's a girl I like.

 

There are private dance studios, and parks and rec dance classes you can take. Do that.

 

Also, if you are a good dancer, it is very good to go to a salsa dance night at a club or studio. There are so many bad and aggressive dancers that women will want to dance with you.

 

If you have this skill and this interest, you should use it, seriously.

[Tayken]

sounds like a really big long shot.

 

That is what the girl will probably be thinking also ...big, long with a shot at getting with you on that dance floor

[RockyCruz]

I have tried to meet girls at salsa clubs but I just don't know how to pick up women in a club environment. Dance classes have a lot more opportunity to talk and get to know people. Especially if you saw them twice a week for months. Trying to talk to a girl at a dance club is really hard, and rarely would I see the same people the next time I go.

 

You mean, you watched women and didn't approach because you felt the approach anxiety. Or you tried a couple of times and you quit. That's not trying. That's fear. It's not about talking. It's about what you body behavior prohects when you approach.. Women see you coming the moment you walk into a nightclub, scanning your eyes and head like a predator. Waiting...waiting....waiting...waiting. Gone.

 

How many times do you think women have been approached?

She's had guys approaching her from when she was a teen. That's why she has a strong filter, to weed out guys who are not confident, who do what all the guys who just don't get it, do.

 

Guy - "Hi, great music."

Girl - "Erm, yeah."

Guy - "So what's your name?"

Girl - "Tracy."

Guy - "What do you work as?"

Girl - "Huh?"

Guy- "Like what do you work as?"

Girl - "Oh nurse."

Guy - "Nurse. Wow. I know someone who works as one."

Girl - Great talking to you but I got to get back to my friends."

 

And turns her back on you. See what I mean? That's what talk does. Here's what confidence is..

 

Guy sees girl in street in 3 seconds..

 

Guy - Hi my name is____. It's not common for me to do this but just wanted to say you look real cute."

 

Now you got her attention and from there it's up to you read signals and bounce from them.

 

If you can't do that to any woman in street just to get your confidence up, you're going to have trouble everywhere you go. It doesn't matter it's a nightclub, dance club etc.

 

You're focusing on external instead issues with your mindset.

[Tayken]

"What do you work as?"

 

This must be an American club then? A better way to ask the question without the follow up that happened, will be:

 

so what what do you do for work?

 

It's not common for me to do this but just wanted to say you look real cute

 

Seriously? This has slime written all over it, and will probably get you a dirty look.

[Rejected Rosebud]

This semester is the last time I will take a dance class at my college. I feel that it was my last opportunity to find a girlfriend that already likes to go dancing.

 

Well yeah if it's a college student dancer you are looking for this is probably the case but it's time to be a grown up now!

 

I know of dance places that I could go to but actually meeting a girl there and going on dates with her sounds like a really big long shot. I have tried to meet girls at salsa clubs but I just don't know how to pick up women in a club environment.

SD I don't think you have to be picking them up, if you are a good dancer just ask them to dance and get into a good groove with them on the dance floor! and when you both are all hot and sweaty step outside for some fresh air and find out about her and if all goes well ask for her number. That is pretty natural isn't it? I for one think it's a good thing for you to get away from the young college kids, you have nothing in common with them and that phase has played its course, embrace the future!