What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[organizedchaos]

Well I wasn't going to announce it

 

Juicy details? Well, things were not planned but started quickly. We meet up about once a week and have met only a few time so far. She's a lot of fun. Very enthusiastic.

 

When she's at my place we're like 's

 

That's all I'm going to share

 

Why are you so willing to detail every little thing about someone not interested in you, but yet you keep quiet about a girl who you're having regular sex with for the first time in a year. I'm not saying your lieing, but something doesn't add up based on your posting habits.

 

Where'd you meet? How old is she? Why is she only good enough for sex? What does she do?

 

You've shared all of this and then some with every girl you've pursued. Why so mum about this one?

[xxoo]

Somedude, if you're having a FWB relationship with a woman you're attracted to, but not catching feelings and getting obsessed with her, this is something of a breakthrough for you, don't you think?

 

If you don't want to share details, can you share what you've learned about yourself, if anything, through this fun experience? Do you see yourself differently, women differently, attraction differently, dating differently, height differently? (added that last one in because it had been a focus for you for a long time)

 

Another would be women and sex drive. Is hers different from what you've experienced? Women who have FWB might be more likely to have a higher drive, wanting sex for sex rather than sex to connect....

[ASG]

I'm not using her.

 

She knows I like somebody else.

 

I'm not looking for a "trophy girlfriend." I'm looking for a girl who is extremely similar to my ex.

 

Right. Now that we got here, can you please please please stop EVER saying that your only requirements for a girlfriend are that she's "cute and nice"?

 

And that you don't understand how girls are so picky?! Because this right here is exactly what you are doing!

 

I'm not saying that you are picky, but clearly, nice and cute are NOT the only things you want/need in a girlfriend. So being "nice and cute" yourself won't do you any favours.

 

I'm serious here. Do we have an understanding that you will NEVER EVER EVER say that again?

[organizedchaos]

Somedude, if you're having a FWB relationship with a woman you're attracted to, but not catching feelings and getting obsessed with her, this is something of a breakthrough for you, don't you think?

 

If you don't want to share details, can you share what you've learned about yourself, if anything, through this fun experience? Do you see yourself differently, women differently, attraction differently, dating differently, height differently? (added that last one in because it had been a focus for you for a long time)

 

Another would be women and sex drive. Is hers different from what you've experienced? Women who have FWB might be more likely to have a higher drive, wanting sex for sex rather than sex to connect....

 

Well said. So why wasn't his height an issue now? Or looks?

 

How does a guy struggling to get a hug, much less even get one first date in a year, manage to find a fwb and not gush about it here?

[somedude81]

Somedude, if you're having a FWB relationship with a woman you're attracted to, but not catching feelings and getting obsessed with her, this is something of a breakthrough for you, don't you think?

 

Not really.

 

Sex doesn't make me catch feelings for a girl. I've fallen for tons of girls I've never even kissed.

 

Also, I'm already obsessed with somebody, and for some reason still clinging to my ex.

 

If you don't want to share details, can you share what you've learned about yourself, if anything, through this fun experience? Do you see yourself differently, women differently, attraction differently, dating differently, height differently? (added that last one in because it had been a focus for you for a long time)

 

I definitely have a lot more sexual confidence in myself than before.

 

Attraction and dating are still as confusing as ever. She says that she likes me because I'm such a nice guy and it's a total contrast to who she is. I'm still not sure how I can use this experience to help me find and attract women I want to date.

 

At least I'll get the passive bonus of not starving for sex and all the negatives that does to me.

 

It's also changed my opinion on casual sex. She's only the second woman I've had regular sex with.

 

Another would be women and sex drive. Is hers different from what you've experienced? Women who have FWB might be more likely to have a higher drive, wanting sex for sex rather than sex to connect....

 

Her drive seems to a bit higher than my ex's and she's not as inhibited as my ex was. She also really likes giving oral.

 

It's definitely fun to have lots of sex but I still want a girlfriend.

[somedude81]

Right. Now that we got here, can you please please please stop EVER saying that your only requirements for a girlfriend are that she's "cute and nice"?

 

And that you don't understand how girls are so picky?! Because this right here is exactly what you are doing!

 

I'm not saying that you are picky, but clearly, nice and cute are NOT the only things you want/need in a girlfriend. So being "nice and cute" yourself won't do you any favours.

 

I'm serious here. Do we have an understanding that you will NEVER EVER EVER say that again?

 

Maybe she isn't nice?

 

No, cute and nice are not enough for me to want to have somebody for a girlfriend. I never said they were. Cute and nice is enough to get a first date. If that first "date" happens to end up in sex, so be it

 

Well said. So why wasn't his height an issue now? Or looks?

 

How does a guy struggling to get a hug, much less even get one first date in a year, manage to find a fwb and not gush about it here?

 

LOL, I'm not struggling to get a hug. I've hugged both of the girls I'm interested in. The most recent time I hugged Busy Girl was on Friday night.

 

Getting a FWB was something I just stumbled into. Neither of us had planned on having sex that night.

 

So far that's what happens to me, I just get lucky on very rare occasions.

[Million.to.1]

She says that she likes me because I'm such a nice guy and it's a total contrast to who she is.

 

....So she is, not nice? .....or not a guy?

[MidwestUSA]

What if this girl 'catches feelings'?

[organizedchaos]

Maybe she isn't nice?

 

No, cute and nice are not enough for me to want to have somebody for a girlfriend. I never said they were. Cute and nice is enough to get a first date. If that first "date" happens to end up in sex, so be it

 

 

 

LOL, I'm not struggling to get a hug. I've hugged both of the girls I'm interested in. The most recent time I hugged Busy Girl was on Friday night.

 

Getting a FWB was something I just stumbled into. Neither of us had planned on having sex that night.

 

So far that's what happens to me, I just get lucky on very rare occasions.

 

No, but you mentioned when busy girl hugged you that was the most you had gotten in a year and now you've moved from that to regular sex with someone.

 

Why all the details about other girls but nothing on her? Even if it's just sex this is a huge breakthrough. Why so quiet about her?

[serial muse]

Good job SD!

 

This reminds me of something..." I dated this girl for a while... She was really a... Nasty freak. She just loved to... Get down with... Sex all the time. It was like... Anytime of day... She was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty! And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!""

 

what about her bags of sand? how big were they?

[CrystalCastles]

what about her bags of sand? how big were they?

 

I'm betting big!

 

À la SD!

[somedude81]

No, but you mentioned when busy girl hugged you that was the most you had gotten in a year and now you've moved from that to regular sex with someone.

 

Yes, for a while hugs from a girl was all I had for a year. The closest thing I had to anything remotely sexual was Christian girl's breasts being pressed against me either from a hug or just her standing very close to me.

 

Going from that to regular sex with a woman is huge.

 

Why all the details about other girls but nothing on her? Even if it's just sex this is a huge breakthrough. Why so quiet about her?

 

The reason I'm quiet about her is because I don't need any help or advice about her. Since I've already had sex with her, my thought process about her is different than with other girls I'm trying to chase. It's the same thing that happened with my ex. Once we started having sex I just stopped posting here. Talking about the new girl feels like I'm bragging.

 

I'm betting big!

 

À la SD!

 

They're actually not big.

 

But I like them all the same

[Leigh 87]

Some Dude,

 

I will just remind you that for me, I know right away whether I feel any chemistry. With a guy.

 

I am not into waiting to see if I become attracted to people I am not immediately interested in.

 

Don't take it personally, some women just aren't keen to stick around in the hope of generating chemistry later down the track of getting to know a person.

 

Chemistry is very much instant for me or not at all. The chemistry that I have tried to "develop" over time has never worked out - the passion was simply SO sub par when compared to men I had natural and instant chemistry for.

 

Some pretty girls will honestly meet you and feel chemistry for you - it happens, you just have to wait.

 

The more you put yourself out there the more chances of it occurring.

[RomanceArtist]

Can a guy learn how to create chemistry? If so, how?

 

You've got to show her that you are a sexual being. Does she give you sexual feelings? If so, let her know! Otherwise you go in the friend zone.

[sillyanswer]

I seriously don't care if nobody believes that I have a FWB, it was just getting difficult to keep pretending that I was on a dry spell.

 

I go away for a few days and Somedude gets a FWB. Congrats, Dude! How long has this been going on?

[organizedchaos]

I go away for a few days and Somedude gets a FWB. Congrats, Dude! How long has this been going on?

 

He's being quiet on just about every single detail on this girl for some reason. How old she is. How this happened vs every other girl he's attempted to date. Where they met. Is she a student. Etc.

[MidwestUSA]

He's being quiet on just about every single detail on this girl for some reason. How old she is. How this happened vs every other girl he's attempted to date. Where they met. Is she a student. Etc.

 

Maybe she's someone from here, LOVEshack, and we should respect his desire to keep quiet!

[somedude81]

Maybe she's someone from here, LOVEshack, and we should respect his desire to keep quiet!

 

I'm pretty sure she's not a member here. But she does know I post on this forum.

 

I don't even remember why I told her, we were drinking and I said things I probably shouldn't have

 

So I don't want to post too much about her because I never know if she's reading my posts.

 

As for what I'll say.

 

We meet up about once a week. And coming up this week will be our forth meet up.

Edited December 8, 2014 by somedude81

[Rejected Rosebud]

They're actually not big.

 

I guess that's why she is not dateable to you? (joking) Anyway I am happy for you and you must be very happy and relieved, you must have some understanding of chemistry now! Will you be able to leave your college decades with no regrets at last ? Isn't this the last week of school and finals next week? Will the fwb thing carry on?

[Haydn]

Fair play. Upwards. Pleased for you mate.

 

 

I'm pretty sure she's not a member here. But she does know I post on this forum.

 

I don't even remember why I told her, we were drinking and I said things I probably shouldn't have

 

So I don't want to post too much about her because I never know if she's reading my posts.

 

As for what I'll say.

 

We meet up about once a week. And coming up this week will be our forth meet up.

[xxoo]

I'm pretty sure she's not a member here. But she does know I post on this forum.

 

I don't even remember why I told her, we were drinking and I said things I probably shouldn't have

 

So I don't want to post too much about her because I never know if she's reading my posts.

 

As for what I'll say.

 

We meet up about once a week. And coming up this week will be our forth meet up.

 

I'm happy for you! This is a big win for simply being yourself, connecting with someone genuinely and naturally. I hope this experience helps you relax and connect with many others (no matter if they are attractive or not), and experience the magic of chemistry

[somedude81]

Despite the fact that I'm having regular sex, I still don't know how chemistry works.

 

Everything happened so fast and I don't really have any idea how things started. I never got to pursue her.

 

I think she was just really attracted to me and the alcohol moved things along. It's probably not a coincidence that the first time my ex and I had sex we've both had a little too much to drink, though still fully aware.

 

I'm trying to figure out how I can apply my experiences to other girls, and I'm coming up short. I do know that I'm sexually attractive, but stuff like this very rarely happens. I can't just live my life hoping I'll get lucky. There has to be something I can do to start attracting more women and not be up to the mercy of fate.

 

It's great that I met her and it has done a lot of things for my confidence. But I'm still not where I want to be.

 

As an aside, I'm still trying to pursue Busy Girl. I talked to her for about 10 minutes today. Once class was over I suggested that we get lunch tomorrow. She started to tell me when and where she has lunch but then she caught herself and said that she's been skipping lunch recently to work on her final project. I need to find some way for us to hang out soon or else she's going to drop out of my life as today was our last class together.

 

So that's how my life is. I'm going to have sex with one girl and I'm still chasing the girl who has already told me she isn't interested. I don't know why I'm still after her, but I don't want to walk away.

[xxoo]

Despite the fact that I'm having regular sex, I still don't know how chemistry works.

 

Everything happened so fast and I don't really have any idea how things started. I never got to pursue her.

 

I think she was just really attracted to me and the alcohol moved things along. It's probably not a coincidence that the first time my ex and I had sex we've both had a little too much to drink, though still fully aware.

 

I'm trying to figure out how I can apply my experiences to other girls, and I'm coming up short. I do know that I'm sexually attractive, but stuff like this very rarely happens. I can't just live my life hoping I'll get lucky. There has to be something I can do to start attracting more women and not be up to the mercy of fate..

 

Why do you think it's called "getting lucky"?

 

It rarely happens because you don't put yourself in these situations nearly enough. Social life for the win. Spending time with people (including women) with the great social lubricant: alcohol. It's what everyone has been saying all along--it's a numbers game, get out there and socialize, connections will happen, you can't control where they happen and where they don't. They just happen where they will, but they won't happen unless you get out there and live.

 

I'm actually kind of shocked by your comment that you still don't see how it works. Do you think it's easier for others? It's not. They just work harder at it. They also enjoy the process.

Edited December 8, 2014 by xxoo

[Rejected Rosebud]

As an aside, I'm still trying to pursue Busy Girl. I talked to her for about 10 minutes today. Once class was over I suggested that we get lunch tomorrow. She started to tell me when and where she has lunch but then she caught herself and said that she's been skipping lunch recently to work on her final project. I need to find some way for us to hang out soon or else she's going to drop out of my life as today was our last class together.

SD please stop pursuing her, there is about a 1 in 1000000 chance that she will ever agree to do anything with you one on one, can you understand that once a girl knows a guy likes her and she is not interested, she will always be on special guard to not give him any ideas? That is a part of girl code it really is!!!

I don't know why you don't want to do anything but have sex with this one girl but why not, you will have some female companionship and maybe it will get you over some more hurdles.

I don't want to walk away.

Really somedude81 that is an unrealistic point of view, you have nothing to walk away from, you aren't in her life in a meaningful way, just a guy who got a crush on her in a class, that is not as harsh as it seems, you just have a crush!!! move on and look for somebody who reciprocates the way you feel. And why not go to a movie, see music, whatever with your FWB, the word "friend" is in there for a reason, you need to get out and about!!

[somedude81]

Why do you think it's called "getting lucky"?

 

Yeah, that's the perfect description.

 

But I don't think it should be completely up to luck every time.

 

 

It rarely happens because you don't put yourself in these situations nearly enough. Social life for the win. Spending time with people (including women) with the great social lubricant: alcohol. It's what everyone has been saying all along--it's a numbers game, get out there and socialize, connections will happen, you can't control where they happen and where they don't. They just happen where they will, but they won't happen unless you get out there and live.

 

I'm actually kind of shocked by your comment that you still don't see how it works. Do you think it's easier for others? It's not. They just work harder at it. They also enjoy the process.

 

Though I didn't put myself in any social situations to meet her on Tinder. We texted for a couple weeks, then we met up and somehow had sex the same night.

 

I really wasn't trying to seduce her or anything. I actually thought we were just going to meet up as friends. Granted the texts had become a risque before we met up, but I was just playing around.

 

I've been trying for a long time to meet girls and for whatever reason it worked this time.