What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[somedude81]

What better time than the present to try and start?

 

How?

 

Chemical castration or just grab a knife?

[Weezy1973]

Yes I know that. It's also a concept that I've posted many times about. Usually I say something that women have a ridiculous list of requirements that most basic men can't meet. Everybody jumps on my back saying I'm wrong. But look here, this is exactly the case with Busy Girl.

 

This is false. Most men (basic and otherwise) are in a relationship. Slightly more than half of adult men are married. If most men can achieve it, women's requirements clearly aren't so ridiculous.

 

The problem is you don't measure up to the average man (and I'm not talking about your height) in almost all areas. The bigger problem is that you're not working on yourself, on the things within your control, to become average, and perhaps even above average.

 

Stop believing that women have ridiculous standards (because, as actual evidence and facts would have it, they don't). Start understanding that you don't meet the really ordinary baseline standards of most women. And really start understanding that you can meet those standards if you want to...develop a social circle, get some hobbies, focus on your career, blah blah blah...you've heard it a million times...

[somedude81]

How?

 

Chemical castration or just grab a knife?

 

And no, sex isn't the only thing I want.

[ColdEggNog]

How?

 

Chemical castration or just grab a knife?

 

I was going to say give yourself a 1 kV electric shock whenever your mind wanders off into thinking about Busy Girl romantically.

[ASG]

I was going to say give yourself a 1 kV electric shock whenever your mind wanders off into thinking about Busy Girl romantically.

 

How many of those can the body take?? You wouldn't want him to accidentally kill himself due to over doing it...

 

 

On a more serious note, why can't you try and be platonic friends with Busy Girl (and I mean seriously platonic, with no hidden agenda), and still pursue other girls? You could try and build a circle of friends with Busy Girl and her guy friends. It could open up the doors to meeting other people you probably would not have access to otherwise.

 

And, since you're platonic friends, you can still pursue other girls and maybe even find a girlfriend!

[Mr Scorpio]

I wish I could be satisfied just being friends with women.

 

That won't be necessary. It is entirely possible you will find someone to form a relationship with. Hell, I've seen homeless people form relationships.

 

However, you'll likely have an easier time if you step back for a few months (or years) and set it aside. I know it sucks to do at our age, but it could be best for your long-term goal.

 

Another thing to bear in mind is whether or not you got past the infatuation stage of a relationship. I waited longer to get a relationship with my ex than is rational under any circumstance. Idolized and adored her.

 

Yet, I eventually reached the point where a weekend alone playing xbox online with my friends sounded a hell of a lot better than going to her brother's and listening to kids scream.

 

This is to say that their are perks to being single. They are certainly hard to appreciate when one is starving for affection/romance/sex/etc. But they are there. Enjoy them.

[MidwestUSA]

And no matter how "not ugly" you think you are SD, she might still think you're ugly. There are girls that think I'm fugly as hell and I know that I'm not ugly

 

I was going to say exactly this. You have no idea what she thinks of you, SD. To her, you may be ugly. And the 'ugly girl' as you call her, surely has someone who finds her attractive.

 

 

I've seen your pic, and you're not my 'type'. Yes, I rejected guys on OLD based on pics. I'm not saying you're ugly, and I'm sure you're attractive to some people. But if I had someone flash 100 pics of guys in front of me, I could say 'yes, no, no, yes, yes, no.....' all the way to 100. Who? He'd be a yes. But I've also heard his voice. Vocaroooooooo!!

 

 

 

 

It really is that simple. And two shared interests? So what. Doesn't mean a thing.

[thefooloftheyear]

That won't be necessary. It is entirely possible you will find someone to form a relationship with. Hell, I've seen homeless people form relationships.

 

However, you'll likely have an easier time if you step back for a few months (or years) and set it aside. I know it sucks to do at our age, but it could be best for your long-term goal.

 

Another thing to bear in mind is whether or not you got past the infatuation stage of a relationship. I waited longer to get a relationship with my ex than is rational under any circumstance. Idolized and adored her.

 

Yet, I eventually reached the point where a weekend alone playing xbox online with my friends sounded a hell of a lot better than going to her brother's and listening to kids scream.

 

This is to say that their are perks to being single. They are certainly hard to appreciate when one is starving for affection/romance/sex/etc. But they are there. Enjoy them.

 

 

Whats important here is that you realized that a SO is only a "perk" to an individuals life...Its never meant to be the "be all and end all".....

 

Here is the thing for the OP....

 

What actual signs have you gotten from ANY of these girls that should give you even a shred of hope that you will get anywhere? I dont read all of this stuff because its far too tedious, but really, I am not seeing anything at all...Help me people....have any of you guys seen anything? And if you dont want a bunch of kiddie BFF's, thats fine, but then why are you wasting your time??

 

It doesnt work the way you think it will...You cant charm or "game" them...What are you going to charm them with? What do you have in your arsenal? I still think you are trying to figure out a way to beat these girls into submission(not literally)...Its not going to happen the way you think,,,

 

TFY

[johan]

I wish I could be satisfied just being friends with women.

 

Life would be so much easier.

 

The secret is to focus your mind on some-f*cking-thing else. Anything else. Get your mind off of this.

 

Don't like what people say here? The problem is you say too much yourself. Of course the more you say, the more dumb things you'll say. That's true for everyone.

 

No one on LS has any solutions to offer. There are no answers. There is no controlling it.

 

Before you figure out the truth of what I'm saying, you'll be so demoralized by your impotence and the negative things people say here that you'll have to dig out of a deeper hole and will risk missing good opportunities.

 

Is there ANYthing you want out of life besides a few dates with a girl? If there is, why not just make priority 2 priority 1 for a while. Not as a strategy to make women mysteriously attracted to you and your cool indifference. Just as a way to get yourself into a better frame of mind.

 

It won't cost you a single thing to just let go. On the other hand, doing what you're doing now is not gaining you anything except frustration and irritation.

[Teknoe]

The problem is you say too much yourself. Of course the more you say, the more dumb things you'll say. That's true for everyone.

 

 

Wise men speak because they have something to say.

Fools on the other hand speak because they have to say something.

[PJKino]

You can't compare your attraction to women to a woman's attraction to men. It's worlds different.

 

She likely doesn't have a long list of ridiculous requirements. She likely has a few attraction triggers, and most men simply don't trigger. Some do, for different reasons. A few will in a huge way, and not necessarily the ones you'd guess. And her triggers may be different from the next woman. And these triggers can be intangibles, like personality traits.

 

Being "not ugly" is hardly going to get her loins on fire.

 

Can we stop this garbage that men and women are so much different in what attracts them it's simply not true

[hotpotato]

Can we stop this garbage that men and women are so much different in what attracts them it's simply not true

 

I promise,, im not attracted to men the way men are attracted to women, but thats for another thread.

[GemmaUK]

I promise,, im not attracted to men the way men are attracted to women, but thats for another thread.

 

No, neither am I.

I'm really not into moobs at all...

 

 

 

 

SD, this whole attraction and clicking thing - back to total basics.

You know how you 'feel' inside when Busy Girl comes into a room?

Well that is the butterflies thing which is part of attraction.

 

 

She isn't getting that when she sees you and that is something she has no control over just the same as you don't.

Most people need that feeling about someone otherwise they are just going to be a friend.

 

 

If she had had that feeling she would have said yes to a date.

 

 

PS. Going back to your last response to me.

I always do dress well. I doubt whether several male and female friends of mine would have asked me to take them clothes shopping for an image change if I didn't.

[Badsingularity]

Can we stop this garbage that men and women are so much different

 

No.

 

Why stop stating the truth?

 

If a guy is not doing so well with women, the best thing he could do is to accept and understand that men and women are different and learn how to become attractive in the ways that have nothing to do with looks.

[Badsingularity]

Short and simply put.

 

A man full of confidence and inner strength will inspire chemistry.( if we are talking about sexual or having feelings other than the neutral friend feelings)

 

A man full of weakness and fear will not.

[insert_name]

Just think of all the chemistry sets you could buy if you won the lottery....

[somedude81]

Well, now I'm pretty sure that neither girl actually likes me.

 

I had lunch with Lunch Girl on Tuesday and something just felt different. She seemed to like me Friday night, but there was none of that on Tuesday. I tried to see if she was free this weekend but she made it seem like she was really busy. I wonder if I should leave it up to her to initiate the next contact. For some reason if I don't hear from her again, I'm OK with that.

 

During dance class on Wednesday I was able to talk to Busy Girl for about 10 minutes with no interruptions, which was something I haven't done in a long time. Unfortunately it's painfully obvious that she has no interest in me at all. She just doesn't seem happy or excited to talk to me. Later on I saw her interacting with the other guy, and she was having a lot more fun with him than me. That makes me feel like a fu*king loser. My lady friend in the class also saw me talking with Busy girl, and saw her talking to the other guy, and she pretty much confirmed what I felt. Busy girl appears to not be into me at all, and likes the other guy more.

 

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong and he's doing right. None of this makes any sense. My guess is that I just don't know how to play with her in the right way. In other words, I don't now how her chemistry works. Either way there is no point in trying to talk to her anymore. That time in class was my best shot and I fu*king failed.

 

I'm just really worried that I'll meet another girl that I really like and have the same problem. There is no reason why this won't repeat over and over in my life.

Edited November 20, 2014 by somedude81

[Teknoe]

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong and he's doing right.

 

Stop trying to understand, analyze, etc. You don't make adjustments, so why bother trying to understand when you don't put things into practice?

 

Sooner you stop thinking and start living, the better off you will be.

[Million.to.1]

There's no answer dude. She's just not that into you. Next.

[lollipopspot]

My lady friend in the class also saw me talking with Busy girl, and saw her talking to the other guy, and she pretty much confirmed what I felt.

 

Is your "lady friend" the person who you think is into you but you're not interested in? If so, she probably feels like the female version of you. Consider that. When you question why a female isn't interested in you, it's for all the reasons that you aren't interested in every female who might show an interest in you. You just don't feel it for whatever reason, some reasons probably known, some probably unknown.

[xxoo]

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong and he's doing right. None of this makes any sense.

 

Have you considered that there is something about him as a person she finds very attractive?

 

Women are not blank slates for you to win over in some sort of competition with other men. Their connection has nothing to do with you or anyone else.

 

If you develop more attractive qualities, you'll naturally find that more women feel connection with you.

[organizedchaos]

Well, now I'm pretty sure that neither girl actually likes me.

 

You should not be pretty sure Busy girl doesn't like you at this point. She already told you so.

 

I had lunch with Lunch Girl on Tuesday and something just felt different. She seemed to like me Friday night, but there was none of that on Tuesday. I tried to see if she was free this weekend but she made it seem like she was really busy. I wonder if I should leave it up to her to initiate the next contact. For some reason if I don't hear from her again, I'm OK with that.

 

Maybe she's just having a bad day. Who knows. Don't be pushy.

 

During dance class on Wednesday I was able to talk to Busy Girl for about 10 minutes with no interruptions, which was something I haven't done in a long time. Unfortunately it's painfully obvious that she has no interest in me at all. She just doesn't seem happy or excited to talk to me. Later on I saw her interacting with the other guy, and she was having a lot more fun with him than me. That makes me feel like a fu*king loser. My lady friend in the class also saw me talking with Busy girl, and saw her talking to the other guy, and she pretty much confirmed what I felt. Busy girl appears to not be into me at all, and likes the other guy more.

 

Again, this should not be painfully obvious to you. YOU let yourself get setup for more disappointment thinking you could change her mind if she just spent more time with you. We TOLD you this was a mistake, yet you again, did not listen to us or take our advice. And what happens when you continue doing it your way?

 

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong and he's doing right. None of this makes any sense. My guess is that I just don't know how to play with her in the right way. In other words, I don't now how her chemistry works. Either way there is no point in trying to talk to her anymore. That time in class was my best shot and I fu*king failed.

 

How can this not make sense to you after all this time? You cannot MAKE someone like you. What do you mean you "guess you don't know how to play with her in the right way"? Do you seriously think THAT is the problem? Can you not grasp the fact that she does not find you attractive for whatever reason beyond your control? That people have that right to choose who they want to be with?

 

Not only do you not know how chemistry works, you don't know basic human connections work. You don't know how basic flirting works. You don't know how women work. You don't know how dating works. You don't understand how attraction works.

 

I'm just really worried that I'll meet another girl that I really like and have the same problem. There is no reason why this won't repeat over and over in my life.

 

You're right there. It could very well happen again. Because:

 

1.) It happens to us all. Not everyone we like likes us back. SURPRISE! And nothing you do can change that once they've made up their mind unless you are incredibly charismatic. Which you are not. And,

 

2.) You don't listen to us. You are doomed to repeat this over and over again because you don't take our advice.

 

Good luck.

[somedude81]

Is your "lady friend" the person who you think is into you but you're not interested in? If so, she probably feels like the female version of you. Consider that. When you question why a female isn't interested in you, it's for all the reasons that you aren't interested in every female who might show an interest in you. You just don't feel it for whatever reason, some reasons probably known, some probably unknown.

 

No, they aren't the same girl. I have never referred to that girl as a friend.

 

I've already explained a hundred times why I'm not into that girl and how I think it's different from what's happening with Busy girl.

 

Have you considered that there is something about him as a person she finds very attractive?

 

Of course I considered it. But I have no idea what it is. I've talked to him a bit and nothing about him stands out. I can't see why she thinks he's attractive and I'm not.

 

Women are not blank slates for you to win over in some sort of competition with other men. Their connection has nothing to do with you or anyone else.

 

Why would a woman's connection with me have nothing to do with me? I know that I'm not competing with him, because even if he wasn't there and there were no other guys in the class she talked to, she still wouldn't like me. That's because I'm doing something wrong.

 

If you develop more attractive qualities, you'll naturally find that more women feel connection with you.

 

Then you're assuming that she likes him more because he has a good job, has interesting hobbies and lots of friends?

 

I really don't think that's the case at all.

 

My guess is that the reason why she doesn't let loose with me is that she knows I like her. And also because I like her, I can't fully relax and have fun with her because I have a goal in mind. I was trying really hard to have a conversation and being nice to her, just not being natural.

[sillyanswer]

My guess is that the reason why she doesn't let loose with me is that she knows I like her.

 

Combined with her not liking you in the same way, yes.

 

Trying to analyse it further is probably going to be futile and fruitless. Move on.

[somedude81]

Move on.

 

And then what?

 

Have it happen to me again in a few months? Then I'll move on from her?

 

I still believe that there is some "magic" answer that I'm not getting and that if I keep posting here, somebody will be able to tell me what I need to know.

 

I have been friendzoned by far too many girls and that isn't going to stop until the way I interact with women changes.