What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[xxoo]

This is the advice that frustrates me because I feel that it is not addressing the real issue. It assumes that once I get a career and friends and hobbies, that women will suddenly love me, even if the way I talk to and interact with them doesn't change.

 

Not that women will suddenly love you, but that more women will be interested. Both because you would have more attractive qualities, and because the career/friends/hobbies would change how you interact with women.

 

But how do I get to the point where I don't care if she likes me or not?

 

Try career/friends/hobbies.

[Rejected Rosebud]

My whole goal with her was to quickly tell her of my interest so that she knows that going forward. Even now I could probably call her up and she'll hang out with me.

 

You did good by telling her right away but where you didn't was with your continuing creeping on her; I think no way would she hang out with you unless in a group, I sure wouldn't (not you personally, I mean with a guy who liked me, I wasn't interested, and he keeps lurking around.) Please please please just leave that whole thing alone, do yourself a solid!

[GemmaUK]

There's no magic formula.

 

 

If someone isn't attracted then they just aren't and the chances are they never ever will be.

 

BG said she was too busy to date and then that she didn't see you in that way, plus you blew up at her over text.

She likes this other guy and gets along with him better and more comfortably. That's just how it is and you can't change it.

 

Say Brad Pitt turned up at my door. I wouldn't go for it.

A. I don't find him attractive.

B. He is married.

C. He has a lifestyle I wouldn't want.

 

UK actor Robson Green though....well yeah he is married but....he is my kind of gorgeous! That voice and talk about enthusiasm for his hobby! Yum!

PS. Yes I admit I watch Robson Green Extreme Fishing...And? Lol!

 

PPS. Bah! I wish my emoticons would work!! I can only do a smiley or a sad face..

[MidwestUSA]

 

PPS. Bah! I wish my emoticons would work!! I can only do a smiley or a sad face..

 

Type them in between colons.

Bunny

Sick

Confused

Mad

Love

LMAO

There are a few others, don't know them off the top of my head. Wink = wink.

 

 

[NJ123]

Unfortunately no.

 

She's 19 and is really uncomfortable with dating a guy over 25. I also wouldn't want to date a woman that young.

 

She's also 5'8, three inches taller than me, and she's pointed out several time that she doesn't want to date a guy who is her height or shorter.

 

I'm pretty much her two major deal breakers. If she was older and shorter I would definitely ask her out. That said, I've been very careful to hide any attraction to her that I have because I don't want to make her wary of me.

 

I really do like having her as a friend so I can hear about how girls really think of guys and dating stuff and I can get feedback about girls I like. But she does seem inexperienced and doesn't really know what they like. Just what they don't like.

 

Dude, I hate to be that guy but maybe it's your height that is turning the girls off from wanting anything more from you. I know it's kind of ****ed up to say, but I've learned recently that many women prefer tall guys over shorter guys & their preference will never change since what I've been told "they like what they like & can't help it". So maybe they have the preference of someone taller. How much taller are these other guys that they seem to have interest in compared to you?

[GemmaUK]

Type them in between colons.

Bunny

Sick

Confused

Mad

Love

LMAO

There are a few others, don't know them off the top of my head. Wink = wink.

 

 

 

 

I think I love you! ....testing testing...

 

 

ETA: Darn it!

[MidwestUSA]

 

It's the capital L.

[lollipopspot]

Dude, I hate to be that guy but maybe it's your height that is turning the girls off from wanting anything more from you. I know it's kind of ****ed up to say, but I've learned recently that many women prefer tall guys over shorter guys & their preference will never change since what I've been told "they like what they like & can't help it". So maybe they have the preference of someone taller. How much taller are these other guys that they seem to have interest in compared to you?

 

Oh ****. Not this.

[GemmaUK]

 

It's the capital L.

 

 

 

 

 

*is optimistic*

 

 

 

 

ETA: YAYYA!!!!!

 

 

*sigh*

I'll never remember that list....

[NJ123]

Oh ****. Not this.

 

well it's true whether you want to admit it or not. Some women strictly have a preference for taller guys. And wouldn't date a shorter guy at all. I've already been through 2 threads about this with women on here. And the answers were mainly it's just their preference & they can't change what they like/don't like.

[organizedchaos]

well it's true whether you want to admit it or not. Some women strictly have a preference for taller guys. And wouldn't date a shorter guy at all. I've already been through 2 threads about this with women on here. And the answers were mainly it's just their preference & they can't change what they like/don't like.

 

Maybe so. But I'd be willing to lay down money it's not his height that's holding him back.

[NJ123]

Maybe so. But I'd be willing to lay down money it's not his height that's holding him back.

 

well of course. But I'm wondering what the other guys' heights are. Since if they both happen to be tall than maybe it's a bit of a possibility that height has something to do with the women having no sexual attraction to him.

[Rejected Rosebud]

There is a short guy thread, PLEASE go there to talk about how we only like tall guys. SD doesn't need it.

[Lani]

Of course I considered it. But I have no idea what it is. I've talked to him a bit and nothing about him stands out. I can't see why she thinks he's attractive and I'm not.

 

Why would a woman's connection with me have nothing to do with me? I know that I'm not competing with him, because even if he wasn't there and there were no other guys in the class she talked to, she still wouldn't like me. That's because I'm doing something wrong.

 

Then you're assuming that she likes him more because he has a good job, has interesting hobbies and lots of friends?

 

I really don't think that's the case at all.

 

My guess is that the reason why she doesn't let loose with me is that she knows I like her. And also because I like her, I can't fully relax and have fun with her because I have a goal in mind. I was trying really hard to have a conversation and being nice to her, just not being natural.

 

The thing I don't understand is how you can go around in circles asking for advice, but flat out refuse to believe that perhaps getting a job, some hobbies and some friends might benefit you in any way with women.

You've tried most other things, why not that?! Seriously, why? And don't give me some crap about how stressful school is and that you can't have a job at the same time, because you have plenty of time on your hands.

 

No, I wouldn't say that she isn't happy to talk to me. I know she likes to talk to me.

 

How?

 

Though maybe because she knows that I like her, she's being careful to control how she is with me because she doesn't want to give me the impression that she's interested. If that's the case that's still bad for me. It means that I did something wrong. My lady friend said that I screwed up by telling Busy girl that I liked her.

 

This is the advice that frustrates me because I feel that it is not addressing the real issue. It assumes that once I get a career and friends and hobbies, that women will suddenly love me, even if the way I talk to and interact with them doesn't change.

 

Again, see above.

Why the blatant refusal to believe any of that will help? Why not just try it anyway?

[NJ123]

There is a short guy thread, PLEASE go there to talk about how we only like tall guys. SD doesn't need it.

 

what's with all the hostility? And why are you calling it a "short guy" thread. That's ****ing offensive as hell.

[MidwestUSA]

what's with all the hostility? And why are you calling it a "short guy" thread. That's ****ing offensive as hell.

 

 

How is it offensive? You yourself used the terms 'taller guys' and 'shorter guy'. She is saying there is a very long, consolidated thread dealing with dating and height. No need to drag it back into this thread, it's off topic.

[NJ123]

How is it offensive? You yourself used the terms 'taller guys' and 'shorter guy'. She is saying there is a very long, consolidated thread dealing with dating and height. No need to drag it back into this thread, it's off topic.

 

But she strictly called it the "short guy" thread. How isn't that offensive? She just wanted to start some **** for no reason & obviously has something against shorter guys. I was just genuinely asking Somedude how tall these other guys are compared to him since he strictly said he has no idea what makes those guys different than him.

[Weezy1973]

And then what?

 

Have it happen to me again in a few months? Then I'll move on from her?

 

I still believe that there is some "magic" answer that I'm not getting and that if I keep posting here, somebody will be able to tell me what I need to know.

 

I have been friendzoned by far too many girls and that isn't going to stop until the way I interact with women changes.

 

No, there's not a magic answer.

 

Your struggles are just about the same as everybody's struggles in that your failure is due to one thing: your refusal to do what it takes to accomplish your goal. Let me use a different struggle to try to elucidate...

 

Many people (especially in our current day and age) struggle with their weight. I have a friend who is obese and is now diabetic. He also needs knee surgery, which he can't get unless he loses weight. The key to losing weight is extremely simple: eat healthy foods in healthy proportions and exercise regularly. If you want to lose weight, burn more calories than you consume (in the healthy manner described). Easy right?

 

But whenever I mention changing his diet or exercising more he gets this glazed look over his eyes. He just doesn't want to hear it - he wants to believe that it's because of genetics, or blames the media for portraying unrealistic standards, or thinks that there is some "secret" to people that maintain a healthy weight. There isn't. Eat healthy food in healthy proportions and exercise regularly. That's it. But he continues to struggle.

 

And the thing is, I get it! I've had my own struggles in my life and needed to go to therapy. And basically it came down to one thing: I wasn't doing the things I needed to do to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish. And doing is the key here. Feelings and thoughts don't matter. Action does.

 

My friend doesn't like healthy food (feeling).

My friend doesn't enjoy exercising (feeling).

My friend is comforted and enjoys junk food (feeling).

 

If he wants to accomplish his goal - none of those feelings matter - he needs to eat a healthy diet, in health proportions, and exercise regularly.

 

You, SD, need to take action: establish a career; get a social circle; pursue some hobbies. This is what it will take to accomplish your goal. Action.

[MidwestUSA]

But she strictly called it the "short guy" thread. How isn't that offensive? She just wanted to start some **** for no reason & obviously has something against shorter guys. I was just genuinely asking Somedude how tall these other guys are compared to him since he strictly said he has no idea what makes those guys different than him.

 

I guarantee she wasn't trying to start anything. It's referred to as the short guy thread because they're the ones posting in it! The tall guys aren't there complaining.

 

 

Go have a read.

 

 

As for SD, statistically, it's likely both of the other guys are taller than him. Credit to him for not zeroing in on it as the ONLY possible difference. That wouldn't help him one bit at this time; we've been over it, and over it, and over it.

[NJ123]

I guarantee she wasn't trying to start anything. It's referred to as the short guy thread because they're the ones posting in it! The tall guys aren't there complaining.

 

 

Go have a read.

 

 

As for SD, statistically, it's likely both of the other guys are taller than him. Credit to him for not zeroing in on it as the ONLY possible difference. That wouldn't help him one bit at this time; we've been over it, and over it, and over it.

 

Well, obviously it wouldn't be the ONLY difference. But it could definitely be a factor if we're being honest here. There were a bunch of women on this site alone that admitted to me that they wouldn't date a shorter guy period with no exceptions.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, obviously it wouldn't be the ONLY difference. But it could definitely be a factor if we're being honest here. There were a bunch of women on this site alone that admitted to me that they wouldn't date a shorter guy period with no exceptions.

 

No one is saying it isn't a possible factor. RR was trying to spare someone the pain of it all being dredged up again.

 

 

The topic is chemistry. Let's assume all physical requirements have been met, for without that, there is NO chance at chemistry. Back on topic, nice chatting!

[Phoe]

The job, hobbies, friends advice does have a chance of helping you SD.

 

1. Some women will find you more interesting.

2. You'll be in more situations to MEET more women, expanding your options.

3. If you're super busy with all those things, you'll spend less time thinking about busy girl, thereby reaching your goal of not caring!

 

From experience, being extremely busy with anything and everything, is the #1 thing that helps me when I'm thinking about my ex, or feeling lonely, or feeling down about myself. Being busy drastically cuts down on how often those thoughts get into my head.

[NJ123]

No one is saying it isn't a possible factor. RR was trying to spare someone the pain of it all being dredged up again.

 

 

The topic is chemistry. Let's assume all physical requirements have been met, for without that, there is NO chance at chemistry. Back on topic, nice chatting!

 

Well, where's the honesty in that if it actually is a possible factor? Why ignore it?

[Mr Scorpio]

Well, where's the honesty in that if it actually is a possible factor? Why ignore it?

 

Because (1) SD can't control his height, (2) focusing on that factor would provide SD an excuse not to work on the things that he can control, (3) discussing it in this thread would be in violation of the rules of the board and (4) because SD can't control his height.

[Copelandsanity]

The job, hobbies, friends advice does have a chance of helping you SD.

 

1. Some women will find you more interesting.

2. You'll be in more situations to MEET more women, expanding your options.

3. If you're super busy with all those things, you'll spend less time thinking about busy girl, thereby reaching your goal of not caring!

 

From experience, being extremely busy with anything and everything, is the #1 thing that helps me when I'm thinking about my ex, or feeling lonely, or feeling down about myself. Being busy drastically cuts down on how often those thoughts get into my head.

 

It might take a decade for SD to learn, but life consists of a myriad of categories - friends, family, relationships, work, hobbies, health/fitness, leisure, contribution, and personal growth - and the entire point of it is to make progress in each and every aspect of it. Once he "gets it," he'll experience the feeling of being happy and fulfilled.