What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[joystickd]

Totally asking the wrong questions. Asking something like that comes off more as trying to have an advantage that creating a win win situation with someone special. If you focus on chemistry or whatever else it won't change. You can't logically figure a way to get a woman. She either feels it or she doesn't and the only thing you should worry about is working on you. Once that happens then you get the women

[carhill]

What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

 

A feeling, and one path is thinking less and feeling more.

[Anela]

Linking to this here, because of the insistence by some that a girl or woman only has to be cute to get into a relationship:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/504766-guys-how-do-you-feel-about-girl-lack-ambition-passion-something

[ponchsox]

In the "You're right" thread Quiet Storm made an awesome post about chemistry.

 

Her post completely resonated with me and almost seemed like it was written for me.

 

 

 

That is exactly how I feel about women, but now I'm aware that it's absolutely not how women feel about men.

 

The reason that I have done so poorly with girls throughout my life has been because I didn't understand chemistry, and I still don't.

 

When it comes to interacting with women I really don't have a clue what the hell I'm doing. Because of that I just treat women as if they were gender neutral, and my gender doesn't matter as well and guess what, they only want to be friends with me.

 

Can a guy learn how to create chemistry? If so, how?

 

You either make her panties wet, or you don't. You can't "create" it. Anyone who says otherwise is full of crap.

[somedude81]

Hey this thread is back!

 

It's now been exactly one year since my ex dumped me, and also one year since I've seen her. Sadly I still miss her. I just haven't been able to replace her.

 

I don't know how much I've learned about relationships and women since then. Everything feels like I'm making one step forward, then one step backward.

 

Lunch/Christian Girl and I were supposed to go out hiking last Sunday. That's actually the third time that she has canceled plans on me. She said that she was really busy but that we can do it again next week if I'm free. Then we texted for about an hour or so Saturday. There has been no contact since then. I'm tired of trying to pursue her. If she wants to see me, then she can initiate contact.

 

Busy Girl...... ugh. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with her. Right now I'm trying to avoid giving her too much attention. It's really hard to keep a cool head around her. I invited her to go swing dancing with me tomorrow night as well as other people from the class. Most likely it looks like she's going. If she goes I'll dance with her a few times but I can't stick to her. This semester is going to end really soon and I want to establish myself as somebody she's fine hanging out with one-on-one. Once that's done I can begin the most likely impossible task of trying to charm her. Sigh.

 

Edit:

And I just confirmed that she's going.

 

If only there was some way I could get her to go on a date with me. I really want to get to know her better. It's been a long time since I felt this way about a girl.

Edited December 5, 2014 by somedude81

[MidwestUSA]

How do you intend to charm a girl who's told you she's not interested in you that way?

 

There's truth to what ponchsox just said above.

[somedude81]

How do you intend to charm a girl who's told you she's not interested in you that way?

 

There's truth to what ponchsox just said above.

 

Just spending more time with her. Which would let me become more relaxed around her and be my real self. Maybe she'll start to like me? Maybe she won't. There is only one way to find out.

[Million.to.1]

Which would let me become more relaxed around her and be my real self. Maybe she'll start to like me? Maybe she won't. There is only one way to find out.

 

You are a glutton for punishment aren't you.

[Haydn]

Kiddies nativity time. Volunteered my help behind the scenes to assist Miss Garner. Chemistry in spade's. My impression of Joseph complaining about the census completely disarmed her.

 

 

keep plugging away SD. Could pay off.

[yajiuma]

SD81, Christian girl sounds flakey- cancelling three times is not a good sign of interest. Maybe because it was scheduled on a Sunday?

 

Busy girl- I really can't understand why you persist. Believe me she knows what's up with you asking her to go to dances/trying to hang out. She'll either A: Let you continue your fawning for an ego boost with NO INTENTION OF DATING YOU or B: Shut you down completely by keeping her distance and not responding to your calls/messages once term is over.

 

 

Anyway I hope everything else is going well for you- good luck on your exams and job search. Stay focused in these final days.

[somedude81]

SD81, Christian girl sounds flakey- cancelling three times is not a good sign of interest. Maybe because it was scheduled on a Sunday?

Not at good sign at all. Though going hiking last week was her idea. I don't understand what she's doing. She probably is just a bit scatterbrained.

 

Busy girl- I really can't understand why you persist.

 

Simple. I am completely infatuated with her. I like everything about her, though granted I don't know that much. I can easily imagine myself in a relationship with her. She's the first girl I've actually wanted to be in a relationship since my ex. I could go on and on about her.

 

 

Believe me she knows what's up with you asking her to go to dances/trying to hang out. She'll either A: Let you continue your fawning for an ego boost with NO INTENTION OF DATING YOU or B: Shut you down completely by keeping her distance and not responding to your calls/messages once term is over.

 

I actually think it's C.

 

She knows that I like her, but she wants to be my friend so she is going to pretend that I'm not interested in her. I do see hanging out one-on-one in the near future.

 

Or perhaps you are right and that once the term is over, she'll feel that there is no reason to talk to anymore.

 

All I can do is try.

 

Anyway I hope everything else is going well for you- good luck on your exams and job search. Stay focused in these final days.

Thanks. Both items are definitely on my mind. I've got plenty of stress.

[stillmind]

Ahh, no, you can't charm a woman who says she has no interest in you!

 

When my now-husband first started showing interest in me, I felt the timing wasn't right for a variety of very good reasons. I told him that I was also interested in him, but that we should wait a couple of months and see if we both still felt the same way before doing anything about it. During that time he tried dating a couple of other girls and it didn't work. I didn't tell him I didn't see him as anything more than a friend!

 

If a woman tells you flat out she doesn't have any interest in you, take her at her word. She's not playing games, she's not charmable, she wants you to drop it and that's the end of it. If she's willing to go dancing with you guys she may think you got the hint and let it go, but as soon as she senses you're still trying to flirt she's going to back off. You're not respecting her clearly-stated boundaries, IMO. If you can be friends with her with no romantic angle, that's great. If you can't let it go and you want to be more than friends, you need to back off. You're setting yourself up for pain here.

[Lobouspo]

Have you thought about reaching out to your ex via email, Facebook or text? Some time has passed, there was obviously something she liked about you at some point.

[somedude81]

Argh!!!!!

 

Swing dancing was cancelled tonight at that place.

 

I arrive and have some fast food outside my car. Busy girl ends up parking right next to me. None of her friends are with her so it would have been just me and her. We joke around and walk to the restaurant where the dancing is supposed to be. Right away we figure out that something is wrong. Turn out that for the month of December the dancing was moved to Thursday's.

 

Shortly after my friends from the class arrive. We talk for a bit. Turns out there is a dancing thing tomorrow at a different place. I say bye to my friends who parked in a different spot and I walk with Busy girl back to our cars. She's working tomorrow and can't make it to that thing. I ask her what she's going to do now, and she said that her sister has invited her to go ice skating. We hug then away she goes.

 

The night started good and had some real potential, but crap happens, and it tends to often do.

 

Judging how she was tonight the brief time she was with me, she does seem to be a lot more comfortable with me now. I probably could get her to do something with me one-on-one.

[somedude81]

Have you thought about reaching out to your ex via email,

 

Blocked

Facebook

 

Blocked

 

or text?

 

Blocked.

 

Some time has passed, there was obviously something she liked about you at some point.

 

I have no way of contacting her.

 

Just to check I went to my Facebook and briefly looked at the messages archived between us. I can't click on her name which means that I'm still blocked. As I nice little kick in the gut I see her portrait picture has chained where she has her arms around a guy sitting in front of her.

 

This night went from me being super excited, to starting to seeing it come true, then watching it fall apart, to finding out that my ex is with somebody else.

 

Somebody please shoot me.

[Under The Radar]

Why the **** are you checking on your ex through Facebook?

 

You're smart enough to know that will only bring pain.

[Anela]

 

The night started good and had some real potential, but crap happens, and it tends to often do.

 

Judging how she was tonight the brief time she was with me, she does seem to be a lot more comfortable with me now. I probably could get her to do something with me one-on-one.

 

I thought you mentioned a new girl, in another thread.

[somedude81]

Why the **** are you checking on your ex through Facebook?

 

You're smart enough to know that will only bring pain.

 

Because Lobouspo brought it up and I was curious.

 

That pain was sudden but quick.

 

Of course she would move on and find somebody else, it's been a year. I just wish I had somebody to replace her. Honestly if I could date Busy Girl, I wouldn't care about my ex at all. Though that's most likely my true problem. I feel that I need to replace my ex, and that BG is by far the best match. Tonight was supposed to be a big chance for me to get closer to her. It f-ing sucks that it turned out the way it did.

 

I thought you mentioned a new girl, in another thread.

 

She's a friend.

 

I enjoy my time with her, but I'm not looking at her to replace my ex.

Edited December 6, 2014 by somedude81

[serial muse]

 

 

She's a friend.

 

I enjoy my time with her, but I'm not looking at her to replace my ex.

 

Are you talking about Christian girl, or a third person who's a FWB?

[Anela]

 

 

 

She's a friend.

 

I enjoy my time with her, but I'm not looking at her to replace my ex.

 

So she knows that you're just using her? Is it unattractive-to-you girl? As in: not attractive enough to be a trophy girlfriend? I hope not, because she deserves better than that.

[somedude81]

Are you talking about Christian girl, or a third person who's a FWB?

 

A third person.

 

Funny thing is that she's caused me to be less interested in Christian girl. I'm not even trying to pursue Christian girl any more, but I'd still hang out with her if she invited me.

 

Though my feelings for Busy Girl are still as strong as ever. Which is actually a bit surprising to me. I'm still completely infatuated with her.

[somedude81]

So she knows that you're just using her? Is it unattractive-to-you girl? As in: not attractive enough to be a trophy girlfriend?

 

Why are you always so hostile towards me? Don't you have anything better to do than to yell at me?

 

No to everything you said.

 

I'm not using her.

 

She knows I like somebody else.

 

I'm not looking for a "trophy girlfriend." I'm looking for a girl who is extremely similar to my ex.

[Anela]

Why are you always so hostile towards me? Don't you have anything better to do than to yell at me?

 

No to everything you said.

 

I'm not using her.

 

She knows I like somebody else.

 

I'm not looking for a "trophy girlfriend." I'm looking for a girl who is extremely similar to my ex.

 

I wasn't hostile to you in the past, and then you were extremely rude to me, when I'd done nothing to deserve it. Whatever. I feel protective of the girl you said nasty things about, even though she'd only ever been kind to you, and seemed to really like you.

[MidwestUSA]

A third person.

 

Funny thing is that she's caused me to be less interested in Christian girl. I'm not even trying to pursue Christian girl any more, but I'd still hang out with her if she invited me.

 

Though my feelings for Busy Girl are still as strong as ever. Which is actually a bit surprising to me. I'm still completely infatuated with her.

 

 

 

Well, it's good you're not feeling it for Christian girl; she probably frowns on FWB arrangements. Hopefully, busy girl is a bit more forgiving about that sort of thing, if you do manage to get close to her.

[somedude81]

I wasn't hostile to you in the past, and then you were extremely rude to me, when I'd done nothing to deserve it. Whatever. I feel protective of the girl you said nasty things about, even though she'd only ever been kind to you, and seemed to really like you.

 

Anela, I'm getting tired of going around with you like this. There is always something about me that you have a problem with.

 

Could you just put me on ignore please?