What is chemistry, and how does a guy inspire it?

[joystickd]

By not worrying about it

[Lani]

Graduate, make friends, get a job.

 

That's all the advice I've received.

 

The above is all the advice you have not taken... and you're still striking out.

I don't think that's a coincidence somedude.

 

You need to pin your confidence on things that are within your control right now. I think if you focused your efforts onto the above, some confidence would come your way. You can't rely on women to get you through life, it's not fair and, quite frankly, a really naive idea.

You're due to graduate soon, so start looking for work now so you're not starting a thread in 2 months time saying you are more depressed because you're not doing anything now school has finished.

 

Control the things you can (which is not women, I should think that's obvious by now) and the rest will fall into place.

[somedude81]

The above is all the advice you have not taken... and you're still striking out.

I don't think that's a coincidence somedude.

 

You need to pin your confidence on things that are within your control right now. I think if you focused your efforts onto the above, some confidence would come your way. You can't rely on women to get you through life, it's not fair and, quite frankly, a really naive idea.

You're due to graduate soon, so start looking for work now so you're not starting a thread in 2 months time saying you are more depressed because you're not doing anything now school has finished.

 

Control the things you can (which is not women, I should think that's obvious by now) and the rest will fall into place.

 

Confidence with women is different then confidence with other things.

 

Confidence in yourself without knowing how chemistry works still won't get women interested.

 

Later on this evening I'm going to meet Lunch Girl and a girlfriend of her's at a salsa club.

 

I know how to be relaxed and have fun with them, but trying to use chemistry to go to the next level with her is just something I don't know how to do.

[Lani]

Confidence with women is different then confidence with other things.

 

Confidence in yourself without knowing how chemistry works still won't get women interested.

 

Later on this evening I'm going to meet Lunch Girl and a girlfriend of her's at a salsa club.

 

I know how to be relaxed and have fun with them, but trying to use chemistry to go to the next level with her is just something I don't know how to do.

 

Okay.. the ONE THING you need to work on is being able to see what others are saying. You ask for advice, yet insist you know better and that one thing doesn't relate to what you're saying.

There is a reason all your threads go off topic- it's because all those topics are related. One part of your life cannot be completely unaffected by all the others, however you cannot seem to understand this, even though it's been mentioned time and time again.. Until you open your mind to the fact that things like age, job, life experience, friends, etc. matter, you won't make any progress.

I can almost guarantee that.

[xxoo]

I know how to be relaxed and have fun with them, but trying to use chemistry to go to the next level with her is just something I don't know how to do.

 

It has to do with that "man" stuff you were talking about earlier. Like Lani said, it isn't separate from the other aspects of your life. Be someone who is going places, doing things, making things happen, and it will come through when you interact with women.

[somedude81]

Okay.. the ONE THING you need to work on is being able to see what others are saying. You ask for advice, yet insist you know better and that one thing doesn't relate to what you're saying.

There is a reason all your threads go off topic- it's because all those topics are related. One part of your life cannot be completely unaffected by all the others, however you cannot seem to understand this, even though it's been mentioned time and time again.. Until you open your mind to the fact that things like age, job, life experience, friends, etc. matter, you won't make any progress.

I can almost guarantee that.

 

 

It has to do with that "man" stuff you were talking about earlier. Like Lani said, it isn't separate from the other aspects of your life. Be someone who is going places, doing things, making things happen, and it will come through when you interact with women.

 

How can I apply any of this to tonight?

[Teknoe]

Confidence with women is different then confidence with other things.

 

Confidence in yourself without knowing how chemistry works still won't get women interested.

 

Later on this evening I'm going to meet Lunch Girl and a girlfriend of her's at a salsa club.

 

I know how to be relaxed and have fun with them, but trying to use chemistry to go to the next level with her is just something I don't know how to do.

 

So, let me get this straight.

 

A = confidence with women

B = confidence with "other things"

 

Right now you lack A and B.

 

We tell you to work on B as that is at least something within your control.

 

You instead insist time after time that you are after A and yet in the time that you whine and complain, you are not working on B at all.

 

Congratulations. You're just spinning your wheels. It's the reason why you are in the same position today as you were 6 years ago. Except now you're just 6 years older.

[Weezy1973]

Confidence with women is different then confidence with other things.

 

You don't understand confidence - what people are saying is attractive is confidence in yourself. Not with something in particular - but in oneself.

 

Men who are confident aren't afraid of getting rejected, because it doesn't matter. They realize that the woman they propositioned wasn't the right one, and they move on. They're not afraid to fail - because they know that they'll be fine. In all aspects of life this is true, including dating and relationships.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Confidence in yourself without knowing how chemistry works still won't get women interested.

 

 

I know how to be relaxed and have fun with them, but trying to use chemistry to go to the next level with her is just something I don't know how to do.

 

Knowing how it works won't make it happen, and you can't "use" chemistry. It's there or it isn't Just like everybody's been saying 500 times now! If you really want to understand it maybe google "pheromones," I think that will help you learn about it.

[somedude81]

Hmm, I wonder if there is something there with this girl.

 

First of all she looked really good and smelled good too. She definitely put in effort in her presentation tonight. Would it be a stretch to say she did it for me?

 

She brought a girlfriend with her and she was nice. Thankfully the friend was fine giving me and Lunch girl a lot of time alone.

 

There was lots of physical contact on and off the dance floor. She seemed to be completely fine with everything I did. Lots of hugs, sitting very close together, pretty much leaning against each other, I even had my arm around her for a minute or two when she said she was cold. None of us had anything to drink.

 

If her friend wasn't there I would have tried to kiss her goodnight. But the three of us walked to the cars, and she kinda said bye to me quickly and gave me an awkward hug. Now I'm not really sure.

 

I can't really read her other than she's not giving me any yellow lights and I do think I went a bit farther than a woman would let a strictly guy friend go.

 

Her class is Tuesday and Thursday, but since Tuesday is a holiday there won't be a class, so I won't see her again until Thursday, if I make a point to go to her class, otherwise I'll see her at the big campus dance on Friday.

 

My next move seems to be doing something with her off-campus just the two of us.

[Lani]

Hmm, I wonder if there is something there with this girl.

 

First of all she looked really good and smelled good too. She definitely put in effort in her presentation tonight. Would it be a stretch to say she did it for me?

 

She brought a girlfriend with her and she was nice. Thankfully the friend was fine giving me and Lunch girl a lot of time alone.

 

There was lots of physical contact on and off the dance floor. She seemed to be completely fine with everything I did. Lots of hugs, sitting very close together, pretty much leaning against each other, I even had my arm around her for a minute or two when she said she was cold. None of us had anything to drink.

 

If her friend wasn't there I would have tried to kiss her goodnight. But the three of us walked to the cars, and she kinda said bye to me quickly and gave me an awkward hug. Now I'm not really sure.

 

I can't really read her other than she's not giving me any yellow lights and I do think I went a bit farther than a woman would let a strictly guy friend go.

 

Her class is Tuesday and Thursday, but since Tuesday is a holiday there won't be a class, so I won't see her again until Thursday, if I make a point to go to her class, otherwise I'll see her at the big campus dance on Friday.

 

My next move seems to be doing something with her off-campus just the two of us.

 

Text her.

Say 'it was nice spending some time with you tonight. Hopefully we can do it again soon'

[somedude81]

Text her.

Say 'it was nice spending some time with you tonight. Hopefully we can do it again soon'

 

Thanks Lani

 

I just grabbed my phone to send her a message similar to what you said, and she had already sent me a message 10 minutes ago that I didn't notice.

 

"Thanks for tonight hope u got home safely."

 

She lives five minutes from the restaurant and it was about a 30 minute drive for me, and we left around 11:00.

 

My message was, "Thanks for the text. I had a lot of fun with you tonight. Lets do it again soon "

[Lani]

Thanks Lani

 

I just grabbed my phone to send her a message similar to what you said, and she had already sent me a message 10 minutes ago that I didn't notice.

 

"Thanks for tonight hope u got home safely."

 

She lives five minutes from the restaurant and it was about a 30 minute drive for me, and we left around 11:00.

 

My message was, "Thanks for the text. I had a lot of fun with you tonight. Lets do it again soon "

 

Great!

Keep it light hearted and you may have a shot here

[somedude81]

Great!

Keep it light hearted and you may have a shot here

 

That would be cool.

 

When you say "light hearted" do you mean like not talking about dates and relationship stuff? Heck I don't even know if she's single, I'm just assuming she is and waiting for her to tell me otherwise.

 

I'm hoping that she can figure out I'm interested in her without me having to spell it out.

[Lani]

That would be cool.

 

When you say "light hearted" do you mean like not talking about dates and relationship stuff? Heck I don't even know if she's single, I'm just assuming she is and waiting for her to tell me otherwise.

 

I'm hoping that she can figure out I'm interested in her without me having to spell it out.

 

I just mean light hearted in general.

For yourself more than anything- enjoy hanging out with this girl, don't get too invested before you've even dated her.

[joystickd]

You really don't want to improve. If you did you would actually listen to the advice given to you

[Rejected Rosebud]

That would be cool.

 

When you say "light hearted" do you mean like not talking about dates and relationship stuff?

 

Just don't be all about trying to make something happen like getting her alone and stuff, just let things flow. You are supposed to be getting to know her, who knows, she might not be right for you.

[Million.to.1]

I think it's good you didn't kiss her. Give that sort of thing time to feel likes it's right. You should only do it when you can tell for sure that she is thinking " I hope he kisses me" when she looks at you at the end of the night. It might be after 2-3 dates! she is obviously not 100% on board if she is bringing a friend to chaperone your outing. She is young don't forget... don't rush, make her feel safe and go out just to have fun the first couple of times.

Take your time to read the signals SD. Don't be in a hurry to "get the kiss" or "take it further"

If this girl likes you, then it will be easy to tell. Just give her the time and space to get there on her own without pressure.

[somedude81]

I think it's good you didn't kiss her. Give that sort of thing time to feel likes it's right. You should only do it when you can tell for sure that she is thinking " I hope he kisses me" when she looks at you at the end of the night. It might be after 2-3 dates! she is obviously not 100% on board if she is bringing a friend to chaperone your outing. She is young don't forget... don't rush, make her feel safe and go out just to have fun the first couple of times.

Take your time to read the signals SD. Don't be in a hurry to "get the kiss" or "take it further"

If this girl likes you, then it will be easy to tell. Just give her the time and space to get there on her own without pressure.

 

Normally I wait until I really think the girl likes me until I try to kiss her. That said, I've only kissed two women in my life. My ex at 32 and another girl when I was 22. They were the only women I even tried to kiss. I definitely do not want her to feel pressured.

 

Frankly I'm surprised that she was so comfortable with me with her friend there. I assumed at first that it was going to be a just friends thing. So I tested the waters and she kept letting me go further and further. I was looking for any sign to stop and nothing.

 

BTW, it turns out that she's not that young at all. She's 26. I thought she was much younger. I guess I'm not the only person around who is older than they look.

 

My next step is to try and spend some time alone with her. I'm not really sure how I want to set that up.

[Million.to.1]

BTW, it turns out that she's not that young at all. She's 26. I thought she was much younger. I guess I'm not the only person around who is older than they look.

 

HAHAHA! oh, the irony. Much better age for you. that's great news.

 

My next step is to try and spend some time alone with her. I'm not really sure how I want to set that up.

 

Wait till you see her next in class or at the end of year dance, and ask her out properly. Look her dead in the eyes and say.. "I would really like to take you out for dinner one night.. like, on a date.

 

[Lani]

Normally I wait until I really think the girl likes me until I try to kiss her. That said, I've only kissed two women in my life. My ex at 32 and another girl when I was 22. They were the only women I even tried to kiss. I definitely do not want her to feel pressured.

 

Frankly I'm surprised that she was so comfortable with me with her friend there. I assumed at first that it was going to be a just friends thing. So I tested the waters and she kept letting me go further and further. I was looking for any sign to stop and nothing.

 

BTW, it turns out that she's not that young at all. She's 26. I thought she was much younger. I guess I'm not the only person around who is older than they look.

 

My next step is to try and spend some time alone with her. I'm not really sure how I want to set that up.

 

Are you still interested now you've learned she's so old?

[Rejected Rosebud]

I think you should stop focussing on trying to "be alone" with these girls you like. Girls can sense that and it feels creepy. Can you just get to know her in the regular situations you find yourselves in together? Unless she is super into you right NOW she is going to feel pressured with your efforts to get her alone and try to make sure it doesn't happen.

 

Or better yet follow 1000000 to 1's advice and just ask her out on a proper date, letting her know that you are INTERESTED in "that" way. If she says no, then forget about her in that way.

[clia]

My next step is to try and spend some time alone with her. I'm not really sure how I want to set that up.

 

Ask her out on a date.

[thefooloftheyear]

Normally I wait until I really think the girl likes me until I try to kiss her. That said, I've only kissed two women in my life. My ex at 32 and another girl when I was 22. They were the only women I even tried to kiss. I definitely do not want her to feel pressured.

 

Frankly I'm surprised that she was so comfortable with me with her friend there. I assumed at first that it was going to be a just friends thing. So I tested the waters and she kept letting me go further and further. I was looking for any sign to stop and nothing.

 

BTW, it turns out that she's not that young at all. She's 26. I thought she was much younger. I guess I'm not the only person around who is older than they look.

 

My next step is to try and spend some time alone with her. I'm not really sure how I want to set that up.

 

 

What a relic...She must have been hot before electricity was invented...

 

TFY

[somedude81]

Are you still interested now you've learned she's so old?

 

 

I think you should stop focussing on trying to "be alone" with these girls you like. Girls can sense that and it feels creepy. Can you just get to know her in the regular situations you find yourselves in together? Unless she is super into you right NOW she is going to feel pressured with your efforts to get her alone and try to make sure it doesn't happen.

 

Or better yet follow 1000000 to 1's advice and just ask her out on a proper date, letting her know that you are INTERESTED in "that" way. If she says no, then forget about her in that way.

 

Why is it creepy to want to spend time alone with somebody? We can hang out as friends without a chaperone.

 

Isn't asking for a date even more creepy and pressuring?

 

I'm getting so confused about the conflicting advice.