Does my ex care, or is he just playing with me? Should I keep NC? (Updated)

[Sweetescape910]

Hi guys, please bear with me if this is long. I'm going through a rough time, and I would really appreciate the advice. If you do answer, I'll be SURE to give you advice on your thread as well.

 

Me and this guy were dating for a couple months and really liked eachother. We were about to be official, until he broke it off with me because he's depressed. He's not in a happy place right now, and he doesn't think he could be in a commitment when he cant make himself happy. I respected his decision, and he wanted to be friends. He said he could be with me in the future with the right mind and I said good, I don't want you to write us off, to which he said I'm not. It's been almost two months, and he'll still text me every week or two. He doesn't believe in god and I do, so if he texts me, he'll try to start an argument on why god isn't real.

 

 

Anyways, last week, he got mad at me for liking his friends instagram photos. We like eachothers posts whenever their uploaded, and he said he wouldn't expect that from me, but he would expect it from his friend. I told him that if I was the one who dumped him, I would understand why he would be upset, but he doesn't have anything to worry about. He said "that's just rude, I ended it for reasons other than not liking you anymore." I read the text wrong, and said " you ended it with me because you didn't like me anymore? He said " no I just said that, I got to go. I'm driving" I said alright I read it wrong. I really thought he didn't want to get into it, which is why he said bye.

 

He uploaded a selfie yesterday and the caption was "I'm a worn out man" and this girl commented and said oh are you worn out from Jennie? And tagged her. I'm assuming he's seeing her. WHY ELSE would he be "worn out" from a girl. He texted me tonight and sent me a picture of a Facebook status about someone else posting why they didn't believe in god because their friend died. I didnt answer and I don't think I will. He'll randomly text me things, and if it's not about god, it's just to say what's up. He doesn't carry out the conversation, ask me how I am, etc. I don't know if he's bored, or he still has feelings for me. I think it's cute how he keeps in touch because it shows he wants to be friends, but I obviously want to be more. I just don't want to be played with. I hate playing games. He's clearly seeing someone else, so why does he text me? I don't know what to do. I still hope that he'll come back, but I know I need to move on. Should I keep NC?

Thank you so much.

[MistaYates]

From what im reading, i think you already know what hes doing. Hes keeping you as an ego boost. Which i know the feeling.

 

I say, tell him how you feel. Ask him if he really is seeing that other girl, because if he is, why didnt he go out with you if he wanted to wait till he was out of his "depression"? Instead he went with that other girl? He doesnt want you posting things on instagram because he wants you all to himself.

 

Its been two months huh? Well i think its time you sit down with him and talk about this, if you feel like you should wait, and he wants you to, then there shouldn't be another girl involved.. Period.

 

Who knows?

 

Maybe that girl is his ex, and she caused the depression to begin with?

 

Another thing about the religion stuff. The fact that he doesnt respect what you believe in is another red flag. But i dont know. Just telling you how i see it.

 

This is my issue.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/500336-am-i-just-type-guy-women-cheat

[Sweetescape910]

From what im reading, i think you already know what hes doing. Hes keeping you as an ego boost. Which i know the feeling.

 

I say, tell him how you feel. Ask him if he really is seeing that other girl, because if he is, why didnt he go out with you if he wanted to wait till he was out of his "depression"? Instead he went with that other girl? He doesnt want you posting things on instagram because he wants you all to himself.

 

Its been two months huh? Well i think its time you sit down with him and talk about this, if you feel like you should wait, and he wants you to, then there shouldn't be another girl involved.. Period.

 

Who knows?

 

Maybe that girl is his ex, and she caused the depression to begin with?

 

Another thing about the religion stuff. The fact that he doesnt respect what you believe in is another red flag. But i dont know. Just telling you how i see it.

 

This is my issue.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/500336-am-i-just-type-guy-women-cheat

 

Thing is, the girl isn't his ex. And I don't want to talk to him about it because I don't want to seem like I care. He dumped me and continues texting me about things that have nothing to do with me and him. I don't wanna bring it up out of the blue and seem psycho and seem like I care. He doesn't deserve to know that I even care. I didn't answer his text. I just wish I knew why he still keeps in contact. Id say it's an ego boost too, but it's not like he flirts with me or anything. I don't show him that I really care that much. I mean he obviously still knows I like him, but I don't know . He told me not to wait for him and to move on, and I appreciate he's being friendly but there's a part of me that feels like he's playing games

[Mandalorian]

To me it looks like he is playing games with you.

 

His complete lack of respect to your beliefs and his continuous attempts to argue about them with you, rather than just accepting what you believe and loving you even more for those beliefs, shows he shouldn't be even worth your time.

 

It may be that he ended it with you for other reasons than not liking you anymore. But he still ended it. He says he broke it off with you because he was depressed, but being with somebody you love should make you happy and able to enjoy life, being with you should have made all the times he wasn't with you or by your side pale into comparison.

 

He doesn't deserve you still caring about him or even getting an inkling you care about him.

 

Go completely no contact, delete and block his number, email, social media stuff and everything and concentrate on yourself. Move on for yourself and not because he said. You deserve someone much better who treats you with respect, who wants you and who loves you for being you.

 

My story is quite a long read which I tried to shorten further down the thread without much luck, I would appreciate a bit of feedback or opinion though if you have the time please as nobody has yet done so!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/499219-am-i-dumper-dumped#post5969842

 

No worries if it's too long lol and good luck!

[Mi7522]

He's definitely playing with you and you must continue NC for your own sanity. If you keep letting him come in and out of your life you're just ripping the scab off and starting over again. I think even if you did get back with him you would realise you don't want to be with him. Look at what his faults are and I'm sure you'll come to a very quick decision that he is no man you want to be with EVER!

[xUnknown]

I'm with everyone else. He's playing with your head.

 

He wants to see if you're still around...if you care enough about him to respond to the text that has nothing to do with him. (that doesn't make sense, but that's the case)...

 

Keep going NC.

[mattsdv1986]

So many things going on here. For one - you seem like a nice person and shouldn't let this guy bring you down. Obviously if he is having a rough time in life - it would make sense he either generally needs space, or he would want you to help him through it. I think 2 months is enough space and you need to really lay down what you want and its on him to see if that lines up. First - don't under any cirumstances go on his social media - huge mistake and will only make you feel worse. Also - see if your key must haves line up - if they dont then bigger problems lie ahead once you get more serious - can you live and spend the rest of your life with a person that doesnt believe and feel the same way you do? Can you let those things go? will it lead to constant arguments? Ask yourself these questions and see if he is worth it. Also, the posts above are spot on - he is leadign you and and gettign jealous but taking no action what so ever. Put your foot down - either were together and figuring it out, or were done and move on. I get that is so hard, but be true to yourself and dont let him bring you down!

 

Please respond to mine! thanks

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/500484-how-do-you-move-esp-when-ex-new-relationship

[Sweetescape910]

I'm with everyone else. He's playing with your head.

 

He wants to see if you're still around...if you care enough about him to respond to the text that has nothing to do with him. (that doesn't make sense, but that's the case)...

 

Keep going NC.

 

Why though? What type of ego boost can he possibly get? I don't flirt with him and he doesn't flirt with me. I wanna know his intentions but I'm scared to randomly ask... I want him to text me and say hi first, not just a photo of a Facebook status. Does going NC show I'm not to be played with?

[mattsdv1986]

Why though? What type of ego boost can he possibly get? I don't flirt with him and he doesn't flirt with me. I wanna know his intentions but I'm scared to randomly ask... I want him to text me and say hi first, not just a photo of a Facebook status. Does going NC show I'm not to be played with?

 

You need to go NC for yourself, yes he will probabaly miss you and be liek what happened to her, why isn't she texting - but you staying around isnt helping the situation. HE knows he can have you whenever he wants you and knows you will text him, so why does he need to initiate. PLEASE do not ask him why he isn't doing something, you will only become frustrated more because you will not get a valid response nad will push him further away. NC shows that you wont be treated poorly, and if he misses you he will come back, however the NC should be for you to get over it and realize that you are better than some guy treating you like trash.

[Sweetescape910]

Me and this guy were dating for a couple months and really liked eachother. We were about to be official, until he broke it off with me because he's depressed. He's not in a happy place right now, and he doesn't think he could be in a commitment when he cant make himself happy. I respected his decision, and he wanted to be friends. He said he could be with me in the future with the right mind and I said good, I don't want you to write us off, to which he said I'm not. It's been almost two months since the seperation, and he'll still text me every week or two. He doesn't believe in god and I do, so if he texts me, he'll try to start an argument on why god isn't real. If he texts me, he doesn't initiate a conversation. He'll just say "hi. What's up? Nmu?" And I'm confused as to why he hit me up in the first place..

 

Anyways, last week, he got mad at me for liking his friends instagram photos. We like eachothers posts whenever their uploaded, and he said he wouldn't expect that from me, but he would expect it from his friend. I told him that if I was the one who dumped him, I would understand why he would be upset, but he doesn't have anything to worry about. He said "that's just rude, I ended it for reasons other than not liking you anymore." I read the text wrong, and said " you ended it with me because you didn't like me anymore? He said " no I just said that, I got to go. I'm driving" I said alright I read it wrong. I really thought he didn't want to get into it, which is why he said bye.

 

He uploaded a selfie yesterday and the caption was "I'm a worn out man" and this girl commented and said oh are you worn out from Jennie? And tagged her. I'm assuming he's seeing her. WHY ELSE would he be "worn out" from a girl. Anyways, He texted me a few nights ago and sent me a picture of a Facebook status about someone else posting why they didn't believe in god because their friend died. I didnt answer the text. This is the first time I actually ignored him. He'll randomly text me things, and if it's not about god, it's just to say what's up. He doesn't carry out the conversation, ask me how I am, etc. I don't know if he's bored, or he still has feelings for me. I think it's cute how he keeps in touch because it shows he wants to be friends, but I obviously want to be more. I just don't want to be played with. I hate playing games. He's clearly seeing someone else, so why does he text me? I don't know what to do. I still hope that he'll come back, but I know I need to move on. Should I keep NC? Also, should I call him out and ask him "what is this what are we? You hit me up and never initiate a conversation..." I don't wanna seem like I care though, especially since I FINALLY have the upper hand for once since I ignored his text.

Thank you!

[evanescentworld]

You're not in NC.

You're just selectively ignoring him.

To go true, down-to-earth total NC, you need to delete your FB account (It IS possible, I have done it) and quit even receiving his texts (install a text-blocker app on your phone. I did) or better yet, change your phone number. And never check up on him again.

 

THEN - you'll have 'the upper hand'.

 

Anything you comment to argue against the above may be construed as mere excuse....

[ExpatInItaly]

To be honest OP, I don't think you have the upper hand at all. I think he does. He broke up with you but keeps you hopeful by giving you little breadcrumbs. If in fact he is seeing someone else, but texts you on the side, he's actually in the driver's seat as he knows you still want him and he probably enjoys knowing that while he has another girl. I don't see how these texts indicate he wants to be your friend. It doesn't sound like much of a friendship. Do you text your friend inane things like that? I would go NC and delete/block him from your social media. (You're not really NC if he's still on your IG, FB, etc. )He was no business interrogating you about whose pictures you like or why. You don't owe him an explanation. He chose to end the relationship and it's not fair to you to keep hanging on.

[MrBossMan]

You don't have the upper hand for three reasons:

1. You keep responding and interacting with him.

2. You were dumped and he hasn't tried to get you back.

3. You're playing detective about who he's with (which is none of your business).

 

He's not into you, period. Move on. Delete his contacts and block him. No contact means NO CONTACT whatsoever. If he contacts you, do not respond no matter what he says, no exceptions.

 

In fact, don't respond ever again, and I mean for the rest of your life. Find a guy who is actually into you.

[Sweetescape910]

To be honest OP, I don't think you have the upper hand at all. I think he does. He broke up with you but keeps you hopeful by giving you little breadcrumbs. If in fact he is seeing someone else, but texts you on the side, he's actually in the driver's seat as he knows you still want him and he probably enjoys knowing that while he has another girl. I don't see how these texts indicate he wants to be your friend. It doesn't sound like much of a friendship. Do you text your friend inane things like that? I would go NC and delete/block him from your social media. (You're not really NC if he's still on your IG, FB, etc. )He was no business interrogating you about whose pictures you like or why. You don't owe him an explanation. He chose to end the relationship and it's not fair to you to keep hanging on.

 

Thing is, he'll keep texting me inane things and I don't know why he continues to keep in touch. He doesn't flirt with me or anything. Should I confront him if he does it again?

[Elle1975]

Walk away, seriously.

 

He's lied to you as for why he broke up with you (depressed, really? Ask the other girl).

He's keeping you on the hook, sending you random texts making sure you're still on his back burner.

He's stuffing his absence of religious belief down your throat (Why? Controlling much? What happened to respecting you?)

He starts petty arguments.

The list goes on..

 

He's far from being the grand prize.

 

You will have the upper hand when you write him off. Block him, delete him, adios amigos!

[Sweetescape910]

I was broken up with two months ago.

 

Anyways, everyday he doesn't come back to me, I feel rejected by him. I feel like I'm not worthy of anyone because my other ex broke up with me last year too. How do you stop feeling rejected and build your ego? He broke it off with me because he was depressed, he said he could be with me in the future, but I found out he's seeing another girl. (My assumption, don't know if it's a fact) and he'll text me here and there to argue with me about why god isn't real and initiate pointless conversations. If you can, please read my thread above. I'll be sure to answer yours.

Edited November 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cleaned up link and merged.

[Sweetescape910]

Walk away, seriously.

 

He's lied to you as for why he broke up with you (depressed, really? Ask the other girl).

He's keeping you on the hook, sending you random texts making sure you're still on his back burner.

He's stuffing his absence of religious belief down your throat (Why? Controlling much? What happened to respecting you?)

He starts petty arguments.

The list goes on..

 

He's far from being the grand prize.

 

You will have the upper hand when you write him off. Block him, delete him, adios amigos!

 

He tried initiating contact with that image Tuesday night, which I didn't reply. The last time we talked was when he freaked out over me liking his friends photo. I am ignoring him for now, until he talks to me again (if he does). I was thinking of maybe telling him this isn't working for me. I don't want a friend when I don't even know what their intentions are. Should I? It's so confusing.

Because I don't want to seem dumb or like I care.

[evanescentworld]

..... I was thinking of maybe telling him this isn't working for me. I don't want a friend when I don't even know what their intentions are. Should I?

Absolutely, completely, unequivocally NOT.

 

It's so confusing.

Sweetheart, it's not confusing in the slightest. You just think it's confusion, but it isn't. You just feel jumbled up because you have feelings for him, and he's playing you like second fiddle.

 

Because I don't want to seem dumb or like I care.

OK. You're not alone.

Dumpees always think this.

They always think that they'll look really bad in the eyes of the dumper, because it looks as if they're being cruel, or they'll think their actions will be misconstrued, misunderstood, and they'll be hated for what they're doing.

 

Please take this in, seriously:

 

if you completely ignore him, and go TOTAL NC, you are most certainly neither dumb, nor uncaring.

But what you ARE doing is putting yourself, your emotions and your well-being, first.

 

And that's where you belong now.

In your own life, you are your top priority.

 

He is redundant.

He is an ex.

He is no longer in your life because that was HIS choice.

He broke up with you.

Kicked you to the kerb.

Dispensed with your love, companionship, consideration, affection, attention and care.

 

That was his decision, and as such, he had better start learning to live with it.

 

Please, read the No Contact Guide THOROUGHLY.

 

Everything it tells you is tried, tested and true.

And will help you see things in a better perspective.

It turns you into the survivor.

Which is precisely what you need right now.

[Sweetescape910]

I'm really tempted to text my "ex". He texted me an image last week and I never responded. This is the first time I ignored him.. And since he hasn't tried harder to contact me and since he hasn't "cracked", I'm getting tempted. Last time we spoke was last Wednesday when he confronted me about the instagram thing.

 

ILL BE SURE TO ANSWER YOUR THREAD AS WELL. thank youU

Edited November 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mi7522]

I'm really tempted to text my "ex". He texted me an image last week and I never responded. This is the first time I ignored him.. And since he hasn't tried harder to contact me and since he hasn't "cracked", I'm getting tempted. Last time we spoke was last Wednesday when he confronted me about the instagram thing.

 

ILL BE SURE TO ANSWER YOUR THREAD AS WELL. thank youU

 

Unless he texts you something substantial it is just breadcrumbs. Stick to NC

Edited November 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

I did not read your other thread. If there is ANY hope to repair your relationship you will never accomplish that through a text. If that is all you have, you have nothing.

[evanescentworld]

I'm really tempted to text my "ex". He texted me an image last week and I never responded. This is the first time I ignored him.. And since he hasn't tried harder to contact me and since he hasn't "cracked", I'm getting tempted. Last time we spoke was last Wednesday when he confronted me about the instagram thing.

 

ILL BE SURE TO ANSWER YOUR THREAD AS WELL. thank youU

 

If you read the No Contact Guide, it's pretty clear regarding 'breadcrumbs'.

You need to really read that page - if not copy it, paste it into 'Word', print it and read it at will, by carrying it with you wherever you go.

[Sweetescape910]

Thank you guys.

[Eddie8]

Whatever he is doing he isn't taking you very serious and so I don't think you should take it serious either, sounds like he is playing games! :/

[Sweetescape910]

We were about to be serious until he dropped the bomb and ended it with me. He was depressed and knew he couldn't be a boyfriend. I respected that. He said he could be with me in the future with the right mindset. But its been two months. We spoke several times, sometimes I would text him, sometimes he would text me. But it would be pointless conversations. It never had anything to do with what happened between us. He would text me to talk about why god isnt real or some stupid crap. The last time we talked was three weeks ago today, when he got upset that his friend and I liked eachothers instagram photos back and forth. He got jealous, but he never initiated anything.

 

This was our last conversation :

Me: "If I was the one who ended things and liked all your friends photos on instagram, thats understandable why you would be upset. You really have nothing to worry about."

Him: Thats just rude. I ended it for reasons other than not liking you anymore.

Me: I get why it bothers you though.

Him: exactly.

Me: Was not liking me anymore a reason? I dont know if I just read that wrong.

Him: No i just said that. I got to go, im driving.

Me: okay i read it wrong.

 

He texted me about a week after this conversation. It was an image of a facebook status. This girl wrote a status about why sge thinks god isnt real because her little sister died.

 

I ignored the text and never answered. It feels so good that I ignored him, but it bothers me that he hasn't tried to talk to me again. I ignored him because everytime we talked, I always wondered what his intentions were. I ignored him because I want to move on. I never had the balls to be straight up and ask him what his intentions were in fear of being turned down. I know I may sound so stupid, and please cut down the harshness. Why am I tempted to text him? This is the longest we've gone without talking, and this rejection is killing me.

 

P.s: if you're asking me why I dont text him, its because I dont want to ruin all my progress. I want to show myself and him that I'm moving on.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Sweetescape910