Does my ex care, or is he just playing with me? Should I keep NC? (Updated)

[Zahara]

Why am I tempted to text him?

 

This is the longest we've gone without talking, and this rejection is killing me.

 

You answered your own question.

 

I would keep ignoring him.

[Sweetescape910]

I feel pathetic. So beyond pathetic. This guy and I were hooking up and we eventually ended up liking eachother. He wanted to be my boyfriend, but then he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship then ended it with me. He wanted to do what any 21 year old guy does: have sex and have fun. and I didn't give him sex, so he decided that he wanted to explore other people. He DID like me though, but he realized he didn't want a commitment. I guess sex was more important to him. Keep in mind, we were only dating for 3 months. He broke it off 3 months ago, and still, I feel like complete crap. I feel rejected and depressed. I constantly think about him, and i KNOW i DON'T like him. I was just tricking myself into thinking I actually like him when I don't. I unfollowed him off instagram 2 nights ago, and he got really mad that I did that. He texted me and we were talking. I asked him if he was ready for a relationship would he pursure me? he said yes. but im not ready for anything serious right now. obviously asking him that question gave him the idea that i would wait for him, but truly, i asked him that question to BOOST my ego. All i've been doing is sleeping. I really can't pay attention to any school work, or anything. Ive been trying so hard to get a grip on reality and move forward, and I have, but after he texted me (after no contact for a month) i guess it set me back.

 

How can I move past this and become a better person? How can I stop thinking about it?

 

Please be kind and nice, I really can't take harsh criticism.

[CarrieT]

How can I move past this and become a better person? How can I stop thinking about it?

 

Please be kind and nice, I really can't take harsh criticism.

 

Easy. Stop having sex as a pathway to a relationship. It rarely, rarely works...

 

Get to know a guy first and establish the relationship before hooking up. That is what sabotaged you and made you appear less desirable as relationship-material.

[Jimmyjackson]

Easy. Stop having sex as a pathway to a relationship. It rarely, rarely works...

 

Get to know a guy first and establish the relationship before hooking up. That is what sabotaged you and made you appear less desirable as relationship-material.

 

She said she didn't give him sex...

 

Some guys aren't relationship material, some like to shag around - I have friends like this. I on the other hand enjoy dating and getting to know someone...we're out there...just be patient and forget this dude

[KBarletta]

Facing rejection sucks, moreso when it comes from the person closest to you. It's a major blow to the ego, and you don't recover from that overnight, or even in three months. But you have to get up, start taking care of yourself, establish no contact with him and move on with your life. I know it's hard. I am going through it myself as we speak. But each day it gets a little easier. Don't be too hard on yourself or demand or expect too much from yourself. Maybe just a walk one day, then a workout the next, etc. But sleeping all the time is not going to bring him back, make you feel better or help you move on.

[CarrieT]

She said she didn't give him sex...

Her third line said, "This guy and I were hooking up" which I took to mean they were having sex.

 

Then later - you are right - she said she didn't give him sex so now I am really confused.

[Jimmyjackson]

Her third line said, "This guy and I were hooking up" which I took to mean they were having sex.

 

Then later - you are right - she said she didn't give him sex so now I am really confused.

 

Haha yeah I get you, I think hooking up can mean dating can't it?

[Sweetescape910]

Haha yeah I get you, I think hooking up can mean dating can't it?

 

Sorry guys, let me clarify. My definition of hooking up is making out. We never had sex. I wanted to wait until I was ready. Boy am I glad I didn't have sex with him.

[Sweetescape910]

Facing rejection sucks, moreso when it comes from the person closest to you. It's a major blow to the ego, and you don't recover from that overnight, or even in three months. But you have to get up, start taking care of yourself, establish no contact with him and move on with your life. I know it's hard. I am going through it myself as we speak. But each day it gets a little easier. Don't be too hard on yourself or demand or expect too much from yourself. Maybe just a walk one day, then a workout the next, etc. But sleeping all the time is not going to bring him back, make you feel better or help you move on.

 

It just sucks because I feel like I wasn't worthy you know? Like sex and playing around is more important to guys these days than to actually get to know a great amazing girl.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I feel pathetic. So beyond pathetic. This guy and I were hooking up and we eventually ended up liking eachother. He wanted to be my boyfriend, but then he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship then ended it with me. He wanted to do what any 21 year old guy does: have sex and have fun. and I didn't give him sex, so he decided that he wanted to explore other people. He DID like me though, but he realized he didn't want a commitment. I guess sex was more important to him. Keep in mind, we were only dating for 3 months. He broke it off 3 months ago, and still, I feel like complete crap. I feel rejected and depressed. I constantly think about him, and i KNOW i DON'T like him. I was just tricking myself into thinking I actually like him when I don't. I unfollowed him off instagram 2 nights ago, and he got really mad that I did that. He texted me and we were talking. I asked him if he was ready for a relationship would he pursure me? he said yes. but im not ready for anything serious right now. obviously asking him that question gave him the idea that i would wait for him, but truly, i asked him that question to BOOST my ego. All i've been doing is sleeping. I really can't pay attention to any school work, or anything. Ive been trying so hard to get a grip on reality and move forward, and I have, but after he texted me (after no contact for a month) i guess it set me back.

 

How can I move past this and become a better person? How can I stop thinking about it?

 

Please be kind and nice, I really can't take harsh criticism.

 

 

 

Why don't you consider that it really didn't have too much to do with HIM-him, and that what felt best there, was your sensing/feeling yourself investing instinctively with your emotions in/toward somebody else.

 

You stayed true to your standards, and somebody basically judged your standards, wasn't drawn to them, and walked away. You are better off without him.

 

At the same time, you have to give yourself lots of credit, and lots of approval, for having felt the instinctive gears moving within you, as you (prepped yourself for potentially making A romantic relationship your top priority) (just as you will be doing ten years from now with Loveshack far, far behind you).

 

SO, in brief, completely separate (him) from that which is/was (your investment IN him)... and then be proud of the latter.

[stillafool]

Look, your ego was bruised because he moved on with his life when you didn't want a relationship that involved sex. He is young and sex is probably near the top of his list of things to do. Since you really didn't want him anyway just get over it. Start going out with other guys that you may want to ge with.

[Jimmyjackson]

You dated for 3 months and didn't have sex, that is rare now if I'm being honest. It's nice to know not all girls jump into it immediately (a lot do). You seem like a catch, keep your head up...

[Sweetescape910]

You dated for 3 months and didn't have sex, that is rare now if I'm being honest. It's nice to know not all girls jump into it immediately (a lot do). You seem like a catch, keep your head up...

 

Its sad that girls do. A guy will either classify you as a good time only or relationship material. I know that I'm much more than a one night stand, and I have a lot to offer to a guy rather than my sexuality. If a guy is worth it, THEN he'll get to have the prize. Thank you for saying I seem like a catch. I will keep my head up.

[Jimmyjackson]

Its sad that girls do. A guy will either classify you as a good time only or relationship material. I know that I'm much more than a one night stand, and I have a lot to offer to a guy rather than my sexuality. If a guy is worth it, THEN he'll get to have the prize. Thank you for saying I seem like a catch. I will keep my head up.

 

Yeah exactly and relationship girls are the best, any guy will tell you that they prefer a challenge. My ex never had a one night stand either and it was one of the reasons i was attracted to her, she made me put the effort in which I liked. You seem to have a good moral compass, plenty to offer...you should feel positive about this

[todreaminblue]

he wasnt the guy for you ...you didtn mesh on beliefs or goals that isnt your fault you stay strong to what you believe he honestly did you a favor by leaving you dont see it now but when you meet the right guy you will feel good that eh left you so you coudl meet the person you are supposed to be with

[todreaminblue]

It just sucks because I feel like I wasn't worthy you know? Like sex and playing around is more important to guys these days than to actually get to know a great amazing girl.

 

Hey,

 

 

you can tmaek guys see who you are....that's on them not on you......the more players you avoid to date....the more chance you will have the time and energy to meet the right guy for you....i get down sweetescape when guys try to put heat on for sex....it certainly doesnt make them more attractive to me...and makes em feel a little worthless other than a body part to be used....like a real life blow up doll without feelings sort of outllook.....no guy is worth my time who makes me feel like that...and honestly i say this....they arent worth yours either...we are all gods daughters.........past or no past......we deserve to be loved first..no guy has a right to use any woman.......not when that is not what a woman is looking for.......deb

[Sweetescape910]

Hey,

 

 

you can tmaek guys see who you are....that's on them not on you......the more players you avoid to date....the more chance you will have the time and energy to meet the right guy for you....i get down sweetescape when guys try to put heat on for sex....it certainly doesnt make them more attractive to me...and makes em feel a little worthless other than a body part to be used....like a real life blow up doll without feelings sort of outllook.....no guy is worth my time who makes me feel like that...and honestly i say this....they arent worth yours either...we are all gods daughters.........past or no past......we deserve to be loved first..no guy has a right to use any woman.......not when that is not what a woman is looking for.......deb

Thank you for your kind words. I agree with both your posts. A guy won't see you foe who you are unless they want to. It's just funny that he admitted he likes me still, and listed the reasons he liked me , but said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I guess it's confusing for me because I am a girl, and girls love affection. Guys love sex and having fun. He admitted he just wants to have fun and have sex. Still makes me feel like crap though. I asked him if he was ready for a relationship, would he come to me? He said yes. I will not ever take him back because the right guy for me would never treat me this way. I guess I learned a valuable lesson.

[Sweetescape910]

I feel pathetic. So beyond pathetic. This guy and I were dating and we eventually ended up liking eachother. He wanted to be my boyfriend, but then he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship then ended it with me. When he did, he used the fact that he was depressed as an excuse. Fast forward 3 months later, I deleted him off instagram, he texted me and freaked out.

 

We were speaking and he admitted he's had sex and is seeing girls but nothing serious. He wanted to do what any 21 year old guy does: have sex and have fun. and I didn't give him sex, so he decided that he wanted to explore other people. He DID like me though, but he realized he didn't want a commitment. I guess sex was more important to him. When we were talking, he admitted he still liked me. Keep in mind, we were only dating for 3 months. He broke it off 3 months ago, and still, I feel like complete crap. I feel rejected and depressed. I constantly think about him, and i KNOW i DON'T like him.

 

I was just tricking myself into thinking I actually like him when there's no characteristics about him that I like. I asked him if he was ready for a relationship would he pursure me? he said yes. but im not ready for anything serious right now. obviously asking him that question gave him the idea that i would wait for him, but truly, i asked him that question to BOOST my ego.

 

I really can't pay attention to any school work, or anything. Ive been trying so hard to get a grip on reality and move forward, and I have, but after he texted me (after no contact for a month) i guess it set me back.

 

How can I move past this and become a better person? How can I stop thinking about it? I constantly feel rejected and not good enough. How can you leave someone you like just to have sex with girls? I'm a great amazing down to earth girl.

Please be kind and nice, I really can't take harsh criticism.

Edited December 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Sweetescape910]

How did you accept it? How did you stop giving up hope? How did you feel worthy when you were dumped? Other than finding someone else. I'm going through one, but I don't want to rely on another person to make me feel happy. How did you move forward when you felt like you weren't good enough to that person and you didn't meet there needs? Other than time...

 

 

If anyone is kind enough to read my last thread, and maybe the thread before to see details, then I would really appreciate it. Going through a hard time and becoming obsessed with this b/u post 3 months. Guy dumped me because I wouldn't give him sex and he wanted to have fun, no commitments. He admitted he still likes me but he wants to be young and free. I feel like crap.

[dumbass2]

You really have to take them for their word. You both want two different things. He wants to be free to do whatever he wants. Take him for his word. You want something else from him. He is not willing to give that to you. It is not you, it is him. You need to accept that and keep telling yourself that. It's nothing you did. there is nothing you could have or could do now. He is who is right now and he does not want a committed relationship. My ex and I were the same way. We wanted two different things. It just was not meant to be. You cannot force things to happen your way. Take some time and then go find someone who wants to be with you and is looking for the same thing in a relationship and then see how things go from there.

[Sweetescape910]

You really have to take them for their word. You both want two different things. He wants to be free to do whatever he wants. Take him for his word. You want something else from him. He is not willing to give that to you. It is not you, it is him. You need to accept that and keep telling yourself that. It's nothing you did. there is nothing you could have or could do now. He is who is right now and he does not want a committed relationship. My ex and I were the same way. We wanted two different things. It just was not meant to be. You cannot force things to happen your way. Take some time and then go find someone who wants to be with you and is looking for the same thing in a relationship and then see how things go from there.

 

I understand that and respect his feelings. Just makes me feel like I wasn't good enough.

[Danda]

You need to stop obsessing about it. The obsessing keeps churning up bad feels. It's kind of like constantly picking a scab open and wondering why it's not healing faster. Try to distract yourself with activities, projects and platonic company that you enjoy. Time really is going to do the most work for you, but time really drags when you are just moping around and obsessing. The saying that time flies when you're having fun has considerable merit. But you're probably not going to get in the mood to have fun if you are sitting there, moping and obsessing. You have to start the activities first and then ease into being distracted and entertained.

[StalwartMind]

It probably would have been ideal if he had no way to contact you, but that can be hard to control depending how much information he has on you. Not every guy at that age just wants sex, plenty are looking for much more, you just met someone who couldn't wait.

 

I'm sure you are a nice girl who at times like so many other people, have a hard time processing other people's actions. Nothing remotely wrong with that but do understand that this was just one guy, and while there are plenty with identical behavior, not everyone is like that. Many know and even more will learn with time, that there are many ways to a woman's heart.

 

If only most men, especially young ones, realized that that there so many ways to approach a woman and make her appreciate you even more, then they would also understand how this can benefit them in intimate ways eventually. Not everyone has that patience though, because things need to happen here and now or their hormones will go bonkers. So whenever a sexy boat sails by their waters and it welcomes passengers, most choose to board it.

 

You've already said that there were no characteristics you liked about him, this should be a motivational factor to stop thinking about him, as there is bound to be someone else out there whom will attract you on every possible level. You may feel rejected, pathetic and other negative emotions, but the truth is, there is no reason to be so "harsh" on yourself. Don't get me wrong I understand that many people have a really strong doubt about themselves, even people that are much older than you, but often it boils down to expectations of others, society and even you.

 

It can be hard to get things down when you are feeling down, hurt, etc. but try get your work done, even if it has to be done in many small pieces. We are all capable of getting things done, and in difficult times it's more than alright to take it slow or just really push oneself through it fast.

 

In some weeks, months, years you may look back to how you felt this very moment, and think, that wasn't very brave of me, but even then you need to remind yourself. As long as we are on this planet, we learn and gain experience. No one has the answers to everything and there isn't any right or wrong way to gain all the knowledge we seek. Sure it would be ideal if we could just have everything be perfect, and never feel hurt, but if we weren't aware of negative emotions, then we wouldn't be able to understand other people whom deal with them too. So in a way to turn something bad to be good, you too will learn from this, move on and be a better person than you were before. None of us ever stop improving or learning.

[irresolute]

You know what you have to do. You've commented about that in my thread.

No contact.

[irresolute]

It's a long process and it requires an enormous will power. The answer is within yourself. What can I say. Nothing people say here will help if you're not fully committed to move on.