zoloft body snatched my girlfriend

[mr.blond]

ya, its the ssri's doin this to everyone. She turned into a compleat stranger i. a month. Im so $&@!ing angry about this. Feels like its being swept under the rug. Id like to be on zolft to numb out for while.

 

I just wonder what happens when/if they come off of them.

[BC1980]

OMG. there are hundreds of posts on this site alone. Every one is the same- spouce started ssri or ssnri and relationship crumbled immediately. Never let your other take zolof of any other ssri unless your prepaired to lose them.

 

Whether or not the Zoloft triggered the breakup, you have to realize that it is her choice to take it. She has a right to take the medication if she feels it is necessary. It's not up to you to decide if she needs the meds. No one here can say she does or doesn't, but, at a certain point, you have to let go and allow her to make her own decisions.

 

Psychiatric meds are hotly debated, as I'm sure you are now aware, but it's important to keep in mind that the patient has the right to take the meds or not. It's not up to us to determine the efficacy of the meds. I took an SSRI for many years, and it was a great help to me. As it stands, I choose not to take any meds, but it will always be my right/decision.

[mr.blond]

Whether or not the Zoloft triggered the breakup, you have to realize that it is her choice to take it. She has a right to take the medication if she feels it is necessary. It's not up to you to decide if she needs the meds. No one here can say she does or doesn't, but, at a certain point, you have to let go and allow her to make her own decisions.

 

Psychiatric meds are hotly debated, as I'm sure you are now aware, but it's important to keep in mind that the patient has the right to take the meds or not. It's not up to us to determine the efficacy of the meds. I took an SSRI for many years, and it was a great help to me. As it stands, I choose not to take any meds, but it will always be my right/decision.

 

when you stopped did you experience an awaking? any regrets of things you did while on them?

[BC1980]

I just wonder what happens when/if they come off of them.

 

SSRIs don't numb you out. At least, that was never my experience. SSRIs don't change you at your core or render you devoid of emotion. They usually make you physically lethargic, which could be misconstrued as mentally lethargic or a flat affect. Mostly, SSRIs can help you cope with things by making you less anxious or depressed. I was able to focus much better, and I was able to make better decisions. All of the above needs to be seen in the context of situations as well.

 

What happens when they are stopped is very relative to the person. It depends on what situations you are going through in your life as well. I choose to wean off of Paxil when I was at a very good point in my life. It was fine, and I felt generally the same but with a little more anxiety and less concentration. I had learned coping skills by that time, so I have been able to handle being off the meds so far.

[mr.blond]

SSRIs don't numb you out. At least, that was never my experience. SSRIs don't change you at your core or render you devoid of emotion. They usually make you physically lethargic, which could be misconstrued as mentally lethargic or a flat affect. Mostly, SSRIs can help you cope with things by making you less anxious or depressed. I was able to focus much better, and I was able to make better decisions. All of the above needs to be seen in the context of situations as well.

 

What happens when they are stopped is very relative to the person. It depends on what situations you are going through in your life as well. I choose to wean off of Paxil when I was at a very good point in my life. It was fine, and I felt generally the same but with a little more anxiety and less concentration. I had learned coping skills by that time, so I have been able to handle being off the meds so far.

 

what was the reason you decided to discontinue your meds? For some it appears to be a wonder drug, to those i ask why would you ever stop?

[BC1980]

when you stopped did you experience an awaking? any regrets of things you did while on them?

 

No, I never regretted taking an SSRI, and I never experienced an awakening, as you term it. My emotions were the exact same as when I was on Paxil, but I had much more energy physically. I had a little anxiety and less concentration. I still get easily distracted and find it difficult to concentrate when reading a book, for example. However, those things can be managed without meds.

 

I guess I'm trying to give you the picture from the inside. You are on the outside looking in, so you don't know how she feels. A lot of people make judgements about meds when they haven't even taken the meds. They think, all of a sudden, the person took the meds and changed completely. She obviously had some issues you weren't aware of or at least not to their full extent. Regardless, all you can do is take her at her word. You could find someone else with an entirely different experience than me, so it's best to stop worrying about the Zoloft.

 

She has told you that she has had troubles for the past year, and she has made her decision clear.

[BC1980]

what was the reason you decided to discontinue your meds? For some it appears to be a wonder drug, to those i ask why would you ever stop?

 

I was tired of being lethargic, and I wanted to see if I could stop. I wanted to see if I would be okay without them. It had been 10 years at that point. There was once a time I said I would never stop because it helped me so greatly. It's also expensive to see a psychiatrist. I was paying 275.00 for one session (30 minutes), and my insurance didn't cover it. Most insurances don't. So that was a factor as well.

[mr.blond]

why do I feel like she would weep with sadness and remorse if she wasnno. the meds? or if she discontinued them? its really ****ed up this hope that its not her in control? even if that was the case i wouldn't be able to forgive what happened. So why do I care and Kling to that idea? how do you let it go?

[mr.blond]

im seeing a couples new people and and shes really into me but i cant stop thinking about me ex being possessed by that ****. Is this some defence mechanism or something? if so why does this same thing happen to so many people in this situation?

[IfiKnewThen]

ps. i wonder if my guy went on antidepressants too. he turned on a dime.

 

he works steady now. he doesnt go on the computer. he use to game 24/7. he doesnt sound litargic. he used to smoke pot like cazy. he doesnt sound remotely down in the dumbs. but can still get a little easily agitated

 

he always suffered from depression and never took a thing. i wonder when i told him all that stuff i wish i NEVER said, if he didnt go on antidepressants finally.

 

sighs. i hope not. and i hate to say this....

 

but i had a male family member who went on them and he took his life. obviously he wasnt happy on meds. it had an adverse effect on him.

 

so if they are happier that a good thing. but i know what you mean it still seems or feels like a block. some false perception of happiness to cope. like a coping mechanism. but i really do feel for u mrblond. i pray we all get some answers and maybe better communication for closure. something ..that triggers coping within us....and helps us move on to true happiness again soon.

Edited November 9, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[BC1980]

im seeing a couples new people and and shes really into me but i cant stop thinking about me ex being possessed by that ****. Is this some defence mechanism or something? if so why does this same thing happen to so many people in this situation?

 

Forget about the Zoloft. She cheated on you. No one here can tell you how the Zoloft has affected her, good or bad. You've simply got to let that go.

[mr.blond]

how do i purge the hope that there will be some kind of reconciliation? That Id be able to blame all this on the meds, that she will turn back into the person she was.

[BC1980]

how do i purge the hope that there will be some kind of reconciliation? That Id be able to blame all this on the meds, that she will turn back into the person she was.

 

Do you still talk to her? If so, you absolutely must stop. No contact whatsoever. Hope dies day by day. You can't just decide to let it go one day. Little by little with no contact is the best start.

[mr.blond]

BC1980. how long did it take you to start dating without thinking about ur ex and how bad you got burned? Are you male/female??

[BC1980]

BC1980. how long did it take you to start dating without thinking about ur ex and how bad you got burned? Are you male/female??

 

I'm female. I didn't go on a date for 8 months after my breakup, and, yes, I thought about my ex. I think that's going to be inevitable on a first date post breakup. It wasn't like I was about to cry, but it was more a sense of, wow, I can't believe I am actually on a date with someone other than my ex. Just a very weird feeling. I was excited to meet someone new though.

 

Immediately after my breakup, I started talking to someone, but, when he asked me on a date, I freaked out. I ghosted on him basically with no explanation. I know that's sh*t behavior, and I did write him an apology a few months late. But the point is that I hadn't been through the grief process, and I was still talking to my ex at that time, wishing he would change his mind. I wouldn't recommend trying to date someone to forget about your ex, which is what I was doing. I think you need close to a year to grieve properly and detach yourself emotionally.

 

I think it's a normal reaction to want to find someone else immediately because you are suddenly alone, and it's very foreign. You immediate thought is to find a replacement, so you can feel that love again. It doesn't work that way though. People are not interchangeable. If you tried to date now, it would most likely trigger more problems for you.

[mr.blond]

I'm female. I didn't go on a date for 8 months after my breakup, and, yes, I thought about my ex. I think that's going to be inevitable on a first date post breakup. It wasn't like I was about to cry, but it was more a sense of, wow, I can't believe I am actually on a date with someone other than my ex. Just a very weird feeling. I was excited to meet someone new though.

 

Immediately after my breakup, I started talking to someone, but, when he asked me on a date, I freaked out. I ghosted on him basically with no explanation. I know that's sh*t behavior, and I did write him an apology a few months late. But the point is that I hadn't been through the grief process, and I was still talking to my ex at that time, wishing he would change his mind. I wouldn't recommend trying to date someone to forget about your ex, which is what I was doing. I think you need close to a year to grieve properly and detach yourself emotionally.

 

I think it's a normal reaction to want to find someone else immediately because you are suddenly alone, and it's very foreign. You immediate thought is to find a replacement, so you can feel that love again. It doesn't work that way though. People are not interchangeable. If you tried to date now, it would most likely trigger more problems for you.

 

ya that kinda how its feeling. and i dont want to use someone to get over someone. but my god I cant distort my reality to forget about the ssris. and all the others that were in the same situation. Even knowing im taking a subjective point of view doesnt change it.

[BC1980]

ya that kinda how its feeling. and i dont want to use someone to get over someone. but my god I cant distort my reality to forget about the ssris. and all the others that were in the same situation. Even knowing im taking a subjective point of view doesnt change it.

 

I think the most healthy approach to take is to accept that you don't know and will never know how the Zoloft affected her decision. It's simply impossible to ever know if things would have been different. You have to accept that she has made her choices, Zoloft or not, and you can't change what has been done. Honestly, that's the only way you can move on.

 

I went through the same thing after my breakup, and I realized that most everyone does. You wonder WHAT IF. What if I hadn't done this? What if that time was the one time that I said something that changed everything? I wondered what if we hadn't moved in together? What if I had reacted differently the first time he betrayed my trust? What if I had walked away then instead of going on and accepting it? Would he have respected me more? What if I hadn't shared with him that I had struggled with an eating disorder for many years? That was a big one for me. For a long time, I judged myself very harshly for sharing with my ex that I had struggled with an eating disorder and depression at one point. I truly feel that he broke up with me for those reasons, but, honestly, I don't know for sure. Maybe he would have left me anyway.

 

The only thing I can do is accept that he made his choices, whatever his reasons, and I will likely never know exactly WHY he chose what he chose. Chasing that thought is a road to nowhere. I used to feel it was all my fault and blamed myself for sharing my past struggles with him. So I get where you are coming from, and, though the specifics are different, the general emotions are the same. The idea of dealing with not understanding WHY someone walked away. How the person changed from one month, or one week, to the next. Thinking back on what I could have done differently.

 

It's very difficult, but you must make even tiny steps to move forward. You didn't answer my question about keeping communication with her, so I will assume the answer is YES. I made that mistake too, and the only one staying stuck is you in that scenario. You've got to cut her out of your life. I know it seems crazy and impossible right now, but it's a huge component of healing and letting go.

[BC1980]

but my god I cant distort my reality to forget about the ssris. and all the others that were in the same situation. Even knowing im taking a subjective point of view doesnt change it.

 

You don't have to forget about the Zoloft. I'm not advocating that, but I'm suggesting that you come to terms with the fact that you will never know or understand what affect, if any, Zoloft had. For all we know, the Zoloft made her realize being with you was a mistake, and she is grateful for that. I'm not saying that's the case because I have no idea. But if you want to go down the road of assuming the Zoloft was the catalyst for the breakup, you have to give equal weight to the fact that it was a good thing for her. The bottom line is that it's her mind, and we can't get inside of it.

 

I'm worried that as time goes on, you will use the Zoloft as a distraction from moving on. Doing so is something I see a lot on this forum and something I dealt with after my breakup. People become so obsessed with analyzing their exes that they don't move on. They never put the focus back on themselves. I went through a period of months where I was obsessed with proving my ex had all kinds of emotional issues (and he does but I knew that to begin with), and he was a narcissist and emotionally unavailable. All of that may be true, but none of it helped me move on. It simply served as a distraction, so I wouldn't have to cope with my own grief.

[Zapbasket]

You don't have to forget about the Zoloft. I'm not advocating that, but I'm suggesting that you come to terms with the fact that you will never know or understand what affect, if any, Zoloft had. For all we know, the Zoloft made her realize being with you was a mistake, and she is grateful for that. I'm not saying that's the case because I have no idea. But if you want to go down the road of assuming the Zoloft was the catalyst for the breakup, you have to give equal weight to the fact that it was a good thing for her. The bottom line is that it's her mind, and we can't get inside of it.

 

I'm worried that as time goes on, you will use the Zoloft as a distraction from moving on. Doing so is something I see a lot on this forum and something I dealt with after my breakup. People become so obsessed with analyzing their exes that they don't move on. They never put the focus back on themselves. I went through a period of months where I was obsessed with proving my ex had all kinds of emotional issues (and he does but I knew that to begin with), and he was a narcissist and emotionally unavailable. All of that may be true, but none of it helped me move on. It simply served as a distraction, so I wouldn't have to cope with my own grief.

 

BC1980 is giving you great advice. The only thing I'd add, though, is that I do think the analyzing the ex is a necessary phase to pass through, especially when you are blaming yourself. Understanding that you might have been dealing with an impossible situation to begin with (emotional unavailability, cheating, narcissism, depression, etc. on the part of your ex) is one step along the path to clarity about the relationship, its demise, and your role. It helps to determine whether perhaps there is something wrong with your "partner-picker"--that maybe you are picking unhealthy partners, and if so, you have to look at that.

 

But I do wholly agree that you can't blame the Zoloft. It's possible that the decision to go on meds, and the possibilities she perceived she suddenly had as a result, may have induced her to end your relationship...but that is very much HER and not the meds.

 

I know this hurts; I can imagine the pain you are in right now. Just know that gradually it does improve, though you probably can't see that at the time. A year ago, I was in the same place you were. I could not imagine ever feeling better. And while I can't say I'm fully "healed," I do see palpable improvement. Coping with a loss like this is very, very painful, and the pain lingers, often insidiously, for a long time. I still cry at times--in fact, just this past Friday evening, I bawled my eyes out on my way home from work. It just proves you have a heart, whicih bodes very well for a successful relationship in the future, and a successful, happy life. You just have to take care to choose people who will take care of your heart. It's probably the most important life lesson I've taken from my break-up.

[IfiKnewThen]

It just proves you have a heart, whicih bodes very well for a successful relationship in the future, and a successful, happy life. You just have to take care to choose people who will take care of your heart. It's probably the most important life lesson I've taken from my break-up.

 

wow this makes sense.

and i pray i get out of this grief. im sick everyday from it.

[writergal]

OP thought you may want to read this Salon article about the author's Klonopin fog.

 

My Klonopin fog - Salon.com

[mr.blond]

OP thought you may want to read this Salon article about the author's Klonopin fog.

 

My Klonopin fog - Salon.com

 

thanks for the link. I read and shes on ssri's, there actually way more invasive and mind altering than benzo's.

[writergal]

He's one about a woman who titrated off of Zoloft to save her marriage. There are 6 parts to her blog.

 

The Anxiety Diaries: Coming Off Zoloft Was Hell But Totally Worth It ? Part 6 | Thought Catalog

[mr.blond]

SSRIs And Your Love Life | Happen Magazine

 

if anyone has time to take a look at this link and comment, it would be greatly appreciated. Its both interesting and extremely disturbing to me.

[BC1980]

SSRIs And Your Love Life | Happen Magazine

 

if anyone has time to take a look at this link and comment, it would be greatly appreciated. Its both interesting and extremely disturbing to me.

 

You do realize this article is about one person's theory, for which no objective, scientific data was ever introduced. You realize this is published in a magazine and not a scientific journal. Look, I'm not saying the theory is wrong, but you can't take a magazine article as fact.

 

I'm much more concerned with how you are coping with all of this. Suppose the reason your ex broke up with you is the Zoloft. What do you propose to do about it?