IfiKnewThen Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 i know this sounds pathetic..but i am in great pain and have no answers... i need for someone to call me and tell me where i stand in a relationship that ended and i asked if i could repair it. i got no answers. just silence for all this time. even if thats a hint or clue. i have given him more and always talked to him when he was in pain or needed some answers. im getting zero....zip. i need to know where i stand. or i would at leastttttt like to say the loving things i need to say and say goodbye proper and have closure. i have emailed and text and left messages but he left me completely up in the air about us. i need some closure but but the silence is deafening. i dont want to go into deep explanation as i am very drained. not eating like i used to cant sleep...etc. becoming absolutely weak. can barely walk . i dont need a pill, i've talked to ppl. i need God almighty himself to please answer this prayer for me that the person call me...and let us talk. bring some understanding and peace of mind. so i can have some real insight and stop playing guessing games and and get closure, as to who i am anymore in their life. or how to proceed. and lastly to even just say how much they were loved. im so physically sick over us not talking. need prayers i get a response that i can live with. and i dont mean he has to say i love u im back. no that kind of response. i need to say how i love them and to know if its too late is all. thank u 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 IfiKnewThen, I do wish that you will get peace around this. Did you consider that it's possible that you set a too-small box for God's 'answer' to come to you...that is, just what if the greater good of the Greater Good will NOT be served by you hearing from your ex? I realize that you feel that way, but just what if there is an entirely different Plan that will serve you even better, if only in the long run? In the meantime, sending Angels of Comfort and of Healing. Hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) thank u for responding. i need a bridge. whatever the greater good. i am hating myself for how i made this happen and i dont know how to heal from this ...no matter what i tell myself. i need God to build a bridge of communication right now. i am in acute distress. i need some compassion from him...anything. _______________ as i typed this i just got a call. i am not getting feedback from him on his end ...but i dont feel as hated anymore, at least not in those 5 mins that he gave me. but since i didnt not expect the call..i was stuttering and talking in circles. i was so ill prepared. i got to profess some love on any/some level. he said he'd call back. hes at work. now i pray i get some feedback, as i am still up in the air. but i got to hear his voice and say tell him hes loved. but i dint think im making myself clear. i was shakey and caught so off guard. i wrote things down and couldnt find my papers. but glory to be God ....glory be to mercy.........that there was a miracle, a small line that opened. i pray for truth now. to know how to move forward....somehow.....some feedback. i was too scared to ask him any questions about his life. or about me, as far as where i stand in it. i do need to know. but glad i professed some of my love in voice. Edited November 5, 2014 by IfiKnewThen Link to post Share on other sites
mr.blond Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 I too feel emotionally crippled from what has happened to me. I dont want to be hung up on this the rest of my life but I feel like my mind will always return to her. Iv never been this weak in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 i know what you mean mr.blond grief is so unsettling. no one wants to feel like this forever. we have to find a way to make peace with it. but it helps to have them help. i hope and pray speed with your healing. and may there be communication and understanding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 i know this sounds pathetic..but i am in great pain and have no answers... i need for someone to call me and tell me where i stand in a relationship that ended and i asked if i could repair it. i got no answers. just silence for all this time. even if thats a hint or clue. i have given him more and always talked to him when he was in pain or needed some answers. im getting zero....zip. i need to know where i stand. or i would at leastttttt like to say the loving things i need to say and say goodbye proper and have closure. i have emailed and text and left messages but he left me completely up in the air about us. i need some closure but but the silence is deafening. i dont want to go into deep explanation as i am very drained. not eating like i used to cant sleep...etc. becoming absolutely weak. can barely walk . i dont need a pill, i've talked to ppl. i need God almighty himself to please answer this prayer for me that the person call me...and let us talk. bring some understanding and peace of mind. so i can have some real insight and stop playing guessing games and and get closure, as to who i am anymore in their life. or how to proceed. and lastly to even just say how much they were loved. im so physically sick over us not talking. need prayers i get a response that i can live with. and i dont mean he has to say i love u im back. no that kind of response. i need to say how i love them and to know if its too late is all. thank u You got it...praying now. Could we discuss what type of closure you need? The reason I ask this is because I think what you might be going through is 'withdrawal'. I know that sounds strange, but I've been there too. Sometimes the answers are just not there concerning relationships. Could the closure you need simply be time? We hurt, we need that person and they don't respond- we want things back the way they were...but I would at this point have to ask, 'were things all that good?' I feel for you so much and am reminded of the hurt in my life...excruciating pain that seems to last possibly for eternity. If I may interject a thought...by this person being out of your life, well it could be the answered prayer. I know the last statement sucks, although people said similar things to me (and I hated it) and they were right. Can you talk about some of the things that went on in the relationship? God will heal you, I promise...after some time has passed, it only lingers if we let it... thinking of you.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 yeah it wasnt the best relationship or circumstances. i finally heard from him today and it was such a relief to me. and youre right im going thru withdrawals. im alone alot. he WAS too. it seems hes not so alone anymore...because hes been so distant and even after we spoke (really i just spoke , he offered nothing and i didnt ask), he said he would call back and didnt. that was pretty telling of his character now. he feels changed...different. ...cold as ice. and i have felt this before when someone was no longer was in love with me and actually wanted someone else and i didnt know it. but can you believe i professed my love and gave in in spite of it...the coldness ...because i was so happy to hear from him. i almost have not been able to breath. i barely could get out of bed. and the crumbs he provided in the phone call...(where im doing all the giving) still felt better than nothing the pain was so bad. so yes..im going thru withdrawals.\ some of the things that went on... on the good note: he was there everyday (on the phone) i enjoyed helping him giving him emotional support he used to love me was devoted was a constant presence he didnt mind out differences and even liked that about me we were both kinda shut ins or home bodies. (gee this sounds pathetic) we kept each other company. he in the end tried to read the new testament and believed in jesus. he seemed like he had hope had romantic was..was smart. on the bad note: he was temperamental, suffered from depression and was selfish, & he was a perpetual procrastinator. i couldnt talk to him about hardly anything. especially anything emotionally demanding.he had a tough love militant way about him. and always had to be under the influence to deal with his depression and outbursts. he is an attention seeker. so i ended it when i was under great stress. but i did it prematurely i wasnt ready nor thought it through and i hated hurting him and he finally came around. then when i felt his absence it struck me to the core and i tried to resume what we had and get him back. he cut me off 100% i struggled because i didnt tell him i loved him still and i needed to. i didnt tell him what was troubling me because he was unapproachable. and i didnt want him to sink into worst depression. now hes doing far better than me. when i was typing here and asking for prayers the phone rang. it was him finally after not hearing a peep. and i was so caught off guard i was shaking and nearly stuttering. but when i could get the words out i told him i loved him and how much happier i was with him in my life etc. i practically gushed. but said it lovingly. he said he didnt know ..how i felt based on what i last told him. but he didnt say he loved me or even liked me. he was calm ...but cold and nonchalant and indifferent. i did all the giving. gave all the love over. he received it and hung up. im still numb but for now i am glad i told the truth about my feelings. but i see him as a changed cold, unlovely person to have not called back when he clearly said he would. thought it would be tonight. but im grateful for the relief. it helped me to have an appetite again and watch tv. i couldnt even do that lately. so prayers answered. mercy given and now...i dont know what now. btw thank you sooo much for your gentle, compassionate spirit. i feel it thru post here. i thank u for the prayers. a spirit crushed is very painful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Oh dear IIKT...based on what you are saying, IMO you were forced to end it with him out of pure frustration. I would speculate to say that his indifference is pride. Man, we all mess up in romantic relationships, maybe because at times we don't know what to do or how to act ... again my opinion from some I've dealt with that are filled with pride, usually have been hurt at some point in their lives and find that pride is a great defense mechanism. They close themselves off and can't be real- it's sad really. You were real, showed your pain and love. He may seem to be doing better than you, but I would bet money he's not. There might be someone else, but think about it- do normal people that know how to act properly in relationships manipulate their supposed mates into breaking it off due to finding another. I think you were manipulated here regardless if there is another person or not. If there is someone else, and you were manipulated, I guarantee that relationship will end also. We can run from one relationship to another, but we take us with us were ever we go... I remember so well what you are going through, and still feel it. It happened many times, and each time I did recover...the last one was the hardest, and took several years to get over- it was that bad. After all I went through with him, he ended up marrying someone else (he was seeing other people when he was with me too). It had been over for a long time, but when I heard he was going to get married, I was pissed and hurt. Logically speaking I dodged a big time bullet, but it still hurt. I'm glad he contacted you, I was afraid he wouldn't and leave you hanging- that does say a lot for him no matter his motivation because it did help you. He really sounds emotionally detached and those relationships don't work (at least for me), they are frustrating. I always thought I was the problem, but wasn't- certainly I am as ornery as it gets, but I can't fix a very broken person and those are the types I chose...anyway, Jesus will heal you and has the right person for you because His word says, "it's not good for man to be alone, He will create a helpmate suitable" ... I choose to stay out of relationships for now, so He will honor that...but you, it won't be long:D 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 (edited) wow you are so kind and understanding. it shines through. a true example of making yourself a blessing. im lucky youre even praying for me. ive been lost for a long time...BUT..i want to say everything you said about him does resonate with me. he didnt call to be all healing or because he has feeling...(i can tell now) he called because i told him hes entitled to know something and was curious...i think and plus i did send him safe loving messages. so he'd know there would be no ...(what he thinks is) confrontation. but hes is the confrontational one. hes very hard to talk to. and its not just me. his best friend (a male) has been struggling with communicating with him for years. im no angle. that is for sure but ..i was very kind to him, along the way. i have a better disposition for sure. and you nailed it he is manipulative. i dont think he ever cheated on me. i broke it off..i think he has a love interest now in someone else or i seriously turned him off. because he seems so cold and detached. i think hes capable of using me now...i am so vulnerable. he seems to have a different moral compass now. i shouldnt have been with him to begin with. there a huge age gap and stuff. distance etc. but i do love him and i hate thing i did for making him go away from me...and i grieve that he left. but thats on me now. i was glad to profess my love, though i cant take away what i did. im wrong on so many fronts myself. i am isolated alot in my disability and i was withdrawing. haven't slept right or ate right. but this felt better somehow. just to talk and be true about my feelings. i wasnt honest with them b4 ..denied my love for him when he didnt reciprocate on any level. then broke it off with him. he has a hard time putting himself out in anyway...he seems so narcissistic. and even tho i know all of this on an intellectual plain...................the heart yearned for him and grieves. it was so overwhelming this time. i couldnt breath and my heart beat became so irregular. ive been nothing short of a useless zombie for days not hearing his voice and spending time with him in my day..and not hearing i love u anymore. hearing....silence.....just silence.. you seem so terrific. i know you are naturally. i can tell and also, more terrificness was bore with pain. i am sorry you went thru that. the marriage thing..the works. someone has got to snatch you uip because u sound like u have so very much to give. may God grant you someone who can love and appreciate u. God has been very good to me. im going to try to work on where...i really need to be. it cant be with him on so many levels, he proves that to me most everyday. but i missed him in my day and thought..maybe theres a chance. but i see now...it cant be. purging love and purging pain can be useful. today i had to purge my love and give it to him ..to feel......even remotely out of a painful fog. thank u for caring and being a gentle spirit. Edited November 6, 2014 by IfiKnewThen Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 i dont need a pill, i've talked to ppl. i need God almighty himself to please answer this prayer for me that the person call me...and let us talk. bring some understanding and peace of mind. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed are Thou among women and Blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen. ♥ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 skydiveaddict thank u for the prayer. it touched my heart to see another one here. this morning is bad. i just got out of bed now. i feel pain in my chest, and am so sad to the core. i spoke to him and told him how much i love him but like an idiot i didnt ask any questions as to where i stood. i didnt want to overwhelm him and yet i still did. i am ashamed to say i threw myself at him. the build up of lost and withdrawal was so bad. i caved where i shouldnt have. he said he'd call back and so far no call. at this point i just want him to tell me to go away that theres nothing left for me in him ..that has any human caring or dignitity. i know silence speaks volumns. but he i feel he does owe me something after 3 years of practically saving his life and having mercy on him. he should treat me like a lady and say....he does not want me in his life anymore the way i need him to be there. (aka the way it was b4). sorry to get detailed. i thank you for the prayer. once again another human being here with compassion. thank u. they say those who have mercy will have mercy. all i can say is its merciful to have prayed for me on any level. thank u Ronni thank u too. what youre saying is making more sense to me now. i still need some closure from him in terms of feedback. it wasnt enuff like i thought it would be to throw myself at his feet. im ashamed of myself in every aspect. if he was loving fine. he was cold ....no i loves yous. nothing. but i did hear from him. im humbled on that level for a prayer answered. but i didnt handle that gift from above right. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 skydiveaddict thank u for the prayer. Hang in there girl. You will be alright. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 please dear heavenly father, please let me get a phone call. im grateful for the last one but feel empty because i didnt ask questions to see where i stand. or what hope was left. i gave love over and i did want to do that, but i havent heard a word since and i was foolish not to ask questions. and i need an answer with words ¬ silence and wondering. i dont want to hear anything bad...but i need to hear something and speak my heart. please let there be contact on the phoen where there is none. amen. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Ill pray for you to have peace if i knew then....... god has already answered your prayer......and i think you got your answer even if it wasnt really what you wanted to hear...... i find it hard sometimes to let go ...i am a control freak....i cant let go when i feel i can fix something and basically i believe if i try hard enough i can fix anything even if it takes me hours or days or years,......ill try......but...there comes a point in time when i realize maybe its meant to stay broken.....including me...there has to be an end of something for something else to begin even though i believe in god with all my heart...to hand my heart over to his will is hard........for me to let go ......to trust in him like i am supposed to...when i finally did.......i now have peace...god has always looked out for me......so now i have to give more than lip service i have to trust him ....god hasnt let me down.....i let my own heart down.. trying hard to protect the innocence left in there..its one place that has not been defiled or assaulted....its pure faith in jesus bubble wrapped ....so i am often militant about defense...i shouldnt be...god has my back.... more than anyone else could.... i let my own heart down..... what you want right now might not be whats best for you gods will be done on earth as it is in heaven......i know its child like but its from my heart to yours.......your will.....give it over..no hesitation do it right now.....let go of the phone let go of what you want and let god decide whats best...he truly does know.......let god work though your heart and you will have peace..praying for that peace for you..deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) i tried to do the right thing and i just got messed up and hurt. forgive me im more or less just thinking out loud here but im sick of thinking guilty and feeling guilty. everyone i know who didnt let their thought of a higher power get in their way are happy today. and im just a mess. its a long story. too drained to tell anymore. but i have not been perfect but cant live in guilt anymore. sorry for rambling. im so sad i cant articulate myself right anymore. i cant keep muddling though everyday. i have lost my life in most manners in regard from this utter heartbreak im enduring. i wake up everday hurt and sad and feeling helpless to do anything about it. i need closure. and i know things could always be worse. but thats NOT happiness. thats existing. sorry i just need closure for messing something up. so could use any and all prayers . thank u for ur kind and insightful words. God didnt mess my life up. i did and my thoughts and view of him did in the end. and that twisted how i looked at everything. i know this doesnt make sense just dont want to go over my life again. i do need that 2nd call b/c i was frozen in the first call, and didnt get to get proper closure. omg i hope i dont cry again. im so sick of this heartache. i will try to come back to and post when my head is on more straight ( and no im not on anything. its just the pure grief im suffering from) and i can somehow purge myself of this massive heartbreak. its consuming. i feel i might get relief if he'd just call and be a gentlemen and tell me there no more hope between us. something..... but the silence is cruel to the core. Edited November 12, 2014 by IfiKnewThen Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 One thing, you can't rely on his call to make you feel better, like a drug here. You said you felt a sense of relief once he called, withdrawal was gone, you got your 'fix'. Now he hasn't called and you want another call, hoping for another dose of the drug (him). Try to make your own closure, he won't be able to give that to you. Time will help with that obviously but you can be pro active and keep a journal, write out everything and anything, see if there were red flags that you missed. Start accepting things as they are and most of all, just know that you're gonna be okay. You're hurting a lot but you are strong and will push through this. You'll have some real good days so build upon those. When you have bad and sad days, don't let yourself get too down and out. Fight it. It's one thing to grieve, it's another to not function properly. Be with your friends, and family, people who make you laugh and feel good about yourself! That's so important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) thank u whichwayisup i have seen your name and posts around here since i cam on here in 2004 or 2005. i respect all of you here and its nice to know ur still trying to help ppl get to the other side. i know i have helped too. but right now i have hit rock bottom and never felt so helpless. i feel like im drowning so any life preserver thrown to me is appreciated. all good tips i have forgotten. im older now and so tired and weary. im still lucky for the few ppl i have left in my life. but no one seems to fill the absolutely void of him. i am very much alone and we spoke all thru each day, and planned a future. he was my lifeline. \ the few ppl who are in my life are extremely extremely stressful to me. its a depressing life. and i miss being loved and hearing i love, and saying it and showing it, etc. i think he was actually the perfect fit for me accept for age and distance. but i know i will NEVER meet anyone like him again. and i cant even type anymore...sorry i cant stop crying. im actually drinking a beer and i dont even drink....i mean i never drank. im so straight as an arrow. but this pain is really bad, this time. it show i messed things up. i feel i ruined my life. thank u for reaching out and trying to help hand me some tools. im so limp now...i really cant believe what has become of me. i existing only. it is like a drug. this is so bad. and its so unrequited. i wouldnt wish this on a dog its feels like a death sentence. yikes i have never spoken so down troddened. i actually had hope b4. this feel really hopeless. and it hurts that he has -0- withdrawals. i know hes found a new drug or someone. no question in my mind about it. the problem is i believed i could be the only one for him. he convinced me so. but i made him feel there was no hope for us. anyway im blessed anyone would pray for me or help me. you guys really embody what loveshack is all about. pls keep me in ur prayers if u will. thanks . im here, ok. im just not me anymore. i never ever thought this would happen to me again. i thought i was smarter/wiser...stronger. nope this is worse. Edited November 12, 2014 by IfiKnewThen Link to post Share on other sites
Author IfiKnewThen Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 thank you God and Lord for answering my prayers. like a fool i dint take full advance of it and i ask that you keep the prayer answered till i can finish this endeavor, but i have yet to ask the questions and get the answers behind everything. amen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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