Am I wrong in thinking that it should be okay to have a friend that is a woman?

[lynnspies1]

I see a lot of similarities in your life and mine. My husband had an affair with a "friend" when I was pregnant. I think you need to step back and look at this situation. Your wife has your baby growing inside her. This should be the happiest time in both your lives. She wants your undivided attention and will want to look back on this time with fond memories.

 

The other thing that came to my mind is that you are a Marine and the woman you are interested in is your instructor. If she were to get involved with you it could have negative affects on both of your careers.

 

If you look back to the time you were most happy with your wife I bet you made time to show her that you were happy. I bet you made time to do the little things and now you have gotten away from that. She needs you to do those things again and she will need them even more when the baby comes. You may need to cut back on your school hours or arrange your schedule so that you put as much effort in to your family as you can.

 

Lastly - When I was pregnant there was no way in heck that I would have gone gone to shoot pool at a bar with my husbands work buddies. Your life is changing, you are not single anymore. Have your work buddies over to your home or plan an activity that is more family oriented.

 

You can do this, thank you for your service to our country,

 

Lynn

[jmargel]

This is what scares me the most in all of this. Shouldn't my wife be the one that has all of my like and dislikes, so much that we always have things to talk about and so much that we shouldn't even have the need to find other friends.

 

Nope! You need friends outside the marriage but it should be the same sex friend or having strict boundaries about an opposite sex friend. If both couples in a marriage had the same likes & dislikes good chance they would divcorce because of boredom. I don't want to marry myself, I hope you don't either.

 

Why is that? I want to show her that I love her too, but my ambission is gone. I blame it on working close to full time and being a full time student. I have little to no time during the day to do things and no time at night because I'm so tired. We don't have time together anymore and I find myself wondering if we did have time, would we have anything to say to eachother other than how was your day and did you meet any interesting people? I know this is a little off thread, but this is concluding the outcome.

 

BINGO! You found out your issue. It's because of stress, being burned out and possibily depression might be setting in? Stacey is just a "topic" the real issue is with Katie. Click on my link in my signature I go into depths about it. A little excerpt from my post in my signature is this: "Look at your marriage as a garden. You'll have weeds, but by pulling off just the leaves of the weed it will grow back (ie. dealing with "just" the topic (ie. Stacey)). If you pull it out by the roots (ie. dealing with the issue of you being burned out, not spending enough QUALITY time with Katie) then not only will Stacey become a distant memory, Katie will also be more secure in the marriage and things will improve alot.

 

Think of it as a love bank as well. This is from marriagebuilders.com You can only take out as much love as you put into it. Taking too much out will turn the marriage/relationship into a negative spin.

 

Anyway, hope this helps. Make sure you keep your priorities focused.

[JustLittleOleMe]

These Loveshack folk are very nice. Too much so sometimes, I think. I'm a little more oldschool. I think you are behaving like a self-involved whiny little twerp. C'mon, Man - do you even read what you write? "I dress hot to impress this chick" "My wife doesn't like that" "boo hoo hoo" "it's so not fair" "Oops, I lied she left me - I was wrong - I've learned, I'm sorry" and then, the kicker "But....it's her fault because she's not filling every need I've ever had." Dude, she's your partner, not some sort of metaphysical life caulking. If you've got a hole, fill it. Get an interest, make a friend, do something for yourself that does not involve another woman. You can't make any guy friends? Does that tell you anything? You need to learn to be a man. Quit being such a dependant whiner. Other men probably don't hang with you because they can see right through your excuses and have no time for it.

 

What are you good at? We've all got skills at something. Do you bowl? Can you play any sort of ball? Build model airplanes? Join some group where you can interact with others that do those things. Become a big brother, or volunteer somewhere to learn about getting outside of your own ego for a bit before your child gets here.

 

I know I'm hard-core, but I accept that. You get no do-overs with this child. You show him your behavior as it is - you may regret it & it's something you can readily fix now.

 

Best wishes.

[guest]

You asked about friends. My husband has had many female friends that don't bother me at all. I have several male friends whom I don't feel should be an issue for him. It is not specifically about having opposite sex friends, but about the circumstances surrounding them.

 

I am currently pregnant, too, with several other children, and I am on the brink of filing for divorce not entirely, but largely, over certain of his female friends. The problem with them? Not that he has them, but that he hides them from me. Every once in awhile he makes a comment about a woman he works with, that makes me realize he's got QUITE a strong friendship with her, and he's NEVER mentioned her. Yes, that makes me suspicious.

 

Currently, I found out he's been exchanging e-mails with a young woman at work. He characterizes them as 'harmless forwards,' but if they are so harmless, why have I never heard of this young woman who's a good enough friend to be sending him 'you brighten my day' e-mails several times a week? (I hear all about the men and the older women at his work.) If they are so harmless, why doesn't he direct her to send them to our joint e-mail account as I've asked? If all these forwards from her telling him how he brightens his day are so harmless, why doesn't he forward them on to me and share them with me? The fact remains, he takes time to e-mail this other woman, but not me; to answer in one of her forwards that his first thought on meeting her was, 'she's cute,' which he hasn't told me in years....

 

In short, while the details between my husband and this young girl are slightly different than between you and Stacey, the gist is the same: it is not having female friends that is a problem, but your different behavior around this particular female 'friend' that has raised red flags.

[RiptideHD]

I'd like to thank those on this site that took the time to think about my situation and reply with helpful words that made sense. Sense is what comes to someone after information is filtered and thought about and then seen in a way that is personally understood. JustLittleOleMe, I did not like what you said. You sheltered youself by saying that some people need to hear the cold hard truth. Being cold and hard discourages people from trying to make sense of what you are saying. Any basic educator knows this. Granted, you don't need a degree in education to voice your opinions on this site, but you should have a more compassionate outlook. Yes, I made some mistakes. I was very confused, and everything boiled down to this. I was affraid of staying with my wife for the rest of my life. I was affraid of being a father. I was affraid that my future wasn't going to be exactly what I had planned for reasons that I really don't understand. Before Christmas my wife and I hadn't been seeing eye to eye, and hadn't had a conversation that didn't end in arguements starting a few months earlier. I was discouraged and disheartened. I went out and got a job that kept me away from home all night, my school kept me away from home all day, and I even met a girl that I could think of in my spare time that would help me not think about all of my fears. My fears were my downfall, realizing those fears has helped me to rise. My wife and I are much better now because of the people that helped me get to the root of the problem. I want to conclude this thread by saying thanks people ;-) You are awesome!

[Bronzepen]

Glad to help.

 

 

Happy to hear things are going well.

 

Goold Luck.

[Ladyjane14]

Very good news that you and your wife are doing better.

 

Thanks for the update.

[whichwayisup]

My wife and I are much better now because of the people that helped me get to the root of the problem. I want to conclude this thread by saying thanks people ;-) You are awesome!

 

I'm really happy for ya Rip! That's great.

 

It's okay to be freaked out by life...And all that stuff...Just good that you didn't continue down that path of destruction and ruin your life, your marriage...Kids too.

 

All the best buddy!

[gulya]

I would like to ask for an advice and an opinion!

My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years and have been together for 4 and a half years. Throughout our whole relationship he had always had female friends and he has previous record of being unfaithfull to me in the past, before we got married. He cheated on me with a coworker. We have a child together. I forgave him obviously, but don't trust him as much anymore. Now, he's always had female friends, even before we met an no matter how much of a problem I had with that he wouldn't consider anything different. Over the years I have tried to become friends with some of them and meet them and I have. But I told him that it's fine that he has his friends, as long as I get to hang out with them too, sometimes, but I told him that I didn't want him to make new friends, that I didn't feel comfortable. I only was able to meet some of them, because of others he would be very resentfull of me meeting them. Now, he has a new friend at work and he comes home and tells me about her, but I kind of feel suspicious. Maybe, it's just my insecurities, but he calles this girl that he works with quite frequently and he called her one night and then went out and stayed out all night and didn't come home until the next morning(we were going through problems at the time). Then a couple weeks later she text messages him at 7:30 in the morning to let him know personally that she is not coming to work. When I asked him about it, he gets mad and feels that I am invading his privacy and that I am just being insecure and starts yelling at me. He denies everything and tells me that they are just friends and that she is helping him to open a business that he did tell me about. I told him that I would like to be included in making important desicions and that I need to be present when the time comes to sign anything, but he says it's his business and if he feels like it, he doesn't have to share anything with me at all. He has a real temper and have been known to loose his cool a couple times and was threatining. He had been abusive twice with me and is very controlling. I am trying to get him to go through counseling as our last resort, but he is very resentfull. He turns off his phone when he gets home and doesn't turn it back on until he leaves to go to work and doesn't seem to try and work anything out at all. All of this is making me suspicious and making me think that there is something going on between the girl and him, something more than just friendship. I called the girl and let her know that I was very disrespected by her page to my husband so early in the morning and asked her to let me know if there is anything I needed to know about, she denied.

Help, please, am I being just insecure and jealous? Any thoughts!