Friend believes adults having sex with minors is ok

[Blade96]

My friend believes in lowering the age of consent laws. and thinks minors having sex with adults is ok as long as there is no force and they both consent to it willingly.

 

Yes I got into a fight with a fb friend over this. He believes that very thing ans I told him he is sick.

 

He even admitted he said stuff just to ruffle my feathers and said that I am very narrow minded because I think that sex with minors is not ok.

 

During the fight he even attacked my lifestyle, saying that because I don't go out much and pretty much isolated where I live, that I am in no position to tell him about what is sick. I said Excuse you, but my lifestyle isn't harming anybody but your beliefs certainly have the potential to harm people and he is in no position to talk about me.

 

Am I wrong to consider ending the friendship? He has been my friend for 14 years. Yeah I met him online during the days of dialup. He is an american and I'm Canadian.

 

What say you?

[Timshel]

You are right. He is sick. Please do terminate the friendship immediately because this is an absolute deal breaker. Children/minors do not have the intellectual or emotional maturity to GIVE consent. That is why they are protected by the law. Don't look back, but do let him know why it's over. He should definitely know that this is not a debatable subject. It really is black and white, no grey.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I wholeheartedly agree with Timshel.

 

I'm all for differences of opinion and respecting people's points of view even if they're opposite of mine BUT when it comes to children/minors, there are NO GREY AREAS! Period.

 

If he believes it's perfectly okay for adults to have sex with minors, Lord knows what else he secretly believes regarding children. I shudder at the thought.

 

Do yourself a favor and discontinue any contact with this man. He's not adding any value to your life.

[Blade96]

His gf has a kid - and also all I was thinking about was ....if her kid was 13 and saw a hot adult and went for him and they went for the kids, my ex friend would be like, That's ok and all .....

 

Anyway, Didn't take me long to make up my mind. Absolute dealbreaker. Even if it's a 14 year friendship. Friends with this guy for 14 years and I NEVER knew this about him.

 

I also deleted his mom, who would defend him, and his gf too. Because I didn't see either of them writing on his fb saying this is NOT ok.

[ASG]

Heh... Age of consent is 14 in my country. 14. I was having sex with people over 18 at 14. At 17 I had a very serious 23 year old bf.

 

And yes, I did give consent. I was always very clear with my yes' and no's. Was never taken advantage of. I also have no recollection at all of ever having sex with anyone close to my age, at the time.

 

So I find that your reaction is a bit OTT. Teenagers are not children. They're not adults, sure, but they're not children either.

[carhill]

If the topic is a political perspective where your POV's are irreconcilable and one or both chooses to not agree to disagree and the friendship turns upon this one topic, then call it (the friendship) done and move on.

 

Age of consent laws are essentially the government exerting their power over citizens they deem to be incapable of thinking responsibly for themselves regarding sexual behaviors. Young people have been having consenting sex with other young people, and 'adults', since time began, regardless of the machinations of government. They are doing so now and will continue to do so until our species is dead. All of them? No. Less because of consent laws? Maybe.

 

That a disagreement on political action/social issues descended into character assignation on both sides probably indicates a re-evaluation of the friendship is in order. Friends can disagree and still respect each other.

 

I didn't see any evidence of this man stating he was illegally having sex with a minor. That, if true, might strengthen the argument for ending the friendship.

[GorillaTheater]

Heh... Age of consent is 14 in my country. 14. I was having sex with people over 18 at 14. At 17 I had a very serious 23 year old bf.

 

And yes, I did give consent. I was always very clear with my yes' and no's. Was never taken advantage of. I also have no recollection at all of ever having sex with anyone close to my age, at the time.

 

So I find that your reaction is a bit OTT. Teenagers are not children. They're not adults, sure, but they're not children either.

 

There once was a time when the only thought I gave to relationships with teens was the legal angle and whether anyone was likely to go to jail.

 

Then I had daughters, and my thoughts expanded to whether anyone was likely to leave in an ambulance.

 

Dump the friend.

[Art_Critic]

I'm with dumping the friend, although not just for his belief in lowering the age of sexual consent laws but because he attacked your lifestyle as well.

 

Being a friend IMO is accepting someone even with their faults and if all he had done was have an opinion about it and never acted on it then to me it is one of those things that falls into "oh well" you sure shocked me deals..but...

 

The attacking your lifestyle is personal and shows lack of friendship on his part and worthy of dumping when you consider the lowering the age of consent opinion.

[WomenWubber]

Yes I got into a fight with a fb friend over this. He believes that very thing ans I told him he is sick.

 

You attacked him.

 

He even admitted he said stuff just to ruffle my feathers and said that I am very narrow minded because I think that sex with minors is not ok.

 

During the fight he even attacked my lifestyle, saying that because I don't go out much and pretty much isolated where I live, that I am in no position to tell him about what is sick.

 

He retaliated.

 

I said Excuse you, but my lifestyle isn't harming anybody but your beliefs certainly have the potential to harm people and he is in no position to talk about me.

 

You are not one to turn the other cheek, are you?

 

Am I wrong to consider ending the friendship?

 

It's not a matter of being right or wrong. If you really can't get past his views on sex with minors, then I think you should move on.

[Blade96]

I did attack him when he said that if my 13 year old cousin wanted with an adult than it was none of anyone's business and we should all stay out of people's bedrooms. I said he's a threat potentially because his gf has a child and if he thinks that sort of behavior is ok that maybe that makes him and her not very good parent and step parent because he told me that it's all right for 13 and 14 year olds to do this. He said he would be fine with his kid if he had one, or her 13 or 14 year old doing this. So yeah when I said that he said the fact that I live in an isolated community and don't go out much means I can't talk. and that's when I said how I live hurts no one but your beliefs on the other hand .....

[Arieswoman]

Blade96,

Let's look at this another way.

 

The Age of Consent is set in Statute and it is the Law. It doesn't matter whether you agree with the Law or not, none of us can decide which Laws we obey and which ones we don't.

 

I agree with you and I would also dump any "friend" with the same view.

 

I would also dump any "friend" who said that "driving while intoxicated is OK, as long as they didn't drink too much".

 

I would also dump any "friend" who said that "burglary is OK, as long as they didn't steal too much".

 

I agree that this person isn't contributing anything to your life. Let him go and he can spend his time lobbying his MP for a change in the Law if he feels so strongly about it.

Edited November 6, 2014 by Arieswoman

[WomenWubber]

I did attack him when he said that if my 13 year old cousin wanted with an adult than it was none of anyone's business and we should all stay out of people's bedrooms. I said he's a threat potentially because his gf has a child and if he thinks that sort of behavior is ok that maybe that makes him and her not very good parent and step parent because he told me that it's all right for 13 and 14 year olds to do this. He said he would be fine with his kid if he had one, or her 13 or 14 year old doing this. So yeah when I said that he said the fact that I live in an isolated community and don't go out much means I can't talk. and that's when I said how I live hurts no one but your beliefs on the other hand .....

 

So what's the friendship you're considering ending, when you already consider him a potential threat to you, your and his family?

 

Some lines are not to be crossed, so I think you were justified in letting him know what you thought about him as a person.

[preraph]

You are right to get away from them. And you would be right in calling CPS as well if you are afraid he might act out with that girl or any of her friends. He sounds like a creep. When I think what I was like at 13, I was definitely still a child, and 14, and 15. Only at 16 did I begin to develop anything you might remotely call an iota of maturity. If for no other reason, underage teens shouldn't be having sex because they shouldn't ever EVER be getting pregnant because they're not mature enough to raise a child. Their brains aren't even close to fully formed. They may or may not want sex in their teens, but they do not have the functional ability to understand or predict or deal with the consequences when they do.

 

Your friend is going to be a bad influence on that child one way or the other. I'd drop a dime to CPS anonymously. They have a long waiting list, so by the time they looked in and investigated, it would probably be months from now. And who cares whether he likes it or not? The guy was talking like it's okay to have sex with a 13 year old girl and has one in the house and all her little friends!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My friend believes in lowering the age of consent laws. and thinks minors having sex with adults is ok as long as there is no force and they both consent to it willingly.

 

Yes I got into a fight with a fb friend over this. He believes that very thing ans I told him he is sick.

 

He even admitted he said stuff just to ruffle my feathers and said that I am very narrow minded because I think that sex with minors is not ok.

 

During the fight he even attacked my lifestyle, saying that because I don't go out much and pretty much isolated where I live, that I am in no position to tell him about what is sick. I said Excuse you, but my lifestyle isn't harming anybody but your beliefs certainly have the potential to harm people and he is in no position to talk about me.

 

Am I wrong to consider ending the friendship? He has been my friend for 14 years. Yeah I met him online during the days of dialup. He is an american and I'm Canadian.

 

What say you?

 

 

 

The age of sexual consent in most U.S. states is 16.

 

From your words and implications, should we take that to mean that most 16yo's are free to f*#& whoever they want as long as it meets with your approval???

 

How about voting? When in 1971 the U.S. voting age was lowered to age 18, did it mean that they could vote, but only when the likes of you approved of for just whom it was that they were voting?

 

 

OR do we just afford them various rights, and then live with their doing whatever they choose with such rights, provided they remain within the bounds of legality??

 

 

 

You can consider ending the friendship based on how he eats Oreo cookies for all we care - that's your right as an individual. But your position on this topic is disrespectful to many laws already in place. If you've got a problem with a law, then there are proper avenues through which you can work to gain support toward changing laws. Trying to brow-beat your so-called friend as if he somehow represents those laws you dislike, is childish.

 

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[d0nnivain]

If his beliefs upset you that much cut him out of your life.

[Blade96]

The age of sexual consent in most U.S. states is 16.

 

From your words and implications, should we take that to mean that most 16yo's are free to f*#& whoever they want as long as it meets with your approval???

 

How about voting? When in 1971 the U.S. voting age was lowered to age 18, did it mean that they could vote, but only when the likes of you approved of for just whom it was that they were voting?

 

 

OR do we just afford them various rights, and then live with their doing whatever they choose with such rights, provided they remain within the bounds of legality??

 

 

 

You can consider ending the friendship based on how he eats Oreo cookies for all we care - that's your right as an individual. But your position on this topic is disrespectful to many laws already in place. If you've got a problem with a law, then there are proper avenues through which you can work to gain support toward changing laws. Trying to brow-beat your so-called friend as if he somehow represents those laws you dislike, is childish.

 

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I swear some people don't read.

 

I said "I did attack him when he said that if my 13 year old cousin wanted with an adult than it was none of anyone's business and we should all stay out of people's bedrooms. I said he's a threat potentially because his gf has a child and if he thinks that sort of behavior is ok that maybe that makes him and her not very good parent and step parent because he told me that it's all right for 13 and 14 year olds to do this."

 

Not 16 (which is the age of consent in my country too, Canada)

 

He said 13 year olds. Not 16.

[todreaminblue]

i dont believe in lowering the age of consent.....i am sorry that a fourteen year friendship has to end I also think him attacking you isnt on....i have quite a few friends with whom i dont agree on certain issues......the conversations have been had and i dont change my opinion for them and dont expect them to change theirs.....and all is sweet...they as friends dont attack me...not to my face anyway..they do however tease me often....good natured fo course.....i give it back......they know when i have had enough.......deb

[autumnnight]

I think cutting ties with someone who has a pedophile mindset is probably a good idea. A person who is an adult who would have sex with a 13 year old is a pedophile.

[ASG]

I think cutting ties with someone who has a pedophile mindset is probably a good idea. A person who is an adult who would have sex with a 13 year old is a pedophile.

 

Er... No. Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children. Children that have not yet gone through puberty. A lot of 13 year olds have, especially girls.

[Timshel]

ASG- If an adult male, oh crap, let's say any male was putting sexual moves on my 13 yr. old daughter, soooo not going to be o.k.

It is completely unnecessary at this stage of our human evolution. For any of you who would use history to support having sexual relations w/ minors.

There is no reasonable argument to support this behavior; every reason to be against it.

[ASG]

ASG- If an adult male, oh crap, let's say any male was putting sexual moves on my 13 yr. old daughter, soooo not going to be o.k.

It is completely unnecessary at this stage of our human evolution. For any of you who would use history to support having sexual relations w/ minors.

There is no reasonable argument to support this behavior; every reason to be against it.

 

We'll have to agree to disagree on this topic.

 

I'm not saying, however, that I think it would be perfectly fine and ok for a 30+ year old guy (or woman) to be having sex with a 13 yr old. But there are nuances.

 

But I know who I was at 13. And I know what was on my mind. And let me tell you... it wasn't playing with dolls! And it wasn't just boys putting moves on me, I was putting the moves on them (or... rather... there was ONE boy that was significantly older, who I dated for almost a year and who was my first everything).

 

Not every girl will be like that though. I remember a lot of my friends didn't even consider having sex until they were about 16 or even later.

 

But it is also important to note that, despite being only 14 when I lost my virginity (but had been fooling around with my then bf for a few months before that), I was never pressured into it. It was never a forceful thing, even on a psychological level. If anything, my then BF was apprehensive about it, due to my age and our age difference (5 years).

 

After we broke up (and a year of celibacy), I wanted to explore. Again, never pressured.

 

So my view will always be that it doesn't have to be that big of a deal. Because it wasn't for me. I'm not broken. I don't have issues. I was never abused. I was always in control of my sexuality and have very few regrets, even from when I was a teenager, sleeping with guys that were at least 5 years older than I was, up to about 10 years older.

[amaysngrace]

I swear some people don't read.

 

I said "I did attack him when he said that if my 13 year old cousin wanted with an adult than it was none of anyone's business and we should all stay out of people's bedrooms. I said he's a threat potentially because his gf has a child and if he thinks that sort of behavior is ok that maybe that makes him and her not very good parent and step parent because he told me that it's all right for 13 and 14 year olds to do this."

 

Not 16 (which is the age of consent in my country too, Canada)

 

He said 13 year olds. Not 16.

 

He's getting hot over her or her friends. Gross.

 

Jesus Juice may be next.

[Timshel]

ASG I apologize first because I haven't figured out how to paste a post to mine yet. I am not old, just not caring about being savvy.

 

So yes, we will agree to disagree. You were comfortable with your sexual feelings and experiences and did not then or in hindsight feel that you were pressured or taken advantage of. So this has been your experience and crickets from me.

 

I did not really want to get into a debate about this because there are so many reasons this is important and I feel at a loss to communicate clearly. So I will resort to listing a few and in no particular order.

 

Academics-the pressure our children are under right now to perform with standardized testing is so crazy even college educated parents can't keep up. Throw a sexual relationship with a more experienced partner into the mix=nightmare.

 

Pregnancy-for both the male and female is beyond what they are able to handle psychologically and economically. Thank you grandma/grandpa for taking care of our offspring while we figure out our ass from elbows.

 

Emotional-Holy monkeybutt!! I don't care how mature you think you are at age 13-frickin whenever. Just take a closer look at this website to see the level of confusion that occurs between hypothetical adults. (swear words) Really?

Again, I do not feel articulate enough to engage because I have emotional overdrive about this topic, I hardly no where to begin. I do have the intelligence however.

 

I stand by my original response. This is not a grey area, for me, it is black and white. NOOOOOOOO!!!!

It worked out for you, that is a good thing. In my opinion you are the exception-not the rule. So we will disagree.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Timshel