vc87 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I met a guy about two months ago on an online dating site.. we really hit it off, and have been hanging out/making plans pretty regularly since we met. He texts me basically everyday, I've met a few of his friends, he's mentioned me to other friends of his.. The more we spend time together, the more I really like him, and I've gotten the impression that it is a mutual thing. So far so good.. really never had any worries or doubts - it just seemed so easy and really refreshing to finally have met someone and click, both mentally and physically. We hung out a couple days ago, and he mentioned us doing something again tonight.. (He usually has a weekly commitment, but said we could do something after he finishes up.) Earlier today, he texted me asking if i would kill him if he had to reschedule our plans.. I said it was no problem, (was honestly a little disappointed because I wanted to see him again, but I understand things pop up and all) and I said we'd do something another time. The part that is bugging me now that I'm thinking about this is he didn't even give me an explanation as to why he canceled.. am I wrong to feel that way? I know he doesn't owe me an explanation, but one would have been nice instead of me wondering now why.. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 It doesn't sound like a flake out though. You guys have been going out regularly for 2 months. Usually a flake out with online dating occurs right before you meet for the first time. It's possible something just came up. Does he still contact you regularly? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 That would irritate me, a text cancellation without a reason why. It's common courtesy, especially after he's dated you for 2 months. I think it's rude to cancel a date without an explanation. He should have offered to call you afterward, or offered you a raincheck date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vc87 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 It doesn't sound like a flake out though. You guys have been going out regularly for 2 months. Usually a flake out with online dating occurs right before you meet for the first time. It's possible something just came up. Does he still contact you regularly? It just happened earlier this evening.. I texted him around 630, but haven't heard back from him since.. assuming he is just busy with whatever popped up tonight.. I guess I'll see within the next few days if he still tries to contact me.. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 It just happened earlier this evening.. I texted him around 630, but haven't heard back from him since.. assuming he is just busy with whatever popped up tonight.. I guess I'll see within the next few days if he still tries to contact me.. Exactly. Cool off and forget about it for a while. You'll know what's up if you don't hear from him again within a few days. I'm guessing you probably will though, so don't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Sure I guess. I think this is still a little casual to him, so he felt there was no reason to give an explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Did you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
lyndaaxo Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 It'd bother me if it happened all the time, but since this was a one-off I'd accept it and there's probably a reason he hasn't told you - maybe its personal. Like you said he doesn't owe you one, you're not together. If it bugs you so much maybe casually bring it up in conversation, "what did you end up doing on ___ night? I decided to do ____ instead". Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Of course he owes you an explanation. People shouldn't just cancel without one. I'm assuming he will give you the reason when you see him in person. I would expect that, certainly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vc87 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Did you ask? I didn't.. Normally in the past couple months if he was busy and I didn't see him for a week or he didn't text me for a day or so he would always apologize for being MIA and even though it wasn't necessary, (I know people have lives and it doesn't revolve around me) it was still nice to hear.. I don't know why no explanation is bugging me.. Just felt like I would have gotten one.. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 If he has disappeared on you before without any explanation and not been questioned by you about it, then by your inaction and silence, you've taught him that he can flake on you at the last minute and go days MIA without any consequence. You've taught him that he can make you an option. Is that what you want to be to him? An option? We teach people how to treat us based on our actions. If you want to remain someone casual to this guy who clearly has no regard for your feelings, then say nothing or expect nothing. But if you want this to progress to a relationship with him, then you need to start setting boundaries and when he flakes on you, and it bothers you, then you need to tell him he can't do that because it's inconsiderate (because it is). Link to post Share on other sites
Author vc87 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 If he has disappeared on you before without any explanation and not been questioned by you about it, then by your inaction and silence, you've taught him that he can flake on you at the last minute and go days MIA without any consequence. You've taught him that he can make you an option. Is that what you want to be to him? An option? We teach people how to treat us based on our actions. If you want to remain someone casual to this guy who clearly has no regard for your feelings, then say nothing or expect nothing. But if you want this to progress to a relationship with him, then you need to start setting boundaries and when he flakes on you, and it bothers you, then you need to tell him he can't do that because it's inconsiderate (because it is). This is the first time he flaked on me.. Since this is pretty new.. Only met him two months ago, I don't want to come on too strong questioning what he's doing and all that.. I don't even talk to some of my best friends daily text wise or see them weekly, so if I don't hear from him text wise for a couple days or see him, it doesn't bother me.. He always just took it upon himself to say sorry for not being in touch after a couple days.. Though he didn't explain why, (wouldn't be expecting a play by play of every waking minute lol), it was still nice that he adknowlged and apologized.. Still haven't heard from him today either.. Just been annoying the heck out of me.. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Cancellation is a red flag. I don't want to say the kiss of death, but I'd be worried. Since he didn't give you an explanation and he didn't contact you since, I'm thinking something must be going on. I don't think there is anything you can do right now other than leaving him alone and having your guard up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 So Summer of 2013 I was dating someone. Then, out of the blue, after 3 months of smooth sailing, he cancels a date, texts me that he's got a cold. I said aha..not good. I just said no problem, get well soon, we'll see each other some other time. Then several hours later he replied that in fact he lied, he's feeling good but we had a date every weekend and he wants a weekend to himself. I said I understand, no worries, just relax and we'll talk. When he sees that didn't make me start yelling at him, he finally called me and broke up with me saying I lived too far. I didn't move anywhere from when we had started dating. So, in my guy's case, and based on his stories about his exes, his way of breaking up was to provoke a fight so he either has a reason to tell the woman that she's crazy, or she breaks up with her. When I wouldn't bite, he had to do it with no other excuse. Don't know if your guy is just trying to annoy you, but the entire thing seems strange. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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