scatterd Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 My husband has become emotionally abusive. He speaks to me when he feels, then when I say say something he says I"m done with you now get the f--- out of here and shut up. He does not include me on any decisions. He says he does not love me and wants a divorce. when I was going to file for divorce I told him and he said f--- you f--- you and ran down stairs. Then he begged me to wait until we had more money. The next day my door was barely open he comes in and says if you want to divorce you can do it now I just thought we would have more money from the house and stuff. He moved down stairs 4 weeks ago. Then one night he dressed up more then usual and said he was going to a friends. Our grandchild called twice he would not answer and then he tried to call again and he shut his phone off. I found the address of his friends house we went there and he was not there. One day he is half descent the next day he is mean. Yesterday he came home and said he is going to Japan with out disusing it with me first . He is able to put in for it through work. He got a pass port months ago then wanted me to get one so in case he has a chance we can go together but he did not tell me when I needed to get mine. So this was to rub it in my face. Also I wanted recreation property I found a shed to put on it my family helped him build it all summer. He showed me the picture when it was done and said he wants to have it. It took me a year to get him on board to buy it and two summers to find the property.I have wanted mountain property all my life. He is just trying to hurt me. I can go on and on about what he has done. I told him when he gets home from Japan I will have a nice roll of paper with a big bow on it for him on Christmas. I can not take it any-more. I think he is totally off his rocker and I am starting to despise him. I dont think I could ever forgive him from all he has done. I cry a lot and don't let him see if I can hide it .I am so confused and I do not normally cry unless I am really hurt. What in the heck happened to him? He is cruel, has not cried once and all about him self. We have been married 21 years and he has no respect for me. I am going to need alot of support. I am so lost. Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 You need to stop thinking about him, and start thinking about you. Have you seen a lawyer yet to have divorce papers drawn up? If not, why the heck not! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Scatterd, I don't know if it's healthy or not but I would absolutely love to see you find your ANGER. Practice this phrase with me, "Go f.uck yourself, you f.ucking *sshole." And yeah, get those papers together. I've said it before; you're the kindest and gentlest poster I know on these boards. You don't deserve that sh.t 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Not being judgmental or mean but he sounds rather immature. To respond to you telling him you want a divorce that way is absurd. I am sorry you are hurt by his actions. Here is what I have learned: When someone wants to go, it is best to let them go. Much of it is a matter of learning how to cope with the anxiety of separation, fear. Let him go and just watch what happens. Another thing I had to learn was how not to allow people to treat me like a doormat. He shouldn't be speaking to you that way and you shouldn't be allowing him to. You teach people how to treat you. He treats you that way because you allow it. Stop allowing it and it will stop. The worst you can do with that kind of person is to believe what he says about you and to let him see your weakness. Be fearless. Never let a man see you cry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 I just came up with money to retain a lawyer. I am going to see him while he is gone. He acted descent yesterday but everyday is different. Its so hard here and I have to be careful for I do not want my grand children damaged One lives here with her mom and is moving soon. The night he went downstairs and started this was after I was at my other daughters house that has been acting schizophrenic which is a crisis it self I also have her child. My husband has made a habit of kicking me when I am down. I am sick of his selfishness and lack of caring for others. He has changed so much. I am so scared of starting all over again at 53. We worked so hard for us to have a good future everything would have been paid off in 11 years. So Sad. He will be leaving soon for a month I am hoping that will help me I need the peace and sanity time. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Use the time that he is away to start emotionally detaching from him. You can't change the way he acts so you have to work on changing the way you react. Realize that he is just another person and that his words and actions have no bearing on your self worth. I have read that foreign men are like "God's gift to women" in Japan so be prepared for him to come home with an even bigger attitude. Hopefully by that time you won't care and you will be able to just ignore him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Thanks for the reply's. His head is big enough right now. I think he is either been having an affair or he is going through mid life crisis. Who destroys everything they have worked so hard for. He never took me on vacations or anything and I was OK with it because I wanted him to have a good retirement and us have a good future. I worked hard on upgrading the house and yard. I am so shocked that he could treat me so bad. I loved him a lot. He changed almost like he snapped. I wonder if I am worthless to him now that my backs out and I cant do everything for him. He only had to work and after my back went out he had to help me. I have been beating myself up a lot. I know this is him doing this but he sure wants to hurt me I do not know the reason or anything. I do thank you guys for the support. Maybe god will bless me with a better day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 sorry for double post. Link to post Share on other sites
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