Ladies, would you date a 28 year old virgin?

[fortyninethousand322]

I mentioned this as an option. A guy I work with, at 28 went to Vegas and got lucky, and you could tell when he got back, he got rid of a lot of his awkwardness. ( He was the odd looking, weird type.) Now he is working damn hard at landing himself a GF....he works out, he goes hiking, doesn't sit in front of a game console anymore, moved out from home, etc. He is making steps to increase his chances, and has a girl interested atm.

 

I guess this would be great advice, except with regards to people who already work out, abstain from video games and go hiking...

[ThaWholigan]

Well that was probably my mistake. Let's just state for the record that if there are guys out there who lost their virginity later I'd like to hear their opinions too. Hell it would probably be more useful to hear from real life experiences than to hear women's opinions on a hypothetical situation.

 

Well I was nearly 24 before I eventually got laid. It was from OLD admittedly (and I was contacted first!) but it happened. In my opinion, had I not been relaxed about it overall, I'd have completely flopped the entire interaction in which we ended up seeing each other. Hell, when we did meet, I could have been bumbling and fumbling about, but I stopped focusing on how I felt about being inexperienced. The best thing you can do is not even beat yourself about it. Just be as cool about it as possible - no big deal. It just is what it is. Have that attitude and even if you tell her first up that you're inexperienced, she'll be intrigued at least.

 

Also, you at least want to do some research on the deed before you get down to it. Because you can be confident as f*ck outside of the bedroom - once you get in it, anxiety WILL kick in and you'll have to be creative to deal with it. Get as much info as you can - about her anatomy, positions, cunnilingus. The most important bit of info I can give you personally is to be in the moment. Focus on her completely. In and out of the bedroom. Don't focus on being in your head - "I'm so nervous, I'm such a noob, she's gonna hate me when she knows I'm inexperienced, awkward etc". That's gonna show all over your interactions. And it's going to suck (not the good kind of sucking either ).

 

So be relaxed. Whether you're meeting a nice girl you want to be with for a while, or a cool escort, or whatever. Just try to stay out of your own head for a while. And like I said - some girls are going to be vocal about their dislike of inexperience or awkwardness or whatever. Ignore it!!! Don't give yourself problems and feed your insecurity. Just forget about it.

[GravityMan]

The bottom line is that modern society expects or at least assumes that you have had certain life experiences at certain ages. Failure to meet those milestones by certain ages and you may feel like you're "behind". Sexual experience is one of those things and 90% of people (including many people who are very religious) get that out of the way in their teens or early 20s. And they're not like "oh, the clock is ticking, I need to hurry up and have sex". For most, losing virginity and getting sexual experience is just a natural occurrence that's part of them growing up and learning about life. They did not need to try very hard. They were already pretty solid in the social skills and self-confidence departments because (a) those things were focused on during their upbringing and (b) they had a decent number of friends and spent time with them outside of class doing fun activities or just shooting the sh*t. Dating, relationships, sex, heck even workplace jobs, etc...those were merely the next step; the next rung up the ladder.

 

Your sexual and intimacy tendencies are part of who you are as a person. And most people explore, journey and learn a lot about themselves during their 20s. That is why for most older virgins (25 yo and older)...there's a strong chance that the REASONS behind the lack of sex are not good and are likely going to be serious red flags and/or dealbreakers for most people of the opposite sex. And one or more of those "reasons" are very likely going to be obvious or very noticeable to most people quickly...either during the first date or even before you ask her out. She may not think "virgin"...but she will think "strange", "oddball", "awkward", "forced", maybe even "creepy". And if things do manage to progress to sex, there's a good chance she will easily recognize your lack of experience whether you tell her or not. No matter how well you "prepare" beforehand. She may or may not be OK with that.

 

There are a few older virgins that are good, confident people...but I bet they're like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

And most devout religious people get married young, so they're unlikely to be virgins past their mid-20s.

 

OP - your best chance is to just try not to make a big deal out of it. In other words, have a "so what if I'm a virgin?" mentality. However, don't lie if asked...just don't make a spectacle out of it. Just talk to, have fun with and date women like any other man. You may want to initially focus more on just meeting people in general, with no expectations. The point is to become comfortable and more confident being yourself around others (male and female)...and that will only come with time, patience and repetition.

 

Lastly, don't see a hooker...

[jcrew11]

No I'm a muslim, so unfortunately I've going that against me as well.

 

if you want to date a white girl, you might need to convert to christianity, so keep an open mind. There are very few american girls that are comfortable converting to islam.

 

As far as having sex, I thought Reno was the legal option instead of Vegas, but there are a lot of working girls on the Casino floors of Vegas. I think Montreal is also an option. Germany and Prague also get excellent reviews.

[AVarma]

OP - your best chance is to just try not to make a big deal out of it. In other words, have a "so what if I'm a virgin?" mentality. However, don't lie if asked...just don't make a spectacle out of it. Just talk to, have fun with and date women like any other man. You may want to initially focus more on just meeting people in general, with no expectations. The point is to become comfortable and more confident being yourself around others (male and female)...and that will only come with time, patience and repetition.

 

Lastly, don't see a hooker...

Honestly this is the best advice in the whole thread. Thanks a lot man.

[fortyninethousand322]

The bottom line is that modern society expects or at least assumes that you have had certain life experiences at certain ages. Failure to meet those milestones by certain ages and you may feel like you're "behind". Sexual experience is one of those things and 90% of people (including many people who are very religious) get that out of the way in their teens or early 20s. And they're not like "oh, the clock is ticking, I need to hurry up and have sex". For most, losing virginity and getting sexual experience is just a natural occurrence that's part of them growing up and learning about life. They did not need to try very hard. They were already pretty solid in the social skills and self-confidence departments because (a) those things were focused on during their upbringing and (b) they had a decent number of friends and spent time with them outside of class doing fun activities or just shooting the sh*t. Dating, relationships, sex, heck even workplace jobs, etc...those were merely the next step; the next rung up the ladder.

 

Your sexual and intimacy tendencies are part of who you are as a person. And most people explore, journey and learn a lot about themselves during their 20s. That is why for most older virgins (25 yo and older)...there's a strong chance that the REASONS behind the lack of sex are not good and are likely going to be serious red flags and/or dealbreakers for most people of the opposite sex. And one or more of those "reasons" are very likely going to be obvious or very noticeable to most people quickly...either during the first date or even before you ask her out. She may not think "virgin"...but she will think "strange", "oddball", "awkward", "forced", maybe even "creepy". And if things do manage to progress to sex, there's a good chance she will easily recognize your lack of experience whether you tell her or not. No matter how well you "prepare" beforehand. She may or may not be OK with that.

 

There are a few older virgins that are good, confident people...but I bet they're like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

And most devout religious people get married young, so they're unlikely to be virgins past their mid-20s.

 

OP - your best chance is to just try not to make a big deal out of it. In other words, have a "so what if I'm a virgin?" mentality. However, don't lie if asked...just don't make a spectacle out of it. Just talk to, have fun with and date women like any other man. You may want to initially focus more on just meeting people in general, with no expectations. The point is to become comfortable and more confident being yourself around others (male and female)...and that will only come with time, patience and repetition.

 

Lastly, don't see a hooker...

 

I don't know. Maybe you're right, but it's still not something I would ever willingly reveal about myself. Do some reading, watch some people, maybe get some coaching but you can fake it until you make it if you're good enough.

 

Reality is that for most women, being a virgin past 25 (probably earlier) is a deal breaker. If you wait to reveal that information after she has developed some emotional ties, then you lessen to chances of having her reject you.

[AVarma]

 

There's very little to make up for unless you're entirely socially bereft.

 

 

 

Really? A lot of the high school and college parties seemed like a lot of fun. I mean as an adult people are busier, have families, and don't really have that kind of fun anymore.

[vjk]

Really? A lot of the high school and college parties seemed like a lot of fun. I mean as an adult people are busier, have families, and don't really have that kind of fun anymore.

 

I read that to mean personal growth. But you're right if you are talking about opportunities. The parties and social activities dwindle around your age as your peers get busy with family life.

[normal person]

Hah, that's exactly what I'm trying to do and I get so much flack for it on this forum. People keep telling me to find a woman my age, as if a woman my age wants an inexperienced guy

 

LOL

 

As if women aged 19-22 want a 34 year old who's in the same place in life that they are.

 

I don't think inexperience is your issue, it's a lot of other things. I think the same is applicable to a lot of you guys in this thread. It's not your sexual inexperience that's the turn off. The turn off is probably whatever's kept you from having sex up to this point. Are you insecure? Awkward? Way too shy?

 

If you're reasonably successful, attractive, totally confident and comfortable in your own skin then you shouldn't have to look to hard to find a woman that'll give you a chance. I know the response to this will probably be "how can I be comfortable and confident when I've got nothing to be confident about?"

 

Work on yourself and develop something to be confident about. Go to the gym. Learn a cool, interesting skill. Achieve something. And/or fake it until you make it.

[somedude81]

As if women aged 19-22 want a 34 year old who's in the same place in life that they are.

 

I don't think inexperience is your issue, it's a lot of other things. I think the same is applicable to a lot of you guys in this thread. It's not your sexual inexperience that's the turn off. The turn off is probably whatever's kept you from having sex up to this point. Are you insecure? Awkward? Way too shy?

 

If you're reasonably successful, attractive, totally confident and comfortable in your own skin then you shouldn't have to look to hard to find a woman that'll give you a chance. I know the response to this will probably be "how can I be comfortable and confident when I've got nothing to be confident about?"

 

Work on yourself and develop something to be confident about. Go to the gym. Learn a cool, interesting skill. Achieve something. And/or fake it until you make it.

 

It's a shame how there seems to be no middle ground between insecure and totally confident.

 

Of course that is ridiculous.

 

Women are neutral about me. They aren't turned on, but they aren't turned off either. And yes, I know when a girl is turned off. I'm making more female friends and girls talk about what guys they think are creepy. If they thought I was creepy, they wouldn't be friends with me.

[normal person]

It's a shame how there seems to be no middle ground between insecure and totally confident.

 

Of course that is ridiculous.

 

That might not totally be the case, but I'd imagine if you're still a virgin at 28, women are going to be skeptical about you. So I'd suggest you remove every other red flag, insecurity being amongst the biggest there is. A guy who's still a virgin at 28 who's kind of insecure about is probably going to raise some eyebrows. A virgin who's 28 years old but totally comfortable with it and confident is less disconcerting, y'know?

 

Women are neutral about me. They aren't turned on, but they aren't turned off either. And yes, I know when a girl is turned off. I'm making more female friends and girls talk about what guys they think are creepy. If they thought I was creepy, they wouldn't be friends with me.

 

Good.

[AVarma]

Like smackie9, I'm older than you but I would be open to it if it were the right guy and we had the right chemistry going into it.

 

Just to be clear is this if he was 28? I mean if he was in his 30's or 40's, a virgin, but you still clicked would you still date him? I'm just sort of wondering how much time I have for this.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Absolutely not, and for reasons that have very little to do with sexual experience. It's the lack of life experience that's a complete dealbreaker. If you're a virgin at 28, it means you've never been in a serious long-term relationship, you haven't had talks about love and marriage and babies with someone, you've never had passive-aggressive squabbles while driving to her mom's house, and so on. I'm looking to settle down and be married eventually; I can't do that with a guy who has no idea how to handle himself in a committed relationship.

[Noproblem]

Why not!!!

[kolleamm]

Unfortunately for me it's come to this. I'm 28 and a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl or been on a date. So I guess I was wondering how many of you ladies would date a guy like me? Somebody my age who you knew hadn't experienced these things? I know it's weird but would it prevent you from dating a guy like me?

 

Why do you have to tell them your virgin? Tell them your not a virgin after you have sex with them so that way your technically not lying haha

[havocser]

No. I once dated a guy who was older than I am and he seemed.. Insecure and uncomfortable while we were together in person but seemed to have mountains of confidence via text.

 

I asked the person who set us up what was wrong with this guy and he told me he was a virgin. It all clicked. I thought, meh, whatever, he'll loosen up with time, so we kept dating and he did, our conversation while together got way better and he became open with me - it felt natural.

 

We ended up having sex and I mean, it wasn't the greatest, but I didn't expect it to be, it did, however, become better as we went on.

 

We ended up breaking up because of incompatibility - I found him to be very controlling and manipulative. It went in a downward spiral from there on, he harassed me about how I was his "one true love" and how I was his first so I meant so much to him. Apart of the controlling issue was clinginess, it's almost as if he wanted to be around me non-stop, I could barely go to work without getting 10 text messages - sometimes he would show up randomly at my office!

 

I would never do it again knowing the results I got last time. I would be too afraid of the guy having unhealthy attachments.

[fortyninethousand322]

No. I once dated a guy who was older than I am and he seemed.. Insecure and uncomfortable while we were together in person but seemed to have mountains of confidence via text.

 

I asked the person who set us up what was wrong with this guy and he told me he was a virgin. It all clicked. I thought, meh, whatever, he'll loosen up with time, so we kept dating and he did, our conversation while together got way better and he became open with me - it felt natural.

 

We ended up having sex and I mean, it wasn't the greatest, but I didn't expect it to be, it did, however, become better as we went on.

 

We ended up breaking up because of incompatibility - I found him to be very controlling and manipulative. It went in a downward spiral from there on, he harassed me about how I was his "one true love" and how I was his first so I meant so much to him. Apart of the controlling issue was clinginess, it's almost as if he wanted to be around me non-stop, I could barely go to work without getting 10 text messages - sometimes he would show up randomly at my office!

 

I would never do it again knowing the results I got last time. I would be too afraid of the guy having unhealthy attachments.

 

These are good points. I think you're very spot on. I never recommend anyone date an older male virgin for these and other reasons. If other women were staying away all this time, shouldn't that say something?...

[Els]

These are good points. I think you're very spot on. I never recommend anyone date an older male virgin for these and other reasons. If other women were staying away all this time, shouldn't that say something?...

 

Nah, not necessarily. He could just have focused on other things or not met many women. One of my friends is marrying a 30-yo guy who is not only a virgin, but who also has never had a relationship before, and they seem happy.

[mariekatie]

Unfortunately for me it's come to this. I'm 28 and a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl or been on a date. So I guess I was wondering how many of you ladies would date a guy like me? Somebody my age who you knew hadn't experienced these things? I know it's weird but would it prevent you from dating a guy like me?

 

Maybe i'm different from the others but i would like to date a virgin. Mainly because i don't have much experience too. I think it's nice to be someone's first and knowing that they would be as shy as me makes me feel less nervous. I've no issue with people who sleeps around/have alot of experience but i'd prefer to date someone with no experience. I think being awkward/shy around girls is better than being confident as i feel he might have higher chances to cheat on me. Maybe i'm weird too haha.

 

Well but i wonder this, as you have not slept with any girls before, what would you expect sex to be like? As you would mostly be watching porn & those girls have nice bodies/good skills, would you have higher expectations of sex/partners?

[MissBee]

Like smackie9, I'm older than you but I would be open to it if it were the right guy and we had the right chemistry going into it.

 

Same here.

 

I don't know anything about a man's sexual history when I just meet him, so if I have already been out with him chances are I'm attracted to him and like him so if all those things are right and he just happens to be a virgin, I don't see it as a problem. I'd be curious about why he's never even kissed though, that's a bit stranger to me.

 

I wouldn't run the other way but would be open to at least hearing why. The no sex bothers me less than him not even kissing before. I know guys who practice celibacy or who were virgins but who dated and kissed and so on just didn't go all the way, so if the guy didn't even kiss anyone before I'd wonder about if he has intimacy issues or something. But like I said...if he is actually obviously very awkward I'd probably not be on a date with him or be seeing him so if I am, I like him well enough to where I'd be open to hearing why and giving him a chance. TBH though I LOVE kissing and can't be with a bad kisser, although I suppose one can learn and be taught, but I guess my preference would be that at this age I'm not my bf's first kiss as remembering some of my first kisses, they were pretty awkward lol. But it's not a hands-down dealbreaker, because I don't always like the kissing style of people who've been kissing for ages anyway so at least I could teach him what I like.

Edited November 24, 2014 by MissBee

[wwejonathan]

Unfortunately for me it's come to this. I'm 28 and a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl or been on a date. So I guess I was wondering how many of you ladies would date a guy like me? Somebody my age who you knew hadn't experienced these things? I know it's weird but would it prevent you from dating a guy like me?

 

While you have a late start, do not let that hold you back. Man lead and very often woman follow (if reasonable), if you don't make a big deal, then to most of woman, its not a big deal. What's important is to really find out the core reason why? Make your self a all around attractive guy is more important. for example, if you did not take care of your body before, then start eat healthy and go the the gym.

[max5050]

No it would show a total lack of confidence,vigour and passion.a timidity which would probably only hold you back too.

 

It doesn't show anything. A 50 year old virgin would be laughable but not 28.

[max5050]

Absolutely not, and for reasons that have very little to do with sexual experience. It's the lack of life experience that's a complete dealbreaker. If you're a virgin at 28, it means you've never been in a serious long-term relationship, you haven't had talks about love and marriage and babies with someone, you've never had passive-aggressive squabbles while driving to her mom's house, and so on. I'm looking to settle down and be married eventually; I can't do that with a guy who has no idea how to handle himself in a committed relationship.

 

He has as much idea as you do and how are you going to know if he doesn't tell? A guy who admits to being a virgin isn't too smart. A girl who goes asking doesn't deserve a serious response. I'd laugh if asked my number or if I was a virgin. Since its anon here my number is average for my age.

[smackie9]

Absolutely not, and for reasons that have very little to do with sexual experience. It's the lack of life experience that's a complete dealbreaker. If you're a virgin at 28, it means you've never been in a serious long-term relationship, you haven't had talks about love and marriage and babies with someone, you've never had passive-aggressive squabbles while driving to her mom's house, and so on. I'm looking to settle down and be married eventually; I can't do that with a guy who has no idea how to handle himself in a committed relationship.

 

 

I agree with this...The lack of life experience will come to mind, not the lack of performance.

[vjk]

Absolutely not, and for reasons that have very little to do with sexual experience. It's the lack of life experience that's a complete dealbreaker. If you're a virgin at 28, it means you've never been in a serious long-term relationship, you haven't had talks about love and marriage and babies with someone, you've never had passive-aggressive squabbles while driving to her mom's house, and so on. I'm looking to settle down and be married eventually; I can't do that with a guy who has no idea how to handle himself in a committed relationship.

 

This does not make a lot of sense to me. How are you going to find a guy with a lot of experience in those kinds of committed relationships. Seems like an oxymoron to me. You're talking about marriages and babies; Ideally you do this once or maybe twice in a lifetime. I certainly wouldn't want a woman who goes around having practice marriages and babies. ( Though I read enough OLD profiles of women who appear to be doing this; Or maybe she's just running a nursery school).

 

....And they wonder why some of us aren't overly eager to get into the dating scene.