iknowimwrong Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 I have a story like so many other women on here except I accept and fully acknowledge that I am the one to blame for my problems. My boyfriend does not want to get married and I am literally obsessed with the thought of it. We haven't quite been dating for 2 years and i'm only 24 but for some reason I continually bring it up and we fight about it all the time. If I could leave the subject alone we would probably be engaged by now! I need advice on how to divert my attention away from the topic of marriage and enjoy what I have now, or else I am afraid I will lose it. Link to post Share on other sites
hyjacked Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 If he relented and said "Yes dear" I'll marry you next week do you actually think your on track for a life of bliss and wonder? If he doesn't want to get married in his heart and yet you finally accomplish your wedding goal and con the guy, what have you got then? Are you concerned at all you have a 70% chance of divorce going into the deal? The guy may have lame reasons not to or no reason at all, fact remains in his heart he doesn't want to get married yet. OK your mature enough to admit your obsessed with getting married. Now be mature enough to end your attempts to control another individual into want you want. The control thing is one of ther biggest guns that kill marriages. Doesn't matter whether it's out of fear or manipulation controlling is controlling. If your fighting now about just getting married and the nagging your doing about it , just wait sister till after you are married. You haven't seen such fighting and pain yet. Spend 6 monthes diverting your attention to hushing your mouth and attitude, divert your energy into exploring and correcting your own personal issues and habits. That six monthes could bring a change in you that would elimate lost valuable time with a person. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 You say you're the only one to blame and by that you mean that you shouldn't ruin the relationship by bringing marriage. You even think that you would have been engaged by now hadn't you brought marriage so many times. Let me console you - you're wrong. If he wanted to marry you so far, he would have. Your nagging about it wouldn't be nagging at all in that case. It has nothing to do with your arguments. This is not about him being ready to get married, but being determined whether you're the right one for him or not. That's what's bothering you, I can tell. People can be not ready for marriage because of various reasons, but after two years you should be able to tell if your partner is the right one. Don't regret the fights. You came to a point where you want to bring your relationship to a higher level. Perhaps he is preparing a surprise for you - a proposal. Men do that kinda crap all the time. If I had more information, I could tell you my opinion about how serious he is with you. In any case, you can ask him very calmly and friendly, with a warm smile on your face about his future plans. How he sees your relationship in perspective. Even if the answers are vague, you can still have a hunch about what's going on in his head. You're not obsessed with marriage more or less than any woman in this world. You have a right to know your future. He can change it or influence it. So why would he have the exclusive right to know something about your future life that you don't have a right to know? When a woman demands a marriage, she feels humiliated and rejected. But in most cases where the woman feels that he's a really good catch, it happens. You're not the first or the last. Anyway, let me console you. Now that he knows you want to marry him, he can't really be such an ass and pull your nose for years. He doesn't really want to hurt you, does he? So he knows he has to marry you; therefore the only way for him to stay with you and not hurt you on purpose is if he already has plans for marrying you. Believe me, the best way to know whether he will propose is to analize his bahavior. If he acts like he is totally in love, if he is totally dedicated to you, and is afraid of losing you then you're doing well... One woman has forced her boyfriend to marry her after 5 years by setting an ultimatum - marriage or break-up. She stopped seeing him and even answering his calls. Nothing. Another woman did the same thing and lost the guy. But she doesn't regret it, she thinks it's better not to waste her time. Link to post Share on other sites
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