Brutal Honesty

[Ivy]

Please answer this question honestly...what do men think about dating single mothers? I am not just a single mom but my child is bi-racial...I am caucasian & her father is African. I have heard that men do NOT want to date women who have children who they would not be able to pass off as their own should the relationship turn serious & the couple moves in together or marries. This is a very depressing thought & I would like to think this is not the case...but please give me your honest opinions...Thanks

[Tony T]

Older, mature, financially responsible men will have no problem dating single mothers, regardless of the ethnic combination of their child. As a matter of fact, there are some men that would relish the chance to have a family where the child has already gone through much of the diaper, get up in the middle of the night stuff.

 

Younger guys, say under 30, will probably date a single mother but for mostly one thing. They may even get into her emotionally but not long term. There are, of course, a some exceptions but not enough to take major risks.

 

This all really depends on the guy, the chemistry and the circustances. A woman with a child needs to make this combination as easy for the man as possible. Men who are not mature or stable, who are used to going out and partying impulsively, may find it very difficult to fit a young child into their lifestyle as it relates a relationship.

 

There are some extremely prejudiced people out there, about half of which are men. They may be predjudiced regarding your child and reject the idea of dating you because of this. So, fine, you don't need them. There may be some men who will wonder what kinds of challenges he could face as the father of a biracial child when the child gets older and faces social consequences and obstacles. Other young people can be very cruel, although I think this is becomming somewhat less these days.

 

But the chances of a single mother finding the perfect guy will be greatest if she looks for one who is older and more stable. There are a few younger guys who could work out, but far to few to mention. It will be important for the guy to have a lot of exposure to a lady together with her child to see just how that interaction might be over a period of time.

 

If a guy is very attracted to a woman and eventually falls in love with her, it is almost 100 percent likely he will welcome the child into his life as well.

 

There are a lot of issues that have to be worked out in a situation like this if the relationship gets serious. A mother has to understand that if she's going to marry a guy who will love her child as she would like, she will have to grant equal rights to that man in terms of discipline and decisions about that child.

 

There may be some books by experts on this subject and you might want to read them.

 

Now, on this same subject, even a mature, financially stable man who is very kind, etc. may be very hesitant to get involved with a woman with two of more children. That is a very difficult scene to mesh into for many different reasons.