Repressed memories..

[LittleWolf]

Hi there, people of Loveshack!

 

I've been a lurker on this forum for a while, and recently made an account and this is my first post.

 

Recently, I've been having a reoccurring nightmare featuring my ex boyfriend, let's call him Kyle.

 

As a little background to this story, Kyle and I were together for 4 years and the break up was messy. We broke up officially in 2012, but it dragged on and we ended up sleeping with each other till around May 2013. I fell pregnant, and miscarried at 8 weeks. Kyle got a 16 year old girl pregnant during my hospital stay, and as far as I am aware, is with her to this day.

 

I myself, moved on very quickly after this announcement. I've dated many men, and had one serious relationship since, but currently am pretty content on my own.

 

Within the last couple of days I have been dreaming about a memory I have repressed. A memory that features Kyle having sex with me while I was passed out.

 

I remember the incident very clearly. I was heavily intoxicated, and he was pretty drunk. We went back to his and I passed out in his bed. I woke up with him on top of me, wrenching my legs apart and forcing himself inside me. I drifted in and out of consciousness and I remember whimpering and crying because I couldn't muster the energy to react. I never spoke about it to him and everything was normal the next day. When I mentioned it quietly to a trusted friend at work, she looked at me and said. “He raped you, Lily. Kyle raped you.”

 

I was 18 at the time and he was 21. I thought it was ridiculous. While I hadn't initiated it, I didn't tell him to stop either. We had been together for three years at this point and I trusted him completely and I never spoke about it to anyone ever again.

 

Was this rape? Sexual assault? Or was it something else?

 

I don't know why this has been playing on my mind recently. Kyle and I no longer talk, he deleted me from every aspect of his life after his new girlfriend was pregnant and I very rarely give him much thought. I saw him the other day with his girlfriend and daughter, and he looked startled to see me. I had a minor freak out but continued on my way with dignity. I felt nothing for him. It just was very odd seeing him again after not seeing him for over a year.

 

I'm worried this is going to escalate, but I know no one would believe me and if they did, who cares? It was 2 years ago now and I repressed it for so long that it's only now that it has come out. I don't ever want to be involved with Kyle nor do I ever want to see him, let alone speak to him again.

 

Can anyone offer some way of getting over this? I don't want it taking up any more mindspace. Thank you for any help in advance.

[evanescentworld]

If you can, either get a referral, or find a good psychiatric hypnotherapist. They tend to specialise in memory repression and helping you come to terms with it and re-train your mind to focus healthily.

[LittleWolf]

Do you really think it's serious enough to be referred to a hypnotherapist? I had counselling while at college due to the stress of the miscarriage and the breakup in general, but not once did I mention this incident. I mean, I suppose it's resurfaced in my subconscious because I saw him and it's probably triggered it..

[evanescentworld]

People always think that the subconscious is a mental device, which exists to protect you from harmful thoughts.

I don't think this.

I think your subconscious is more like a wounded dog, and when you try to be gentle with it, it bites you.

 

I would say such memories are doing you more harm than good.

They're not constructive, they're disturbing, and they're bewildering you.

 

I can't think of a better way to lay this rabid dog to rest in peace, once and for all, personally.

Unless you'd rather try meditation.

Works just as well, (if not better!) but you're under your own steam there, a lot more may 'come up' which may make you feel equally, if not more, uncomfortable, and it takes longer.

[todreaminblue]

theres a reason for repressed memories....they are repressed so you dont have to try to handle them .....

 

i think the power of suggestion comes into play with hypnotising someone....and i wouldnt base any logicality in hypnotism and take it as gospel...and or including memory when you are actually not in control.....and are vulnerable to suggestion that could make you cluck like a chicken when you hear the word cheese...

 

i probably have memories that are repressed and i am not sure it would help me or anyone around me for them to come crashing back into my life....i have enough trouble dealing with what i do remember....even ect didnt get rid of them..all i know that it is possible they will come back on their own......i got really sick once well dont know if it was sick or highly aware....but i got extremely bad flashbacks ones that involved a putrid scent..i was alone the kids were all asleep and i was petrified..i rang a suicide prevention line..... a life line...what she told me was....you are not back there ......its not real....i knew that...i asked her why then am i cold in forty degree heat it is so hot but i have goosebumps......and how do i get rid of the smell....she told me to burn incense and asked was there anything else......i said isnt that enough......she hung up...she did the right thing by hanging up because my fighting instinct came out....i did take her advice and i burned incense and oils and sprayed air freshener everywhere.....

 

as i said some memories are best left lie as another poster said...put to bed.....reliving trauma is not for everyone can be harmful to your NOW...when it should BE at rest in your THEN......THAT WAS THEN THIS IS NOW............deb

[evanescentworld]

i think the power of suggestion comes into play with hypnotising someone....

Absolutely not. It's considered completely unethical to suggest, during therapeutic hypnosis.

 

 

 

and i wouldnt base any logicality in hypnotism and take it as gospel...and or including memory when you are actually not in control.....

During therapeutic hypnosis the subject is always in control and is reassured throughout that they are, and that they are safe.

 

and are vulnerable to suggestion that could make you cluck like a chicken when you hear the word cheese...

Therapeutic hypnosis is not the same kind as you get on some clever, expensive stage performance, you know. It's utterly different, with no gimmicks and definitely no ridiculous suggestions of that kind.

 

I'm sorry, but if you know little or nothing about therapeutic hypnosis, it's really not very fair to make such irresponsible and ignorant statements.

 

And I say that with respect.

[todreaminblue]

Absolutely not. It's considered completely unethical to suggest, during therapeutic hypnosis.

 

 

 

 

During therapeutic hypnosis the subject is always in control and is reassured throughout that they are, and that they are safe.

 

 

Therapeutic hypnosis is not the same kind as you get on some clever, expensive stage performance, you know. It's utterly different, with no gimmicks and definitely no ridiculous suggestions of that kind.

 

I'm sorry, but if you know little or nothing about therapeutic hypnosis, it's really not very fair to make such irresponsible and ignorant statements.

 

And I say that with respect.

 

 

i have neither been ignorant or irresponsible in what i have said and even though you say with respect, that word is not what you have afforded me.......i state fact ....many malpractice suits see below.......

 

 

Definition[edit]

False memory syndrome is a condition in which a person's identity and interpersonal relationships center around a memory of a traumatic experience that is objectively false but that the person strongly believes. Note that the syndrome is not characterized by false memories as such. We all have inaccurate memories. Rather, the syndrome is diagnosed when the memory is so deeply ingrained that it orients the individual's entire personality and lifestyle—disrupting other adaptive behavior. False memory syndrome is destructive because the person assiduously avoids confronting evidence that challenges the memory. Thus it takes on a life of its own; the memory becomes encapsulated and resistant to correction. Subjects may focus so strongly on the memory that it effectively distracts them from coping with real problems in their life.[11]

 

The FMS concept is controversial,[12][13] and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders does not include it. Paul R. McHugh, member of the FMSF, stated that the term was not adopted into the fourth version of the manual due to the pertinent committee being headed by believers in recovered memory.[2]

 

Recovered memory therapy[edit]

Main article: Recovered memory therapy

Recovered memory therapy is used to describe the therapeutic processes and methods that are believed to create false memories and false memory syndrome. These methods include hypnosis, sedatives and probing questions where the therapist believes repressed memories of traumatic events are the cause of their client's problems.[14] The term is not listed in DSM-IV or used by any mainstream formal psychotherapy modality.[10]

 

Memory consolidation becomes a critical element of false memory and recovered memory syndromes. Once stored in the hippocampus, the memory may last for years or even for life, regardless that the memorized event never actually took place. Obsession to a particular false memory, planted memory, or indoctrinated memory can shape a person's actions or even result in delusional disorder.

 

Mainstream psychiatric and psychological professional associations now harbor strong skepticism towards the notion of recovered memories of trauma. They argue that self-help books, and recovered memory therapists can influence adults to develop false memories.[citation needed] According to this theory, psychologists and psychiatrists may accidentally implant these false memories.[citation needed] The American Psychiatric Association and American Medical Association condemn such practices, whether they are formally called "Recovered Memory Therapy" or simply a collection of techniques that fit the description. In 1998, the Royal College of Psychiatrists Working Group on Reported Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse wrote:[15]

 

No evidence exists for the repression and recovery of verified, severely traumatic events, and their role in symptom formation has yet to be proved. There is also striking absence in the literature of well-corroborated cases of such repressed memories recovered through psychotherapy. Given the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse, even if only a small proportion are repressed and only some of them are subsequently recovered, there should be a significant number of corroborated cases. In fact there are none.

 

[citation needed]

 

That such techniques have been used in the past is undeniable. Their continued use is cause for malpractice litigation worldwide.[16] An Australian psychologist was de-registered for engaging in them.[17]

 

Evidence for false memories[edit]

Human memory is created and highly suggestible, and can create a wide variety of innocuous, embarrassing, and frightening memories through different techniques—including guided imagery, hypnosis, and suggestion by others. Though not all individuals exposed to these techniques develop memories, experiments suggest a significant number of people do, and will actively defend the existence of the events, even if told they were false and deliberately implanted. Questions about the possibility of false memories created an explosion of interest in suggestibility of human memory and resulted in an enormous increase in the knowledge about how memories are encoded, stored and recalled, producing pioneering experiments such as the lost in the mall technique.[18] In Roediger and McDermott's (1995) experiment, subjects were presented with a list of related items (such as candy, sugar, honey) to study. When asked to recall the list, participants were just as, if not more, likely to recall semantically related words (such as sweet) than items that were actually studied, thus creating false memories.[19] This experiment, though widely replicated, remains controversial due to debate considering that people may store semantically related items from a word list conceptually rather than as language, which could account for errors in recollection of words without the creation of false memories. Susan Clancy discovered that people claiming to have been victims of alien abductions are more likely to recall semantically related words than a control group in such an experiment.[20]

 

The lost in the mall technique is a research method designed to implant a false memory of being lost in a shopping mall as a child to test whether discussing a false event could produce a "memory" of an event that did not happen. In her initial study, Elizabeth Loftus found that 25% of subjects came to develop a "memory" for the event which had never actually taken place.[21] Extensions and variations of the lost in the mall technique found that an average of one third of experimental subjects could become convinced that they experienced things in childhood that had never really occurred—even highly traumatic, and impossible events.[22]

 

Experimental researchers have demonstrated that memory cells in the hippocampus of mice can be modified to artificially create false memories.[23][24]

 

Court cases[edit]

Sexual abuse cases[edit]

The question of the accuracy and dependability of a repressed memory that someone has later recalled has contributed to some investigations and court cases, including cases of alleged sexual abuse or child sexual abuse (CSA).[25] [26] [27] while others have been deemed confabulations or "false memories" that were not legally admissible.[citation needed] The research of Elizabeth Loftus has been used to counter claims of recovered memory in court[21] and it has resulted in stricter requirements for the use of recovered memories being used in trials, as well as a greater requirement for corroborating evidence. In addition, some states no longer allow prosecution based on recovered memory testimony. Insurance companies have become reluctant to insure therapists against malpractice suits relating to recovered memories.[28][29][21]

 

Supporters of recovered memories believe that there is "overwhelming evidence that the mind is capable of repressing traumatic memories of child sexual abuse."[30] Whitfield states that the "false memory" defense is "seemingly sophisticated, but mostly contrived and often erroneous." He states that this defense has been created by "accused, convicted and self-confessed child molesters and their advocates" to try to "negate their abusive, criminal behavior."[31] Brown states that when pro-false memory expert witnesses and attorneys state there is no causal connection between CSA and adult psychopathology, that CSA doesn't cause specific trauma-related problems like borderline and dissociative identity disorder, that other variables than CSA can explain the variance of adult psychopathology and that the long-term effects of CSA are non-specific and general, that this testimony is inaccurate and has the potential of misleading juries.[32]

 

Malpractice cases[edit]

During the late 1990s, there were multiple lawsuits in the United States in which psychiatrists and psychologists were successfully sued, or settled out of court, on the charge of propagating iatrogenic memories of childhood sexual abuse, incest and satanic ritual abuse.[33]

 

Some of these suits were brought by individuals who later declare that their recovered memories of incest or satanic ritual abuse had been false. The False Memory Syndrome Foundation uses the term retractors to describe these individuals, and have shared their stories publicly.[34] There is debate regarding the total number of retractions as compared to the total number of allegations,[10] and the reasons for retractions.[35]

Edited November 7, 2014 by todreaminblue

[todreaminblue]

op

 

 

I have a childhood memory this one is pretty mild trauma so ill share in the hopes i can help you find your own resolution with a solution and resolution that i had as a young girl.....i was about three maybe slightly younger.....

 

my parents went on a sort of honeymoon to the red center of australia.....i am a product of a first marriage..this was my mums second....so i got to come along...my step father had been driving for a while so they decided to pull over on the side of the road...i was asleep in the car so they left me in it ..... and retired to the caravan to get some privacy......i woke up in the night completely alone in the dark surrounded by what i called wolves.......first it was one set of eyes snuffles and growls around the door......i pissed myself out of fear......and when i looked out again there were more eyes.....i had my little torch and the eyes glowed red......scared the living crap out of me.....i went to sleep wedged under the front seat eventually before i fell asleep i had the strong urge to run to the caravan......but was told to stay rather firmly by a voice......

 

 

in the morning i told my mum wolves mum...there are wolves here.....my parents scoffed at me

 

for years i had that dream recur .....when i was in about grade two i confronted my mother.......i said mum you left me in a car on the side of the road didnt you tell me please.......she did eventually tell me the truth ...... my memory told me wolves....they were dingoes......the only way i could verify this memory being a true one and the dreams became understandable......was for my mother to tell me yes its true.,......just like when i was first raped as a child i was wearing these babyish bloomers and matching dress with strawberries on the pockets.......as an adult i asked my mum about this and she verified again my child minder had bought me this outfit.......and she had thought at the time it was too young for me.....and that it was weird my minder had bought the outfit for me and not his wife......

 

the only way you can verify a true memory is go to the person who knows......sit down....calmly talk to him...you wont know the truth by accusations.......you have to step putside of what you feel to discuss this with him......because he has a right to defend himself ......if it isnt true....and should have the desire as a decent human being to apologize if it is true.....and you will know the truth of what you have in your head ...if he looks at you with abject horror you know its probably a false memory...if he looks ashamed guilty and admits and you were with him for quite a while...you will know it happened by the outcome of your conversation......deb

Edited November 8, 2014 by todreaminblue

[evanescentworld]

Thank you for the long (obviously quoted from another source) material.

 

I do not deny that there are unscrupulous practitioners. Name me one profession where this is not so.

But frankly, there is a far greater number of therapeutic practitioners who practise ethically, correctly and scrupulously.

 

Such information may well serve to arm those who seek such support, but does nothing to promote those whose reputations are unblemished, save to wreak enormous damage to their credulity, and oblige them to cope with the aftershocks of the scandalous yet remote situations, such articles create.

 

LittleWolf, I wish you nothing but healing and empowerment. May whatever ails you dissipate, fade and leave you unaffected and strong.

 

Much Metta to all.

 

I'm out.

[todreaminblue]

Thank you for the long (obviously quoted from another source) material.

 

I do not deny that there are unscrupulous practitioners. Name me one profession where this is not so.

But frankly, there is a far greater number of therapeutic practitioners who practise ethically, correctly and scrupulously.

 

Such information may well serve to arm those who seek such support, but does nothing to promote those whose reputations are unblemished, save to wreak enormous damage to their credulity, and oblige them to cope with the aftershocks of the scandalous yet remote situations, such articles create.

 

LittleWolf, I wish you nothing but healing and empowerment. May whatever ails you dissipate, fade and leave you unaffected and strong.

 

Much Metta to all.

 

I'm out.

 

 

its from wikipedia....pretty common hardly remote source......yeah it was long wasnt it.....i kept reading things of interest though so i just posted the whole lot....i also wish the op to make the right decision for her...and that her issue be resolved as gently as possible.....

 

 

i think opposing opinions can be helpful to make an informed decision.

 

 

i am sure that the practitioners who were sued for malpractice didnt purposely create false memory....but it happened accidently.....enough so insurers balk at insuring practitioners who practice it...peace out..deb

[evanescentworld]

I didn't say anything about the source of your information being 'remote'. I guessed it was Wikipedia by all the [Edit] notes included.

 

I said that Honourable practitioners had to deal with the repercussions of remote instances. Remote as in 'having very little close professional connection to or relationship with'.

 

That is to say, good practitioners having to fend off criticism about matters which really are nothing to do with them, but they are forced to have to defend their professional position, as a result of the shady workings of a few others.

 

i think opposing opinions can be helpful to make an informed decision.

Occasionally perhaps, but not always so.

 

As I said, I now leave this thread to the OP and others far more qualified than I, to continue in their contributions.

I feel it best I say no more on the matter.

Edited November 8, 2014 by evanescentworld

[Tabitha87]

I know that for me, I'm able to somewhat control my dreams by simply telling myself a few times over what it is I want to dream about that night.

 

19/20 times I wake up remembering dreams that involve what I wanted them to. It's worth a try.

[amaysngrace]

The memories are surfacing because maybe you're ready to handle the trauma now where maybe you weren't before.

 

See a counselor that deals with rape. Yes you were raped.

 

And talking it through is your best chance of putting it behind you once and for all, otherwise it will keep playing tricks on your head when the thoughts periodically surface.

 

Take back your control.