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Those who ended affair... (Updated)

hello234

By hello234,
in The Other Man / Woman

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gettingstronger

gettingstronger

Posted
Posted

It is easy to place our cultural norms on others without walking a step in their shoes.

 

What do you mean by cultural norms? Honesty with the person you committed to? Can you clarify what cultural norms you feel do not apply here?

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cif

cif

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Posted

Some cultures such as Middle-Eastern(Arabic/Jewish), Indian, Desi, Oriental.. really look down on infidelity, ten fold coming from a woman. Because these communities are close knit, even children will suffer consequences. Admitting to infidelity could be like a death sentence.

 

Western cultures tend to be more forgiving.

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Owl

Owl

Posted
Posted (edited)
HELLO?!!? why do u think im on here dying for advise and how to be strong?? I AM WILLING TO LET GO OF MM. I WANT TO CONTINUE MY MARRIAGE. so pls stop talking about my husband and about how i dont care about him and butting into our marriage.. thast between me and husb.. just please focus on what i am asking here. i am really helpless.

 

the post above this was right about me seeking for strength.. and having had enough. I think i have reached that point where i have had enough.. what was ur experiences when u came to the point of "Enough".. How did u handle loss??? thats all i want to know.

 

I've told you a dozen times...you don't have to have the strength.

 

Your husband does.

 

TELL HIM...get his help in dealing with this.

 

I promise you, it will make the difference.

 

I get you're in a different culture. Given that...you likely need to seek advice from people who share your culture, if it's going to have that much of an impact on possible outcomes.

 

That's all I got for you.

Edited by Owl
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Sub

Sub

Posted
Posted
Some cultures such as Middle-Eastern(Arabic/Jewish), Indian, Desi, Oriental.. really look down on infidelity, ten fold coming from a woman. Because these communities are close knit, even children will suffer consequences. Admitting to infidelity could be like a death sentence.

 

Western cultures tend to be more forgiving.

 

She's stated that her H already knows about their R, having found texts between them and asking that they stop. Just based on her previous threads, she's in effect already admitted it to him.

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Realist3

Realist3

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Posted
I've told you a dozen times...you don't have to have the strength.

 

Your husband does.

 

TELL HIM...get his help in dealing with this.

 

I promise you, it will make the difference.

 

I get you're in a different culture. Given that...you likely need to seek advice from people who share your culture, if it's going to have that much of an impact on possible outcomes.

 

That's all I got for you.

 

She can't do that at all in that culture.

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Tayla

Tayla

Posted
Posted
Some cultures such as Middle-Eastern(Arabic/Jewish), Indian, Desi, Oriental.. really look down on infidelity, ten fold coming from a woman. Because these communities are close knit, even children will suffer consequences. Admitting to infidelity could be like a death sentence.

 

Western cultures tend to be more forgiving.

 

I respectfully disagree. Tolerant in an unhealthy way, yes, forgiving, doubtful. No one forgives the act or abides by this act of betrayal no matter what soil you reside upon. The real question (instead of the side tracked ones) is what is the payoff for this person to remain in a relationship outside the vows?

 

Forgiving the person is not the same as forgiving the act. Two entirely separate

issues.

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DKT3

DKT3

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She's stated that her H already knows about their R, having found texts between them and asking that they stop. Just based on her previous threads, she's in effect already admitted it to him.

 

Her husbands involvement or knowledge of the events, in my mind is questionable. I honestly don't believe he has a clue, at best he saw something fishy and she lied. Reason behind that is when she first started posting she said he knew and would leave her and that the marriage would be fine. So its doubtful he knows much if anything.

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hello234

hello234

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Posted (edited)

*****Update*****

 

Moderator merged threads

 

 

So after my millions of posts about MM, which you guys have been patiently replying to and helping me with feedback(Thank you), I finally got very frustrated yest night and told him to get lost and stop contacting me and that I dont love him.

He was trying to act smart and teasing me before i did it, calling me a "drama queen" (as i keep ending it with him), so even though he might have been joking i just got very irritated with him and hurt by him calling me that and him trying to act slick + various other reasons which led to me ending it...

 

I feel miserable and sad but at the same time a lil relief.. but the though of not talking to him again..i cant bare it.. also he took it maturely and manipulatively by saying how he will "love me until his last breath" and that he loves me and wishes me the best bla bla.. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS JUST ALL BULL , ? I want To know- DO ANY OTHER MMS SPEAK LIKE THIS, OR IS THIS GUY REALLY SOMEONE SPECIAL HERE WHO'S VERY INTO ME? I know i am married but i cant help think , Did i do the right Thing by cutting him totally off? what about how we connect so well as plain friends? :/

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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DKT3

DKT3

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Posted

If he loved you as much as you want to believe this wouldn't be the end, he would have left his marriage and you two would be together. I think anyone who has read any post of your here knows you don't care about your husband and would be on the first thing smoking if MM would have you. (Insert I care that's why I'm ending it comment here, then obsess more about MM)

 

If you want a better answer go back and read the 85 other times you've asked this question.

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Dontfindme

Dontfindme

Posted
Posted

Dramatic much? "Love you till my last breath" - I don't even think teenagers say that stuff anymore.

 

No, it's all BS. 4th time's the charm; fingers crossed!

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FusionCutter

FusionCutter

Posted
Posted

I'm sure your MM said those words similar to his wife.

 

 

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

 

So he'll love his wife till death does them part, and he will love you till his dying breath.

 

 

He sounds like a very loving person if he can promise this to two people. :)

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Thegreatestthing

Thegreatestthing

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think it's wonderfully romantic,I'm pretty sure lady Caroline lamb didn't regret her affair with lord byron for a second,if your lucky maybe he will write you some sonnets.

 

The thing of focus now is on your husband,we are typically empathetic creatures and we don't want to see people in pain,do you think your husband is in pain? Or is he still sitting in his underwear watching tv not caring in the slightest.

 

If he is in pain,you should see to him and try and do whatever you can to stop the pain as you made a sacred vow to him which should overthrow romantic whims,but usually never do.:laugh:

Edited by Thegreatestthing
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Poppy47

Poppy47

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Posted

Lovers can never be friends... anyway, what kind of friendship can you have with a MM... go around and have coffee with him and his wife at the house????See him somewhere secretly????

 

Nuh.

 

People get carried away with the drama of saying goodbye. The MM I was with howled like a baby when we finally said goodbye. However, he is still at home with the wife. It might have been hard for him. I don't know really and it doesn't matter.

 

I am guessing you MM is not really taking you seriously. If you have done it several times before, he will try to get back into your good books again.

 

It's your job to be strong and have no contact with him in any way. YOu are on the path to recovery.

Poppy.

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glow worm

glow worm

Posted
Posted (edited)
Lovers can never be friends... anyway, what kind of friendship can you have with a MM... go around and have coffee with him and his wife at the house????See him somewhere secretly????

 

This is exactly what I said to my MM when he was pleading to remain "friends" instead of going NC. I said, "what kind of friends can we possibly be? are you going to introduce me to BW and we can all go have coffee?"

 

I realize some on here have managed to remain friends with their exAP and it has worked for them ... but in most cases it probably isn't the greatest idea. From the sound of it, hello, your situation is one of these where it would be best to try not to have any form of contact.

 

It's been said on here before, but there are some helpful ways to deal with the "I can't bear the thought of never talking to him again" aspect of NC. I find it very helpful to not think of the infinity of NC, it feels like an enormity, an impossibility, and it sets me up to fail and break NC. Instead, when I'm tempted to contact MM or look him up online or anything of the sort, I tell myself, "I'm not going to contact MM today." Thinking of it as just one day at a time has really helped.

 

Also, it really helps to contact someone else instead of MM when the temptation gets really strong. This is where it might be more challenging for you as a married OW, since I'm assuming you are keeping your situation as secret as possible. As a single fOW, I have a number of my friends who know about exMM and are rallying behind me to help me keep NC, and whenever I have felt the temptation so strongly to contact exMM, I have rung up one of my friends instead. I hope that if you don't have these kinds of friends that you at least have a counsellor or someone you can talk to. Even just coming on this forum and interacting with people here could help distract you from the temptation to break NC.

 

Anyway, good for you for starting NC! It's the best thing you can do for yourself as well as your husband.

Edited by glow worm
fixing grammar.
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evanescentworld

evanescentworld

Posted
Posted
So after my millions of posts about MM, which you guys have been patiently replying to and helping me with feedback(Thank you), I finally got very frustrated yest night and told him to get lost and stop contacting me and that I dont love him.

He was trying to act smart and teasing me before i did it, calling me a "drama queen" (as i keep ending it with him), so even though he might have been joking i just got very irritated with him and hurt by him calling me that and him trying to act slick + various other reasons which led to me ending it...

... And I thought, "FINALLY!! Woo-hoo! She's actually gone and done it at last!!...."

 

I feel miserable and sad but at the same time a lil relief.. but the though of not talking to him again..i cant bare it..

 

....and then I thought...."uh-oh...hang on....."

 

also he took it maturely and manipulatively by saying how he will "love me until his last breath" and that he loves me and wishes me the best bla bla.. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS JUST ALL BULL , ? I want To know- DO ANY OTHER MMS SPEAK LIKE THIS, OR IS THIS GUY REALLY SOMEONE SPECIAL HERE WHO'S VERY INTO ME?

 

And so then I thought...."Jeesh, she really doesn't get it, does she....?"

 

I know i am married but i cant help think , Did i do the right Thing by cutting him totally off? what about how we connect so well as plain friends?

 

...And finally I thought, "more of the crappy, dumb, same, old same-old rubbish..."

 

Still hankering after the cake and eating it, still hasn't heard a word anyone has said.

Still won't accept it has to be over, final, finished for good, total NC, and never going back.

 

Ho-hum.

 

Getting really boring now....

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Goodbye

Goodbye

Posted
Posted
So after my millions of posts about MM, which you guys have been patiently replying to and helping me with feedback(Thank you), I finally got very frustrated yest night and told him to get lost and stop contacting me and that I dont love him.

He was trying to act smart and teasing me before i did it, calling me a "drama queen" (as i keep ending it with him), so even though he might have been joking i just got very irritated with him and hurt by him calling me that and him trying to act slick + various other reasons which led to me ending it...

 

I feel miserable and sad but at the same time a lil relief.. but the though of not talking to him again..i cant bare it.. also he took it maturely and manipulatively by saying how he will "love me until his last breath" and that he loves me and wishes me the best bla bla.. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS JUST ALL BULL , ? I want To know- DO ANY OTHER MMS SPEAK LIKE THIS, OR IS THIS GUY REALLY SOMEONE SPECIAL HERE WHO'S VERY INTO ME? I know i am married but i cant help think , Did i do the right Thing by cutting him totally off? what about how we connect so well as plain friends? :/

 

 

 

 

 

YES. Lots of MM speak this way. Mine would ALWAYS get in something like "You will always be on my mind forever, I will never get over you, you are my one true love in this life." Lots and Lots and Lots of WORDS. Maybe he means them as they come out of his mouth, but the fact is that they are just WORDS.

 

 

You ended it. You will go through a million emotions over the next few months from relief, to desperation of wanting to call him, to jealousy, confusion...all normal. RIDE IT OUT. Do NOT contact him. Your relationship is all about the drama. Counteract the drama with SILENCE on your end and eventually you will gain perspective and peace. Trust me.

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cif

cif

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hello234, if you read through other threads you will quickly learn that all affairs are basically the same, down to the words MMs utter. Yes, been there heard that.

 

Warning.. your MM will come back with "breadcrumbs". IGNORE HIM. If you respond you risk starting NC all over again.

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jellybean89

jellybean89

Posted
Posted

He is t worth all this drama. It's like a couple of 9th graders.

 

You will survive. I promise. Life will still go on, the sun will come up and the world will still revolve.

 

It's the end of an affair, it's not death.

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