What is the main reason girls reject guys?

[Kav]

A cool collective guy, oozing with confidence doesn't have to dance a dance for no one.

Yup.............

[smackie9]

What makes a man is conducting oneself with honor and respect for others and willing to put himself in harm's way to protect another.

 

Wow my husband didn't do that....he just asked me out on a date.

[Kav]

Wow my husband didn't do that....he just asked me out on a date.

I'm sure our definitions of 'man' are different.

Mine is one who conducts himself with honor

Yours is one who gives you what you want

[somedude81]

A cool collective guy, oozing with confidence doesn't have to dance a dance for no one.

 

Of course. That was pretty much what my first post in this thread was about.

 

I'm not oozing confidence.

 

I'm at the point where I'm relaxed and comfortable around women. That's great and all.

 

But I don't have the confidence to go after what I want. When I try, it comes off weird and girls reject me, saying they just want to be friends.

[ThaWholigan]

No, that's not quite it.

 

Despite what many people here think of me, I am very relaxed and comfortable around women.

 

The problem is that I get insecure and a bit awkward when I try to show that I want something from them.

 

Most women aren't naturally interested in a guy who isn't showing interest. They need a guy to do the "dance" and do it well.

 

I don't doubt that you're comfortable around women platonically(?) speaking. Trying to show that you "want something from them" is probably not the best way to word that either, just putting that out there .

 

You mean you get insecure and awkward when you want to express attraction/interest/etc. That's mainly because you have too much riding on it. It's a big deal to you. Deal with that, and you have an easier time managing the adrenalin of trying to date a woman.

 

I can remember the first time I properly asked a woman out - it was actually after I lost my V. I got this girl's number at a bookstore. I was sh*tting myself at first, but once I got into the convo, I remember something my dad taught me about "watching my thoughts", so I started to cycle through all my thoughts in a detached manner until I stopped thinking completely. And I focused completely on her and the environment. Stunning 5 foot 10 girl she was. Got her number, asked her on a date that night.

 

You kinda have to approach it from a position of not a big deal. I liked her, and she was beautiful, most beautiful girl I've ever dated (never slept with her though). But I already had 2 girls I could sleep with at a moments notice at the time, plus I was also focused on getting my life sorted. Nevertheless, I was fully committed to the dates at the time. She also had other options too, and ended up dating someone more established in life than I was. I understood it and while it was jarring at the time, it was no big deal. Chalked upto experience.

 

The dance, as it were, is simply a case of being in sync with her, in the moment. It's natural for there to be excitement and a touch of anxiety when you're trying to connect romantically with a girl, but if you're dwelling on insecurities in your head and fumbling over your words excessively, you're not in the moment, you're not in sync. Been there, done that. That experience will leave you rejected.

[Kav]

Of course. That was pretty much what my first post in this thread was about.

 

I'm not oozing confidence.

 

I'm at the point where I'm relaxed and comfortable around women. That's great and all.

 

But I don't have the confidence to go after what I want. When I try, it comes off weird and girls reject me, saying they just want to be friends.

When I had this problem I stopped trying to make things happen and let the women take over. I had a lot of success by being friendly but uninterested. Eventually they would just grab me and start kissing.

[Kav]

I don't doubt that you're comfortable around women platonically(?) speaking. Trying to show that you "want something from them" is probably not the best way to word that either, just putting that out there .

 

You mean you get insecure and awkward when you want to express attraction/interest/etc. That's mainly because you have too much riding on it. It's a big deal to you. Deal with that, and you have an easier time managing the adrenalin of trying to date a woman.

 

I can remember the first time I properly asked a woman out - it was actually after I lost my V. I got this girl's number at a bookstore. I was sh*tting myself at first, but once I got into the convo, I remember something my dad taught me about "watching my thoughts", so I started to cycle through all my thoughts in a detached manner until I stopped thinking completely. And I focused completely on her and the environment. Stunning 5 foot 10 girl she was. Got her number, asked her on a date that night.

 

You kinda have to approach it from a position of not a big deal. I liked her, and she was beautiful, most beautiful girl I've ever dated (never slept with her though). But I already had 2 girls I could sleep with at a moments notice at the time, plus I was also focused on getting my life sorted. Nevertheless, I was fully committed to the dates at the time. She also had other options too, and ended up dating someone more established in life than I was. I understood it and while it was jarring at the time, it was no big deal. Chalked upto experience.

 

The dance, as it were, is simply a case of being in sync with her, in the moment. It's natural for there to be excitement and a touch of anxiety when you're trying to connect romantically with a girl, but if you're dwelling on insecurities in your head and fumbling over your words excessively, you're not in the moment, you're not in sync. Been there, done that. That experience will leave you rejected.

This is great advice.

[somedude81]

I don't doubt that you're comfortable around women platonically(?) speaking. Trying to show that you "want something from them" is probably not the best way to word that either, just putting that out there .

 

 

You mean you get insecure and awkward when you want to express attraction/interest/etc.

 

Same thing to me.

 

"Want something from them" pretty much means, want to get to know them better, want to spend time alone with them, want to go on a date. It actually doesn't mean want to have sex with them. But yes, expressing interest and attraction also covers it.

 

That's mainly because you have too much riding on it. It's a big deal to you. Deal with that, and you have an easier time managing the adrenalin of trying to date a woman.

 

I can remember the first time I properly asked a woman out - it was actually after I lost my V. I got this girl's number at a bookstore. I was sh*tting myself at first, but once I got into the convo, I remember something my dad taught me about "watching my thoughts", so I started to cycle through all my thoughts in a detached manner until I stopped thinking completely. And I focused completely on her and the environment. Stunning 5 foot 10 girl she was. Got her number, asked her on a date that night.

 

You kinda have to approach it from a position of not a big deal. I liked her, and she was beautiful, most beautiful girl I've ever dated (never slept with her though). But I already had 2 girls I could sleep with at a moments notice at the time,

 

ROFl!

 

I've always felt that the best time to pursue women is when you're already having sex with somebody else. Not only do you already have somebody else you can sex with when you want so of course you aren't attached to the outcome, but you are also getting a massive confidence boost from having somebody you can have sex with.

 

Trying to not care about the outcome when you haven't had sex in almost a year is a completely different matter.

 

Pick up always talks about being outcome dependent and how it's a bad thing. Though it never actually talks about how to be outcome independent instead of trying to trick yourself that you have some sort of abundance mentality.

 

I'm miss the companionship, intimacy and sex that having a girlfriend provides, so damn right I care about the outcome.

 

The dance, as it were, is simply a case of being in sync with her, in the moment. It's natural for there to be excitement and a touch of anxiety when you're trying to connect romantically with a girl, but if you're dwelling on insecurities in your head and fumbling over your words excessively, you're not in the moment, you're not in sync. Been there, done that. That experience will leave you rejected.

 

Getting 'N Sync with a woman to the point where I'm comfortable enough to ask her out and show her that I like her is difficult for me. That's just due to poor confidence and having things go wrong over and over again. I've pretty much learned that letting girls know I like them leads to bad things happening. So I try to hide it until I can't take it anymore.

[somedude81]

When I had this problem I stopped trying to make things happen and let the women take over. I had a lot of success by being friendly but uninterested. Eventually they would just grab me and start kissing.

 

Ha ha!

 

I wish that would happen to me.

 

Sadly at 33 years old, it never has.

[smackie9]

I'm sure our definitions of 'man' are different.

Mine is one who conducts himself with honor

Yours is one who gives you what you want

 

Him asking me out on a date is a bad thing? He didn't even own a car when we first started dating.....at least he had ballz to ask me out.

[Kav]

Him asking me out on a date is a bad thing? He didn't even own a car when we first started dating.....at least he had ballz to ask me out.

I don't think we are communicating.

[smackie9]

Truly I don't expect a lot out of a man except being able to carry himself with confidence. That's all it takes. A confident man has integrity.

[Kav]

Truly I don't expect a lot out of a man except being able to carry himself with confidence. That's all it takes. A confident man has integrity.

 

Please explain this previous statement:

 

I know what women expect and I don't blame them for their demands.....if you can fulfill them, that makes you a man.

 

maybe clarify what the 'demands' you are referring to are.

[somedude81]

Truly I don't expect a lot out of a man except being able to carry himself with confidence. That's all it takes. A confident man has integrity.

 

LOL. A confident man has integrity?

 

What a crock of crap!

 

[Revolver]

It really sucks how inexperience with women actually turns women off.

 

How is the guy supposed to get the inexperience and confidence he needs to attract women, when they keep rejecting him?

 

It's like the work experience catch 22.

[Kav]

LOL. A confident man has integrity?

 

What a crock of crap!

 

yep

Confidence and integrity do not go hand in hand. Serial killers have confidence.

Pimps have confidence.

[ThaWholigan]

Same thing to me.

 

"Want something from them" pretty much means, want to get to know them better, want to spend time alone with them, want to go on a date. It actually doesn't mean want to have sex with them. But yes, expressing interest and attraction also covers it.

 

I find girls usually see that kind of attitude as "clinical", unsexy or creepy even. To think of it as "getting something from them". Obviously, I know what you mean, but I also know how it sounds .

 

 

ROFl!

 

I've always felt that the best time to pursue women is when you're already having sex with somebody else. Not only do you already have somebody else you can sex with when you want so of course you aren't attached to the outcome, but you are also getting a massive confidence boost from having somebody you can have sex with.

 

Trying to not care about the outcome when you haven't had sex in almost a year is a completely different matter.

 

Pick up always talks about being outcome dependent and how it's a bad thing. Though it never actually talks about how to be outcome independent instead of trying to trick yourself that you have some sort of abundance mentality.

 

I'm miss the companionship, intimacy and sex that having a girlfriend provides, so damn right I care about the outcome.

 

PUA never had a solid solution to being outcome independent that's true. The truth is, you can never be completely outcome independent. Some part of you is hoping that it will happen! It's really a case of priorities. I can ask out a woman tomorrow, I will be anxious sure, but if she turns me down, it's no big deal. I have important things that take precedence over whether a girl turns me down. Being outcome independent in that regard is simply that my day won't completely hinge on that. My day will hinge on how well I did at work, how practice is going, how much better I am getting at maths, how my physique is changing etc etc. How much money I stand to make if I continue where I'm going. The things I'm going to do afterwards. The moment.

 

Not if she says yes to going out with me!

 

Now I hear you about me already having sex with the girls I was dating. But I dated someone even after I stopped seeing those girls. It didn't quite work out (there was a bit of....stuff involved ), but I wasn't as focused on the outcome then either even while I had no "FWB safety net". The point is, it just wasn't as important. It potentially could have been later on down the line, if we decide to get serious. It's never gotten to that point with a girl yet. Sure, I'd like it to if I meet a girl I really like. But it's not the most convenient time in the world.

 

Which brings me back to you. It's too important to you. You're not just outcome dependent (which a lot of people are about things), the journey itself is precarious for you - so if you don't get the outcome, you feel like it's wasted. You didn't get what you want, crave, desire so badly that nothing else matters. That's your problem right there. It matters too much, more than it should. I wasn't crazy about being inexperienced and not dating much - I'm still not - but it's not as important to me. That's why I stress having other things going on in your life is important.

 

Getting 'N Sync with a woman to the point where I'm comfortable enough to ask her out and show her that I like her is difficult for me. That's just due to poor confidence and having things go wrong over and over again. I've pretty much learned that letting girls know I like them leads to bad things happening. So I try to hide it until I can't take it anymore.

Simple case of confirmation bias. Your problem is you go after girls who aren't interested in you.

 

"But none are interested in me".

 

You don't know that, you haven't met every young woman in SoCal. Hell, you managed to fluke your way into a relationship last year! So it's not that girls aren't interested in you, it's just that you have no idea how to identify the ones who are. And also, your pool at the moment is too small. It's limited to college (specifically dance class or in math). I mean, I work in an office where there are LOADS of good looking girls. Even on my old team, there are some stunners - you'd jizz yourself . But if I limited my pool to girls at work, I'd be shooting myself in both feet.

 

Getting more interests = meeting more girls. Young too, not just old, seeing as that's your persuasion . That means you have interests outside "GF". I got confidence from doing things I loved doing, not from being validated by girls. If I relied on that, I'd still be a virgin, and my first would have laughed and found some other guy to blow that night. Your worth has to come from something outside of getting girls - so that when you ask them out, it's from a place of "knowing". You even learn this in PUA - it's called giving value, or DHVing - you're bring her into your awesome world. I always believed in revamping your inner game, which basically means you actually have to make your world awesome. How do you want to do that??

[Mister Zen]

I know what women expect and I don't blame them for their demands.....if you can fulfill them, that makes you a man.

 

Being a man depends on your ability to please women? That's stupid.

 

So what makes you a woman?

[Mister Zen]

Truly I don't expect a lot out of a man except being able to carry himself with confidence. That's all it takes. A confident man has integrity.

 

You have no idea what you're talking about.

[preraph]

I think you hit the nail on the head OP. It's because they're not attracted to you in some way, whether it be physically or because of personality. Certainly lack of confidence is a big turnoff to both men and women. People have just got to learn to fake it until they build up their confidence and not let their awkwardness show. If a girl is interested, then she's at least physically attracted to you. If you lose her after that point, then it's personality.

[Kav]

Being a man depends on your ability to please women? That's stupid.

 

So what makes you a woman?

Needing a man to give her what she wants maybe?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Of course. That was pretty much what my first post in this thread was about.

 

I'm not oozing confidence.

 

I'm at the point where I'm relaxed and comfortable around women. That's great and all.

 

But I don't have the confidence to go after what I want. When I try, it comes off weird and girls reject me, saying they just want to be friends.

 

I don't know how to answer this particularly because I think it comes down to different personality types overall as well as different goals.

 

My general attitude is very laid back for the most part. I'm also generally *unconcerned with whether someone likes me/will like me or not and I think my demeanor reflects that. That in turn, makes me feel or at least appear more confident.

 

However, I also rarely find myself in a position of having to show someone I "want something from them" either. That sounds like it would require a lot of hinting and insinuations as opposed to being direct which seems like it would lead to a lot of frustration and/or misunderstanding.

 

*Well, rather than "unconcerned" I should say I'm more or less willing to accept whatever the outcome so the thought never really crosses my mind.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't know how to answer this particularly because I think it comes down to different personality types overall as well as different goals.

 

My general attitude is very laid back for the most part. I'm also generally *unconcerned with whether someone likes me/will like me or not and I think my demeanor reflects that. That in turn, makes me feel or at least appear more confident.

 

However, I also rarely find myself in a position of having to show someone I "want something from them" either. That sounds like it would require a lot of hinting and insinuations as opposed to being direct which seems like it would lead to a lot of frustration and/or misunderstanding.

 

*Well, rather than "unconcerned" I should say I'm more or less willing to accept whatever the outcome so the thought never really crosses my mind.

 

That's another reason why a girl would reject a guy. If the mode of which they receive each other romantically, communicate and generally express attraction is not to the preference of one party, it's going to be difficult to maintain.

 

If you're a subtle kind of guy, a woman who likes direct communication is going to be bothered by your approach, whether it's softly, softly "sorta wanna", or using your intellect and wit to charm. However, there are mitigating circumstances - I mention comfort and friction a lot and if a woman is stimulated by that which frustrates or slightly aggravates in the same measure as it intrigues her, then opposites can attract in some cases, or at least some form of communication that isn't completely complementary.

 

You need a combination of comfort and friction. Sometimes, there is a rare girl that gets off on awkward sexual energy. Don't count on meeting her . Just try to get that energy directed!

[somedude81]

I mention comfort and friction a lot and if a woman is stimulated by that which frustrates or slightly aggravates in the same measure as it intrigues her, then opposites can attract in some cases, or at least some form of communication that isn't completely complementary.

 

You need a combination of comfort and friction. Sometimes, there is a rare girl that gets off on awkward sexual energy. Don't count on meeting her . Just try to get that energy directed!

 

A combination of comfort and friction.

 

Is that like going up to a girl and giving her a deep kiss. And then slapping her?

[somedude81]

I don't know how to answer this particularly because I think it comes down to different personality types overall as well as different goals.

 

My general attitude is very laid back for the most part. I'm also generally *unconcerned with whether someone likes me/will like me or not and I think my demeanor reflects that. That in turn, makes me feel or at least appear more confident.

 

However, I also rarely find myself in a position of having to show someone I "want something from them" either. That sounds like it would require a lot of hinting and insinuations as opposed to being direct which seems like it would lead to a lot of frustration and/or misunderstanding.

 

*Well, rather than "unconcerned" I should say I'm more or less willing to accept whatever the outcome so the thought never really crosses my mind.

 

Odds are the fact that you are a woman, and if you are as attractive as you say, you never have to how somebody that you want something. Guys simply try to give it to you by default, though whether you want it or not.