Long distance relationship breakup.. How to manage?

[SadderDay]

Hey all,

 

I'm new to this forum. I am currently struggling the symptoms of a breakup. Here's a little background.

 

She is 21 and I am 25.

 

My (now ex) girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over two years. She goes to college in Florida, while I work and live in Massachusetts. We are both originally from Massachusetts, and this is where we met. We were friends before anything, so this really she was a little different for me. Our friendship was short but it was good and romantic feelings developed later on. At the time, the relationship seemed to be working out. She would come back from Florida on winter and summer breaks. And I would fly down to Florida in between those times to see her. Like any other relationship we struggled with communication and trust. However, I felt that we were doing just fine with it.

 

 

I have been toying with the idea of what may lie ahead and both of our futures. She is due to graduate College in December 2015. I quickly became obsessed with the question of what will happen after she graduates. We discussed both possibilities: me moving to Florida, and her moving back to Boston. However, her mind seem to be set on staying in Florida. I did not agree with this, because I feel like I'd be sacrificing more than she would be if I moved. I would be leaving my family, friends, job, and environment to be with the person that I love. However, I don't not feel that she would extend me the same sacrifice.

 

 

Fast forward to a week ago. She put on the table the idea of going on a break. At first, I did not agree with this. I do not believe in breaks. But then a day a day went by, and I realize that this may work. Without setting any rules, we were on break (mistake #1). And awkward week past. Without much communication between her night. It was a horrible week. However emotionally, I felt fine. I guess the security of knowing that I had the option of calling the break off was enough for me (mistake #2). When it finally hit me, a week later, that maybe we should establish some rules, my ex felt like I was pressuring her. She felt like I was giving her anxiety and stressing her out. She stated that she wanted peace and tranquility. (This was all via text messaging). I simply replied "I hope you find that."

 

We did not speak all day Friday. Today (Saturday), I contacted her via text. I wanted to make sure she was fine. She was. Then she asked me if I was fine. And I said yes. However. It wasn't until later in that conversation that I realized that her understanding of me saying "I hope you find that" meant that we were breaking up.

 

Apparently she called her mom crying and told her that I was putting her under immense pressure to make decisions she wasn't ready to make. And that the insecurity of not knowing if this would be the last time I walk away from her "pushed her over the edge." She said every time we argued, I would be ready to leave (she's right), and that she couldn't handle that anymore.

 

After reflecting on everything she said, she's completely right. She has a right to feel this way. However, what do I do now? How do I handle the pain of this? I love her family. I am a part of her family. They love me like a family member. She was a part of my life like brushing my teeth is. I feel all alone and lost. I begged her to stay, but she said she couldn't. I'm crying while writing this. I've been through breakups before, but this has to be the worst. It hasn't even been a day and I'm all messed up. Could someone please give me good advice on how to handle my emotions. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking back about all the good memories. Feels like someone died. I don't want to lose her, but I feel like giving her space is the best thing to do. I still have a little faith, but I don't know if it's wise to hold onto that hope. Please share your advice. Thanks.

 

If you need clarification on something, please ask. Thanks for reading this

[Mi7522]

Right now it's best to take some time for yourself. Friends and family have nothing to say about this. If it's your family and friends then lean on them for support but DO NOT contact her family or her friends. It's tough to deal with but you will be surprised at how well you can cope with things as long as you don't let her consume your thoughts. Right now it's best for both of you to take some time to figure out if this is a relationship worth persueing

[SadderDay]

Right now it's best to take some time for yourself. Friends and family have nothing to say about this. If it's your family and friends then lean on them for support but DO NOT contact her family or her friends. It's tough to deal with but you will be surprised at how well you can cope with things as long as you don't let her consume your thoughts. Right now it's best for both of you to take some time to figure out if this is a relationship worth persueing

 

That is really good advice. Thank you for input friend.

[John Grogan]

The first part of the thread looked like you were dating my girlfriend, mate, haha. The moments with the she will not make the same sacrifice you would and giving up everything for her.

 

My suggestion as a man in a somehow same relationship, you should take time for yourself and doing that, you need to go out a lot, like really a lot. Do not stay in your house and think about it, because the confort of your home will make you seem eager to text.

 

Search for threads like this, read them and try to learn from the same stories or similar. But as i said, go out, go out with friends, meet new people and install tinder . You need to be surounded by people to keep your mind in other places, pal.

 

All the best.

[SadderDay]

The first part of the thread looked like you were dating my girlfriend, mate, haha. The moments with the she will not make the same sacrifice you would and giving up everything for her.

 

My suggestion as a man in a somehow same relationship, you should take time for yourself and doing that, you need to go out a lot, like really a lot. Do not stay in your house and think about it, because the confort of your home will make you seem eager to text.

 

Search for threads like this, read them and try to learn from the same stories or similar. But as i said, go out, go out with friends, meet new people and install tinder . You need to be surounded by people to keep your mind in other places, pal.

 

All the best.

 

Thank you so much for the input brother. I definitely needed to read that. Thanks again. I am really at a loss here. I know that self-pity isn't good for me. I am looking for ways to get over this initial pain, which I know is the toughest part.

[John Grogan]

I will post here for you to read if you want. Situation that has a lot of things similar to yours.

 

Story

 

She is/was your world, it is so normal to act like this and feel like this because, looking past all the bad things that happen, you forget something important: all the love and all the best things that you, as a human being, were capable to give her.

 

From what i think, you would had not cheat or do anything besides loving her, if this long relashionship situation had worked. All that time she was away and would be away, you were and would be there for her, at any single time or moment. You need to keep that in mind, brother. You gave it all and would had given her all that you have, to quote Rod Stewart.

 

You need to look at her now, she gave up after just a thew time apart. At the first difficult moment you had.

 

Would you want to spend your life with someone like that?

[John Grogan]

PS: You need to forget her, but you don't need to forget the love you gave her.

[SadderDay]

PS: You need to forget her, but you don't need to forget the love you gave her.

 

That is the plan. It Will be a long journey, however, I will get there. Thank you my brother.

[SadderDay]

Does anyone have advice on learning how to be alone?

[SadderDay]

I contacted her 3 days ago -- it was the anniversary of her father's passing. I just said that I know that day was going to be a tough day for her. And that I'm here if she needed to talk. She replied dryly "thank you. i appreciate it" ..

 

I found the No Contact guide. I have been applying it for the past 3 days.

 

I know she loves me. I know that me hounding her about the future caused this break. However, I could tell I was smothering her and she needed space. The more I pushed up on her, the more she pushed away. Now she's far.

 

I know she cares about me. But, I don't know if I'll get her back. This is alarming to me. My anxiety takes hold of it and makes me panic. I am doing better each day, but it's still the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.

 

Btw, she's the president of a (community-oriented) sorority (which she will no longer be a president of after december). She takes about 5-6 classes, and does an internship. She doesn't work, but she has been looking for a job for the past couple of months.

 

I know she is burdened by all of this, plus her financial issues.

 

Then I come along and put more pressure on her. I can understand why she felt the way she felt. However, I think I can be more supportive.

 

It is out of my hands at this point. All I can do is hope she realizes that I am worth it, just as I feel that she is worth it. I don't know what to do...