sandy Jones Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I married my husband 9 years ago (our anniversary was 11 days ago) and it's been a rocky road. To say the least. From the very start, my gut kept telling me something just wasn't right.He was extremely negative, called me names (that weren't previously in my vocabulary),*lots of "red flags"*, but my mother had just passed away (an "accidental overdose", was the coroner's official report) and I was in a weak/fragile state. I've always had a low self-esteem though, due to the fact that I was a "Ward of the Court" (state raised) as a child. He loved to throw this in my face, "State raised kids always end up being pieces of sh*t. It's not your fault, you never had a chance." Less than a year later, after losing a baby, he started using dope (heroin), stole my debit card and cleaned out my account. Not a whole lot of money, but I was broke and that's all I had.Then he proceeded to take my name off the lease, change the locks on the doors and had his drug dealer move in. Sleeping in shelters,without a dime to my name, I borrowed money to move to a new city. The one in which I now currently reside. Received a letter (via my father), 6 months later saying he had checked into rehab, cleaned himself up and loved me dearly. Allowed him back in my life -stupid, I know!- dumped someone that I had just started seeing that made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on earth. I'd been told, most of my adult life, that I am an intelligent/ talented /attractive woman. Until I met my husband, of course! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! Had a baby girl five years ago that I love more than anything in this world, but she is also a specials needs girl and since she was born, I've had to deal with his alcohol addiction, heroin addiction, having my head repeatedly bashed against the kitchen floor, being hit in the head with bottles, called a worthless piece of sh*t and had every last shred of dignity ripped from my very being. So, I should be happy that it's finally over, right? So now I can rise from the ashes and be free of this person that never saw my inner beauty, just a victim. But, I don't feel happy at all. I'm completely crushed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Congratulations on doing the right thing for you and your child. Regardless of the circumstances, it takes courage to make a change. What is your current status? Separated? Filed for divorce? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandy Jones Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Well, at the moment I'm separated. But, he's out of the the house and I've met with a lawyer. I'm going to lose the house, which breaks my heart. I live in a community property state and I don't have the money to buy him out. I wanted to to stay in the house, because I wanted to provide my daughter with some measure of stability, but I've been mentally/emotionally letting go of that dream. I plan on filing this week. He may or may not file first, but he has made it pretty clear that he wants a divorce as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 sandy, Congratulations for leaving this abusive relationship and looking towards a better future for you and your daughter. Remember, it is better for a child to come from a broken home than to live in one. After coming out of an abusive relationship it is normal to feel as you do. You could be suffering with PTSD, so please talk to your GP/physician about this. PTSD Good luck and keep moving forward. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandy Jones Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 Thank you Arieswoman. I think I'm going to speak to a therapist this week, I'm feeling very overwhelmed by my emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 It's important to tell yourself it's OK to grieve. Regardless of the state of your marriage, separation and divorce represent loss, not the future you had in mind when you said "I do". But no one can function in a relationship unless they can find a healthy space to do so. And without a doubt, your marriage didn't provide it. Relief and sadness are a difficult mix to deal with. Glad you're getting help in dealing with this part... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Well, at the moment I'm separated. But, he's out of the the house and I've met with a lawyer. I'm going to lose the house, which breaks my heart. I live in a community property state and I don't have the money to buy him out. I wanted to to stay in the house, because I wanted to provide my daughter with some measure of stability, but I've been mentally/emotionally letting go of that dream. I plan on filing this week. He may or may not file first, but he has made it pretty clear that he wants a divorce as well. Before my separation (which is still brand new), I thought it was very important to me to continue living-- with my toddler-- in the beautiful house we had. I had all kinds of reasons, including that I'd spent years searching for the perfect place to live and thought I'd found it. I moved into a cheaper and much smaller place. It took about five minutes to realize that my relationship was a thousand percent the reason I felt uncomfortable, and a nice house might have gone five percent toward feeling comfortable and stable. As long as my son and I have electricity and running water and a sanitary place with some privacy, we'd have been happy living on our own-- much happier than in a toxic marriage. And I'm a person who loves large and beautiful spaces more than most. Don't sweat losing the house, if you have to lose the house. You'll gain stability of another kind, the kind that is most important to your child. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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