I admit it, I refuse to date unattractive men.

[Mister Zen]

How about Christina Hendricks? She's a gorgeous, successful actress. She has earned her own money and could attract many, many different kinds of men. She is married to Geoffrey Arend. He is not nearly as successful or good-looking as his wife is. Why do you think she chose him, when she has thousands of other options?

 

Or Padma Lakshmi? She's also insanely beautiful and successful. She married Salman Rushdie. He is a successful author, but she has her own money and could have picked someone much younger and hotter than him. Why do you think she chose him?

 

They all chose the best men they can get.

 

Where do you get the idea that just because a woman is hot she can hand pick any man she wants? Men reject women too you know. I've rejected hot women before.

[Mister Zen]

You ever notice you often resort to telling people what they really thought or meant in order to make your point? Honestly, if you have to twist someone's words or reinterpret what they clearly stated you should reassess your stance.

 

And no, I rejected them because I wasn't feeling a connection with them/didn't like them "like that" or knew the couldn't make me happy in the long run. I have, however rejected much poorer guys for the reasons you listed so...............

 

You weren't "feeling" them because you knew they would use you as a sex toy and never marry you. So you spared yourself the pain and avoided the whole situation.

 

This is called: "Dominance through insecure rejection". This is when we reject good opportunities because we are insecure about our ability to maintain them.

 

Nice try though

[xxoo]

Fair enough..I complete get it and you are entitled to what makes you happy, but at what cost? Additionally, am sure others are longing to know how this is working out for you thus far in reality?

 

It worked out very well for me. Decades later, with kids and jobs and mortgage etc, I'm very grateful to be married to someone who I feel strongly attracted to. When life gets tough, I can always look forward to bedtime

 

Intimacy is glue, and great sex is a huge boost for intimacy.

[NJ123]

They all chose the best men they can get.

 

Where do you get the idea that just because a woman is hot she can hand pick any man she wants? Men reject women too you know. I've rejected hot women before.

 

You think Christina Hendricks can't get with plenty of really attractive, successful men? She's an attractive, successful woman. So why do you think that for? I'm positive she could get with a much more attractive, more successful guy than the one she's with. But she chose him because she obviously loves his personality & they get along really well.

[xxoo]

. But she chose him because she obviously loves his personality & they get along really well.

 

And she probably is crazy attracted to him!

[NJ123]

And she probably is crazy attracted to him!

 

Yep, most likely. Since why would she get with someone who's a lot less successful & has less money? She likes his looks & personality. And most likely they have a lot of things in common.

[Mister Zen]

You think Christina Hendricks can't get with plenty of really attractive, successful men? She's an attractive, successful woman. So why do you think that for? I'm positive she could get with a much more attractive, more successful guy than the one she's with. But she chose him because she obviously loves his personality & they get along really well.

 

She is with the best man she can get.

 

Some hot women are only fit to be sex toys and handsome/rich men treat them accordingly. You just don't get it.

[NJ123]

She is with the best man she can get.

 

Some hot women are only fit to be sex toys and handsome/rich men treat them accordingly. You just don't get it.

 

Who said she's a sex toy? Why do you assume she can't get with a guy that's better looking & more successful if she wanted? She just happened to fall for a guy that's not the most aesthetically attractive & doesn't have anywhere as much money as she does.

Edited November 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xxoo]

She is with the best man she can get.

 

I'm with the best man I could get.

 

I simply see him as: The Best.

[carhill]

I admit it, I refuse to date unattractive men.

 

Thank you for your direct and honest assertion. Greatly appreciated.

Even if we agreed that attraction is 100% based on facial aesthetics, why does it feel like a lot of men refuse to acknowledge (or accept?) that what is aesthetically pleasing to one woman is butt ugly - or at the very least, unappealing - to another? So yes, I only date hot guys. But that only means I only date guys that are hot to me.

 

Oh, no doubt IMO attraction is very individual; that said, when a man experiences repeated and repetitive rejections over long periods of time due to 'not feeling it' (attraction), his logic can overwhelm his exuberance and positivity and he may begin to feel that he is unattractive. I harken back to an early childhood remembrance of a little Christmas TV show called 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' where Rudolph and friends end up on this island called 'the Island of Misfit Toys'. Toys nobody wanted.

 

There seems to be this pervasive way of thinking that there is a specific type of guy that ALL women will DEFINITELY find attractive and that that attractiveness automatically equals sexual/romantic attraction. It doesn't.

 

Since attraction is individual and women aren't a hive mind, use of the words 'all' or 'most' can be problematical. That said, when I'm with a male friend, and I have a couple like this, who turn both married and single female heads when entering a room, a room where few know them personally, that dynamic is a function of their physical attractiveness.

 

I was first introduced to this at about age 11-12 when myself and my then best male friend both 'blossomed' into young male-hood and my friend came to be what I'd identify many years later when watching 'Thelma and Louise' as a Brad Pitt doppleganger. I never really understood where all these girls (and women!) were coming from and why they were acting the way they were around him. To me, we were just buds who got into mischief and enjoyed all the things boys and young men enjoy. He, however, was already popular with the ladies at a time when I was just figuring all that stuff out. It exploded from there.

 

The reason I like your stance on this topic is because I married someone who had fair to middling attraction but 'gave him a chance' and that dynamic was key in the failure of our M when tough times hit, ala we make plans and then life happens. I came to see it for what it was, a calculated risk on both our parts which failed. IMO, keep on keeping on. I think you've got it right. Good luck!

[Elias33]

I think there is nothing wrong with only dating attractive people, simply because we all have our own individual definitions of attractiveness. There needs to be a physical spark, something that just grabs you, that moves you, if you will. So I totally agree with this mindset.

 

Now I might add, I find attitude also attractive, and kindness, intellect, and a sense of humor. But there's a certain barrier if physically, my attention isn't grabbed.

[NJ123]

I think there is nothing wrong with only dating attractive people, simply because we all have our own individual definitions of attractiveness. There needs to be a physical spark, something that just grabs you, that moves you, if you will. So I totally agree with this mindset.

 

Now I might add, I find attitude also attractive, and kindness, intellect, and a sense of humor. But there's a certain barrier if physically, my attention isn't grabbed.

 

Attraction is an individual thing. Like some have said, what one person finds attractive, another won't. So just go for whatever you yourself find attractive. No one should settle. It's not fair to yourself or to the person your with. Some women here have said Brad Pitt does nothing for them. Just like Kate Upton does nothing for me. I see women at my gym I find more attractive than her. But another woman could think Pitt is the hottest guy on the planet, or a guy thinking Upton is the hottest woman he's ever seen. And obviously more plays into it than just looks such as personality.

Edited November 11, 2014 by NJ123

[Elias33]

Attraction is an individual thing. Like some have said, what one person finds attractive, another won't. So just go for whatever you yourself find attractive. No one should settle. It's not fair to yourself or to the person your with. Some women here have said Brad Pitt does nothing for them. Just like Kate Upton does nothing for me. I see women at my gym I find more attractive than her. But another woman could think Pitt is the hottest guy on the planet, or a guy thinking Upton is the hottest woman he's ever seen. And obviously more plays into it than just looks such as personality.

 

Agreed. It's why I find the OP spot on.

[Rejected Rosebud]

She is with the best man she can get.

 

Maybe she's with the man she likes the most!

 

Some hot women are only fit to be sex toys and handsome/rich men treat them accordingly. You just don't get it.

 

What do you mean by "only fit"? You're right, i really don't get it!

People aren't toys even if they are totally gross.

[Mister Zen]

Who said she's a sex toy? Why do you assume she can't get with a guy that's better looking & more successful if she wanted? She just happened to fall for a guy that's not the most aesthetically attractive & doesn't have anywhere as much money as she does.

 

She is with the best man she can get.

[NJ123]

She is with the best man she can get.

 

Can you elaborate on why you feel that way with details? Because I just don't understand your viewpoint on it at all.

[ascendotum]

Agreed. It's why I find the OP spot on.

 

Whats considered attractive is not that subjective as people think. Women on here might say I think this celeb is hot but this one not, and others will say the same using other celebs. I get the point in using celebs as a guide because it makes it easier for people to reference and know who they are talking about, but its a skewed reference sample. Take those 15 different celebs that women think are hot and go down to the city mall at lunch time and take pics of a 200 random 20-50 yr old guys wandering by and add them into the mix and redo the survey. You are going to see clustering for sure. Likewise link to a page of FHMs hottest 50 women and you'll get picks all over the place from guys on there as to their ideal gf. Again go down to the city mall at lunch time and take pics of a 500 random 20-50 yr old women wandering by and add them into the mix and redo the survey. You are going to see clustering for sure.

 

Also having women 20-50 vote on what sort of guy is hot for them will naturally result in a broader range. A 20 yr old could vote for Zac Efron but an older woman here gets hot for Sean Connery....but when she was young could well have loved to be a David Lee Roth groupie. (and all 3 of those guys could sleep with a trainload of women if they wanted) For a single person what matters the most is what the majority of the opposite sex find attractive in their age band and how far they differ. Whats considered hot is most definitely not just based on the face either..another aspect that is not just randomly inconsequential in what people chase. There is variation in body types that people do have has partners but there is still strong preference that gets factored into their decisions as a + or - in evaluating them.

 

I also don't think less attractive people have a beer goggle gene when it comes to the people they sleep with. I think people broaden their version of sexy to an extent based on their realistic expectations of what they can snag in the market.

Edited November 11, 2014 by ascendotum

[Mister Zen]

Can you elaborate on why you feel that way with details? Because I just don't understand your viewpoint on it at all.

 

I already gave the details. I can only explain them, I can't make your brain understand them.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

You weren't "feeling" them because you knew they would use you as a sex toy and never marry you. So you spared yourself the pain and avoided the whole situation.

 

Oh okay. Thank you for telling me my reasons for doing what I did. I'm curious though as to how you apparently know my own mind or situation better than I do?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Can you elaborate on why you feel that way with details? Because I just don't understand your viewpoint on it at all.

 

There's nothing for him to elaborate on really. "Because I said so" seems to be the only reasoning he could ever give as a basis for his assumptions. Funny that.

[GravityMan]

Whats considered attractive is not that subjective as people think. Women on here might say I think this celeb is hot but this one not, and others will say the same using other celebs. I get the point in using celebs as a guide because it makes it easier for people to reference and know who they are talking about, but its a skewed reference sample. Take those 15 different celebs that women think are hot and go down to the city mall at lunch time and take pics of a 200 random 20-50 yr old guys wandering by and add them into the mix and redo the survey. You are going to see clustering for sure. Likewise link to a page of FHMs hottest 50 women and you'll get picks all over the place from guys on there as to their ideal gf. Again go down to the city mall at lunch time and take pics of a 500 random 20-50 yr old women wandering by and add them into the mix and redo the survey. You are going to see clustering for sure.

 

Also having women 20-50 vote on what sort of guy is hot for them will naturally result in a broader range. A 20 yr old could vote for Zac Efron but an older woman here gets hot for Sean Connery....but when she was young could well have loved to be a David Lee Roth groupie. (and all 3 of those guys could sleep with a trainload of women if they wanted) For a single person what matters the most is what the majority of the opposite sex find attractive in their age band and how far they differ. Whats considered hot is most definitely not just based on the face either..another aspect that is not just randomly inconsequential in what people chase. There is variation in body types that people do have has partners but there is still strong preference that gets factored into their decisions as a + or - in evaluating them.

 

I also don't think less attractive people have a beer goggle gene when it comes to the people they sleep with. I think people broaden their version of sexy to an extent based on their realistic expectations of what they can snag in the market.

 

Well, of course. I doubt anyone here is claiming that there's an even, equal distribution across the spectrum in what people find aesthetically attractive. There are definitely certain physical facial and bodily characteristics in both men and women (combined with how they carry themselves) that a noticeably higher percentage of people find pleasing to the eye. That's just life; some people are just dealt a better hand due to good genes and/or upbringing...and a certain subset of folks (not you) may as well come to terms with that and get over it.

 

There's just no way any one person is going to be everyone's cup of tea, even if he's one of those rare guys that has the golden ratio. I find it disappointing that some grown adults don't understand that...I learned before the age of 10 that you can't please or impress everyone, not even close. Conversely, it's pretty much impossible for any one person to be literally NOBODY's cup of tea, physically speaking...especially if he (or she) puts even a little bit of effort into improving parts of his appearance that are within his control. Just about everyone is physically attractive to some people, "meh" or indifferent to others and hideous to others. The aspects of attraction that have nothing to do with looks can positively or negatively influence the level of physical attraction one person has for another. And tastes can change and evolve with age, time and life experiences. Thus I feel that anyone that gets all wound up over this is just wasting their own time and hurting themselves.

[autumnnight]

I do think there are some things that almost all women are going to find UNattractive so if I was a guy and I had one of those changeable features I would do something about it. Same for women. For example most people find bad hygiene unattractive so if you don't have good hygiene then change that! Most people do not find morbid obesity attractive so if you are morbidly obese stop complaining about your thyroid and do something about it. If you are an arrogant ***hole with the depth of a teaspoon then either be content with bimbos or grow some character.

[Shepp]

I think it cuts both ways tbh -

I wouldn't date a women I didn't find attractive

Nor would I date a women who didn't find me attractive

 

I don't think anyone could argue with that but attraction will forever be subjective based on a whole host of things

[Mister Zen]

Oh okay. Thank you for telling me my reasons for doing what I did. I'm curious though as to how you apparently know my own mind or situation better than I do?

 

Because men and women at their cores are all the same when it comes to selecting someone for a romantic relationship. Even me. Difference is.. men are honest about their shallowness while women are always trying to hide it.

 

And both men and women have their preferences for sexy toys vs. serious relationship material. Women will smash the hot guy that works at Subway, but marry the less attractive guy with a stable career.

 

Men will smash the trashy girl with tattoos and nose rings, but he will marry the girl who is more conventional and who his family will accept him with.

 

Generally speaking of course.

[NJ123]

Because men and women at their cores are all the same when it comes to selecting someone for a romantic relationship. Even me. Difference is.. men are honest about their shallowness while women are always trying to hide it.

 

And both men and women have their preferences for sexy toys vs. serious relationship material. Women will smash the hot guy that works at Subway, but marry the less attractive guy with a stable career.

 

Men will smash the trashy girl with tattoos and nose rings, but he will marry the girl who is more conventional and who his family will accept him with.

 

Generally speaking of course.

 

I'd say there's truth to this if you didn't apply it to all men/women. A good portion of women will bang the bad boys & trashy guys when their younger, than settle down with the guy who treats them right & has a stable career. And a lot of men will bang trashy girls for one night stands, and settle for the "girl next door" type of girl for a relationship/marriage.

 

But to say all men & women in general do this is definitely wrong. Some women actually have respect for themselves & wouldn't **** a bunch of trashy men when their younger. And not all guys are into one night stands & want to bang trashy women. And why do you still think women go for guys only with great jobs? Like I said women are making more & more money today than they have in the past so they don't need to rely on what the guy makes.

 

And did you just technically call Lernaean a trashy girl since you put her in the "sex toy" category for those particular men...... That's not going to go well.

Edited November 12, 2014 by NJ123