Guys Only: A lot of American men going overseas to find dates

[Radu]

This will be a long one, so to motivate you, i'll tell you from the beginning that i technically live in a 3rd world country, have seen what you mention happen and i was heavily into PUA.

 

One thing at a time though, so let's take a look into this PUA stuff.

It started as a self-improvement thing, which is quite honorable and good, however it got corrupted for the whole wrong reasons.

There are 2 ways to do this, either you go the Mystery route [and the route of that unwashed guy who shot a girl in the face, who was pretty big] and you just add a coat of paint on an otherwise rickety fence to make it look 'good', or you rebuild it ... which takes effort, dedication and most hated ... time.

If your goal is to just sleep with women, then by all means the 1st variant is better, but you will have to find your own message [or greatly lower your standards] because once it becomes 'known' you will quickly be labeled as such and your attraction plummet.

If your goal is long term companionship, then the above is pretty stupid ... it's impossible for you to play this role, to force yourself to look this way when you are not for decades on end. Women tend to want to know their guy inside out, and they will see this in your very very VERY fast.

If she is in love you might be able to last up to 1yr, it really depends on her desperation level and self-esteem.

 

Long term self-improvement is the only way to go for long term companionship, it will take time, it will take effort, but trust me ... the result is worth it.

 

Now the bride thing.

It happens, but you have to ask yourself ... what kind of woman am i getting ?

She is motivated to leave for a better life, once she gets that ... and she has all those rights in the US, what then ???

'For better or worse', you want someone who believes in that line, and who has had a good example of marriage in her life.

You want someone who is good looking, but that is fixed in the 'now', what about the future ?

How do you know she won't go the way of the moomoo in the US ?

 

In some of those places, the man is expected to foot the bill for everything [Asia mostly ... God help you if she's japanese].

In some other places, they are more feminist than american women [Russia-Ukraine].

They may not be heavily into american mainstream feminism, but that is because in Russia for instance, women have been working since 1920's, have had army units in WW2, the though of a female doctor/engineer was not cringe-worthy in the 40's ... so they will expect you to pull your own weight and have your life in order.

 

Bottom line, like attracts like.

You want a 10 ?; do not just act like a 10 [that's phony and she will see through it], become a 10 ... have something to offer her, and you won't need to go anywhere, because they will come to you.

Good men [women too] are in short supply everywhere, so become one and get yourself a good deal.

[carhill]

In some other places, they are more feminist than american women [Russia-Ukraine].

They may not be heavily into american mainstream feminism, but that is because in Russia for instance, women have been working since 1920's, have had army units in WW2, the though of a female doctor/engineer was not cringe-worthy in the 40's ... so they will expect you to pull your own weight and have your life in order.

 

Yes, I saw a fair amount of what I would term 'feminism', more blatantly in the younger ladies I dated. Didn't bother me since my political bent ran in that general direction (equal rights and responsibilities for women) anyway. However, the difference I noted, both with the young and older ladies, was the combination of that 'work ethic' with 'being feminine'. I especially noticed this with the doctor, who indeed had been a doctor in the Soviet military, in that she was very work-focused but exceedingly soft and feminine at home and would brook no man usurping her responsibilities in that regard. Don't dare help her in the kitchen while she's cooking or try to clear the dishes after a family meal (she had two daughters and one grandchild at the time). I did and got slapped back pretty good

 

I think a lot of what I experienced, especially in FSU/CIS, was fallout from the ending of Communism, because I showed up there just a few years after it happened and people were dealing with the changes and many I encountered were not happy with the way things were going. Some were prospering; others barely subsisting. My driver was an example of prosperity; he was ex-Soviet military, a pilot, and worked in the widespread black markets of the time. We drove around in a new car and he knew everyone, even cops. Then there were the babushkas sweeping the streets with their straw brooms looking like they were about to keel over any minute.

 

IME, it's one thing to talk about dating internationally; it's like looking through the Sears and Roebuck catalog a hundred years ago with wonderment. It's quite another to actually do it, the nuts and bolts of it. I did it for a little over 3 years and it was both enlightening and uplifting but also very expensive and a lot of work, logistically, since the internet was relatively young at that time. Today, logistics are better but the cultural and economic challenges remain. Then there's the terrorism and war of today. Lots to consider.

[hotpotato]

The feeling is mutual. Ive thought about dating overseas to avoid softbodied, obese American men. I want to go to Germany in part for the men!

 

Ive had a few foreign pen pals, and lawd jeezus they would knock your socks off. My pal from the netherlands was blonde and buff. He was delish. There is no shortage of attractive men in thr middle east. Depending on where one is, they are also secular.

 

I guess the knife cuts both ways!

[BlueIris]

The feeling is mutual. Ive thought about dating overseas to avoid softbodied, obese American men. I want to go to Germany in part for the men!

 

Ive had a few foreign pen pals, and lawd jeezus they would knock your socks off. My pal from the netherlands was blonde and buff. He was delish. There is no shortage of attractive men in thr middle east. Depending on where one is, they are also secular.

 

I guess the knife cuts both ways!

 

Denmark. For lots of reasons. Worth the trip.

Edited November 12, 2014 by BlueIris

[Rejected Rosebud]

not stuck up. A very good place in the US for men to meet women is El Paso, Texas. Not only single women outnumber single men in that city, but more importantly, the women in El Paso are more down to earth compared to say the women living in coastal America.

 

How on earth can you know that? El Paso is such a tiny segment of the country! Anyway, if you think all the good ones are in El Paso then I hope you find one there or in another country. When I did a year abroad when I was much younger I decided to never date an american man again, the Italian men were so sexy and handsome and cultured, well dressed, etc.! I did grow out of that phase obviously.

 

There are cruises and tours and things like that for you guys, you can go as a group wife hunting! Maybe get group travel discounts and it might be fun.

[GemmaUK]

I can attest to yes...on UK only dating sites I get a LOT of mails from American men.

 

 

However they are uber confident and because I live 40 miles from London they assume I am able to house them for several weeks and also show them London.

This is in first mails and happens often..

 

 

Um.....??

 

 

I must look stupid!!

[preraph]

You can mail order a bride, you know. There are plenty of women overseas who mistakenly think every American is rich and want citizenship so they'll make the agreement to marry you. Just dating you and doing all that wouldn't net them anything, so they'll cite cultural differences requires marriage. Once she's over here, she will be more than happy to work and send all her money back overseas to her family. I have a relative who married a girl from overseas because he wanted traditional. He met her because his military buddy had married one and set him up. She has been a money sponge ever since then, and my relative being old fashioned doesn't believe in divorce, pretty much. He lost a limb in an accident and while he was still in the hospital, his insurance check for that came, and she sent that money to her family against his wishes. He needed that money because now he's partially disabled.

 

So be careful what you wish for. Because there's always a tradeoff.

 

If you want to meet a nice girl from another country, you have to find one who doesn't think all Americans are jerks first and you still have to find one who's attracted to you. But what you don't have to do is "go overseas" to find her. The US has new immigrants flooding its borders at all times. We have plenty of different culture women here and yes, some would be more subserviant, especially if they are desperate and many are. So go hangout in your immigrant community and see if any of them are interested in you. Beware that if they are from a male-dominated culture, that you can get in the middle of their designated head male who handles the family's business if you treat them wrong. So you may not be answering to the girl, but you'll be answering to someone.

 

I do know a couple who are fairly happy. She was a Russian mail-order bride. She is a natural blond but because she's on bride sites all over as a blond and doesn't want everyone to know it, she keeps her hair black here. She worked until she got pregnant and she and her husband get along well as long as he will finance her trips back and forth to Russia a few times a year at $2000 a pop.

[DKT3]

I haven't read this thread only the OP, sorry if I'm repeating comments.

 

First of all women out number almost 2:1 take also into account that roughly 10% are incarcerated and women live longer I would say if you can't find a woman here that's an issue with you not the women.

 

No woman is unapproachable, you simply lack confidence which they can smell from across the room. They are not all fat with short hair and tattoos. They don't all like bad boys (I agree a very large percentage of them do).

 

This is your problem not all of the American women you come across everyday, which is an amazing feat BTW, how have you managed to meet them all?

 

American women are the best, my mom, daughter and sister are all American women. Although I have to admit my wife is a UK born SoCal raised gal.

[Tayken]

I can attest to yes...on UK only dating sites I get a LOT of mails from American men.

 

 

However they are uber confident and because I live 40 miles from London they assume I am able to house them for several weeks and also show them London.

This is in first mails and happens often..

 

 

Um.....??

 

 

I must look stupid!!

 

 

That is because most people in North America think all Brits are from London, and that we all sit and have tea together

 

The amount of people have had to tell Coronation street has nothing to do with London, as well as Downtown Abbey.

 

Clearly to us lot in the know, there is a North - South divide

[MattHanson1990]

How on earth can you know that? El Paso is such a tiny segment of the country! Anyway, if you think all the good ones are in El Paso then I hope you find one there or in another country. When I did a year abroad when I was much younger I decided to never date an american man again, the Italian men were so sexy and handsome and cultured, well dressed, etc.! I did grow out of that phase obviously.

 

There are cruises and tours and things like that for you guys, you can go as a group wife hunting! Maybe get group travel discounts and it might be fun.

 

I've been to El Paso 15 times, and from my experience, it is the least Americanized city in the US as its culture is predominantly Mexican. The majority of its population is Hispanic, and the women there aren't put on pedestals. I'm positive it's also like this in all the other border towns except San Diego.

[MattHanson1990]

I highly doubt I'd have any better luck overseas than I do here...

 

First, I recommend you go to happierabroad.com and you'll see where I'm coming from. Second, I left America last month when I vacationed in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, and I had better luck outside America.

[Bobbi7]

Yeah, its true. While I was on a date, this guy was telling me that he travels out of the country often-like to the Philippines, Thailand, Mexico, etc, etc. Because he's "hoping" that he will meet a nice foreign women that will appreciate him for what he's worth. Because "american" women are sooo picky, they are never satisfied, complain about guys in the united states 24/7, etc, etc. Well, all in all..HE must be the picky one, because he obviously didn't see that a nice girl like myself was sitting in front of him..Most likely he's willing to give a green card to anyone woman who is willing to take advantage of an american guy???

[PinkInTheLimo]

There are also Western European men who don't want a Western European woman. They say that we are not sweet and feminine. So they get themselves a woman from Thailand, Nigeria, Ukraine...

 

Those men that I know who have a foreign woman are without exception guys that most Western European women would not even want to have a relationship with. They have a very traditional view on gender roles. They feel very entitled that a woman does all kind of things for them but they simply don't have enough to offer to any Western European woman.

 

I once saw a documentary about a group of American midlife guys who went to Ukraine to meet women there. So you had all these rednecks from the Midwest trying to have a conversation with some 20-something Ukranian girl who tried to make them buy her stuff. Incredibly sad.

Some of these girls are really pretty some bloody ugly. Yes most of them are slim and have high cheekbones but sometimes cheekbones are simply so pronounced that it becomes ugly.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Short hair is a deal breaker when dating?

So even though, I'm educated, well-off, great personality, the complete package, I wouldn't be good enough to safe because I don't spend an hour a day drying and straightening my hair?

 

I can't even wear my hair longer than a bob because I suffer from hairloss since 15 years. I have very thin hair and less and less of it. By wearing it relatively short I can create the impression to have more of it.

I used to be depressed when it first started, now I don't care too much any more. I have a nice face so even without hair I would look cute.

I also have very few grey hairs (I'm 50). As a matter of fact I think that every time a hair is going to turn grey, it falls out .

[loveweary11]

Question.

 

Why are you suggesting poorer countries?

 

You are complaining that women are looking for the top 10% in terms of money and status. If you farm chicks out of a poorer country, aren't you just elevating your own money and status by picking poorer chicks?

 

It's not like what women want changes when you do that. They still want a greater money and status. By switching countries, you just go for women who are more easily impressed by whatever money and status you have.

 

Women are utter train wrecks these days thanks to so many factors that get them away from basic femininity. They have to be a man and a woman now. I feel for how hard that is. They live in a ****ty society that expects too much from them. That's why they're messed up. Imagine your stressful job. Now imagine spending an hour putting on makeup in the morning before it, as an example.

 

Women are after the top 10% based on what they find important in a parter. This may include looks and security which comes from money/status.

 

You are looking for the top 10% of women who aren't fat, don't have short hair, have good fashion sense and no tattoos.

 

What's the difference between you looking for top women and women looking for top men?

 

Should they go overseas to Russia and Europe and get better cultured, more manly men with more money than you?

 

 

Signed

- A guy who gets women

 

These days, there is an epidemic of lonely frustrated single men in the United States who can't get dates, and no matter how hard they try, still no luck. The reality is that the US dating scene is dysfunctional, unnatural, and it's a nightmare for a lot of men. Many American women these days, especially the hot ones, are stuck up and unapproachable, and they only want the top 10 percent of men in terms of money, status, and looks. A lot of them also prefer bad boys instead of nice guys. Additionally, a lot of American women are unattractive; either they have tattoos, they cut their hair short, they have a poor fashion sense, or they're overweight/obese. And on top of all of this, single men outnumber single women in most of the US, especially the western states like California; the imbalanced ratio of single men to single women says a lot about why many guys are finding out that every girl they meet has a boyfriend.

 

There are cliches like "You'll find someone don't worry" and "The right one will come when you least expect it", which are absolute BS. And then there are the pick-up artist techniques which claim that if a guy says certain things to a girl or does things differently, he will start getting dates; but even the PUA won't get guys anywhere. So a lot of guys realize that the only real solution is to go abroad, particularly to poorer countries like Russia, Ukraine, Mexico, The Philippines, China, etc.

 

Have any of you on this forum had no luck in the US dating scene but it drastically changed when you went overseas?

[NGC1300]

There are cliches like "You'll find someone don't worry" and "The right one will come when you least expect it", which are absolute BS.

 

So true.

 

 

/i

[No Limit]

Stay away from Western Europe if that's your way of finding a wife. At least Germany is "americanizing" regarding the dating world, slowly but surely.

[Realist3]

Or you could enter a yoga class. I'm not kidding.

[gaius]

Even though I've traveled in the US for a woman before, I think there's a certain aspect of loser that comes with going all the way across the ocean. =/ That I couldn't get myself personally comfortable with. 330 million people here, half of them women. That should be enough.

 

There's a woman in the UK I want more than anything but unless I win the lottery and have nothing else to do all day except figure out ways to spend money I'm just not going there.

[Anela]

Even though I've traveled in the US for a woman before, I think there's a certain aspect of loser that comes with going all the way across the ocean. =/ That I couldn't get myself personally comfortable with. 330 million people here, half of them women. That should be enough.

 

I think that only applies if someone is specifically treating it like a shopping trip, or sex holiday. You guys make it sound like you're checking out a product line, and bringing home something without a personality of its own, rather than a woman/girlfriend.

 

My Dad met my mother when he was stationed overseas. He was congratulated by a few dolts for getting himself an English wife, who wouldn't expect certain things that would make her life as a housewife easier (if she chose to stay at home). Luckily, my dad wasn't like those men. He expects better than that for me, too.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Anela

[MidwestUSA]

There's a woman in the UK I want more than anything but unless I win the lottery and have nothing else to do all day except figure out ways to spend money I'm just not going there.

 

That girl married some guy named William, and is due to drop baby number two in a few weeks.

 

Sorry you missed her.

[Weezy1973]

Random fact (and I know people on LS hate facts):

 

The vast majority of people in the US (and the rest of the world too) are in relationships. They have dated successfully. Of the small minority that are single, a rather large portion of those either want to be single or are doing fine dating but just haven't found a good match.

 

For the very, very small percentage of people that just can't get a date at all, it has nothing to do with demographics.

[alphamale]

unfortunately american men and women are not too highly regarded on the international dating scene. Time and time again they come in the bottom of the list of who you would date.

[Woggle]

America in general is not thought highly of these days. This country needs to take a long hard look at itself before we self destruct.

[taiko]

unfortunately american men and women are not too highly regarded on the international dating scene. Time and time again they come in the bottom of the list of who you would date.

Is it common enough for there to be a scene? Inside of Europe do two different national's have to go through the same governmental approval process the someone getting involved with an American will have to do at some point if you're wish to move beyond dating?