Akashsingh Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 I have been separated with my wife of 7 years, 9 years including separation. We used to argue a lot and sometimes it got physical to pushing, grabbing. No injuries or threats. I was also verbally abusive in last 2 years. However I did a lot of good things for her. Sent her to college, helped her rise in her career etc. Since our arguments got physical a couple of times, her mom told her to call cops on me and she did one day when there was no physical argument. Since then it's been 2 years , I have never seen her or spoken to her. She, judges and prosecutors are adamant that they won't lift or modify the no contact order for me to talk with her. First six months of this, she didn't want divorce, but later on filed for it. I am about to complete my DV class , but there is no sign she wants to get back together. During this time I have had extremely strong emotions when it came to signing divorce papers. I refused to sign them. I even went to a judge and asked more time, and she gave me more time. I miss her a lot emotionally but her attorney, her family and herself are not even willing to talk even once. I don't know how can someone be so cold and calculating and mean. I made mistakes and acknowledged them, but, it seems I have no option but to sign divorce papers. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akashsingh Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 Also , I may add that , we were just good friends but I didn't get along with her parents. Her parents also had a fight with my parents. It seems she is choosing her parents over me. She does not even want to consider marriage counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Sign the papers and let her go. This sounds a lot more like an obsession then love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akashsingh Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 Not the answer or opinion I was looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Akasingh, Sorry, but you've blown it. Sign the papers and let her go. Then move on with your life and don't repeat the mistakes you made before. You could start by addressing your anger management issues - but do that for yourself and not to try and get her back. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 I don't know how can someone be so cold and calculating and mean. I made mistakes and acknowledged them, but, it seems I have no option but to sign divorce papers. What should I do? I am sorry for your heartache and truly do believe in the possibility of change and second chances. As a believer in Christ, I don't know where I would be without His grace and mercy. Having said that, however, the above quote is concerning. If you got in arguments that led to any physical contact whatsoever, that's a very big deal. I have a daughter who is 20 years old. If she told me that her husband had put his hands on her while arguing I would insist that she leave as well. I am not saying that I would tell her to never talk to him again or to not try and work it out, but the fact that you are minimizing what happened is problematic. "What should you do?" Reconciliation requires two willing participants. You can't stay married to someone who refuses to stay married to you. What kind of counseling have you gone to since your split? What have you done to show your wife that you are truly sorry for what happened and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it would never happen again? That's the place you have to start even if you don't reconcile with your wife because any future relationship you may have will be impacted by that same anger you let get out of hand with your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I agree, sign the papers. Then hit the "reset" button and start anew and move forward with your life and don't make the same mistakes again. It's good that you have taken accountability for your actions and that you have made great strides at self improvement. That does not however obligate her have any contact with you or to afford any more chances. She has the right to move on with her life and put the past behind her as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Instead of asking "what should I do?", you have to ask "what does she want me to do?". In this case, asked and answered... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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