Do you ever get so tired of trying?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, perhaps a pyschology article about the psychology of online dating my shed some light, as to perhaps it's really the medium in which everyone uses that causes the difficulties of online dating.

 

Psychologists highlight pitfalls of online dating - CNN.com

 

The abundance of profiles online also may make daters too picky and judgmental, the authors say. The sheer number of options can be overwhelming, and the ease with which people can sift through profiles -- and click on to the next one -- may lead them to "objectify" potential partners and compare them like so many pairs of shoes.

 

And there is some truth to this, chances are if you had met the same men which you ignored online in person through social events or other real life means, you would have likely gone out on at least one date with him as opposed to not even giving him a quick meet in person through the online dating medium.

 

I knew of a man that actually had emailed a woman through a datings site only to be ignored. He spotted her at a flea market, approached her and started to chat her up. He got her number, went out a few times and then revealed to her he had emailed her online.

 

And she was totally flabbergasted and she told him she would have NEVER ignored him if he knew what she knew about him as he met him face-to-face at a public place.

 

So perhaps a single gender may not be put to blame on it, but online dating can be a crutch to the person using it.

 

 

It's more the attitude "well these women have been on the site for ages so they should cave in and respond to my messages out of desperation" have some self respect! Who wants to be with someone who 'settled' for them out of desperation.

 

I'm probably one of those unresponsive women.. I am not going to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. "Oh he's ok, I will marry him." I'm just waiting to find someone who interests me. If I don't, its just me and my cat. Awesome!

 

I am tired of being rejected too. I can totally understand and relate to having no success, hence I have learnt to be happy and single. But I will never become bitter and blame men for my lack of success. It's either my problem, or it just isn't happening.

[kolleamm]

Reading the previous comments I've began to form somewhat of a better better understanding as to why online dating generally doesn't work for men and women.

 

All of the women who have been on these sites for years if not decades are waiting for someone who "interests them".

 

Now there is nothing wrong with that however it does get fairly problematic. For the most part I believe that almost everyone can agree that OLD is based solely on looks.

 

Going back to the league system we each have our numbers. He's a 5, she's a 10, he's an 8, you get it.

 

I would say men would have a far better idea of where they stand in terms of numbers since they are the ones who are constantly faced with either rejection or acceptance. I got rejected by a 10, ok how about the 9? Yup also her. What about the 8? She seems to like me a lot so I must be around an 8 myself.

 

Women on the other hand rarely do the asking out themselves.

 

While men work their way down the league system, women work their way up.

 

Since women do not actually face rejection there would be no reason for them to believe that they could not score a 10, he just simply "hasn't found them yet" and they will continue waiting for him, the knight in shining armor.

 

So, they open up their their OLD profiles and let wave after wave after wave of messages flood them.

 

Women will continue to wait for Prince Charming while men will continue endlessly search through the masses of profiles until their self esteem is completely reduced to 0.

 

Both sides lose in this case.

[TheyCallMeOx]

I stopped looking for women when I found the right person for me: myself. Once I fell in love with myself, I realized women aren't all that great. Most of them are just as imperfect as I am. What's the point in women? Nothing. There is no point. They don't make my life feel fuller, they don't make me become a better person, they don't inspire me. A woman who loves me wouldn't want to change a single thing about me. A woman who loves me isn't afraid to lose me because I'm an amazing catch; she's afraid to lose me because I'm the one who catches, and I'll just catch something else. I don't need a woman in my life; neither does a woman need me in hers. Why should I expect her to? She's got dudes cat-calling her everyday willing to pay money just see her adjust her bra, free drinks at bars, friends with shoulders to cry on, chocolate to eat, and dreams to conquer without me. I'm not with a woman because she's got nice breasts, because I like the way she says my name, makes me laugh, wears makeup everywhere she goes, or that cute face she looks when she's got a surprise. When I'm with a woman, I'm with her because I choose to be. I'm not the lucky one; she is. Because I already got everything I could ever want within myself. Allowing someone into my amazing heart is the greatest gift, because my love is valuable. With a woman, the only thing that changes is my spare-time available. I'm in love with myself, and I'm fine with being by myself if I have to. If a woman doesn't want to be with me, or doesn't feel like staying with me, that's not my loss; it's hers. I'll be just fine without one.

Edited November 30, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx

[JuneJulySeptember]

I tire of the predictability.

 

I just signed up for online dating and I got a wink, even though it was somebody much younger and from a far away place, I was almost like, WOW!

 

Turned out to be a bot. A spammer account.

 

If a woman would ever hit on me, or call me hot, or wink at me online, then that would really make me happy.

 

But then, we're back in the same old circle. I'm whining about being unattractive and nobody here wants to hear it, and I'm not going there.

 

So, I'll just keep plugging, keep messaging, while expecting zero responses, and if I get one, know that it is a maybe where I'll have to put forth my best effort.

[kolleamm]

I tire of the predictability.

 

I just signed up for online dating and I got a wink, even though it was somebody much younger and from a far away place, I was almost like, WOW!

 

Turned out to be a bot. A spammer account.

 

If a woman would ever hit on me, or call me hot, or wink at me online, then that would really make me happy.

 

But then, we're back in the same old circle. I'm whining about being unattractive and nobody here wants to hear it, and I'm not going there.

 

So, I'll just keep plugging, keep messaging, while expecting zero responses, and if I get one, know that it is a maybe where I'll have to put forth my best effort.

Man I wasted 5 years of my life with that mentality. OLD is a virtual slot machine don't you see, sure you win a few dollars here and there but your probably never gonna win the jackpot. Real life dating is far more efficient. Don't make the "I have no social circle" excuse, make one! Nobody is born with one. Now get out there! It's for your own good

[JuneJulySeptember]

Man I wasted 5 years of my life with that mentality. OLD is a virtual slot machine don't you see, sure you win a few dollars here and there but your probably never gonna win the jackpot. Real life dating is far more efficient. Don't make the "I have no social circle" excuse, make one! Nobody is born with one. Now get out there! It's for your own good

 

I mean, honestly, how can it be that different from real life? Are you saying that in real life, women's preferences magically disappear? Nah dude.

 

I do meetups as well. Really, I'm double tiering it. I'm trying to expand my social circle while looking to date too.

 

Some of the same people who do online dating do the local meetups as well because I recognize their profiles. I also would bet they are the same people doing the local yoga and kickboxing and volunteering groups as well.

 

Meetups are really just another form of online dating. It's very forced and sudden. The days of meeting people naturally like the first week at your freshman dorm are long gone.

[Mangina]

I mean, honestly, how can it be that different from real life? Are you saying that in real life, women's preferences magically disappear? Nah dude.

 

I do meetups as well. Really, I'm double tiering it. I'm trying to expand my social circle while looking to date too.

 

Some of the same people who do online dating do the local meetups as well because I recognize their profiles. I also would bet they are the same people doing the local yoga and kickboxing and volunteering groups as well.

 

Meetups are really just another form of online dating. It's very forced and sudden. The days of meeting people naturally like the first week at your freshman dorm are long gone.

My friend is a good looking guy and he can not seem meet girls on line. He meets them in person. I think the girls get nervous or something about meeting some body from the internet.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

Meetups are really just another form of online dating. It's very forced and sudden.

 

Forced and sudden? Explain, please. I personally think they are much better than online dating because at least you don't get ignored.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

Some of the same people who do online dating do the local meetups as well because I recognize their profiles. I also would bet they are the same people doing the local yoga and kickboxing and volunteering groups as well.

 

Funny you mention that. I seen the same people at Meetups on the dating sites. Recently saw one was a customer service manager at a local department store while out shopping.

 

She looked like 20 to 30 lbs more than she looked in her picture. Of course her profile and pics are over a year old (the amount of time I kept seeing her online).

[JuneJulySeptember]

Forced and sudden? Explain, please. I personally think they are much better than online dating because at least you don't get ignored.

 

It's the same as people were saying about online dating. A lot of people who do meetups do it because they don't have friends or have inadequate friend networks. That's why I do it.

 

If you have more than enough friends and more than enough romantic prospects, then why are you online in the first place? When I had a very full social life and always had things to do on the weekends, I didn't even think of using online resources to bolster my relationships. Now, I know some people do, but I don't think it's the majority.

 

As for the idea that finding someone won't make you happy, it really is not true. If you find someone who you are compatible with, and you get married and have a kid, that WILL BE your life. You will for the most part drop all your friends and your life will revolve around your spouse and you may even move locations so the three of you are alone and that is 100% true. Ask me how I know.

 

Life is very predictable and tangible. You could find that person when you are totally happy or content, or totally down in the dumps and desperate.

 

I'm not saying that I'm looking to get married and have a kid to satisfy my life, but that can and does happen, sure.

Edited November 30, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's the same as people were saying about online dating. A lot of people who do meetups do it because they don't have friends or have inadequate friend networks. That's why I do it.

 

That's why I sought out online resources. There came a time all of my friends got married or co-habitated and lost touch. It finally came to fruition when I tried to hang out with a married male friend of mine, but he was always saying, "I have to see what my wife has planned" and that'd be the end of that.

 

I used Google to look up social groups and Meetup came up. And the rest was history. It's been pretty much my only source of meeting people. Ironically, 90% of the people in these groups ARE single, with a token married couple who feels awkward when they first attend an event. LOL

 

If you have more than enough friends and more than enough romantic prospects, then why are you online in the first place? When I had a very full social life and always had things to do on the weekends, I didn't even think of using online resources to bolster my relationships. Now, I know some people do, but I don't think it's the majority.

 

Good point, the same back story goes, either "All my friends got married, and I'm the only single person left, so I joined Meetup." or "I just got a divorce, moved to this city, and looking for new friends." It's a great resource for those new to the area.

 

Even if it's a Meetup for common interest like hiking, camping, kayaking, yet again, it's still mostly singles. Couples simply are out busy doing things with each other, not with other people. Very rarely it happens.

 

As for the idea that finding someone won't make you happy, it really is not true. If you find someone who you are compatible with, and you get married and have a kid, that WILL BE your life. You will for the most part drop all your friends and your life will revolve around your spouse and you may even move locations so the three of you are alone and that is 100% true. Ask me how I know.

 

Yep, I know a couple of married co-workers. I would ask them what they got planned for the weekend and it would be absolutely nothing. At most house work related stuff, some even have a HOME gym...so they aren't even out and about in the gym place or take brisk power walks around the neighborhood. Pretty much they are attached at the hip. I've known people in Meetups to couple up, date for a few months, go off the Meetup radar, then you'd see them pop up again after things didn't work out.

 

I recall one woman who just moved here, got a new boyfriend and she said she was looking for new friends, and he said, "You don't need friends, you have me." Ouch! LOL Yeah I know. Not the wisest answer though.

[GettingOver]

Yes, I have been lucky to have relationships with several quality guys. And I was very lucky to have once experienced true love - mutual and unmistakable. We were star-crossed in that his family interfered and created insurmountable problems for us. But at least I've had a good taste of real love, something that I think a lot of people never get to experience.

I have my spells of sadness and existential gloom, but I'm glad that I've managed not to project any bitterness onto new men that I meet. Even after all the heartbreak, I'm still optimistic that I could meet the right guy for me at any time. If that happens, none of the previous heartbreak will really matter anymore.

 

I absolutely love your post! I just turned 30 trying to sort out mess with two men - the one I loved and couldnot be with and the one I liked, but he did something that I could not accept and therefore destroyed my "butterfly" feelings to him. I really though that with that one it could work out, but It did not again, and I now I sometimes fall into these "spells of sadness and existential gloom", but in general I am not that pessimistic. I also think that a right person can heal all the previous heratache. It happend once already and to be honest - it came out of the blue. I was suffering and getting over a heartbreak. Once I met him I experienced true love and all my hearbreak was gone in a blink of an eye. I hope it happens again Life is unpredictable and you really never know what happensa tomorrow!