why do a lot of men bother women online?

[jessicachoi]

Why do a lot of men, young boys to old men, harass/bother women online? I have experienced it a lot in the past few years (Dating sites, social network sites) and it really got me wondering, why do they do this? Not only aggressiveness but also sexual harassment. By some of those men, I would say they feel like they are entitled to my time/body/etc, or cannot handle rejection. But would that really be the case with all those men and those very young boys?

 

The countless rape threats I got, unwanted dick pics, stalking, name calling, very disgusting sex stories or treats, unwanted sexual comments and other kinds of misogynistic behaviour and thoughts. The worst is that I always tell them to stop but they keep doing it. Also when I don't want to chat or send nude photos(as if I would send them to random guys online), I get countless treats or insults. Also "no" seems like an invitation to a lot of men to bother me even more instead of respecting that I am not interested or do not want to send nude photos.

 

Even my 13yo sister get message like "bitch send me nudes" "hey babe tits or gtfo" from boys in her grade and random older men commenting disturbing things at her instagram photos. And that is only what I have seen…… I am not sure how to protect her from that kind of stuff since I never experienced it at such young age.

 

So, why doed all this happen?

[irc333]

Yeah, the jerks are making us decent men look bad. May be this explains why I see a lot of women actually adding this to their profiles.

 

"Please no d*ck pics or asking me for nude photos!" THough I've emailed these women and attempt to prove them that I'm not one of "those guys" only to be ignored anyhow, but that's another topic altogether.

 

 

I think some men use online dating. Are you on the FREE sites? THey use it as some kind of alternative to regular porn viewing and nothing more. Chances are these men are even married or spoken for.

 

Plus they are behind the computer screen, so they save face.

 

Why do a lot of men, young boys to old men, harass/bother women online? I have experienced it a lot in the past few years (Dating sites, social network sites) and it really got me wondering, why do they do this? Not only aggressiveness but also sexual harassment. By some of those men, I would say they feel like they are entitled to my time/body/etc, or cannot handle rejection. But would that really be the case with all those men and those very young boys?

 

The countless rape threats I got, unwanted dick pics, stalking, name calling, very disgusting sex stories or treats, unwanted sexual comments and other kinds of misogynistic behaviour and thoughts. The worst is that I always tell them to stop but they keep doing it. Also when I don't want to chat or send nude photos(as if I would send them to random guys online), I get countless treats or insults. Also "no" seems like an invitation to a lot of men to bother me even more instead of respecting that I am not interested or do not want to send nude photos.

 

Even my 13yo sister get message like "bitch send me nudes" "hey babe tits or gtfo" from boys in her grade and random older men commenting disturbing things at her instagram photos. And that is only what I have seen…… I am not sure how to protect her from that kind of stuff since I never experienced it at such young age.

 

So, why doed all this happen?

[candie13]

you're complaining a bit much, aren't you ? that's what block buttons exist, to be used. As for 13 years old getting harassed, report on fb, report to the parents, print screen and post on their profile followed by hitting the block button.

 

someone is in dire need of attention today

[jessicachoi]

yup on free sites, including OKcupid. And I guess it is because they are online and feel like they can say anything. But then again, someone who says such terrible things online cant be a good person. They still think those things in real but dont dare to say/do it face to face, so they do it online. Little bit scary to know though, knowing that are so many men with such hateful scary thoughts about women walking around. But I still dont geg WHY thy feel like saying such things ot even think about it. Do they like hurting women? Do they like to harass them? Is it about power or anger?

[lino]

This type of thing and every other type of sleazy and sexually aggressive thing men do is done for one and one reason only...... BECAUSE THEY'VE DONE IT BEFORE AND HAD POSITIVE RESPONSES TO IT.

 

 

The very minute all women stop opening their legs for sleazy and crude men, it sops. THE VERY MINUTE.

[jessicachoi]

sure, wondering what leads men to harassing and bothering women makes me in need of attention, right. If you saw the terrible messages I read every hour, you wouldnt dare to walk past a man and you will feel gross as heck.

 

 

This type of thing and every other type of sleazy and sexually aggressive thing men do is done for one and one reason only...... BECAUSE THEY'VE DONE IT BEFORE AND HAD POSITIVE RESPONSES TO IT.

 

 

The very minute all women stop opening their legs for sleazy and crude men, it sops. THE VERY MINUTE.

 

Then probably in your eyes all men who have sex are considered sleazy or sexually aggresive. Pretty sure there are not that many women reacting in a positive way to a man who writes how he wants to rape/destroy her and who wont stop bothering & insulting her. The thing I see is that they for sure like harassing women and get joy out If it. Actually I dont know why these men enjoy threating and bein aggrasive towards womeb. Thats why I am asking it.

 

But yeah according to you we women open our legs for all men who see "no, stop, leave me alone" as a challange, our lovely stalkers, harassers and creeps who we dont like but wont stop bothering us. Sure hun.

[preraph]

yup on free sites, including OKcupid. And I guess it is because they are online and feel like they can say anything. But then again, someone who says such terrible things online cant be a good person. They still think those things in real but dont dare to say/do it face to face, so they do it online. Little bit scary to know though, knowing that are so many men with such hateful scary thoughts about women walking around. But I still dont geg WHY thy feel like saying such things ot even think about it. Do they like hurting women? Do they like to harass them? Is it about power or anger?

 

There's a bunch of creeps out there who as you say would never have the courage to say anything in person because they're cowards but who are probably terrible socially and then resentful of others for their own weaknesses and take the opportunity to strike out. I had two brothers who were stalkers online and off for 3 years who were just total losers and perverts. There is no point arguing or engaging with them in any way. Stick to sites where you are allowed to block them. And block them right away.

[preraph]

This type of thing and every other type of sleazy and sexually aggressive thing men do is done for one and one reason only...... BECAUSE THEY'VE DONE IT BEFORE AND HAD POSITIVE RESPONSES TO IT.

 

 

The very minute all women stop opening their legs for sleazy and crude men, it sops. THE VERY MINUTE.

 

That's not true. That's not the mindset. They are cowards who enjoy shocking. They enjoy the negative response. They think that gives them momentary power.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've said it before and will say it again, the anonymity provided by the wacky world wide web breeds questionable characters with shady agendas who feel not only "safe" but entitled to behave inappropriately.

 

The likelihood of any of these sexually aggressive men acting out like that in real life would surely get their face slapped or balls kicked in no doubt.

 

At the same time, there is something to the notion that such behavior might have resulted in at least one positive response. As well, there are countless "men" who seriously get off on the shock factor and when they get a response, positive or negative, it only proves to fuel an already active and disturbing mindset.

 

Having said that, there are just as many normal men online who are there legitimately. Unfortunately, for many women, the task of weeding through the sh*tty prospects to find those gems has proven to be a monumental task more often than not.

 

And like another poster already mentioned, almost every OLD site has a block feature as well as an alert option where you can report profiles that take it too far. I would suggest you start using them.

 

Good luck.

[Keenly]

Are your pictures sexually suggestive in any way?

 

 

Sometimes I see profile pictures where girls are half naked, have pictures of just cleavage, bikini pics, and these girls wonder why they get such sexual messages.

[OwMyEyeball]

The Internet can be an uncomfortable exhibition of the dark side of some people's true thoughts and feelings.

 

Fortunately, they represent a minority whose prevalence only seems higher because the online world is one of the few places they can voice their anger, frustration and hatred without the much harsher implications doing so in the "real" world would impose.

 

The denizens of the Internet are not a representational cross-section of society.

[serial muse]

Are your pictures sexually suggestive in any way?

 

 

Sometimes I see profile pictures where girls are half naked, have pictures of just cleavage, bikini pics, and these girls wonder why they get such sexual messages.

 

So you're asking if the 13-year-old sister has sexually suggestive pics? Nice.

 

Did you think of anything beyond "how do I turn this around on the women" before you posted? Doesn't look like it.

[Haydn]

Women pester fellas online as well. And I don't have any shots of me in a bikini. (as of yet)

[GemmaUK]

Why don't you just block them?

 

 

I've had loads of nasty/rude/crude mails in my time on OLD.

Mostly from men in their late 40's upwards to be honest, it seems far more common from that age group.

 

 

The younger guys, even those in their teens and twenties are almost all very polite I have found and even though I wouldn't date them being that much younger (and they knew this) I've had a few good chats with some of the young guys.

 

 

But anyone who says anything mean, threatening or rude/crude I just report and block.

 

 

You can't control anyone's behaviour but you are fully able to control your own reaction to it.

[irc333]

I'm sure he was referring to adult women with the cleavage shots.

 

Yeah, seen my fair share of them myself.

 

 

So you're asking if the 13-year-old sister has sexually suggestive pics? Nice.

 

Did you think of anything beyond "how do I turn this around on the women" before you posted? Doesn't look like it.

[Keenly]

So you're asking if the 13-year-old sister has sexually suggestive pics? Nice.

 

Did you think of anything beyond "how do I turn this around on the women" before you posted? Doesn't look like it.

 

That actually is what you were doing, because I was just throwing it out there as general information. If you interpreted it as something it wasn't and then went on the defensive, that's on you, because that's not what I implied.

 

Yes, 13 year olds DO put up stuff like that. They send nudes to each other and they sext as well.

[preraph]

13 year olds cannot be held accountable for their actions. Yes, their parents should be paying more attention. But if there's an unsupervised tween or teen out there using her child logic to do what she sees the grown women do or imitating the porn that comes to her inbox, that does NOT give men the license to go at her in any sense of the word. She is not old enough to fully understand the consequences of her actions and no one fully is until they're in their 20s. At her age, I didn't even know why two dogs were "stuck together"!! Anyone who takes advantage of her naivety is in the wrong.

[Keenly]

13 year olds cannot be held accountable for their actions. Yes, their parents should be paying more attention. But if there's an unsupervised tween or teen out there using her child logic to do what she sees the grown women do or imitating the porn that comes to her inbox, that does NOT give men the license to go at her in any sense of the word. She is not old enough to fully understand the consequences of her actions and no one fully is until they're in their 20s. At her age, I didn't even know why two dogs were "stuck together"!! Anyone who takes advantage of her naivety is in the wrong.

 

Absolutely its bad to take advantage or to even attempt to solicit.

 

But two things I have to disagree with. A person, especially at age 13, should absolutely be held accountable for ALL of their actions. That's how you learn right from wrong.

 

 

Secondly, I'm glad to hear you were innocent at that age, but this is 2014, and kids these days are extremely sexual. We can't just deny that it happens, because it does.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

There is really no deep, hidden reasoning behind it. The simple answer is, because they can. That's why. People harass - sexually or otherwise - online because it's generally anonymous, untraceable and has few if any consequences in the real world. Men and women alike harass others all the time for every reason under the sun.

 

However, almost all websites have some form of block and or report functionality or another, especially OKC. Removing an individual from your view and stopping them from contacting you on the internet is generally as easy as the few clicks of a button.

 

Were this about incidents of harassment in real life I could sympathise with you because reality does not have a 'block button' and there can definitely be some real danger there but on the internet? Nah.

[serial muse]

That actually is what you were doing, because I was just throwing it out there as general information. If you interpreted it as something it wasn't and then went on the defensive, that's on you, because that's not what I implied.

 

Yes, 13 year olds DO put up stuff like that. They send nudes to each other and they sext as well.

 

Way to double down, there, guy. Not helping yourself here.

[BlueIris]

Absolutely its bad to take advantage or to even attempt to solicit.

 

But two things I have to disagree with. A person, especially at age 13, should absolutely be held accountable for ALL of their actions. That's how you learn right from wrong.

 

 

Secondly, I'm glad to hear you were innocent at that age, but this is 2014, and kids these days are extremely sexual. We can't just deny that it happens, because it does.

 

And this is just one person's opinion, not a fact about all young people or how all adults view young people.

 

 

I agree that the computer screen is their shield and that the mindset is dysfunctional. They're creeps. Block immediately. Don’t tell them, “no,” or engage AT ALL as soon as they do anything you don’t like. Whether you’re in chat or messaging, just disconnect and block.

 

Don’t worry about blocking at all. The men I actually dated from OLD understand and care that women sometimes deal with crap, so they don't have a problem with women blocking. For those who didn’t know what happens sometimes on OLD, your thread is a public service announcement helping them to understand!

 

After not receiving a response or after receiving a rejection, they wouldn't keep writing to the woman and likely wouldn’t know they’ve been blocked. Or, if they do try to send a “ thanks, and good luck” note and they’re blocked, they know why and don’t cry, whine or get their knickers in a twist. Crying whiners with twisted knickers are just tier two of the ones you don’t want to date anyway.

[Ruby Slippers]

So you're asking if the 13-year-old sister has sexually suggestive pics? Nice.

I have a high school friend who has been posting pictures on FB of her daughter dressed like a hooker since about age 10. I don't think it's an unreasonable question.

 

When I first got on OLD, I figured out that even slightly revealing pictures attract tons of sexual commentary. Now I post only the most demure pictures, and the volume of unwanted sexual messages has gone way down.

[preraph]

Absolutely its bad to take advantage or to even attempt to solicit.

 

But two things I have to disagree with. A person, especially at age 13, should absolutely be held accountable for ALL of their actions. That's how you learn right from wrong.

 

 

Secondly, I'm glad to hear you were innocent at that age, but this is 2014, and kids these days are extremely sexual. We can't just deny that it happens, because it does.

 

No, they aren't all sexual at 13 by any means. That is really really young. Just because they want to wear makeup and clothing they see on tv doesn't mean they know that makes them appear sexual. Ask a lot of mothers of teen girls and they will be going round with them from the time they're 8 or 10 trying to keep them from dressing like a hooker just because they see that everywhere they look. Doesn't mean there's knowledge behind it.

[serial muse]

I have a high school friend who has been posting pictures on FB of her daughter dressed like a hooker since about age 10. I don't think it's an unreasonable question.

 

When I first got on OLD, I figured out that even slightly revealing pictures attract tons of sexual commentary. Now I post only the most demure pictures, and the volume of unwanted sexual messages has gone way down.

 

No, it wasn't reasonable, because he didn't really read the OP. He's just backtracking. He saw a woman complaining about online harassment and his kneejerk response was "what were you wearing?" Glossing over the bit about her sister entirely, which gives the lie to the idea that she was asking for it. His question was aimed at the original poster, and it was more of the same old same old figure out how to defend men at all costs and blame the laydeez for their own harassment bs instead of an actual thoughtful response.

 

I think the right answer is that most guys don't do this and the ones who do are very loud and angry and like to hide behind a computer screen and forget that there are human beings on the other side. I don't think that all guys need to answer for this bad behavior when they don't do it, but it would sure help if they didn't rush to the defense of those who do. Nothing justifies harassment, including skimpily dressed 13 year olds or women or conservatively dressed women or girls. Anything else is defending shxtty behavior and needs calling out.

Edited November 12, 2014 by serial muse

[Keenly]

No, it wasn't reasonable, because he didn't really read the OP. He's just backtracking. He saw a woman complaining about online harassment and his kneejerk response was "what were you wearing?" Glossing over the bit about her sister entirely, which gives the lie to the idea that she was asking for it. His question was aimed at the original poster, and it was more of the same old same old figure out how to defend men at all costs and blame the laydeez for their own harassment bs instead of an actual thoughtful response.

 

I think the right answer is that most guys don't do this and the ones who do are very loud and angry and like to hide behind a computer screen and forget that there are human beings on the other side. I don't think that all guys need to answer for this bad behavior when they don't do it, but it would sure help if they didn't rush to the defense of those who do. Nothing justifies harassment, including skimpily dressed 13 year olds or women or conservatively dressed women or girls. Anything else is defending shxtty behavior and needs calling out.

 

 

You really are reaching, aren't you?

 

If you take what I say out of context, its on you, because that's not what I was saying at all. I was saying if a woman posts pictures with sexual undertones, she will receive sexual messages.

 

Why does it always have to be about who's against who? Am I not allowed to participate in conversations anymore because you'll react defensively?

 

You read what I say how you want to read it, but I say things how I want to say them. Apparently they are two very different things.