Angeleyez2583 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Ok well this is a complicated situation, but all the help would be greatly appreciated! So anyway, I had been going out with this guy for almost 2 1/2 years. Those two and a half years were amazing, but sometimes I had problems with drinking. I'd black out and take anger out on my boyfriend. So finally in December he told me he couldn't take it anymore. I was always going out and getting drunk, and he couldn't take it. So I came to him crying and asked him why he was throwing our relationship away. He took me back, and everything was much better. Until last friday. We got drunk with his roomate and a friend of his. He was extremely trashed, and wanted me to give him a cig. I wouldn't give him one, so he became angry and pushed me and hit me. I just let it go because of the way I used to treat him when I was drunk. However, later that night I asked him if he remembered hitting me. He said no, and then stupid me goes and asks his roomate and friend. They didn't believe me, so I got upset and cried and got angry. Finally they called the apartment security on me. And the boyfriend said it was over. I went into his room, messed it up, tore up the physiology notes, and took the xbox back I gave him for his birthday. The day after it happened, I remade a copy of the notes I tore up and even put them in a binder. Also, I brought the xbox back to his apartment. I left him a message appologizing as well. I didn't beg him to come back, but saying I was sorry for hurting him and that I was going to completely stop drinking. Also, I'm going to rehab to get help for my problem. I even sent his parents flowers thanking them for everything they have ever done for me. So what I want to know is how do I get him back. I'm not going to sit there and cry to him and beg him to come back to me. I need to if there is even a chance I can get him back, or should I just give up. I know if I do it I have to act all happy when he sees me (he's in two of my classes). Also, should I try and sit next to him in class? I want to tell him that I want to appologize to his friend and roomate in person. Also, I'd like to ask him if the reason he broke up with me was just from the drinking. I need to give him his space I know, but I really love him and miss him so much. How do I get the love of my life back? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 My first response is to contact him. Not knowing if he's even open to hearing from you makes it difficult to tell you how to recapture the relationship with him. If he isn't open to your contacting him then the steps will be different. Right now, communication is the key. Call him. Ask him if you two can meet for coffee and talk. Tell him you're going to rehab and regardless of what the future holds for the two of you, you'd like both of you to come to terms with what has happened recently. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 This is a tough situation. Everything is complicated by the alcohol problem. In my opinion, however, you are not the only with a problem... you did say that he was drunk enough to hit you, and he even says he doesn't remember it. He can't tell you that you shouldn't be drinking and then have you over to drink. He shouldn't be drinking at all if you're trying to quit. And he never should hit you - never. The key point is to do what you need to do for yourself, and truly do it for yourself. Do you want to stop drinking? Good. Don't consider him a factor in the decision. Don't call him for a while, or email or text. It's not what you want to do, I know, and it's harder than anything, but if you smother him now then he's going to be put off. If he wants to be with you, and he sees you changing in a positive way at the same time, he'll let you know. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 The problem is I have to see him. He's in two of my classes. I'd decided not to contact him like you said, but I'll see him monday. When I see him monday should I just try to ignore him or what? Link to post Share on other sites
Impressive1 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I suggest Anger Management Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 for me or for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Impressive1 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Both, but I doubt you can get him to go. It's never a good thing to black out and not remember things, but to not remember hitting someone you care about is terrible. The one thing to try to get stuck in your head, is when you get upset or angry is to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. The underlying truth is ... neither of you are happy with yourselves for some reason if not many, you can't possibly make eachother happy or anyone else if you aren't happy with yourself first. Maybe just sit down and talk to him face to face about things and try to be honest without giving the impression you are whining about things, they get testier than ever when that happens, just don't try to place blame on eachother, get everything out in the open. You'll both need some time apart to work things out within yourselves first, and when that happens or starts happening, maybe you can then work out you relationship. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
moon Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Angeleyez2583, I am sorry to say this but reading your post just screams of alcoholism. Alcoholism can really escalate. Soon you might be fighting off DUIs and public intoxication tickets or worse. I suggest you either get yourself off alcohol or contact AA. You are obviously being very honest here about what happened and that's good. You hitting your boyfriend or your boyfriend hitting you is way over the top. It could all be alcohol enduced, but still the alcohol problem remains. It sounds like you really need to get a handle on your drinking. I'll tell you this honestly because I have seen a few people spiral down pretty low because of alcoholism. Alcohol is not your friend. Sure a few beers are okay, but once you're getting drunk and taking anger out on situations there is no telling what can happen next. I personally know a few people who have told me they think they have drinking problems. Soon after one guy totaled a car while drunk and got into trouble with the police and the other guy went to jail. Seriously, get some help. Next time you go over to your boyfriend's house leave the alcohol at home. It sounds like you're probably in school and just partying, but it ALREADY sounds like it's gotten out of control. Don't turn into one of those people who has to learn their lesson by hitting rock bottom. In regards to your boyfriend, if you really care about him and you're both willing to fight your anger problems and alcoholism then who knows what might happen. Maybe you guys will do great.....but I'd get a handle on the drinking problems. I am sure you feel really frustrated and don't want to be in this situation at all. I am sure it's painful, but it might be time to think about what the real issues are here. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Can i add my opinion here? i blacked out 3 times last weekend... Friday, Saturday and Sunday night as i am drinking while on meds lucky enough for me i am not a violent person, i would never hurt a flea especially when i am drunk i truely believe people who get violent while drunk should be well steered clear off! every gf i had said it was a test to see me drunk and they always said i was so placid and they were relieved the drink isn't necessarily the problem here... it is your bf while drinking BUT in my opinion this is a precursor to domestic violence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would never never hit a gf drunk or otherwise Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angeleyez2583 Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Ok I'll try to explain myself a little more clearly. I am going to rehab. And our relationship was very happy and wonderful till that point. This is the first time he's ever tried to hit me or anything. And I was just upset that night cuz no one believed me. But I want him back. I am getting the help. He is a very happy go lucky person. So how would I go about getting him back? Link to post Share on other sites
Impressive1 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I explained to you the answer to that and I am sorry that is not the answer you want to hear. Keep asking the question and someone may give you one that you do. If you really love this guy as much as you say you do, I am sure that it is a difficult thought to imagine life without him but eventually you will have to see that maybe out of love that you need this break so you both can work on things, and only out of obsession it's that you keep pushing and pushing. Link to post Share on other sites
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