misty12 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Here is the scenario - a wife has not given her husband sex for months, because she has emotionally checked out of the relationship. Husband is desperate to get his wife back and begs and tries to guilt her into sex and intimacy despite the fact she says no repeatedly. Also enters and stays in her personal space, demanding sex and when she says no and asks him to go away, demands answers as to why she won't have sex, still in her personal space. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Here is the scenario - a wife has not given her husband sex for months, because she has emotionally checked out of the relationship. Husband is desperate to get his wife back and begs and tries to guilt her into sex and intimacy despite the fact she says no repeatedly. Also enters and stays in her personal space, demanding sex and when she says no and asks him to go away, demands answers as to why she won't have sex, still in her personal space. I would check with local law enforcement and local/state regulations but, yes, that would be considered sexual assault. If someone feels forced, coerced, etc. into sexual contact then yes that is assault. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I didn't hear any sexual assault here. There wasn't sex or groping or anything like that, he's just in your personal space? That's not sexual assault. Intimidation absolutely, but its not assault if he never touches her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 It's a dysfunctional marriage but I didn't see any assault in there. Even though he's in her personal space & presumably annoying, you never indicate that she is afraid of him. So no I don't see any crime being committed here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 It's intimidation and coercion, but may or may not be sexual assault according to the exact facts and law of your jurisdiction. I'd recommend consulting with a sexual assault survivors' center for their advice and support. Regardless of the legalities, there are clearly major issues in this marriage. If you don't feel safe, then once again, talk to the support center. If you want to stay in this marriage, then I recommend reading The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. He has ideas you can use unilaterally which may be effective to restore effective, empathetic, respectful communication so you can both get your marital goals met. OTOH, separation and divorce may be your goal. If so, plan ahead for safety, again with the help of the survivors' center. A man who would attempt to physically intimidate and nag you into submitting to unwanted sex may become very angry or even violent if he thinks you are trying to exit the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I would check with local law enforcement and local/state regulations but, yes, that would be considered sexual assault. If someone feels forced, coerced, etc. into sexual contact then yes that is assault. Disagree. The OP did not indicate there WAS physical contact, just that there was a "demand for answers." If it is just words being exchanged, I don't believe that would quantify as "assault" which is usually paired with the word physical. A heated exchange of words is a fight, not a "sexual assault" as referred to in the OP's title. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I didn't hear any sexual assault here. There wasn't sex or groping or anything like that, he's just in your personal space? That's not sexual assault. Intimidation absolutely, but its not assault if he never touches her. Generally, touching is not required in the classic, common law definition of assault. Assault | Wex Legal Dictionary / Encyclopedia | LII / Legal Information Institute OP, Most (all?) criminal law is statutory in the US, so you’d have to look it up for your jurisdiction/state. I agree with D0nnivain- it's a dysfunctional marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Generally, touching is not required in the classic, common law definition of assault. Assault | Wex Legal Dictionary / Encyclopedia | LII / Legal Information Institute OP, Most (all?) criminal law is statutory in the US, so you’d have to look it up for your jurisdiction/state. I agree with D0nnivain- it's a dysfunctional marriage! That's the sketchiest definition of assault I've ever seen. It seems that any one can can claim.assault.for anything, as its subjective. As long as their scared, its assault. What state is that in? Either way though, its still not SEXUAL assault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author misty12 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Share Posted November 12, 2014 there was touching such as leaning his body into hers and hand on or around a shoulder, but not of any private areas. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 there was touching such as leaning his body into hers and hand on or around a shoulder, but not of any private areas. Not "sexual assault" by the sounds of it. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 What's wrong with a restraining order or the wife removing herself from the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 That's the sketchiest definition of assault I've ever seen. It seems that any one can can claim.assault.for anything, as its subjective. As long as their scared, its assault. What state is that in? Either way though, its still not SEXUAL assault. As I said, "classic, common law definition" and recommended OP look at his/her own state code. I thought SOME people might find it interesting that contact is not necessarily required for assault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Here is the scenario - a wife has not given her husband sex for months, because she has emotionally checked out of the relationship. Husband is desperate to get his wife back and begs and tries to guilt her into sex and intimacy despite the fact she says no repeatedly. Also enters and stays in her personal space, demanding sex and when she says no and asks him to go away, demands answers as to why she won't have sex, still in her personal space. It's an invasion of personal space, she said NO. NO means NO! So to reach out and touch IS threatening and probably put fear into her that something more would happen against her will. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Sexual assault, a form of sexual violence, is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will, or any non-consensual sexual touching of a person. This includes rape (such as forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, forced kissing, child sexual abuse, or the torture of the victim in a sexual manner. --------------------------------- No, it does not sound like there was sexual assault. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 That's the sketchiest definition of assault I've ever seen. It seems that any one can can claim.assault.for anything, as its subjective. As long as their scared, its assault. What state is that in? All the way back to English common law assault has been the apprehension or fear of an imminent threat . .. no actual contact required. Battery is touching of the body. In modern parlance, assault is misused to mean both. I highlighted the first letters because the alliteration helps you remember the differences. Given the lack of physical contact, classic assault is therefore harder to prove. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 This sounds like another Lifetime channel over dramatization of women "isssssues". I mean, that's why I can't stand Lifetime channel. Anywho, if the wife "checked out of the marriage" then they should divorce or she should allow him to either: Masturbate to porn, get a mistress/gf, or her leave the marriage. Sometimes I would like to take a poll as to what "vows" mean to women. I mean, I'm not sure if there's more to this story, but to just cut off sex from your SO, IMO, is holding them hostage. I believe men, when in a loving RL, need sex not only cuz of the physical release, but that's how men "connect" with their women. While we women also get satisfaction from sex - it doesn't hold the same meaning. Women can do w/o sex and still get that "connection" with another male (i.e. cuddling, making out, romance). So, when a woman cuts off sex from her husband I believe he loses more than the woman does. So, if she doesn't wanna keep on having sex. Then he should stop paying the bills, doing chores, etc. Even out the exchange. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 If I had experienced the same and I had said no to sex then I would remove myself from that situation. I wouldn't say it was 'sexual harassment' per say however it was controlling behaviour and as such would be enough for me to leave without looking back. There would be a reason for my 'no' and he would already know what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Op, let's try to be honest here - are you talking about you? If so, what is your opinion? How do you feel about it? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 No, I don't believe it is sexual assault. However, if the wife refuses sex, refuses to work on fixing the marriage, and gets annoyed if her husband is trying to fix it with her, then she needs to just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 He's not assaulted her yet, but I'd advise her to take steps to separate/divorce if she plans on never having sex with him again or it's going to get ugly. Bear in mind, she may not be telling you everything. So keep close watch on her for marks. Point blank ask her if you wish. But he hasn't physically forced her yet. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 As far as I am personally concerned, my own opinion is that when you begin to be made nervous, intimidated or threatened by any leverage someone is putting upon you, and IF you perceive their manner and motive to not be loving, but manipulative and unsettling - there is something seriously wrong with the dynamic. It's time to act towards self-protection. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreaminEagle Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Here is the scenario - a wife has not given her husband sex for months, because she has emotionally checked out of the relationship. Husband is desperate to get his wife back and begs and tries to guilt her into sex and intimacy despite the fact she says no repeatedly. Also enters and stays in her personal space, demanding sex and when she says no and asks him to go away, demands answers as to why she won't have sex, still in her personal space. From what you are describing, no it does not sound like sexual assault. It sounds like harassment. You need to be more clear about being in her personal space. If he was in her personal space and touching and groping her, then some states have criminal sexual contact statutes, but if he was in her face demanding answers but did not touch her, then it falls under the guise of harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 I don't see it as harassment or assault...the man is trying to be intimate with his "wife" - not some stranger down the street. All I can say is that when a woman cuts off sex from her husband, it does resort in frustration and can make him do weird things. But, he should take some responsibility here. If she doesn't want to give him any, he can get a mistress, porn, prostitutes and/or divorce her. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 This sounds like another Lifetime channel over dramatization of women "isssssues". I mean, that's why I can't stand Lifetime channel. Anywho, if the wife "checked out of the marriage" then they should divorce or she should allow him to either: Masturbate to porn, get a mistress/gf, or her leave the marriage. Sometimes I would like to take a poll as to what "vows" mean to women. I mean, I'm not sure if there's more to this story, but to just cut off sex from your SO, IMO, is holding them hostage. I believe men, when in a loving RL, need sex not only cuz of the physical release, but that's how men "connect" with their women. While we women also get satisfaction from sex - it doesn't hold the same meaning. Women can do w/o sex and still get that "connection" with another male (i.e. cuddling, making out, romance). So, when a woman cuts off sex from her husband I believe he loses more than the woman does. So, if she doesn't wanna keep on having sex. Then he should stop paying the bills, doing chores, etc. Even out the exchange. I agree with you. Plus the fact that the wife doesn't even want to tell the husband why she doesn't want sex sounds down right mean. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreaminEagle Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 Just because you are married, harassment can be very prevalent. Getting in your spouses personal spaces after repeated turn downs for sex demanding is harassment. There is such thing as domestic harassment. It is the fine line before any form of assault. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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