Update on my situation: Life will go on, and I WILL SURVIVE!!

[Rachel]

First of all, I want to thank my friends on here who have helped me soooo much. I feel that all of your advice is good and I am reading and re-reading the posts until it sinks in.

 

I am calling today a big day. A day of acceptance. I am accepting the FACTS; that he has moved ON, and its time for me to realize that.

 

It snowed here all day today. So work was closed. I surfed the web and read a lot of good articles on relationship stuff. What dear Sparkle has said is true, I'm sure 75% of what I am feeling is missing our routines, and the fact that I was so used to him. I dont' want to find someone new,I dont' want to go out there again. I feel at 31 that I want to be settled, loved and cherished and a family. And I DO DESERVE THOSE THINGS.

 

So; This has been a big day of reflection. Understanding that I am ready to MOURN this relationship. I am ready to feel the pain and the sleepless nights, and embrace it. I know I will be needy and come on here and ask for assistance, and I know I will get it.

 

The things that are most painful are two things: and I am trying hard to work on them. 1. Rejection; why did he decide to walk away from this relationship. I am going to try my best not to analyze this 2. Jealousy; thinking he is INTO someone new right now. and a third 3. I really do miss him. I loved talking to him.

 

I know I will find someone again. As a matter of fact maybe the next person will be the ONE Maybe this was a lesson for me to learn about how I should be treated. and not to put up with WISHY-WASHY guys. I'm tired of always knowing what I want, and him always not knowing.

 

I am not going to call him. If and when he calls me, I will not beat around the bush. I won't mumble, and I WILL be direct.

 

Like Sparkle said; Maybe down the road our paths will cross again.

 

I would appreciate any new advice from all of you. I know I sound like my skull is thick.... but I think all of this is a process. Just be patient with me, as the bad days come. I just know they are here, with a vengeance. I feel the PAIN, so bad......BUT I WILL SURVIVE

 

P.S. Even though it was snowy, I went out, and got myself a manicure and pedicure..... So I am pampering myself!!!

[Don]

Good for you, to face the music and move on. I have a theory I want to share with you and with the folks on this site. It's called, Birds of a Feather. Nothing new, but a lot of people seem not to TRUST that theory. Seems to me, if you BE want you want, what you ARE will come to you. A lot of the people seem to have a lot on chance, or even on technique (how to meet people, and stuff). But it seems to me, if you look at the big picture, the people that love well and purely seem to find a counterpart for that--eventually. Along with that, you have the other theory: The good ones are all taken. So I say, be a good one, and then you'll be one of the ones that are taken. Either that, or how can anyone say that the good ones are ALL taken?

 

Have faith in the fact that you WILL find your bird of a feather, and keep those feathers in good shape! Don

[JustAGirl]

That was quite inspiring! you go girl! =)

First of all, I want to thank my friends on here who have helped me soooo much. I feel that all of your advice is good and I am reading and re-reading the posts until it sinks in. I am calling today a big day. A day of acceptance. I am accepting the FACTS; that he has moved ON, and its time for me to realize that. It snowed here all day today. So work was closed. I surfed the web and read a lot of good articles on relationship stuff. What dear Sparkle has said is true, I'm sure 75% of what I am feeling is missing our routines, and the fact that I was so used to him. I dont' want to find someone new,I dont' want to go out there again. I feel at 31 that I want to be settled, loved and cherished and a family. And I DO DESERVE THOSE THINGS. So; This has been a big day of reflection. Understanding that I am ready to MOURN this relationship. I am ready to feel the pain and the sleepless nights, and embrace it. I know I will be needy and come on here and ask for assistance, and I know I will get it. The things that are most painful are two things: and I am trying hard to work on them. 1. Rejection; why did he decide to walk away from this relationship. I am going to try my best not to analyze this 2. Jealousy; thinking he is INTO someone new right now. and a third 3. I really do miss him. I loved talking to him. I know I will find someone again. As a matter of fact maybe the next person will be the ONE Maybe this was a lesson for me to learn about how I should be treated. and not to put up with WISHY-WASHY guys. I'm tired of always knowing what I want, and him always not knowing. I am not going to call him. If and when he calls me, I will not beat around the bush. I won't mumble, and I WILL be direct. Like Sparkle said; Maybe down the road our paths will cross again. I would appreciate any new advice from all of you. I know I sound like my skull is thick.... but I think all of this is a process. Just be patient with me, as the bad days come. I just know they are here, with a vengeance. I feel the PAIN, so bad......BUT I WILL SURVIVE P.S. Even though it was snowy, I went out, and got myself a manicure and pedicure..... So I am pampering myself!!!

[sparkle]

Hi Rachel,

 

I felt so happy for you after reading your post. You seem very strong and I know you will not have too much of a problem putting this all behind you soon.

 

We all are here for you. In no time at all, you'll be singing this song...

 

I Will Survive--Gloria Gaynor

 

"At first I was afraid

 

I was petrified

 

Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;

 

But then I spent so many nights

 

Thinkin' how you did me wrong

 

And I grew strong

 

And I learned how to get along

 

And so you're back from outer space

 

I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face

 

I should have changed that stupid lock

 

I should have made you leave your key

 

If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

 

Go on now, go

 

Walk out the door

 

Just turn around now

 

'Cause you're not welcome anymore

 

Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

 

Did you think I crumble

 

Did you think I'd lay down and die?

 

Oh no, not I, I will survive

 

Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;

 

I've got all my life to live,

 

I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,

 

I will survive.

 

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart

 

Kept trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart,

 

And I spent oh so many nights

 

Just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry

 

But now I hold my head up high

 

And you see me somebody new

 

I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you,

 

And so you felt like droppin' in

 

And just expect me to be free,

 

Now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me.

 

Go on now, go

 

Walk out the door

 

Just turn around now

 

'Cause you're not welcome anymore

 

Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye

 

Did you think I crumble

 

Did you think I'd lay down and die?

 

Oh no, not I, I will survive

 

Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;

 

I've got all my life to live,

 

I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,

 

I will survive.

 

I will survive."

Edited January 12, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Miss Mojo]

hi rachel,

 

before i say anything and start my rambling (it'll probably be long), i just want to say that i'm so happy that you know that a lot of positive things will come out of this. you really have your head screwed on, and it's so refreshing to read your post.

 

i'm about 5 months out of a relationship with mr n, who i was so in love with - a guy i'd never loved like anyone else before. i met him a year after i had come out of a really bad relationship with mr c, and mr n was living proof of what i never believed, which was the typical "i don't think i will ever love anyone like mr c again". well, mr n was the person that i thought i would never love so much as my mr c. in fact, i loved mr n more. so yes, i firmly believe that there are better things in store for me oneday. even though mr n and i did have such an amazing connection with each other, and i did believe he was my soulmate, i think this is fate's way of telling me that for whatever reason we broke up (which devestated me at the time), there is someone else out there who i will meet oneday who i will have just as strong a connection with. i've learnt from mr c what i won't put up with, and i learnt from mr n what i will put up with. i've learnt, and that's what matters. and to hear your embracing this with lessons to be learnt is a really great thing, rachel. it's so true.

 

acceptance, for me, was the hardest part of my break up with mr n. but once i accepted that we weren't together, and it was for a reason, i knew that things would gradually get better from there. it was hard enough accepting the break-up, but even harder still when i learnt a short time later that he had already moved on. that totally cut me, because i still loved him (heck, still do) and i took it as a personal reflection at first. but it's not. i don't even know the status of their relationship, assuming he's still with her, and i don't care to. because he's not a part of my life anymore, even though i still miss him like hell. i am moving on, even if it means i have my good days and my bad days, even though the pain comes and goes in waves, i am getting that little bit further every day.

 

this site has helped me so much. it's made me realise i'm not the only one out their who feels pain and who has problems and to take the focus off myself and reach out to others who are confused and/or hurting. we all feel pain and sometimes it helps to share that pain and get a better perspective on things....and you're right - the net is an excellent resource with so much good, commonsense advice to help you pull through this.

 

(i'm sorry if this is really long...)

 

i wholeheartedly agree with sparkle's comment about 75% of what you miss is because you are used to it. i too, was used to our routine of seeing each other every sunday... talking on the phone every night...talking every lunch break...seeing each other on specific nights of the week...used to his voice...his touch etc. but i can honestly say that you will get to a stage, hopefully in the next couple of months, where you won't start to notice yourself missing the routine so much. when you make a life for yourself without them, you start to get into a new routine and you notice yourself more.

 

i read your comment:

 

I feel at 31 that I want to be settled, loved and cherished and a family. And I DO DESERVE THOSE THINGS.

 

to hear someone acknowledge their own self-worth after the break down of a relationship is a very powerful thing. quite often the breakdown of a relationship has the opposite effect on people and they pick themselves to pieces and put themselves down because of one failure, that in years to come, will have no bearing on anything whatsoever when they pull themselves out of the rut they get themselves into. this comment of yours above, really put a smile on my face.

 

I am ready to feel the pain and the sleepless nights, and embrace it. I know I will be needy and come on here and ask for assistance, and I know I will get it.

 

damn right you'll get assistance sister!!! you deserve that too. everybody does. and i think 99% of us on here can 100% relate to the sleepless nights, the pain, the loss of appetite, the emptiness you will feel and needing assistance, but rest assured it is only temporary, and another thing to learn from. this is the perfect time to focus on yourself, and to put all your energies into healing your heart.

 

i really related to the things that are most painful for you too. i felt every single one of them. what i think i feel most out of those, even now, is the "missing him" aspect of everything. i find it tough some days, but i haven't had contact with him for 4 months now, and if i can go that long, then i can go another 4 and another 4......no way in hell am i going to stall my healing process because i miss him i.e. i made the decision to move on with my life, and that includes no "oh, lets be friends" bulls***e. you are strong in not calling him, and also very wise not to. and you know you will stand your ground when/if you hear from him.

 

I know I sound like my skull is thick....but I think all of this is a process. Just be patient with me, as the bad days come. I just know they are here, with a vengeance. I feel the PAIN, so bad......BUT I WILL SURVIVE.

 

no, your skull is not thick, girl! but in time your skin will be!! it is a process - i will agree, a very painful one - but just know that you are not alone in feeling this way and there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. i have had some absolutely shocking days and nights where i sobbed, sobbed, sobbed, but you know what? that has passed. and i can promise you that these days will not last forever, and then the happy days will come with a vengeance.

 

i've learnt to be proud of myself that i can cope with something so heartbreaking and i've also found a strength inside of me that i didn't know existed. i'm proud that i have the capacity to feel so much because even though love can hurt so much, it can also be so wonderful when you find the right person. the boyfriends i've had in my life have been stepping stones to the ONE. i don't know how many more stepping stones i will come across until i find the one, but i know i will find him oneday, and that there's no hurry.

 

i've learnt that i will have my good and my bad days, but the good days have become much more frequent than the bad days. i'm also proud of myself that i haven't rebounded. it's been 5 months since i have had any romantic involvement with a guy whatsoever, and i don't care. it will happen oneday when i'm 100% sure i want it to, but in the meantime, i'm happy to discover new things about myself and look after myself. i don't beat myself up when i get upset anymore, i just accept that it's part of getting over it and the healing process for some people takes a while (it does with me, but that doesn't matter).

 

i was really touched by your post, rachel....now i'm lost for words, except that i hope you can gain some strength from this, because you will get what you deserve and that is a helluva lot of love and hapiness. with your attitude, it is inevitable that it will come your way.

 

best wishes to you, and keep us posted

[Miss Mojo]

i'd never thought of it this way before. and the more i think about your theory, the more i think how true it is. i suppose you can sort of base it along the lines of "you are what you eat" (although i like your theory better, it's much more inspiring) i loved this theory:-

 

[/b]...The good ones are all taken. So I say, be a good one, and then you'll be one of the ones that are taken. Either that, or how can anyone say that the good ones are ALL taken?[/b]

 

that is really awesome. i'm going to keep that in mind and use it as my motto "...i say, be a good one"....yep, i like it a lot!