Can promiscuous people have healthy relationships?

[ScreaminEagle]

I am curious to know peoples opinions/input about whether or not sexually promiscuous men/women could stand the test of a healthy exclusive relationship.

 

 

I have my own opinion on the matter however I am curious to hear other responses from both genders.

 

 

When I mean promiscuous, I mean engaging in casual sex frequently, partners in the double or triple digits.

 

 

The reason why I am asking is I think my friends relationship is collapsing because his partner has been extremely promiscuous, and he has been accepting, however her behavior during the relationship has been odd. No signs of infidelity, but definitely some boundary issues.

 

 

This is not a gender war. Men are guilty of this, and there is a double standard, and there people who quickly "slut shame" women who engage is casual sex frequently.

 

 

Every situation is different, but I am curious to hear why and why not people think sexually liberated people can settle down and be in a healthy monogamous relationship and why. Thank you.

[CarrieT]

I am a female that has 300+ sexual partners.

 

It took a long time for me to have a healthy relationships (for a variety of reasons) but as a 50-year old woman, I am now recently married and in what is - I believe - a healthy relationship.

 

And, yes, my new husband knows about my extreme past, understands, and holds no judgment.

[ScreaminEagle]

I am a female that has 300+ sexual partners.

 

It took a long time for me to have a healthy relationships (for a variety of reasons) but as a 50-year old woman, I am now recently married and in what is - I believe - a healthy relationship.

 

And, yes, my new husband knows about my extreme past, understands, and holds no judgment.

 

My friend is dating a girl, both are mid to late thirties, she has had triple digits and my friend is understanding, he doesn't care, she has never dated a guy who didn't care. She has become super clingy, and insecure, my friend has had maybe 10 partners. Thank you for sharing your input. Why did it take you a along time to have a healthy relationship if you don't mind me asking ? My friend confided all this in me I don't pry, he tells as does his girlfriend.

[heartshaped]

I guess it depends on the reason behind their promiscuity. Some people are just "liberated" as you put it, but I've had several female friends that the reason behind their promiscuity lay within deep seeded issues of their own that led to them not being able to maintain a healthy, stable relationship despite wanting to and attempting to. People grow and change, but I'd wonder if I met some really promiscuous whether there was an issue to why they couldn't maintain monogamy or what was the reason behind the person choosing not to maintain monogamy.

[todreaminblue]

im in the triple digits probably...ok definitely....cant give you a number i stopped counting.....was in a relationship for fifteen years after and it has ended due to unfaithfulness on my partners behalf.....i was faithful during our relationship......i was his first real long term gf..........so that could be one reason why he constantly was looking for better.....

 

 

he was not promiscuous when i began a relationship with him he had not had sex in two years and had not been in any form of relationship...promosicuity doesnt or shouldnt be a guideline for achieving a happy relationship as long as you leave it behind you..deb

[ScreaminEagle]

I guess it depends on the reason behind their promiscuity. Some people are just "liberated" as you put it, but I've had several female friends that the reason behind their promiscuity lay within deep seeded issues of their own that led to them not being able to maintain a healthy, stable relationship despite wanting to and attempting to. People grow and change, but I'd wonder if I met some really promiscuous whether there was an issue to why they couldn't maintain monogamy or what was the reason behind the person choosing not to maintain monogamy.

 

Yes I agree there is a variety of circumstances why people engage in this behavior. It is after all there god given right, some people like sex, and some people think that having sex w/multiple people will gain them status, mostly men, I am a man and I can say that.

 

 

In regards to monogamy, I think that if they were single at the time of all of their trysts, and there was no cheating involved, that makes it easier, but every situation is different.

[ScreaminEagle]

im in the triple digits probably...ok definitely....cant give you a number i stopped counting.....was in a relationship for fifteen years after and it has ended due to unfaithfulness on my partners behalf.....i was faithful during our relationship......i was his first real long term gf..........so that could be one reason why he constantly was looking for better.....

 

 

he was not promiscuous when i began a relationship with him he had not had sex in two years and had not been in any form of relationship...promosicuity doesnt or shouldnt be a guideline for achieving a happy relationship as long as you leave it behind you..deb

 

I would like to add one thing to that, as long as you leave it behind you, and are healthy....free and clear of any STD's. I am sorry you had to be on the receiving end of cheating. That must of been hard.

[d0nnivain]

Sure. Making a decision to have casual sex when you are not in a monogamous relationship is just that: a choice. It certainly doesn't mean the person will chose to be unfaithful when coupled up.

[CarrieT]

Why did it take you a along time to have a healthy relationship if you don't mind me asking ?

I am a triple rape victim who used sex for self-validation.

 

I married early (age 20) to the first guy who said the "Love" word, believing he would be the only one who could ever love me.

 

I was devastated by age 25 to find him having sex with other men.

 

The 25 years after that were with men and women that were never long-term potentials for a variety of reasons (alcoholics, high school drop-outs, cross dressers).

 

It took years of therapy and coming to terms with my own sexuality (BDSM) to find someone who could appreciate all that and my history.

[ThaWholigan]

I believe they can. Obviously relationships do end for various reasons, but most people assume that the promiscuous one cheated or something similar.

 

I was in a casual relationship with one such young woman - she eventually got herself a BF. She intimated that he knew already before they were together. I've seen her since a while back and they are still together. She's never cheated. She looked happy - even thanked me for not "treating her like a slut" and belittling her.

 

I've known others with an extensive list of partners and activities who are perfectly find managing relationships - and some of those who most certainly aren't! A person's relationship management skills in my opinion is not measured by their sexual activities outside of one.

[ScreaminEagle]

I am a triple rape victim who used sex for self-validation.

 

I married early (age 20) to the first guy who said the "Love" word, believing he would be the only one who could ever love me.

 

I was devastated by age 25 to find him having sex with other men.

 

The 25 years after that were with men and women that were never long-term potentials for a variety of reasons (alcoholics, high school drop-outs, cross dressers).

 

It took years of therapy and coming to terms with my own sexuality (BDSM) to find someone who could appreciate all that and my history.

 

 

You are one strong woman. Thank you for divulging that. Courageous. Honest. Real.

[CarrieT]

You are one strong woman. Thank you for divulging that. Courageous. Honest. Real.

 

Thanks. Stick around; I've been here a while and told my story repeatedly, but am happy to share what I've been through without holding back.

[ScreaminEagle]

I am a little too close to my friends girlfriend then I want to be, meaning we talk all the time (he knows) and she crosses a lot of boundaries by telling me things I don't need to know.

 

 

I think her reason for being promiscuous has to do with a medical condition she has, she used sex in the past to mask her medical condition because she couldn't come to terms with it. She is not a bad person, but I can see the issues she has, and the things she complains about in the relationship are utterly ridiculous.

[preraph]

I am curious to know peoples opinions/input about whether or not sexually promiscuous men/women could stand the test of a healthy exclusive relationship.

 

 

I have my own opinion on the matter however I am curious to hear other responses from both genders.

 

 

When I mean promiscuous, I mean engaging in casual sex frequently, partners in the double or triple digits.

 

 

The reason why I am asking is I think my friends relationship is collapsing because his partner has been extremely promiscuous, and he has been accepting, however her behavior during the relationship has been odd. No signs of infidelity, but definitely some boundary issues.

 

 

This is not a gender war. Men are guilty of this, and there is a double standard, and there people who quickly "slut shame" women who engage is casual sex frequently.

 

 

Every situation is different, but I am curious to hear why and why not people think sexually liberated people can settle down and be in a healthy monogamous relationship and why. Thank you.

 

Numbers are not indicative of ability to be faithful and loving once the person decides to be in a committed relationship. But of course, there are plenty of guys who get married even though they have no intention of being faithful just because they don't want to lose the woman. Then they sneak around and do whatever on the side. But just because you were promiscuous does not mean you can't be faithful and a good spouse. In fact, sometimes the ones who get it out of their systems young, if they at least went about the serial dating honestly and weren't just wrecking people's lives by lies, may be the best able to commit because they're been there, done that. But you always need to watch out for the person who uses lies to get what she/he wants. Because that's a deeper problem.

[ScreaminEagle]

Thanks. Stick around; I've been here a while and told my story repeatedly, but am happy to share what I've been through without holding back.

 

In your opinion, if a guy is not ok with a woman's high number, or promiscuity and vice versa, is the reason always because of insecurity?

 

 

Could it be that it just doesn't mesh with their morals and what they are looking for in a person? I know some women who are intimidated by a mans number and men that are intimidated by a woman's high number because his is not as high as hers, hence his ego took a blow.

[ScreaminEagle]

Numbers are not indicative of ability to be faithful and loving once the person decides to be in a committed relationship. But of course, there are plenty of guys who get married even though they have no intention of being faithful just because they don't want to lose the woman. Then they sneak around and do whatever on the side. But just because you were promiscuous does not mean you can't be faithful and a good spouse. In fact, sometimes the ones who get it out of their systems young, if they at least went about the serial dating honestly and weren't just wrecking people's lives by lies, may be the best able to commit because they're been there, done that. But you always need to watch out for the person who uses lies to get what she/he wants. Because that's a deeper problem.

 

I totally agree, which is why I said every situation is different.

 

 

I had one friend who said, that a persons ability to take the emotion out of sex is scary and unhealthy. It became an argument.

[CarrieT]

In your opinion, if a guy is not ok with a woman's high number, or promiscuity and vice versa, is the reason always because of insecurity?

Yes.

 

Could it be that it just doesn't mesh with their morals and what they are looking for in a person? I know some women who are intimidated by a mans number and men that are intimidated by a woman's high number because his is not as high as hers, hence his ego took a blow.

People believe what they want to believe. Morals? That sounds a little high-and-mighty to me.

 

Is my new husband less moral for accepting me the way I am versus someone who views me as tainted? I don't think so...

[ScreaminEagle]

Yes.

 

 

People believe what they want to believe. Morals? That sounds a little high-and-mighty to me.

 

Is my new husband less moral for accepting me the way I am versus someone who views me as tainted? I don't think so...

 

Every person is not the same, your husband sounds like a very good man, some men do live their lives based on what they think is moral, some things in life are high and mighty I do agree, I think this is a sensitive topic.

 

 

I don't like the word tainted for some reason. I would only use that word if infidelity occurred.

[RedRobin]

A promiscuous person, or someone who is/was ok with casual sex, would not be a good relationship fit for me.

 

 

If sleeping with someone is as easy as sliding into a pair of slippers, I have my doubts they could be faithful if the opportunity arose.

 

 

I'm a woman and only date men, by the way. I wouldn't knowingly date a promiscuous man, and have dumped a few when I learned of their history. Men tend to brag, so that makes it easy for me to sort them out.

 

 

In my case, it isn't insecurity. I could care less what they did with their past partners. For me, it is wanting someone who has proven IRL that they value sex and intimacy.

 

 

Not sure how a promiscuous person shows people they value intimacy. There is usually an emotional/physical disconnect or break that has occurred. I can understand that happening due to rape or abuse. I can't understand those who do it for fun.

 

 

It would take a whole lot for me to trust that person... and that's not fair to them.

[OwMyEyeball]

Not if they're promiscuous during the relationship.

 

Well, actually, no. That can work as well. Seems to for some swinger couples, though they lay out some pretty well-defined boundaries and have to maintain some darned good communication.

 

I would consider a partner's promiscuous past as indication of a coping mechanism. If the underlying pain driving that behaviour hasn't been resolved, then I wouldn't expect the relationship to last long.

 

Funny thing about some relationships is they can be healthy right up until they're not.

[Divasu]

I don't know about other people, but, my "promiscuous period" came after some time following the end of a relationship.

 

Brief periods and probably not considered a lot (unless of course the opinion is coming from an extreme conservative).

 

There are tons of studies about this sort of thing. Off the top of my head, I know of a few married couples that had a highly promiscuous lifestyle and they've successfully settled down.

 

I don't consider myself to be a promiscuous person by nature (and this is someone who grew up in a non-ideal environment). I think if anything, it resulted in my incessant need at the time to be IN a monogamous relationship with one person. So much so that I landed myself in a long relationship with someone who, probably represented my father during childhood, and that particular relationship was NOT healthy.

[preraph]

I totally agree, which is why I said every situation is different.

 

 

I had one friend who said, that a persons ability to take the emotion out of sex is scary and unhealthy. It became an argument.

 

It's very individual, as you say. For me, I was promiscuous for a number of reasons, not the least of which because it was the seventies. If you fall in love early, then you get the difference between sex and making love and it's a clear difference and it can make casual sex seem trivial, but for me, I didn't even realize the big difference until I was in my late 20s, when I was with someone who let me love him. I always said being in love ruined casual sex for me. As long as I'm in love, I'm not interested in anyone else. But once it's over, I'm not going to just do nothing because love may not ever happen again.

[me85]

Of course they can. Why wouldn't they be able to ? Unless they've given themselves a bad name and no one wants to get involved with them because their past behaviors have ruined their chances for future RSs with people where they currently live...but then they could always just move somewhere new where no one knows them and start over!

 

 

If they have a problem such as sexual addiction then they would need serious therapy and time on their own for a while but yes, anyone can better themselves and achieve a healthy RS if that's what they really wanted.

[DKT3]

A couple posters have touched on it, but it depends on the reason behind why the number is sooo high. Often for women they are searching for outside validation of self-worth or self esteem. Mistakingly confusing a men willing to sleep with her as a man who cares for her. With men its often a fear of commitment, ego stroking, or overall douchebaggery.

 

In some cases with women they simply have a liberal view of sex and enjoy it for what it is because they just haven't found their right guy yet. Once they do they have no issue being a one man woman.

 

Again its all about the reasons behind it. Validation, daddy issues, or whatever vs a healthy woman who simply enjoys sex as a single sexual being.

[CarrieT]

If sleeping with someone is as easy as sliding into a pair of slippers, I have my doubts they could be faithful if the opportunity arose.

Why do you believe being promiscuous assumes that it is inclusive of being in a relationship?

 

A couple posters have touched on it, but it depends on the reason behind why the number is sooo high. Often for women they are searching for outside validation of self-worth or self esteem. Mistakingly confusing a men willing to sleep with her as a man who cares for her. With men its often a fear of commitment, ego stroking, or overall douchebaggery.

 

In some cases with women they simply have a liberal view of sex and enjoy it for what it is because they just haven't found their right guy yet. Once they do they have no issue being a one man woman.

 

Again its all about the reasons behind it. Validation, daddy issues, or whatever vs a healthy woman who simply enjoys sex as a single sexual being.

Concur with this.

 

Despite my high numbers, whenever I found myself within a relationship, I was ALWAYS monogamous. It is simply within those periods of being single that my promiscuous nature would come out.

 

I am oft-offended that people assume one's sexual natural cannot be confined within monogamy and there is an immediate assumption that a high-sexualized person must equate to cheating.