Abused husband

[texas143]

I am married for 5 years, have 2 kids. me and my wife have always argued, but recently got real bad. I wasnt th kind type, but i never beat her. at least first. she ended up in jail once, for biting me, when i had to call the cops 2 nights in a row. It was horrible for her, i promised to never do it again.

2 days later she busted my lip open. 2 weeks later, she choked me until i passed out and i hit my head on th floor, got a bad black eye.

after that, every argument, she punches me, and recently starting to grab a knife and threat to kill me, then the kids, then herself. last sunday, i said i wanted divorce again. long story short, she had 2 knives in both hands, i tried to hold one, she hit me in the arm with the other. tomorrow i have surgery to repair the tendon she cut.

At the ER sunday, I asked "please promise to never grab a knife again?" her response was "are you trying to cause more trouble? didnt you have enough?"

 

since then she has been nice to me, but no real signs of remorse...

[M30USA]

I am married for 5 years, have 2 kids. me and my wife have always argued, but recently got real bad. I wasnt th kind type, but i never beat her. at least first. she ended up in jail once, for biting me, when i had to call the cops 2 nights in a row. It was horrible for her, i promised to never do it again.

2 days later she busted my lip open. 2 weeks later, she choked me until i passed out and i hit my head on th floor, got a bad black eye.

after that, every argument, she punches me, and recently starting to grab a knife and threat to kill me, then the kids, then herself. last sunday, i said i wanted divorce again. long story short, she had 2 knives in both hands, i tried to hold one, she hit me in the arm with the other. tomorrow i have surgery to repair the tendon she cut.

At the ER sunday, I asked "please promise to never grab a knife again?" her response was "are you trying to cause more trouble? didnt you have enough?"

 

since then she has been nice to me, but no real signs of remorse...

 

I feel awful asking this, but are you kidding? I honestly can't tell.

 

If you are not, then you need to permanantly leave or one of you will wind up dead. Look at Travis Alexander.

 

I do have one question: have you ever physically abused her?

[stillafool]

No he is not kidding. He has another thread about this. OP call the police the next time she hits you. Have you called them on her before? She needs to be arrested. I think you should take your kids and leave to find a safe place. You have to tell the truth to the staff at the hospital about your tendon. Tell them she did it. I feel so sorry for you. ((HUGS))

[anika99]

Holy Sh*t. You have to start reporting her to the police so that you can get custody of the kids and then you have to get the hell out of there!!

 

 

You didn't ask any questions or for any advice in your post. What is it you need assistance with? Are trying to leave? Please tell us you're not hoping she will change because that woman is messed right up and probably needs years of therapy. Who cares if going to jail was hard for her? Too bad, she should of thought of that before acting like a wild animal.

[M30USA]

I'm sorry, OP. I understand what it's like to be physically abused by a woman and yet tell yourself that you can help her solve her problem. You can't. And you know what? If she's not willing, not even Jesus can. I say this as a full believer in Christ.

[stillafool]

You can document her abuse by calling the Police every time she hits you. They will have the reports of it and show it to the judge. You will never be happy with this woman because she doesn't want you to be happy. She wants you to be as miserable as she is. What you two are going through is beyond marital counseling.

[texas143]

my work friends cornered me, told me to leave my house. even got hr involved.. cant leave the kids!!

cant type much, right hand hurt.

[Zahara]

You create thread after thread about the abuse. But you do absolutely nothing about it.

 

If you can't help yourself, then do it for your kids. If you can't fight for yourself, fight for you kids.

 

No child should bear witness to this and it seems that you are so self-absorbed by your own emotions that neither you nor your wife are even grasping the pain, hurt and emotional/mental scarring these kids are going to have to bear for a lifetime.

[M30USA]

You can document her abuse by calling the Police every time she hits you. They will have the reports of it and show it to the judge. You will never be happy with this woman because she doesn't want you to be happy. She wants you to be as miserable as she is. What you two are going through is beyond marital counseling.

 

He needs to be careful. Most of the time cops arrest the man, even when he is the only one with bruises or cuts. His wife will almost certainly fabricate stories out of thin air to reverse the blame. In my case, I was fortunately not arrested while my ex was. She flat out lied to them, saying that I was beating her. They asked her why she didnt have a single mark on her. In think she didnt have enough time to react and make up a good story. If I waited even 10 minutes longer she would have crafted a better one. I only bring this up because you can't naively count on cops and judges to bring justice. Women are given free passes in many areas and guys would be naive to ignore this.

Edited November 14, 2014 by M30USA

[texas143]

He needs to be careful. Most of the time cops arrest the man, even when he is the only one with bruises or cuts. His wife will almost certainly fabricate stories out of thin air to reverse the blame. In my case, I was fortunately not arrested while my ex was. She flat out lied to them, saying that I was beating her. They asked her why she didnt have a single mark on her. In think she didnt have enough time to react and make up a good story. If I waited even 10 minutes longer she would have crafted a better one.

 

In my case its even harder... when I threat to call the police, she starts to beat herself. She is white american female, I'm latin, immigrant male.

[M30USA]

In my case its even harder... when I threat to call the police, she starts to beat herself. She is white american female, I'm latin, immigrant male.

 

Gosh, I'm sorry you have to deal with this marital blackmail. I remember when I got beaten by my ex-wife. I think even more than the physical pain was the mental shame. I also recall thinking to myself, literally as it was happening, "How did I ever wind up in this situation? Is this really happening?"

[whichwayisup]

my work friends cornered me, told me to leave my house. even got hr involved.. cant leave the kids!!

cant type much, right hand hurt.

 

You take the kids with you when you leave! Don't leave them behind with her, that's putting their lives in danger! OMG, this woman is nuts, she has some serious mental health issues along with her physical abuse towards you. One day she will turn on the kids.

 

She needs to be assessed in the hospital, do counseling and be on medication.

 

You need counseling and lots of support to help you get out and stay away from her. She's not well.

[whichwayisup]

He needs to be careful. Most of the time cops arrest the man, even when he is the only one with bruises or cuts. His wife will almost certainly fabricate stories out of thin air to reverse the blame. In my case, I was fortunately not arrested while my ex was. She flat out lied to them, saying that I was beating her. They asked her why she didnt have a single mark on her. In think she didnt have enough time to react and make up a good story. If I waited even 10 minutes longer she would have crafted a better one. I only bring this up because you can't naively count on cops and judges to bring justice. Women are given free passes in many areas and guys would be naive to ignore this.

 

Then he should set up a few nanny cam's in the house so it'll show what is really going on.

[Radu]

Then you need proof, recorders are good for this.

 

And don't be stupid enough to mention this, or the fact that you are seeing a lawyer, which is my very next suggestion.

[stillafool]

my work friends cornered me, told me to leave my house. even got hr involved.. cant leave the kids!!

cant type much, right hand hurt.

 

You have to leave them to make life better for them. Staying and letting them continually witness your abuse is damaging them as well as you. You have to leave her and work on a plan to be with your kids. Your marriage is DEAD and cannot be revived. If you leave you will gather your strength back both emotionally and physically and will be able to stand up to her. I personally think you should only speak to her through an attorney. Nothing is going to change for you until you leave.

[gaius]

It doesn't even really sound like you're fighting, more that she's beating you up and you're sitting there and taking it. Women don't want this new age nonsense where you're nice to them no matter what. You need to give her what she needs and dominate her when she starts a fight with you. The minute she has her hands around your neck she needs to be on the couch or bed with you on top of her showing her who's boss. If she calls you a bad name you need to call her one right back. That's how it works. =/

 

You probably just killed your career at work by dragging that drama into that realm as well instead of just giving her what she needs in the first place.

[M30USA]

It doesn't even really sound like you're fighting, more that she's beating you up and you're sitting there and taking it. Women don't want this new age nonsense where you're nice to them no matter what. You need to give her what she needs and dominate her when she starts a fight with you. The minute she has her hands around your neck she needs to be on the couch or bed with you on top of her showing her who's boss. If she calls you a bad name you need to call her one right back. That's how it works. =/

 

You probably just killed your career at work by dragging that drama into that realm as well instead of just giving her what she needs in the first place.

 

I partly disagree. I think it's better to just walk away and not play the domination game. I'd rather not be tested constantly. If it means losing her, so be it. At least you haven't lost your sanity. As much as I'm a pessimist about human nature, there ARE women who aren't walking conflicts and generally seek a peaceful life. Let the former kind of woman have their choice of the thugs and inmates.

Edited November 16, 2014 by M30USA

[reconcile]

To the original poster:

 

Here is how this tends to play out. She does you a criminal harm and if you let it go, then she wants to even the playing field by having you do her an equal harm - or at least to portray and event as such. She WILL set you up for a fall where you get arrested and this will in turn negate any credibility that you might have when you are being arrested and you try to tell the police that she stabbed you way back when. She's not dumb and not afraid. They only ways to stifle this occurrence it to set you up (to make you not credible) or kill you. Both happen everyday. Abusers like this don't like you having this over them. They strive to even the tit for tat war by her faking being attacked by you, or to make a huge mountain out of an ambiguous exchange (like saying you raped her after consensual sex with your semen in her for example). She might play up warm to you in order to set this up. Report this ASAP. Get it on record.

[M30USA]

To the original poster:

 

Here is how this tends to play out. She does you a criminal harm and if you let it go, then she wants to even the playing field by having you do her an equal harm - or at least to portray and event as such. She WILL set you up for a fall where you get arrested and this will in turn negate any credibility that you might have when you are being arrested and you try to tell the police that she stabbed you way back when. She's not dumb and not afraid. They only ways to stifle this occurrence it to set you up (to make you not credible) or kill you. Both happen everyday. Abusers like this don't like you having this over them. They strive to even the tit for tat war by her faking being attacked by you, or to make a huge mountain out of an ambiguous exchange (like saying you raped her after consensual sex with your semen in her for example). She might play up warm to you in order to set this up. Report this ASAP. Get it on record.

 

Gosh, what a sad species we are. :/

 

I'm sorry OP. I hope this all works out.

[spiderowl]

Please remove yourself and your children from this dangerous situation. I would seek help from an organisation that supports abused people. Your wife is clearly crazy and very dangerous. It doesn't matter how she justifies what she does or who she blames. She is dangerous and could snap at any point with deadly consequences. Reading through your post, it looks obvious to me that she could carry out that threat to kill you and the children. She has no internal boundaries. If your message is not a hoax, please seek help - if not for yourself, for your children's sake.

Edited December 31, 2014 by spiderowl

[jellybean89]

Your kids are seeing this and that is enough for CPS to get involved and put the kids in foster care. Since you won't do anything to help them, I hope someone gets those kids away from both of you. Why have you not protected them from living in this hell?

[Concreteman78]

Look....you need to do what is best for the kids. They do not need to grow up seeing the abuse and fighting between you two. She will never stop the abuse until she gets serious help and that if it even works for her.

Like others have said and all my friends and legal advisers will tell you, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Keep records in a journal of all fights hits, threats etc. You will need to record them, either with a nanny cam, or just a voice recorder. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THE ABUSE AND LEGAL ISSUES. Proof of the abuse will free you and your kids of this mess.

A cut tendon? Are you kidding me? RUN FORREST, RUN.........and DONT look back.

[M30USA]

Judges legally have a statute where they do NOT have to assume that violence against a spouse equates to violence against children. Unofficially, men don't get this benefit of the doubt while women do. This exact thing happened in my case. My ex wife was arrested for assaulting me with a wooden plank. The judge knew this. Yet he stated that he finds no evidence to determine that she is a threat to the children. Can you imagine if the roles were reversed? I only bring this up because, unless you have actual proof of abuse against the kids, none of this will matter.