momto3boys Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I filed for divorce under grounds of abandonment and adultery. I have proof of adultery. He responded back to my complaint for Divorce and it says nothing about abandonment but says "adultery started after separation". I'm confused by this.... He's obviously denying the adultery. So why call it adultery if he's claiming it's after separation?? Also his response has no lawyer signature and it's mailed by him to me. Does this mean he has no lawyer?? Also I have pics of his girlfriends Instagram with dates where he has commented talking about sex and stuff. Also pics of them drinking together. She's under age. And pics of her smoking weed. Will this hold up in court?? They have dates. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Every location on the planet is governed by different laws so in NO WAY should you be asking for legal advice on the internet. Talk to your lawyer for factual answers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author momto3boys Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 I am in the process of getting one right now. IM obviously going to take a lawyers word but the paper work is filled out with the wrong info. I don't even know how to respond to it with the wrong info. I was just asking about the adultery after separation... Didn't get why he is calling it adultery if he's claiming it happened afterZ that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Carrie is right that we can't really answer. It all depends. In some jurisdictions, they don't care at all about adultery; they split the kids and split the stuff and that's it. In other places, the judge "may" take it into account. In some places, it doesn't matter as long as you were "legally separated" which means more than just physically separated. In yet others, adultery is a huge deal. In some cases, it's a huge deal but nearly impossible to "prove." As for whether or not he has an attorney, I'd guess not if he provided a legal response to your filing and it didn't come via an attorney's office but really, who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Does the response mailed to you have the 'filed' stamp on it with the date and referencing the case number? Also, in your jurisdiction, is direct process service by mail without use of a third party acceptable to the court? Did you sign for the response? There's a concept known as 'constructive receipt' that is part of the process service. Personally, I'd only pursue a contested D on grounds of adultery if there were substantial assets and extenuating child custody issues in play. By 'substantial' I'm talking about in the millions of dollars. Lawyers are very expensive and using such grounds for divorce will usually result in a lot of billable hours. The only thing I'll mention about evidence is to be sure it was gathered in a legal manner. Of course, damning evidence can be used as a social hack to compel supplication to demands outside of the courtroom but, inside, judges care about legalities. My exW and I had a fairly amicable D and I still spent nearly five figures on legal fees and my lawyer had quoted mid 5 figures if we had gone into forensics and mudslinging. Be prepared for that. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Is it a no fault divorce state? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) I thought of that but the OP states they've already filed and the respondent has been served and responded. If adultery weren't a grounds in their jurisdiction the court would have kicked the filing back as improper. However, there are some jurisdictions, IIRC now all jurisdictions in the US, which include 'no fault' grounds as well as 'fault' grounds, meaning all jurisdictions offer no fault grounds like irreconcilable differences as an option. I think Wikipedia has a list somewhere. Such can play favorably in case a fault filing goes sideways or by agreement of the parties, in that the petitioner can terminate the lawsuit and refile under no fault. Happens. Edited November 13, 2014 by carhill Clarified no fault stuff 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author momto3boys Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 Yep no fault divorce state here. But I was reading my state does not have a legal separation (unless filed for which we have not).So you need to be separated for 1 year to get a divorce. So I'd you have sex during "separation" you're still legally married and it's adultery.I actually was trying to get him for abandonment and adultery because he up and left me and my kids and didn't pay, we lost everything. It wasn't sealed or anything. It was actually mailed By him. That's why I was confused. Papers info were not correct either. Birthdays were wrong... Etc. Wondering if this response will even hold up in court with the wrong info. He tried to "scare me" by telling me his lawyer said he is paying too much child support and that he's gonna get joint custody. Which I think in my state is hard to get unless he proves me unfit which he won't. So he's making all these threats about a lawyer and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have one. I want alimony so I can go back to school or for him to atleast make payments on my car, and I want sole everything for the kids. That's why I'm pushing for the abandonment and adultery. Thanks everyone Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 You NEED to seek a lawyer's advice on this. It seems likely that the divorce petition has been filled in without seeking advice and probably has been done so incorrectly, or in ways that leave it open to him to stall for time or even jeopardize the whole thing. You should definitely seek a lawyer's help to sort it out. Don't try to do it yourself, you'll just be digging yourself deeper in, and it will be more difficult and expensive for a lawyer to untangle. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 You want sole custody, alimony, and child support ? Don't you are being a little greedy there? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 You NEED to seek a lawyer's advice on this. It seems likely that the divorce petition has been filled in without seeking advice and probably has been done so incorrectly, or in ways that leave it open to him to stall for time or even jeopardize the whole thing. You should definitely seek a lawyer's help to sort it out. Don't try to do it yourself, you'll just be digging yourself deeper in, and it will be more difficult and expensive for a lawyer to untangle. This is really good advice, especially the last part about a lawyer untangling things that have gone sideways due to improper filing or handling. I look at lawsuits as snowballs. Get them started right at the beginning, when things are 'small', and make sure they're guided professionally as they grow in size and scope rolling down the hill. Also, OP, procedural questions can often be answered by the clerk of the court or their family law self-help division, if your court has one. Those entities can also direct you to assistance, should you need it, with fees and/or mediation. Our court offered fee waivers, self-help, and referrals to mediation services at little to no cost to the parties. The facilities generally existed to assist people who were poor and could not afford expensive private attorneys but were open to all comers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Where I am, after one leaves or is left, the court could care less if they're dating,hooking up,etc.,, My ex tried the whole FB pics as evidence and it blew up in their face. Her atty had to just drop it right there in the courtroom. The kids the court will care about. You and your stbx, they could care less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 In the US most places are no fault divorce. What that means is the only way why you are getting divorced has to do with it is how much time it will take you to get one. For instance in my state irreconcilable differences means you have to prove you lived separate & apart for 18 month before the court can even hear your case. For abandonment or adultery you only have to be apart for 1 year, a shorter period of time. It does not mean that the spouse who committed adultery or abandoned the other is at "fault" and will be punished by getting a smaller share of the couple's assets or be denied custody. If a lawyer filed the paperwork, the lawyer's name & contact info would be on the documents. In the absence of that info he's representing himself. Finally in the eyes of the law, until the divorce has been finalized by the court, you are still married & any contact with another person is adultery. Morally I don't think anybody cares. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Finally in the eyes of the law, until the divorce has been finalized by the court, you are still married & any contact with another person is adultery. That is true, but whether you can rely on that to obtain a divorce is another matter. Here in the UK, the reasons stated on the petition must be the reasons that the marriage broke down. It's not possible for an affair that started after separation, to have contributed to the marriage breakdown. Therefore technically the respondent could contest the divorce on those grounds. "The marriage breakdown was not due to my adultery since the adultery did not begin until after the marriage had broken down" But then again, anyone in the UK who uses adultery (unless they can 100% guarantee that their spouse will admit it and not cause waves), needs their head read. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Nobody can answer these questions...will it hold up in court? The judge determines what holds up and what doesn't. Adultery is adultery no matter if it happened after separation or not. Separation is not divorce. What does any of this matter anyway? Most states have "no fault" divorce laws and proving adultery really doesn't have much bearing on the divorce. I hope everything turns out good for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I assume you don't have a lawyer? It really is a good idea to consult a lawyer if he has just up and left you with the kids and is already making threats about custody and child support. Do you have a separation agreement or other agreement through the court related to child support, living in the family home, etc? If not, you need to get one. Usually, whatever is in that agreement will be made part of the divorce so make sure you have good representation. Most divorce attorneys will provide you with a free consultation. I've not been divorced myself but have heard many people say (and post) that they consulted three lawyers before choosing one. It is fine to ask the kinds of questions you are asking during a free consultation. You really can't rely on answers you get on a webpage like this. But generally, as the poster above said, in a no-fault state you don't need to prove adultery. In the past, proving it was a major concern because the court would not permit you to get divorced unless you could prove you had "grounds," such as abandonment or adultery. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Also "proving adultery" is easier said than done. How do you prove it, if he denies it? Excuse the crudeness but to prove adultery, you have to prove that his penis went into her vagina. Facebook messages do not prove this. Voice recordings do not prove this. Friends testimonies do not prove this. Living together does not prove this. The only way to prove it is (a) some very candid photographs or (b) a pregnancy/child with a DNA test. This is why relying on adultery for a divorce - if your spouse is uncooperative - is a very bad idea. He can simply say "we have never had sex" and the onus is on you to prove that they did. Link to post Share on other sites
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