LASingleton Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 My ex broke things off with me about 2 months ago (we'd lived together and had such a magical time together). He broke it off because he said he couldn't handle the age gap with his job (he's in the public eye a lot) and he also told me he didn't love me as much as I loved him. However, since the breakup I've not initiated any contact and he's reached out over text/email once or twice every week or two. Yesterday I recieved a hand written letter telling me how many happy memories he will treasure forever of our time together and that he hopes his work responsibilities will have lessened in five years time. He also said that he has some of my things still which he wants to give back because it's the perfect excuse for a catch-up with me (all his words). I'm very confused. He broke up with me but keeps talking in the letter about how much I enhanced his life and how he'll treasure our memories forever. And hints at wanting us to get back together if we aren't committed to others in five years. What should I do? Do I reply? If so what do I say? I'd love to be back with him but only if he really loves me. What do you think the letter means? Link to post Share on other sites
Bella2 Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I guess he misses you. But is that enough to get back together? No. He's talking about "5 years". So he is hoping to meet somebody else (I guess), BUT if that does not work out: hey, he'll have you!!! Is that what you want? To be somebody's back-up-plan? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatWeHad Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I guess he misses you. But is that enough to get back together? No. He's talking about "5 years". So he is hoping to meet somebody else (I guess), BUT if that does not work out: hey, he'll have you!!! Is that what you want? To be somebody's back-up-plan? Agreed. I feel like that was exactly what that letter was; a placeholder. I think he genuinely cares about you but for whatever reason he doesn't want you....right now. I don't know about you but that's not good enough. You deserve better than that. I would only respond to arrange for him to send your your things (no in person stuff) and leave it at that. Trust me...I waited as a placeholder for 4 years for my ex (away in military) and when he finally came back he didn't immediately tell me about it and then never called me again after I found out. We talked on and off all those 4 years while he was away. Placeholders don't get picked up all the time. Do you want to gamble your future on that? Is he and what you had worth it to put yourself on hold? I say no, but if that is what he is doing with that letter those are the questions you have to ask yourself. Best of luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Trust me...I waited as a placeholder for 4 years for my ex (away in military) and when he finally came back he didn't immediately tell me about it and then never called me again after I found out. We talked on and off all those 4 years while he was away. Placeholders don't get picked up all the time. Do you want to gamble your future on that? Is he and what you had worth it to put yourself on hold? I say no, but if that is what he is doing with that letter those are the questions you have to ask yourself. Best of luck. I feel for you. LASingleton, my therapist said last week a year ago: 'She just can't ask you to wait for her without a clear point in time, you are worth much more than that.' My ex had gotten ill and has pushed me away. She said a lot of maybes to me, but did not want to think about the future. My therapist was right. You are also worth much more than this, waiting five years for him!! In the public eye or not, he is insane even having the guts to ask. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 as a dumper who loves and misses the one i dumped and want back with him. ..i m going to tell u i feel so strongly with everything in my inner self that he wants to get back with u right NOW. not five years. but hes saying he'd wait five years because u mean that much to him he loves u. thats the impression i get. i even suspect he went on the website for how to get your ex back. there is a site that says write a hand written letter. please answer him IF you love him and think u can give it another, go. i dont think this is a trick i think he wants u. period. dumpers regret too when they love someone. i dumped too say age was a factor etc. i say take a chance we only live once. worse that can happen is u dump him next. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LASingleton Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 as a dumper who loves and misses the one i dumped and want back with him. ..i m going to tell u i feel so strongly with everything in my inner self that he wants to get back with u right NOW. not five years. but hes saying he'd wait five years because u mean that much to him he loves u. thats the impression i get. i even suspect he went on the website for how to get your ex back. there is a site that says write a hand written letter. please answer him IF you love him and think u can give it another, go. i dont think this is a trick i think he wants u. period. dumpers regret too when they love someone. i dumped too say age was a factor etc. i say take a chance we only live once. worse that can happen is u dump him next. But surely because he dumped me if he wanted to get back with me he would have just said so? What does everyone think? Maintain NC, write a letter back or text? What's the most likely to get him wanting me back? Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 To me it's clearer that he wants you to be around as far as he can take it. If he wants you in his life it would be right now, not in five years time. If I was you I would continue NC. Best regards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I'm in agreement with everyone here. He just misses you, and the hand-written letter was a huge breadcrumb to string you along, keep you hanging on for when he needs the occasional ego-boost of attention from you. If he wanted to reconcile and get back together with you, he would have just said so. You wouldn't be wondering what he wants from you. You'd know. That letter was not a gesture of reconciliation. Not by a long shot. Sure, respond to his letter with your own. But ask yourself why you'd want to? What purpose would it serve? Does staying "no-contact" help you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glimpse Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 He realized what a great person you are and is now regretting of taking you for granted and hoping to find someone better. One day a young man asked his grandfather, "what's a relationship?" His grandfather replied, "go to my garden and bring me back one rose. There's only one rule, once you pass a rose, you can't go back to it." So the young man went to the garden and saw a rose. It wasn't the most perfect flower, it had some petals missing so he kept on going. Another rose looked great, but it didn't smell good enough. He kept passing these flowers until her reached the end empty handed. He returned to his grandfather, "where's your rose?" "I found a couple, but I thought there would be something better down the road until i reached the end without one." His grandfather replied, "this is the problem with people nowadays. They think there will always be something better for them down the road not realizing they're missing out on someone amazing until it's too late." 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 My ex broke things off with me about 2 months ago (we'd lived together and had such a magical time together). He broke it off because he said he couldn't handle the age gap with his job (he's in the public eye a lot) and he also told me he didn't love me as much as I loved him. But surely because he dumped me if he wanted to get back with me he would have just said so? What does everyone think? Maintain NC, write a letter back or text? What's the most likely to get him wanting me back? He wants you back, but not right now. Apparently his job is more important than you. Do not get me wrong I really feel for you. The right thing would be him not caring about age and showing you proudly to the world. If he is capable of that than forgive him for this stupid mistake. But please do not agree with less. Otherwise grief and find a man who is capable of loving you now. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 OMG that 5 yrs thing would piss me the frick off. Like hey if I haven't found anyone better in 5 yrs I'll call ya! Oh great thanks! I wouldn't reply. If you want your things back reply with a curt "you can drop my things at X location" Link to post Share on other sites
Aargh Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 LASingleton Do nothing! Do not reply. Do not text him. Make a plan and stick to it - if he really wants you back then he will contact you again.and again, and again. So agree with yourself that if you hear from him again then reply. But only to arrange the returning of your stuff. Be careful - you are in a vulnerable place and limited contact / plans are your friends. Worst outcome would be for you to reply and open you heart to a reconciliation only for him to disappoint again. That hurts Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 the answer is no. he would no longer say he wants to get back with u , when he doesnt know where he stands. do urself a favor. write back and be real in ur response. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Don't you dare contact him. Do not even answer his stupid request to get you your stuff back. If you didn't even know he had the stuff, you don't need it. And you certainly don't need this guy giving you the run-around in your life. Figure out what you want out of life. And what you want out of a relationship. Do you want a man who is going to provide you with a home, a man who will travel with you regularly, or will cut the grass, go antiquing with you, what? Get real specific about it, about what you want, and then choose only a guy who will fit this and provide what you want. If this dork comes back, knocking on your door, YOU set down the ground rules and tell him what you want. He can either deliver or not, and if not, you turn right around and walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 please update us.. wondering what transpired or not Link to post Share on other sites
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