Tik Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Where do your boundaries lie? I.e. her putting her arm around you, her wrapping her face around you, play fighting etc. Is there any difference in how 'physical' you are around your male friends vs. a male love interest?
Emilia Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 You mean 'love interest' as in someone I'm not seeing? No. I flirt verbally but I don't get touchy-feely with men unless they are that way with everyone. There is a guy in the office who is just a huge bloke, very tall, very big built. To compensate for this, he is quite tactile but only pats us on the upper back, or squeezes the upper arm, he never gets more personal than that and he is the same with men and women. I return that because I know it's him being friendly and non-threatening as he is massive. I'd never let a guy who isn't my SO put his arms around me or feel me up in any way. Especially not if I saw him doing that with only some women he fancied. I like men with boundaries and I keep mine. 1
irc333 Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I'd never let a guy who isn't my SO put his arms around me or feel me up in any way. Especially not if I saw him doing that with only some women he fancied. I like men with boundaries and I keep mine. At some of these Meetups, if you've been going to them long enough, men and even women tend to get touchy feely if they are familiar with you over time.
Emilia Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 At some of these Meetups, if you've been going to them long enough, men and even women tend to get touchy feely if they are familiar with you over time. That's how a lot of people are in their social circle. 1
ASG Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 It depends where I am. In Portugal, since we don't tend to hug, I don't really have any physical contact with any male friends that are not an "interest". In the UK, the lines are a bit more blurred. I tend to hug my friends a lot and sometimes they will put their arms around me. I am always wary of what the circumstances are though. Usually this happens with male friends that do that with most of their female friends, without any ulterior motive. As for play fighting... it's not something that happens often. And the last guy I play fought with, I've been sleeping with for a almost a year now... So yeah...
Author Tik Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Thanks guys, So if I'm the larrikin, fun loving quirky type that gets on with everyone but is quite touchy feely, how does one gage whether a girl is reciprocating vs. actually interested? If I'd split the level of reciprocation of woman of current, I'd get... Group A) Girls who are verbally reciprocal; laughing, smiling and talking back Group B) Girls who reciprocate physically i.e. if I hug them, they will hug back, lay their head on me, play fight back if I do etc Group C) Girls who if I walk up to join them, put their hands around me without me initiating, if I lay against them, they will bury their face into my chest, play with my watch if I have it on etc - I guess girls who are not relying on me to be physical first. I guess you'd say group C but even in then, how do you know they are not simply reciprocating and for one not to consider crossing the boundaries then...
Emilia Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Group A) Girls who are verbally reciprocal; laughing, smiling and talking back Group B) Girls who reciprocate physically i.e. if I hug them, they will hug back, lay their head on me, play fight back if I do etc Group C) Girls who if I walk up to join them, put their hands around me without me initiating, if I lay against them, they will bury their face into my chest, play with my watch if I have it on etc - I guess girls who are not relying on me to be physical first. I guess you'd say group C but even in then, how do you know they are not simply reciprocating and for one not to consider crossing the boundaries then... How old are you OP?
Toodaloo Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 It very much depends on the male in question and what the relationship is as to how much I touch them. I have 2 bosses I am very close to and so yes I touch them a lot. We joke and sometimes play fight. If you didn't know us and saw us you would think we were either siblings or very close. Which in a way we are so??? Its a very unusual boss/ employee relationship as we trust each other implicitly and are all very comfortable round each other. We have no secrets between us at all. They were there for me when I was ill and helped me to get dressed and kid napped me from hospital when I had cabin fever. I would do the same for them. When I do something wrong either personally or professionally they kick my backside and vice versa... Though I have to say with those two its normally me kicking them into touch! The 3 bosses at my other job I do not touch much at all. Although we get on very well there is not the closeness that I have with the other 2. We laugh, we joke, we tease each other and wind each other up but there is not the extra attachment I have with the other two. Friends and family I hug on a regular basis unless they are not the hugging kind... In relationships again it depends entirely on the person I am with. If they like to be touched I touch them, if not I save it for the bedroom... I don't ever put my face in anyone elses unless they are about to get my tongue down their throat... I hate that... That is is too close... This is my space - that is yours. You can come in for a moment or two but back off after the hug will you.
Toodaloo Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 play with my watch if I have it on That is actually a very intimate gesture and I would not do that with anyone I wasn't sleeping with. It would be like someone touching a necklace I am wearing...
Xiang Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I let gals touch me anywhere (since i am single). And i only touch girls on the shoulder maybe waist. I rarely go over that ._. cuz i don't know how/when to even if i wanted, and i'd rather not be a creep who tries to touch women up. You know those type of hugs when someone is next to you? And you just push them by the shoulder with your arm, into YOU. Friendly hug...idk how to explain w/e. I tried it once with a girl friend i had, but i grabed her body not the shoulder, and accidentally tapped her breast...yeah she got really mad. So i try to avoid weird situations like that. Rather not touch unless we date...
sillyanswer Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Tl;dr: it depends How touchy-feely I am towards the opposite sex depends greatly on who the people are and what sort of 'relationship' I have with them and on what the social setting is under which I am meeting them. I have platonic female friends who I might greet with any of a wave, a hug or a kiss on the cheek depending on the person and situation. I'm unlikely to want or need to touch them anywhere other than on the arm or shoulder to emphasise a point of conversation or to attract their attention in a noisy environment. If it's a woman that I have romantic intent towards then the level of contact depends on the previous level of contact and the feedback (eg body language or reciprocation) previously received. I'm unlikely to grab her butt on the first date unless things are going really really well! Vague question... what did you really want to know?
Author Tik Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 How old are you OP? Early 20's mate!
Author Tik Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Tl;dr: it depends How touchy-feely I am towards the opposite sex depends greatly on who the people are and what sort of 'relationship' I have with them and on what the social setting is under which I am meeting them. I have platonic female friends who I might greet with any of a wave, a hug or a kiss on the cheek depending on the person and situation. I'm unlikely to want or need to touch them anywhere other than on the arm or shoulder to emphasise a point of conversation or to attract their attention in a noisy environment. If it's a woman that I have romantic intent towards then the level of contact depends on the previous level of contact and the feedback (eg body language or reciprocation) previously received. I'm unlikely to grab her butt on the first date unless things are going really really well! Vague question... what did you really want to know? Thanks for that, I guess I am not sure to be honest but to gage how people's view on this are and how they are in this sense. It's good to understand
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I'm Italian (and French) so being affectionate, even casually is in my DNA. I'm also a hugger and I've been known to reach out and gently touch someone's hand or hand/arm/shoulder provided I get a welcoming vibe from them of course. Having said that, there are definitely boundaries when it comes to complete strangers both in giving affection and receiving it and I would never cross them if I felt it was inappropriate. When it comes to my partner, hell yeah! Public displays of affection are just part and parcel of who I am and what I want in my relationship. I'm not talking about heavy make-out and groping sessions in the middle of the produce aisle at the grocery store. There is a time and place for everything after all. As much as I'm a lover, I'm NOT an exhibitionist who gets off on making people uncomfortable nor am I interested in getting my ass arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior 1
sillyanswer Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I'm not talking about heavy make-out and groping sessions in the middle of the produce aisle at the grocery store. There is a time and place for everything after all. I agree. It's too cold in the produce aisle. Try the wine and spirits aisle, or near the bakery. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I agree. It's too cold in the produce aisle. Try the wine and spirits aisle, or near the bakery. Haha I think the wine and spirits aisle might just be the ticket 1
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 With strangers, I'm fairly formal: a handshake & then I will stand about 2-3 feet away. With good friends, hugs & kisses are the norm, shoulder rubs happen etc. We're all pretty tactile & flirty. With social acquaintances, a quick hug or cheek kiss hello & goodbye but no intermittent contact. DH & I usually hold hands or play footsies under a table.
Got it Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Where do your boundaries lie? I.e. her putting her arm around you, her wrapping her face around you, play fighting etc. Is there any difference in how 'physical' you are around your male friends vs. a male love interest? I am not touchy feely so I am very respectful of other people's personal space. So unless I am comfortable with the person I am not touching them. And I don't want to be touched.
serial muse Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I'm kind of a hugger, at least with established friends. But I think there's a difference between an affectionate greeting that may include a one-time physical touch (hug, cheek kiss, hand clasp, fist bump, whatever) versus a sort of low-grade "I'm aware of you" maintenance of physical contact throughout a conversation. I find the second thing a little too much unless we're actually together or on our way there. My exH was in the habit of that kind of low-grade quasi-flirty physical contact with others, particularly female friends, even while I was standing right there - and I found it disrespectful. (Spoiler: He did turn out to be a cheater.) I do understand that the boundaries are somewhat fluid for different people, and that just because someone may be more keen on little physical touches doesn't mean it has to signify something romantic. But I guess, for me, it just seems super flirty. (Which I probably find more suspicious than I once did.)
gaius Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Touch is a powerful weapon with women so I don't use it unless I'm hitting on them or want something.
Phoe Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I hug people, but that's the only physical contact I will have.
todreaminblue Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 i dont do the physical thing with my male friends...i might touch their arm while talking to them, normally when my male friends have deep and meaningfuls......just to let them know i am there.....i dont do it often ....only when i feel its needed i touch them to show them i care and that i am listening and knowing what they are trying to tell me...........i dont hug them......although they offer hugs to me and will reach out and squeeze my shoulder as a thanks for dinner thansk for beign there sort of thing or whatever....i keep it minimal..... with a boyfriend i am different.....but still a little reserved i dont normally make a move unless i know its needed..and i do random touch....for no reason whatsoever other than to connect with them when its behind closed doors.....well that would be between him and i.....ill be playful..i dotn mind public displays of affection...i prefer they be innocent or ill slap them...kidding...maybe not.......deb
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