Girlfriend not interested in sex, I don't want to cheat

[FitzG60]

Hello everyone, I'm having a small problem with my girlfriend.

We've been together for 2 years now and I'm as in love with her as I was when we first met and I know she is too, we have a great relationship and get on perfectly and I have no intention of leaving her or anything, she's even going away for 3 months this summer and I plan on waiting for her as she plans on it as well. The only problem is she doesn't seem to be interested in sex at all, and sometimes she even seems worried about it. We have a bit of fun the odd time but we only have sex maybe once or twice a month and I feel like I need more but don't want to force her into anything, because anytime we do it, she gets worried and waits to see if she's pregnant or not which I think is a bit too OTT. I'm not contemplating cheating or anything but I'm afriad if this keeps going I don't know what I'll do because I love her so much. I will take any comments I can get thank you for reading.

[Andy_K]

Have you asked her about it, and what does she say?

 

If it's just fear of pregnancy, then double up on the bc - use condoms and the pill, for example.

[FitzG60]

I want to talk to her but I'm afraid that she'd think I'm forcing her into having more sex which I really don't want, I just wish she'd be more interested in it. I wear a condom every time which I'm fine with AND she's on the pill yet she's still afraid, she sometimes even asks me not to finish inside with both the pill and the condom, and stops and asks me every few minutes to check the condom is still on

[PegNosePete]

She is not psychic. If you don't say anything, she will think you're perfectly OK with how things are.

 

But she seems really paranoid about getting pregnant. Was she always like that, did it start suddenly, or gradually get worse? It may be a symptom of an underlying issue (OCD for example).

[central]

Grow a pair of balls and talk to her. You have needs, and you're being a wuss by hiding them. She's probably lost respect for you already and that may be why she's lost interest in sex with you. Until you are clear and assertive (not aggressive) about your wants and needs, you won't get them met.

[FitzG60]

But she seems really paranoid about getting pregnant. Was she always like that, did it start suddenly, or gradually get worse? It may be a symptom of an underlying issue (OCD for example).

 

Yeah she has always been very worried about getting pregnant, even though we take all the necessary precautions. I think I'll have to tell her, but I'm just afraid of making her feel ****, I know I have to be assertive and stuff but I hate hurting her feelings

[Elle1975]

She doesn't meet your needs, but you're ignoring this fact, because you love her, for now.

 

You're probably not wired the same way.

 

Talk to her but I don't see how her level of libido is going to go up. You have it or you don't.

[PegNosePete]

I don't think it's her libido that's the problem, it's her irrational fear of pregnancy. If she could overcome that, then I think you'll see both the quality and frequency increase.

 

How to help her overcome that... I don't know... but the first thing to do is talk to her, help her realize that it's an irrational fear, and ensure she wants to fix the problem. I wouldn't be too assertive as in "I am not happy, I want more sex", but rather raise it as an issue and try to understand why she has an irrational fear of pregnancy despite double contraception. Then you can work on it together, with the help of a doctor or therapist. Or if she doesn't see it as a problem, well then you can go down the "my needs aren't being met" route, or think about other options.

Edited November 14, 2014 by PegNosePete

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah she has always been very worried about getting pregnant, even though we take all the necessary precautions. I think I'll have to tell her, but I'm just afraid of making her feel ****, I know I have to be assertive and stuff but I hate hurting her feelings

 

After two years, you should be able to talk to her about this. If you have decided to enter into a sexual relationship with someone, you need to be able to handle these types of conversations - and the same goes for her.

[Diezel]

Go to DeadBedrooms on reddit. This is your future if you keep on the same path.

[preraph]

Look ,if you two aren't mature enough to be taking birth control and discuss how you're handling that, then you shouldn't even be having sex. She needs to go get on birth control or you need to be dang sure the condom doesn't slip.

[FitzG60]

Thank you all for these great answers I know I should talk to her and I will, but I'm going to do it in a very passive manner, I don't want to just say I want more sex because it's more that I want her to enjoy it more as well. Thank you for the answers they've been extremely helpful

[smackie9]

Nothing is going to change.....she fears getting pregnant, she is not ready to have a sexual relationship, which means you are not with the right girl. Someday when you get a little older and wiser you will understand these things, and learn to end a relationship when you know your expectations won't be met. TBH it's not fair for her either...how can she enjoy sex when she is wracked by fear...she isn't enjoying it so what is the point.

[No Limit]

Do yourself a favor and break up with her rather than cheat on her. Just a few weeks ago a buddy basically asked me if I'd come over so he could finally have sex again since his GF (whom he told me he didn't want to loose, great thinking there) outright refuses (yes, girlfriends tend to do that if you push for it long enough). Want to know how I answered in that last conversation with him? Read the 1st sentence of this post.