Wife of 31 years had an affair, my story

[VeryBrokenMan]

VBM is it possible that you would like to see your wife in a swinger lifestyle where you can observe.

 

Haha... thanks for the laugh.

[BetrayedH]

Please tell me how that is being in the "fog"? And I'm all ears.

 

She is in damage control mode and you are making every excuse possible to try to forgive her. You are also in damage control mode, trying to do whatever you can to save the family. You're following a script, just like I did. Frankly, I get it. It's just hard to read. You might benefit from reading my old threads (under the username, Kidd).

 

You keep saying that the crime is that she slept with another man. I disagree. The bigger crime is that she lied to you and betrayed you. And so what she says is of major import. She has lied to you repeatedly and you continue to accept it. You even said you just got some more "truth" this week and expect that there's still more. That's the partner in life that you're trying to forgive? One that is still actively lying to your face today despite your gift of reconciliation?

 

I hope you stay vigilant for a good, long while. It took me a good 8 months of hypervigilance to really get the truth. The truth is that she lost her OM and was doing whatever she could not to lose everything else. Whatever she needs to say to you to keep you protecting her and avoid a nuclear disaster is exactly what she's gonna say. And she quietly dealing with her depression over the loss of the OM (who is only "disgusting" now because he rejected her). In the meantime, you haven't even told the OM's wife yet, have you?

[beach]

Please tell me how that is being in the "fog"? And I'm all ears.

 

It may be due to you're reasoning with yourself about reasons not to implement consequences to her. And lots of excuses to paint her in a positive light when it's clear that she hasn't been sorry she did it. That, and the way you're hiding her behavior as a secret FOR her.

[HereNorThere]

I can imagine that WW's say all kinds of things they don't really mean when they are in the fog. Most BS's don't get the level of detail that I have but I feel pretty sure that every WW says the same type of things. Again, the crime is cheating period. You can't really make the crime worse by the words you use or how it plays out. Frankly I'd be more surprised if a WW did not say all those things to her lover.

 

I'm not afraid of anything really. Certainly not of being alone or any type of thinking that I could not replace her. I know that women after a certain age are much more interested in a man that can provide for them over looks or anything else. I'd have no problems attracting the women that had reached that point in their lives. And I've had attractive women be very attentive to me in the past(and no I never once cheated) and I know I'd have my pick if that is what I chose.

 

I think the "why" is I'm thinking more big picture as well as the fact I love her. We have three children, all adults and expect to have grand-kids at some point. I choose to try to forgive and keep that family intact. Holidays would be a nightmare. I'd potentially lose the friendship of her brothers, sister and extended family which is important regardless of who they saw as at fault. And I'm a realist and I know that with any women I'd choose, her or anyone else, I'd have to put in a effort to be what they needed and to make it successful. With her I have a known quality. And no her qualities are not the best right now but they are known. So I know what I'm getting so to speak. And as a bonus she is an amazing beautiful, sexy and fit girl who looks at least 10 years younger than I do. We have a ton of things in common and are totally compatible. The sex has always been great(even now) and I'm certain all of the things she's done in terms of using sex as a weapon/reward are over.

 

She realizes she has the problem(I think). She has identified along with her IC reasons why she treats me as she does and accepts them and has apologized.

 

We were really in this whole marriage thing blind and neither one of us was putting any effort into the other. But she gets how good overall I've been to her and how devoted I was to her and our children. She often says that I did not deserve any of this and I'm a good man. And she tells me I have always been good to her.

 

And above all we are BOTH willing to change. Anyone calling for her head needs to realize marriage and reconciliation simply cannot be a one way street regardless of what she has done. As my IC has said, marriage is not for the weak, it's tough, it's ugly and sometimes you have to be selfless.

 

Even given extreme grievances against you sometimes you have to put away your pride, step up, be a man and an adult, be the better person and give your spouse a chance to make things right. The ball is clearly in her court, what she does with it is up to her. So I plan to be selfless but expect nothing less from her. Time will tell if she has that in her. If she reverts to selfishness... then it's over. And if that happens no one will fault me for giving it a second chance, or call me a cheating whore or anything other that a decent guy who made the wrong choice in a wife. She will have to live with all those labels and more. And I don't think she believes that any of our children or her family will condone her behavior in the least.

 

So my thinking today is that I'm going to let my character shine, I'm going to give her the second chance, I'm going to be selfless for a while and do my part. But I'm going to expect drastic changes and I'm not going to tolerate what we had. That marriage is dead.

 

I just hope you realize that withholding this information from your children and family is betraying them in a similar fashion that your wife betrayed you. They have every right to know the FULL truth about their family.

 

Besides, when she finally gets things ready for her soft landing/exit, she's going to turn all of this around on you and make herself out to be a victim. If you really value these relationships, you need to be honest with them. Trust me, you're really going to need their support one day.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I am hesitant to chime in here....because of fear

 

but i do have some things to share.

 

Unless you have been a WS...telling this man what his wife is thinking or why she is doing them is absolutely wrong. You are ASSUMING.

 

I have walked in her shoes...I know what it feels like to betray your spouse. I am not proud of that....but it is a fact.

 

I think if you want to help this man...stick with what you know to be FACTS not assumptions.

 

Give him ways to help him heal...ways to help him find answers...ways to make decisions. But don't tell him what his wife is doing or saying when quite honestly...you have no idea where her head is...unless you have been a cheater.

 

I won't even begin to try to analyze the woman. No one knows her the way you know her sir. You have lived with her 31 years. You had a gut feeling something wasn't right. You could read her.

 

Trust your instincts....if you think she is lying...she probably is. If you think she is using you...she probably is....If however...you believe her to be sincere, you believe her to be honest, you believe her to be remorseful....she probably is. You are asking strangers to speculate on the woman you have lived with 31 years. None of us know her.

 

If she is giving to you what you need from her...then go with it.

[sidney2718]

Wrongo. Do you have any idea how easy it is to get a prepaid cell phone. Or to disable a keylogger? Or to setup an anonymous email account that doesn't "push" emails anywhere but just requires an internet connection to access (and how easy it is to delete any trace of visits to that site)? It's just plain easy to circumvent any measures that are put into place. WSs get discovered when they get lazy because they think you aren't looking. When they know you're looking, they can easy get around virtually any surveillance that isn't 24/7. Your PI isn't even on the case, bro.

 

You are right. But you forgot one thing. She's still at home and not off with the OM. This is because A) he doesn't want her or B) she doesn't want him. Or both.

[sidney2718]

She is in damage control mode and you are making every excuse possible to try to forgive her. You are also in damage control mode, trying to do whatever you can to save the family. You're following a script, just like I did. Frankly, I get it. It's just hard to read. You might benefit from reading my old threads (under the username, Kidd).

 

You keep saying that the crime is that she slept with another man. I disagree. The bigger crime is that she lied to you and betrayed you. And so what she says is of major import. She has lied to you repeatedly and you continue to accept it. You even said you just got some more "truth" this week and expect that there's still more. That's the partner in life that you're trying to forgive? One that is still actively lying to your face today despite your gift of reconciliation?

 

I hope you stay vigilant for a good, long while. It took me a good 8 months of hypervigilance to really get the truth. The truth is that she lost her OM and was doing whatever she could not to lose everything else. Whatever she needs to say to you to keep you protecting her and avoid a nuclear disaster is exactly what she's gonna say. And she quietly dealing with her depression over the loss of the OM (who is only "disgusting" now because he rejected her). In the meantime, you haven't even told the OM's wife yet, have you?

 

I would think that the last thing the OP needs right now is for the OM's wife to throw him out of the house and make him available. So no telling the OM's wife yet, if ever.

 

In situations that come up for discussion here what the OP needs is a strategy that helps the OP get what is wanted. The OP does not have to be the vehicle for divine vengence on the AP unless it helps in the final goal.

[sidney2718]

I am hesitant to chime in here....because of fear

 

but i do have some things to share.

 

Unless you have been a WS...telling this man what his wife is thinking or why she is doing them is absolutely wrong. You are ASSUMING.

 

I have walked in her shoes...I know what it feels like to betray your spouse. I am not proud of that....but it is a fact.

 

I think if you want to help this man...stick with what you know to be FACTS not assumptions.

 

Give him ways to help him heal...ways to help him find answers...ways to make decisions. But don't tell him what his wife is doing or saying when quite honestly...you have no idea where her head is...unless you have been a cheater.

 

I won't even begin to try to analyze the woman. No one knows her the way you know her sir. You have lived with her 31 years. You had a gut feeling something wasn't right. You could read her.

 

Trust your instincts....if you think she is lying...she probably is. If you think she is using you...she probably is....If however...you believe her to be sincere, you believe her to be honest, you believe her to be remorseful....she probably is. You are asking strangers to speculate on the woman you have lived with 31 years. None of us know her.

 

If she is giving to you what you need from her...then go with it.

 

There is wisdom here. Heed it.

[beach]

Mrs John Adams -

 

Since you have played the role that his wife did... Why not you give him the suggestions you eluded to?

 

For what it's worth - I'm not assuming - I'm working with the evidence he's presented - which includes her phone conversation with her OM after she was caught.

[Mrs. John Adams]

yes i read the conversation...it was troubling.....but how much time has passed since then? He has said she is showing him remorse....so did she come to her senses? He says she is open and sharing all of her passwords....sounds to me like she is giving him the things he needs to build trust. But only he can answer that.

 

My post was not directed at any particular person....so please don't think i was signalling you out...I wasn't.

[beach]

Given all your history - and the time frame of discovery was months ago... I can see you desperately want it to work out.

 

She didn't offer reconciliation words and behavior at the start but just began that a few weeks ago. And now you just learned more new info from her (trickle truth) - what did you learn recently?

 

You don't want to tell others, you have taken steps to protect her truth, she's pretty, it's good and steady sex and you don't want to make effort to start over.

 

 

My suggestion is to have her sign a prenup now. Make sure it's to your benefit, not hers. Check to be sure she doesn't have a prepaid phone because she blatantly told her AP she would be in touch, so she must have had a firm idea how she planned to secretly communicate in the future. Does she have any unusual apps on her phone? Any. Ew Facebook accounts?

 

I'm sorry to say it but I don't see how anyone would be able to trust her moving forward.

 

She may get half your money and assets if she cheats again...hopefully in the meantime you can have some peace of mind.

 

Have you moved money to your name only? Put all assets in your name? Have you considered giving her an allowance each month that's minimal money knowing IF she wants more she can get out there and earn it herself?

 

Why not set yourself up so IF it ever happens again you have protected yourself and at the same time encouraged her to learn to earn some money of her own and become more independent of the money you bring in?

 

She can start becoming self supporting - even if it's a little at a time.

 

I'm sure her life goals aren't to sit home alone everyday dreaming up ways to pamper and spoil you for the next 40 years. It would do her some good to become independent and proud of her daily work and accomplishments.

[mikethemechanic]

I am hesitant to chime in here....because of fear

 

but i do have some things to share.

 

Unless you have been a WS...telling this man what his wife is thinking or why she is doing them is absolutely wrong. You are ASSUMING.

 

I have walked in her shoes...I know what it feels like to betray your spouse. I am not proud of that....but it is a fact.

 

I think if you want to help this man...stick with what you know to be FACTS not assumptions.

 

Give him ways to help him heal...ways to help him find answers...ways to make decisions. But don't tell him what his wife is doing or saying when quite honestly...you have no idea where her head is...unless you have been a cheater.

 

I won't even begin to try to analyze the woman. No one knows her the way you know her sir. You have lived with her 31 years. You had a gut feeling something wasn't right. You could read her.

 

Trust your instincts....if you think she is lying...she probably is. If you think she is using you...she probably is....If however...you believe her to be sincere, you believe her to be honest, you believe her to be remorseful....she probably is. You are asking strangers to speculate on the woman you have lived with 31 years. None of us know her.

 

If she is giving to you what you need from her...then go with it.

 

Do you think in the future she'll trip and fall on the penis of the OM?

[aliveagain]

I would think that the last thing the OP needs right now is for the OM's wife to throw him out of the house and make him available. So no telling the OM's wife yet, if ever.

 

In situations that come up for discussion here what the OP needs is a strategy that helps the OP get what is wanted. The OP does not have to be the vehicle for divine vengence on the AP unless it helps in the final goal.

 

The reason you inform the other betrayed spouse is because it is the right thing to do. She needs to protect herself, this may not be the first rodeo for either wayward spouse, contracting an STD is a very real possibility. We know they always lie about using protection, specially if the affair has been going on for a while. This is not about vengeance but about making sure the affair has ended. Affairs thrive in secrecy and exposure is still the best way to make sure the affair has ended. By withholding the information from O/M's betrayed spouse you become their accomplice in the deception against her. Should the Karma bus run him over in the process, oh well, bonus. The other betrayed spouse may have information that may help decide if divorce or reconciliation is on the table. This is how I learned about my ex's secret two year affair.

 

VeryBrokenMan is not pushing his wife into O/M's arms, she chose to do that freely. If she leaves to be with O/M because of exposure isn't it better to know now rather than years from now, why endure more hurt than is necessary? VBM deserves to be happy and not acting out of fear, the fear of his wife leaving him. Why are you allowing someone who makes bad choices have this much control over the future of your family? She is all in or she is not, nothing in between is acceptable. Get rid of any friends that helped facilitate her infidelity because they are not friends of the marriage.

[TMCM]

Since you've been married for 30 something years, a divorce would have you paying her spousal support for life. Now if this is inconsequential to you then so be it. But if it isn't then consider a postnuptial agreement. A postnuptial agreement, unlike a prenuptial agreement is enforceable under general contract laws. This is how it differs from a prenuptial agreement which, in most states have laws that govern them specifically. Good luck.

[VeryBrokenMan]

I am hesitant to chime in here....because of fear

 

but i do have some things to share.

 

Please do chime in anytime you want.

 

Unless you have been a WS...telling this man what his wife is thinking or why she is doing them is absolutely wrong. You are ASSUMING.

Exactly. My situation and relationship was not anyone else's. It's mine and I know what's happened, what's happening and what she feels and says now.

 

I won't even begin to try to analyze the woman. No one knows her the way you know her sir. You have lived with her 31 years. You had a gut feeling something wasn't right. You could read her.

 

Trust your instincts....if you think she is lying...she probably is. If you think she is using you...she probably is....If however...you believe her to be sincere, you believe her to be honest, you believe her to be remorseful....she probably is. You are asking strangers to speculate on the woman you have lived with 31 years. None of us know her.

 

If she is giving to you what you need from her...then go with it.

That sums it up perfectly. I knew there was an affair before I found evidence and I knew it from very early on. I could feel it. My wife is not a cunning and calculating women. She did not set up an alternate facebook page(as the OM did), never had another phone, never suspected I'd hire a PI. She just got caught up in something that was horrible. So at this point I'm trusting my instinct, instinct that has been honed over a long business career that allows me to read people easily. And also going with how I've done business for so long, sometimes you have to give a little to get what you really want. And what I want is a much better marriage to someone that I have a long history with and still desire.

 

You read any book on post affair healing and she is done everything to the letter to make things right that any of those books call for. One sticking point is that I'm not sure I can believe everything she has said but we are working through the details. She has given me intimate details many times about the same issues and her story never changes. The reason I find it hard to believe is that the truth is pretty tame and I expected much worse.

[VeryBrokenMan]

You are right. But you forgot one thing. She's still at home and not off with the OM. This is because A) he doesn't want her or B) she doesn't want him. Or both.

 

She is still at home and comforting me any time I need it or even when I don't. She has done everything I've asked for to provide transparency and I know she dropped him completely after that long call.

 

She has said she holds a lot of resentment and anger toward him at this point. She never uses it as an excuse but says she felt used by the OM. My wife is not a very worldly or "experienced" women in the dating world. And she see's the good in everybody. I'm probably going to get raked over the coals for saying this but in some ways she was the victim in the affair. Her AP was/is a narcissist and a psychopath. He saw a pretty women that was vulnerable and he pursued her in a calculated manner. This is not her story, I have all the texts. None of that excuses the affair. She knows that, she admits that she made the choice not to put the brakes on at any point that she could have. And she says she is deeply sorry. I'm not sure how I will feel in a year but I'm willing to wait and see.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Vbm....thank you! I was afraid to say something.

 

Be sure you are always honest with her. If you feel something isn't right...confront her. If she doesn't know what you need...tell her.

 

I know we are evil narcissistic women....but we are not mind readers. If you can't tell us what you need...how do we know what to do to make it better?

 

Sometimes...it can be a small error. All these years...I said I am sorry. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear I am sorry for CAUSING you so much PAIN. I thought I was saying it...but those few extra words made all the difference in the world to him.

 

Once I understood...I could do that for him....

 

I am praying for the two of you....it sounds like you have a good chance to reconcile....and remember this...even if you decide at some point to divorce...you know you gave the relationship every chance.

[VeryBrokenMan]

yes i read the conversation...it was troubling.....but how much time has passed since then? He has said she is showing him remorse....so did she come to her senses? He says she is open and sharing all of her passwords....sounds to me like she is giving him the things he needs to build trust. But only he can answer that.

 

My post was not directed at any particular person....so please don't think i was signalling you out...I wasn't.

 

The timeline was I confronted her without telling her I knew in early September, let it go on about a month and a half then gave her an ultimatum. She immediatly said she wanted to work it out, there was no hesitation. Two days later, with my permission I allowed her to call him one last time, the details of that call are in earlier posts. Her remorse and transparecny started the days right after that last call. She has been N/C to my satisfaction since.

 

You guys need to realize this is a broken women right now. Her world has been destroyed (as well as mine). She is not getting angry or doing anything to hurt me. Just the opposite, her whole focus is on me right now, she lets me vent my anger and rage and just takes it an agrees.

 

And in a way it's therapeutic to defend her here as I'm doing the last couple of days. Because it helps me see all the things she has done right since DDay compared to a lot of WW's.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Vbm....

 

When John joined the other sit and started a thread what is remorse....many people attacked me and screamed at him to divorce me....it had been thirty years since my affair!

 

He defended me over and over...and there was a man who told him...obviously..you love her.

 

What you just said..reminds me of that. You love her....she is doing everything she knows to do to help you heal. The two of you are satisfied...what we all think really does not matter.

 

Have you thought about bringing her here?

[VeryBrokenMan]

Given all your history - and the time frame of discovery was months ago... I can see you desperately want it to work out.

 

She didn't offer reconciliation words and behavior at the start but just began that a few weeks ago. And now you just learned more new info from her (trickle truth) - what did you learn recently?

 

The truths recently were not about the affair or any previous affair. And all it showed was she is capable of telling the truth even if it is ugly. The information had no bearing on our relationship.

 

You don't want to tell others, you have taken steps to protect her truth, she's pretty, it's good and steady sex and you don't want to make effort to start over.

That is undecided at this point.

 

My suggestion is to have her sign a prenup now. Make sure it's to your benefit, not hers. Check to be sure she doesn't have a prepaid phone because she blatantly told her AP she would be in touch, so she must have had a firm idea how she planned to secretly communicate in the future. Does she have any unusual apps on her phone? Any. Ew Facebook accounts?

Prenup will happen. And I'm comfortable with the measures my PI has in place.

 

I'm sorry to say it but I don't see how anyone would be able to trust her moving forward.

 

She may get half your money and assets if she cheats again...hopefully in the meantime you can have some peace of mind.

 

Have you moved money to your name only? Put all assets in your name?

 

Have you considered giving her an allowance each month that's minimal money knowing IF she wants more she can get out there and earn it herself?

All my assets other than our primary home are held by various business entities and she has no access. I write a check to the household account once a month to cover expenses. That amount has always included a monthly allowance for her to use for what ever. She has refused to accept that since shortly after DDay. She also has a credit card for "extra" non essential expenses and she has not used that CC for anything without asking me first. I never asked for that she just stopped spending money. She has not done much for herself the past three months at all.

 

Why not set yourself up so IF it ever happens again you have protected yourself and at the same time encouraged her to learn to earn some money of her own and become more independent of the money you bring in?

 

She can start becoming self supporting - even if it's a little at a time.

 

I'm sure her life goals aren't to sit home alone everyday dreaming up ways to pamper and spoil you for the next 40 years. It would do her some good to become independent and proud of her daily work and accomplishments.

She wants to do just that. She just started the process of making her self independent financially. I've been honest and told her that I've not decided if I can get over this and she realizes that she may have to support herself at some point.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Since you've been married for 30 something years, a divorce would have you paying her spousal support for life. Now if this is inconsequential to you then so be it. But if it isn't then consider a postnuptial agreement. A postnuptial agreement, unlike a prenuptial agreement is enforceable under general contract laws. This is how it differs from a prenuptial agreement which, in most states have laws that govern them specifically. Good luck.

 

It's not about the money at all. I can earn back what I'd lose in a divorce, and spousal support is trivial compared to the money spent in the past. It's just not a money decision at all for me. But that said, I think a post-nup will happen.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Do you think in the future she'll trip and fall on the penis of the OM?

 

Nah... I've seen all the texting. The OM's penis is not big enough to trip and fall on. I just have to feel bad for the guy, I mean if your going to send a penis pic to a lover you should at least have something to show off.

 

I know what she likes sexually and I'm totally serious when I say sex was probably not that great unless she has a small penis fetish I don't know about.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I would like to address something I just read here.

 

I believe that sometimes fear causes the WS to protect themselves. So I don't think not telling everything in a matter of weeks necessarily means they are trickle truth isn't or lying.

 

As I understand this...they are only three months out. Three months....not a long time in the scene of things. If she has progressed the was she has in three months...I think that is pretty acceptable.

 

I had my affair and did not tell for a few weeks...now when I told..I told it all. But I still did not tell for a few weeks. I think sometimes we just have to process.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Vbm....thank you! I was afraid to say something.

 

Be sure you are always honest with her. If you feel something isn't right...confront her. If she doesn't know what you need...tell her.

 

I know we are evil narcissistic women....but we are not mind readers. If you can't tell us what you need...how do we know what to do to make it better?

 

How long did it take you to admit that to yourself and your husband?

 

Sometimes...it can be a small error. All these years...I said I am sorry. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear I am sorry for CAUSING you so much PAIN. I thought I was saying it...but those few extra words made all the difference in the world to him.

 

Once I understood...I could do that for him....

We are struggling with just that. She wants to do the right things, I'm not sure exactly what I need.

 

I am praying for the two of you....it sounds like you have a good chance to reconcile....and remember this...even if you decide at some point to divorce...you know you gave the relationship every chance.

My thought's exactly, I will know I gave her a second chance and I fixed my part of the marriage. It's up to her at this point to do the right things. Thanks for your input and wishes.

[aliveagain]

These are some excepts from the call to her lover, she said it was two or three minutes but it was actually 75 minutes.

 

Does this sound like someone that I should forgive and try to reconcile with? (Serious question, my judgement is not great right now)

 

Excerpts:

 

01:15:33

He texted me Monday morning and asked me all these questions, and I was just lying to him, you know.

 

01:18:00

This has been to terrible (crying) this has been terrible.

 

 

01:20:00

And you know this is (pause) it started out like a game to me but it didn’t end up being a game for me.

 

 

01:20:00 There is nothing for you to be sorry about. This is awful (crying)

 

 

01:22:00

I can’t express how terrible this is. Gaaad it’s awful.

 

01:23:00

And I need you now more than ever

 

 

01:23:17 And no matter what I’m always going to miss you

 

01:25:00

I mean I have to be tested for STD’s (incredulous)

There are so many things in this ****ed up situation and of course I have to do everything. You know. I have no say unless I just walk away.

 

"She is absolutely fishing for his reaction, she is asking him to step up and ask her to leave you for him."

 

01:30:00

He said he understood I was grieving too and I needed to be able to call you and have closure but I don’t know how that can ever be (crying)

 

01:31:00

I’m going to miss you too (crying)

(crying)

01:34:00

You know that and the fact that you were filling a void I have with him and now I don’t have you either.

 

01:35:00

He barely speaks to me and now I can’t be with the man that actually appreciates me.

 

01:36:00

 

He has always been obsessed with me. Always.

 

"This is her way of telling O/M that she has control over you and will do the necessary damage control."

 

01:38:00

 

He does not know the kind of man you are. And I’m not sharing all my deepest darkest things about you.

 

01:38:00

 

I miss the man that tells me I’m beautiful. That knows my heart and appreciates it.

 

01:39:00

 

I’m not sorry about (pause) which speaks to part of the problem is.

That I’m not really sorry I did this because you came to mean so

much to me.

 

And I'm not sorry we had this relationship, I'm sorry that I got caught

 

"This one is self explanatory, where is the remorse?"

 

 

01:41:00

I’d live in a cardboard box if I could escape all this right now

 

"Fishing again, she is again giving O/M a chance to step up and ask her to run off with him."

 

01:45

I want you to know I think you are a really good guy. (crying)

Me too (crying)

 

01:50

Oh yeah, he will. I’ll tell him we just talked for 2 or 3 minutes and I told you bye.

 

 

01:52:00

We need to hang up, I hate to, I don’t want to be without you (crying)

 

 

01:53:00

If you need to get me I’ll be here mornings

 

01:54:00

And I need you to know that I really do love you and it’s really hard for me to let you go.

 

So maybe some other day we can talk.

 

Very glad you have made a decision one way or another. The items that I bolded are the items that I have written about several times that worry me about your wife. Please see my comments below each item. These items have me wondering why your wife can so quickly claim that her O/M is no big deal in such a short time. These are the items that trouble me the most and why you need to protect yourself. Your strongest at the time of confrontation, she may agree to demands for reconciliation now that she won't agree to later, use that information to your advantage. Have your lawyer put your terms of reconciliation into your post nuptial agreement, you can defend these terms if you divorce because of a new infidelity. One thing I learned about adultery, infidelity kills love, you really have to put the work in to keep it alive.