Wife of 31 years had an affair, my story

[VeryBrokenMan]

Well things blew up Friday night. We were watching the local news about 8pm and a story came on about a robbery at a local motel. It just happened to be the motel where they met for sex the second time. I asked her if that was the motel and I knew the answer. She just said "yeah". I'm not sure why but the rage all just came to the surface and things got out of control quickly. I realized after the blow up on Friday I feel like she has been truthful with everything as far as details but not about her true emotions.

 

Anyway the fight centered around why she wanted to have sex the second time and she refused to admit that she wanted to. I told her you don't get in the car and drive to a motel if you don't want to do it. There was a lot of anger from both sides but her refusal to admit she wanted to have sex just did not sit right. Anyway emotions were high and in anger I told her I was "done", she asked "done with what" and I said "I'm done with the marriage'. I'm really not sure where that came from, I guess I've just been suppressing a lot of anger and it built up and her refusal to admit to how she felt emotionally about the OM pissed me off.

 

We both ended up storming out of the house at the same time. I drove to some other property we own and she spent two hours looking for me and finally caught up with me there. We talked for a long time. I pulled the last phone call transcript out and we talked about that too. I don't feel good about the conversation at all. I finally was able to get her to admit the sex was not good physically but it felt good emotionally. But she really has no defense to the other things she said in that call and I don't have any further understanding or closure about it. All she could really do is agree that she said those things. She is sticking by her story that she was letting him down easy.

 

I've been in a funk since Friday night. We talked about divorce last night for about an hour, she says she does not want to and that she is only giving up when I tell her to leave. She also has said about a million times in the last few days that she will never cheat again and she is so angry with herself. She is willing to do whatever is necessary to keep us together and I think she is sincere and focused on that. And she is putting me first in front of her new career. In short she is doing everything possible but after Friday I'm just not sure if this is a temporary set back or the next wave leading to divorce.

 

The way I felt this weekend after the conversations we had have left me feeling really uncertain about what I want now. I've told her that I'm not feeling anything, not hate, not love, just nothing and that intensified since the fight Friday. I just don't understand how split my thinking can be about going or staying and why it changed so quickly. I've gone over that conversation Friday night in my head and I can't come up with what changed. Maybe because it was so emotional it just re-opened the old wounds.

 

So yeah, you guys are right. I think I'm suppressing a lot of things and just don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what I need from her or if there is really anything she can do at this point. Maybe we just need time and some positive days. I mean even after the blowup Friday I went home and we fell asleep in each others arms.

[road]

Well things blew up Friday night. We were watching the local news about 8pm and a story came on about a robbery at a local motel. It just happened to be the motel where they met for sex the second time. I asked her if that was the motel and I knew the answer. She just said "yeah". I'm not sure why but the rage all just came to the surface and things got out of control quickly. I realized after the blow up on Friday I feel like she has been truthful with everything as far as details but not about her true emotions.

 

Anyway the fight centered around why she wanted to have sex the second time and she refused to admit that she wanted to. I told her you don't get in the car and drive to a motel if you don't want to do it. There was a lot of anger from both sides but her refusal to admit she wanted to have sex just did not sit right. Anyway emotions were high and in anger I told her I was "done", she asked "done with what" and I said "I'm done with the marriage'. I'm really not sure where that came from, I guess I've just been suppressing a lot of anger and it built up and her refusal to admit to how she felt emotionally about the OM pissed me off.

 

We both ended up storming out of the house at the same time. I drove to some other property we own and she spent two hours looking for me and finally caught up with me there. We talked for a long time. I pulled the last phone call transcript out and we talked about that too. I don't feel good about the conversation at all. I finally was able to get her to admit the sex was not good physically but it felt good emotionally. But she really has no defense to the other things she said in that call and I don't have any further understanding or closure about it. All she could really do is agree that she said those things. She is sticking by her story that she was letting him down easy.

 

I've been in a funk since Friday night. We talked about divorce last night for about an hour, she says she does not want to and that she is only giving up when I tell her to leave. She also has said about a million times in the last few days that she will never cheat again and she is so angry with herself. She is willing to do whatever is necessary to keep us together and I think she is sincere and focused on that. And she is putting me first in front of her new career. In short she is doing everything possible but after Friday I'm just not sure if this is a temporary set back or the next wave leading to divorce.

 

The way I felt this weekend after the conversations we had have left me feeling really uncertain about what I want now. I've told her that I'm not feeling anything, not hate, not love, just nothing and that intensified since the fight Friday. I just don't understand how split my thinking can be about going or staying and why it changed so quickly. I've gone over that conversation Friday night in my head and I can't come up with what changed. Maybe because it was so emotional it just re-opened the old wounds.

 

So yeah, you guys are right. I think I'm suppressing a lot of things and just don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what I need from her or if there is really anything she can do at this point. Maybe we just need time and some positive days. I mean even after the blowup Friday I went home and we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

 

you knew your ww had sex with the om

 

 

you knew they had sex at that hotel.

 

 

there was no point to you bringing up the affair. As you see it does no good.

[VeryBrokenMan]

VBM, I am all for reconciling, it depends on the people involved, committment etc.

 

But for me, I find the above worrying. She has always flirted? Is this her first affair that you know of? Is she in IC to get to the bottom of why she allowed herself to have an affair.

Yes, she is seeing an IC and yes she has always flirted. She only admits to this one but that is the first question the polygraph operator will ask. I suspect this is the first one because she told the OM that and she honestly terrible at hiding it. I think I suspected it from the start and was prompted to snoop on her phone about 30 days into it. I'm pretty good at reading people and their actions and I really don't think she could have hidden it prior or in the future.

 

A lot of what you post does appear to put the majority of the blame on the OM for his aggressive pursuit. But your wife was happy to go along with it.

No, I clearly see that his aggressiveness just started the process, she said yes time after time to get to the sex.

 

I don't know, but someone who has flirted all their life, it must be difficult to get away from that behavior. Does it ever go away? Or does it just cease for a while so things die down? Its been a part of your wife so long, I just wondered.

She has said she will fix that about herself and start imposing boundaries. Time will tell if she is able to do that.

[VeryBrokenMan]

you knew your ww had sex with the om

 

 

you knew they had sex at that hotel.

 

 

there was no point to you bringing up the affair. As you see it does no good.

 

Don't see your point?

[LifeWasted]

It is good you laid this issue out on the table, even though it took a scrap to do it.

[lgspot]

Well things blew up Friday night. We were watching the local news about 8pm and a story came on about a robbery at a local motel. It just happened to be the motel where they met for sex the second time. I asked her if that was the motel and I knew the answer. She just said "yeah". I'm not sure why but the rage all just came to the surface and things got out of control quickly. I realized after the blow up on Friday I feel like she has been truthful with everything as far as details but not about her true emotions.

 

Anyway the fight centered around why she wanted to have sex the second time and she refused to admit that she wanted to. I told her you don't get in the car and drive to a motel if you don't want to do it. There was a lot of anger from both sides but her refusal to admit she wanted to have sex just did not sit right. Anyway emotions were high and in anger I told her I was "done", she asked "done with what" and I said "I'm done with the marriage'. I'm really not sure where that came from, I guess I've just been suppressing a lot of anger and it built up and her refusal to admit to how she felt emotionally about the OM pissed me off.

 

We both ended up storming out of the house at the same time. I drove to some other property we own and she spent two hours looking for me and finally caught up with me there. We talked for a long time. I pulled the last phone call transcript out and we talked about that too. I don't feel good about the conversation at all. I finally was able to get her to admit the sex was not good physically but it felt good emotionally. But she really has no defense to the other things she said in that call and I don't have any further understanding or closure about it. All she could really do is agree that she said those things. She is sticking by her story that she was letting him down easy.

 

I've been in a funk since Friday night. We talked about divorce last night for about an hour, she says she does not want to and that she is only giving up when I tell her to leave. She also has said about a million times in the last few days that she will never cheat again and she is so angry with herself. She is willing to do whatever is necessary to keep us together and I think she is sincere and focused on that. And she is putting me first in front of her new career. In short she is doing everything possible but after Friday I'm just not sure if this is a temporary set back or the next wave leading to divorce.

 

The way I felt this weekend after the conversations we had have left me feeling really uncertain about what I want now. I've told her that I'm not feeling anything, not hate, not love, just nothing and that intensified since the fight Friday. I just don't understand how split my thinking can be about going or staying and why it changed so quickly. I've gone over that conversation Friday night in my head and I can't come up with what changed. Maybe because it was so emotional it just re-opened the old wounds.

 

So yeah, you guys are right. I think I'm suppressing a lot of things and just don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what I need from her or if there is really anything she can do at this point. Maybe we just need time and some positive days. I mean even after the blowup Friday I went home and we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

The road towards R is bumpy. Lot of emotions surface.

How she handles her emotions will be your indicator.

Hang in there.

[Mazerati]

It is good you laid this issue out on the table, even though it took a scrap to do it.

 

Fully agree with LW. As discussed, there must be full transparency for the reconciliation to work. Unfortunately her feelings for the OM is much deeper than she has let on.

The news about the motel she had her affair in, triggered you. Despite all your candor and logic, you have realized that you have not processed the emotions. Seeing that place, set you off, and then her refusal to come clean and to honestly answer your questions exasperated you. IMHO

I believe more will come out regarding the emotional aspect of the affair. Is it plausible she traded sex for the emotional support provided by the OM? It is conceivable she is still emotionally invested in the OM, and the way she initially danced around, rather than answer your questions also triggered you to another level filled with suppressed anger and doubt. Despite what she is saying, her heart may be divided, or possibly elsewhere, and you sensed it and it angered you.

It is a long winding road VBM.

Your trust has been shaken.

Good luck

 

Maz

Edited April 7, 2015 by Mazerati

[Rainbowlove]

Well things blew up Friday night. We were watching the local news about 8pm and a story came on about a robbery at a local motel. It just happened to be the motel where they met for sex the second time. I asked her if that was the motel and I knew the answer. She just said "yeah". I'm not sure why but the rage all just came to the surface and things got out of control quickly. I realized after the blow up on Friday I feel like she has been truthful with everything as far as details but not about her true emotions.

 

Anyway the fight centered around why she wanted to have sex the second time and she refused to admit that she wanted to. I told her you don't get in the car and drive to a motel if you don't want to do it. There was a lot of anger from both sides but her refusal to admit she wanted to have sex just did not sit right. Anyway emotions were high and in anger I told her I was "done", she asked "done with what" and I said "I'm done with the marriage'. I'm really not sure where that came from, I guess I've just been suppressing a lot of anger and it built up and her refusal to admit to how she felt emotionally about the OM pissed me off.

 

We both ended up storming out of the house at the same time. I drove to some other property we own and she spent two hours looking for me and finally caught up with me there. We talked for a long time. I pulled the last phone call transcript out and we talked about that too. I don't feel good about the conversation at all. I finally was able to get her to admit the sex was not good physically but it felt good emotionally. But she really has no defense to the other things she said in that call and I don't have any further understanding or closure about it. All she could really do is agree that she said those things. She is sticking by her story that she was letting him down easy.

 

I've been in a funk since Friday night. We talked about divorce last night for about an hour, she says she does not want to and that she is only giving up when I tell her to leave. She also has said about a million times in the last few days that she will never cheat again and she is so angry with herself. She is willing to do whatever is necessary to keep us together and I think she is sincere and focused on that. And she is putting me first in front of her new career. In short she is doing everything possible but after Friday I'm just not sure if this is a temporary set back or the next wave leading to divorce.

 

The way I felt this weekend after the conversations we had have left me feeling really uncertain about what I want now. I've told her that I'm not feeling anything, not hate, not love, just nothing and that intensified since the fight Friday. I just don't understand how split my thinking can be about going or staying and why it changed so quickly. I've gone over that conversation Friday night in my head and I can't come up with what changed. Maybe because it was so emotional it just re-opened the old wounds.

 

So yeah, you guys are right. I think I'm suppressing a lot of things and just don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what I need from her or if there is really anything she can do at this point. Maybe we just need time and some positive days. I mean even after the blowup Friday I went home and we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

VBM,

 

Triggers are very real and they can strike you at any moment.

 

Watching TV isn't an inncocent past time anymore.

 

Listening to the radio, can offer a trigger.

 

Movies can trigger.

 

Friends/family/conversations....triggers.

 

How do you handle the triggers?

 

Do you explode?

 

Do you talk about them?

 

My wife says...I'm triggering and I know I need to stop everything and listen.

 

I say, I'm triggering...and my wife knows she has to stop everything and listen.

 

We tell each other we are triggering and how we feel about that....

 

We discuss what makes us trigger.

 

Triggers are a part of reconciliation. You cannot avoid them, but you can learn to recognize them, verbalize them and talk through them together.

 

Some days....2 steps forward, 3 steps back.

 

Do you keep moving forward? Or do you toss in the towel?

[aliveagain]

The covenant to marry is a free choice, the decision to cheat on your spouse is also a free choice. You had a choice in the covenant to marry, you had your choice taken away from you when she chose to cheat. Going back for more defiles her claim of love for you and for what your marriage stands for. It is your right to doubt her. They can tell you a million times that they will do whatever it takes to prove their love to you and will never cheat on you again now that you know their word doesn't mean that much . Where was that word when it really mattered, the moment when they gave themselves the approval to fall in love and have unprotected sex with another man? Why couldn't they protect you when you weren't there to do it yourself? Whatever was worth saving is already lost. Your the one eating the sh*t sandwich, she's still who she is. It is up to you how you deal with the imbalance her deceit has caused. What do you want?

[Mazerati]

Fully agree with LW. As discussed, there must be full transparency for the reconciliation to work. Unfortunately her feelings for the OM is much deeper than she has let on.

The news about the motel she had her affair in, triggered you. Despite all your candor and logic, you have realized that you have not processed the emotions. Seeing that place, set you off, and then her refusal to come clean and to honestly answer your questions exasperated you. IMHO

I believe more will come out regarding the emotional aspect of the affair. Is it plausible she traded sex for the emotional support provided by the OM? It is conceivable she is still emotionally invested in the OM, and the way she initially danced around, rather than answer your questions also triggered you to another level filled with suppressed anger and doubt. Despite what she is saying, her heart may be divided, or possibly elsewhere, and you sensed it and it angered you.

It is a long winding road VBM.

Your trust has been shaken.

Good luck

 

Maz

 

I would also like to pose this, you have stated that for your wife to climax she must be emotionally invested. She denied categorically the sex was good with the OM. Now she admits to being emotionally invested in the OM. I am beginning to have doubts regarding her not liking the sex. This blowup has indeed opened a lot of deep wounds but necessary wounds that must be cleansed for your marriage to have a chance to heal.

VBM, I am not sure at all of her honesty, and I think you should take the blinders off.

 

Maz

Edited April 7, 2015 by Mazerati

[DKT3]

VBM these are the moments that I have been warning you about. You got no new information, no more lies. You simply got mad, angry her words dont/didn't match her actions. Angry that she may still have emotions invested in this other man (and she does).

 

It takes time for her to PROVE it to you, you can't rebuild trust and have you pain eased with words. I guessing her words where ok, but her body told another story, you were picking up none verbial clues that she wasn't being honest. You pushed and she got angry, angry because she doesn't what you to know her true feelings about OM and the sex.

 

This is a long process, but divorce shouldn't enter into the conversation until your ready to pul the trigger. Throwing it around will only close her off.

 

I'm sorry you triggered, but it won't be the last time.

[Mr. Lucky]

there was no point to you bringing up the affair. As you see it does no good.

 

Speaking from experience, don't think he brought up the affair. Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving, it comes up on its own volition. He's just along for the ride...

 

Mr. Lucky

[VeryBrokenMan]

The road towards R is bumpy. Lot of emotions surface.

How she handles her emotions will be your indicator.

Hang in there.

 

It's been bumpy I've just not gone from thinking things are all OK to thinking about divorce so quickly. I guess I just overreacted. The fact that instead of running off like I did after the blowup, she ran to me says something. I just wanted to be alone and think about things calmly not sure where she thought she was going but apparently changed her mind when I left.

[VeryBrokenMan]

It is good you laid this issue out on the table, even though it took a scrap to do it.

 

I would have preferred a non emotional discussion of the last call to the OM, as it was it was not productive at all.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Fully agree with LW. As discussed, there must be full transparency for the reconciliation to work. Unfortunately her feelings for the OM is much deeper than she has let on.

I've always suspected they were deeper, I think she is just reluctant to share how she really feels about him. Or felt about him.

 

The news about the motel she had her affair in, triggered you. Despite all your candor and logic, you have realized that you have not processed the emotions. Seeing that place, set you off, and then her refusal to come clean and to honestly answer your questions exasperated you.

Yes, it was obviously a trigger. But I think her refusal to admit anything was what really set things off.

 

IMHO I believe more will come out regarding the emotional aspect of the affair. Is it plausible she traded sex for the emotional support provided by the OM?

I'm sure that is part of it. She openly says she liked the way he made her feel. And emotionally the sex was good.

 

It is conceivable she is still emotionally invested in the OM, and the way she initially danced around, rather than answer your questions also triggered you to another level filled with suppressed anger and doubt. Despite what she is saying, her heart may be divided, or possibly elsewhere, and you sensed it and it angered you.

It is a long winding road VBM. Your trust has been shaken.

Good luck

I'm certain she is not emotionally tied to him at all anymore. She said that lasted about two weeks and she does not feel any attachment to him at all now. In fact just the opposite, she feels used and has talked about revenge of some type at various times. I think she just does not want to hurt me further by telling me her real feelings while she was in the affair.

 

I said something like "You did'nt care anything about me while you were in the affair" and she said "You're absolutely right, I didn't". So there is a lot of honesty there.

 

Thanks!

[VeryBrokenMan]

I would also like to pose this, you have stated that for your wife to climax she must be emotionally invested. She denied categorically the sex was good with the OM. Now she admits to being emotionally invested in the OM. I am beginning to have doubts regarding her not liking the sex. This blowup has indeed opened a lot of deep wounds but necessary wounds that must be cleansed for your marriage to have a chance to heal.

VBM, I am not sure at all of her honesty, and I think you should take the blinders off.

 

Maz

 

You can look at it the other way to... I believe she did not orgasm so how emotionally invested could she have been?

 

We talked about the sex at the motel in detail again Friday night. The story never changes, it was not a passion filled romp. It was him getting off and not really caring for her needs at all. She said she thought it might be better the second time in a real bed. I mean that is about as honest an answer I'm going to get. The thing that bothers me is that she was willing to give up sex for the emotional connection and attention.

 

We also talked about if she was happy or not. And from about 1 month post DDay she has been saying she was happy. But Friday night she said that "You can look at everything on paper and it looks good but in reality things are not really good". That is new information and I did not followup but I see now that did not sit well with me. I need to pursue that statement and see what she means.

[VeryBrokenMan]

VBM these are the moments that I have been warning you about. You got no new information, no more lies. You simply got mad, angry her words dont/didn't match her actions. Angry that she may still have emotions invested in this other man (and she does).

You may call me blind but I'm certain she does not have any positive emotions about him.

 

It takes time for her to PROVE it to you, you can't rebuild trust and have you pain eased with words. I guessing her words where ok, but her body told another story, you were picking up none verbial clues that she wasn't being honest. You pushed and she got angry, angry because she doesn't what you to know her true feelings about OM and the sex.

You're right I think I can sense when she is not being forthcoming. And I think maybe it was because we were both so emotional as it unfolded. I had a bad day leading up to it and it just blew up. She has also been under a lot of pressure to pass her real estate exam and we have been bottling up some things for a couple of weeks.

 

This is a long process, but divorce shouldn't enter into the conversation until your ready to pul the trigger. Throwing it around will only close her off.

My IC warned me on many occasions about using the word divorce, etc. She said it's like tossing a grenade and you cannot predict the outcome regardless of what her true feelings are.

 

I'm sorry you triggered, but it won't be the last time.

Not the first time either, just very unexpected. Thanks.

[drifter777]

It's been bumpy I've just not gone from thinking things are all OK to thinking about divorce so quickly. I guess I just overreacted.

 

You're entitled to overreact. If she is truly devoted to doing whatever it takes to repair the damage she's done then she should be prepared for things like this. Some on here will say that this isn't fair but, trust me, those people will not be BH's.

The fact that instead of running off like I did after the blowup, she ran to me says something. I just wanted to be alone and think about things calmly not sure where she thought she was going but apparently changed her mind when I left.

Ok, but what does it say? You see something positive - that's great. I see it as just as likely to mean "my God - I have to find him and manipulate him into not walking away". And she might not even realize that's what she because it was a reaction based in panic - panic that you finally are through with all of this. Its still all about her and her needs.

 

At this point you are still unable/unwilling to take much advice from others. But maybe you can read some of the threads posted by other BH's as they tried to move forward after d-day and connect with some of their experiences. Trust me, your reconciliation attempt is progressing in a typical fashion.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Trust me, your reconciliation attempt is progressing in a typical fashion.

So give me the cliff notes from your experience... how do you see it progressing and ending?

[drifter777]

You can look at it the other way to... I believe she did not orgasm so how emotionally invested could she have been?

Orgasm is not NEARLY as important to women as it is to men. Most women (70%) do not orgasm from penetration alone. Most of them also report that it doesn't matter and they still enjoy penetration. There are plenty of other ways to get to orgasm. Emotionally involved? How long did she know this man before having sex with him? And then again? Come on, she was in as deep as a cheater can be from an emotional standpoint.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Orgasm is not NEARLY as important to women as it is to men. Most women (70%) do not orgasm from penetration alone. Most of them also report that it doesn't matter and they still enjoy penetration. There are plenty of other ways to get to orgasm. Emotionally involved? How long did she know this man before having sex with him? And then again? Come on, she was in as deep as a cheater can be from an emotional standpoint.

 

I know that orgasms are not as important to women but she does orgasm with me with just penetration and very easily and sometimes multiple times. And she is usually done with the first one in three minutes or less. With oral she gets so revved up that she can have several. The lack of orgasm does not really matter to me, it just seemed odd based on her history with me. It makes me think she is lying but her description of what he did does not match at all with what she likes and I feel like she is telling the truth.

 

It was 21 days from first phone call to having sex. They talked 5 different times. I guess I just don't see a deep emotional connection happening that fast. Yeah there was some lust and infatuation but not a deep emotional connection. Over the entire affair they had fewer than 15 conversations and only met twice, just don't see a lot of emotional bonding going on that would last for very long after it ended. And here I go again feeling like need to defend her... it's just all bad.

[understand50]

VBM

 

You may need to consider that she really does not know why she cheated. We all do things we sometimes cannot explain. She may be too ashamed to talk about "why". It could be she just wanted sex with another man, or as she thinks on it, the "real" reason may come out. Does not release her from the responsibility of cheating, but at some point you will have to stop bringing it up. You both need to agree on that date, and keep it. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, but if she is doing all that you need, and she is forthcoming on all your questions, at some point you need to not reminder her. She will remember what she did. Her punishment is knowing she hurt you, her family and degraded herself. She will never be able to say, "I was faithful and kept my marriage vows".

 

You may find that some time from now, you and she may be able to talk about it in more detail. In our case it was 30 years to the day. My then GF, now Wife cheated 40 years ago. I do not know why we started talking about it, but she told me more on why it happened, and we went back and fourth on it with out feeling hurt or hurting each other. Our communication skills have never been what they should and a couple of years before, we started working on them.

 

As for triggers, to this day, I think about it from time to time. It does not hurt, but you never forget.

 

I am pulling for you, I think you and your wife can make it. It will be a long road, and you will both have to work at it. Of course this may all blow up with what happens on the polygraph, but here's hoping.

Edited May 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[drifter777]

So give me the cliff notes from your experience... how do you see it progressing and ending?

Her holding back details on issues that you absolutely need to know is a big problem for you right now, but not the biggest. You are vastly underestimating both the depth of the trauma you have suffered and the time & effort it's going to take for you to find peace of mind.

 

It will progress painfully - because that's simply the nature of this beast - and its not possible to predict the ending.

[drifter777]

I don't buy for one second that a woman doesn't know why she cheats. The reason might be really weak and lame, but there's always a reason. In my case I have come to the conclusion that her reason will never satisfy me. She can never give me a reason that makes me say "Oh, now I get it! That's a good reason and I finally have peace of mind!" My desire to know the reason will never just die away but its not so much in the forefront anymore. I also know that, for me, there is a measure of punishment involved with this question. It is the simplest way for me to make her remember just how selfish that decision was and just how much pain it caused.

 

I think until you are satisfied with her answer - probably impossible - or you conclude that no reason is going to satisfy you then you get to keep asking her.

[Mrs. John Adams]

the main reasons for cheating....because i want to...because i am selfish and not thinking of anyone but me...because you are not giving me the attention i want..because i wanted to...because i wanted to...because i wanted to

 

 

 

Feel better?

 

of course not

 

you want to know WHY damn-it....

 

and even though the reasons are given...they don't make a bit of sense

 

Stop asking why...and start asking HOW

How do we move on from here

How do we get past this

How do we repair the damage YOU have caused

How do we HEAL

 

Those questions have answers that actually help

 

I ask myself WHY and I am sure John Asks why...and for 32 years....we have not had an answer that helps us

 

Just accept the fact that the cheater...WANTED to cheat...because at any time we could have said NO and we didn't.

 

Why did you cheat honey?

Because i wanted to

 

 

End of story

 

 

How can we move on?

Remorse...forgiveness...time...and LOVE

 

That is how we move on