autumnnight Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I took a short hiatus from LS the past few days and things have been going really well until last night. Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far. It was a picture of her from the waist down with her panties pulled down. I just stared at it and did not say anything. She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not. I'm not sure what to believe at this point. I want to believe that she is telling the truth but trusting her again is the hardest thing I've even had to do. I guess I'm going to lie low and just start snooping around again to see if I can find any trails. I'm pretty devastated today thinking that she has something going on again. But I'm trying to remain calm and assume she is telling the truth. Im sorry. Even if it is legit it is a trigger. Everyone is different, but if it were me I'd have to do some quiet digging, like look at the phone/text records at least. I really hope that she is teling the truth. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I took a short hiatus from LS the past few days and things have been going really well until last night. Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far. It was a picture of her from the waist down with her panties pulled down. I just stared at it and did not say anything. She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not. I'm not sure what to believe at this point. I want to believe that she is telling the truth but trusting her again is the hardest thing I've even had to do. I guess I'm going to lie low and just start snooping around again to see if I can find any trails. I'm pretty devastated today thinking that she has something going on again. But I'm trying to remain calm and assume she is telling the truth. Wow - what a horrible development. Sorry, man. Its more than a trigger and I think you are taking appropriate action by starting the snoop machine back up. I'm sure that many other poster's are going to have a question similar to mine: How often does she send you naughty pictures? Lately? This is kind of like trickle-truth except with this there is some suggestion that she's still in contact with OM. An agonizing situation as you try to regain some measure of trust in her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 How often does she send you naughty pictures? Lately? Duh. I didn't even think of this. If she hasn't BEEN sending you pictures like this from time to time already, the chances that you just happened to see the first one and she forgot to send it....not good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Wow - what a horrible development. Sorry, man. Its more than a trigger and I think you are taking appropriate action by starting the snoop machine back up. I'm sure that many other poster's are going to have a question similar to mine: How often does she send you naughty pictures? Lately? This is kind of like trickle-truth except with this there is some suggestion that she's still in contact with OM. An agonizing situation as you try to regain some measure of trust in her. She has never once sent me a naughty picture. Before, during, after. Never. One thing I asked her after I found out, Me: how could you send the OM naked pictures but you never sent me one? Her: because he asked. The truth is that it got her attention when she sent them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 I disagree. This isn't war and you should live by the law and the moral standards that you believe in. I think no matter what you should stick to your own values. Don't lower yourself just bc some one did you wrong. I'm not saying that I can always live up to this myself but..... Sorry to hear about the photo. That is not a good sign. If your spouse is having an affair I think the "rules of the marraige" have changed and you are well within your rights to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself. That does not mean cheating yourself or doing something to cause harm to them. But anything that falls under "protecting yourself" is not only fair but totally justified. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 She has never once sent me a naughty picture. Before, during, after. Never. One thing I asked her after I found out, Me: how could you send the OM naked pictures but you never sent me one? Her: because he asked. The truth is that it got her attention when she sent them. Well, let us hope that your digging shows she is on the straight and narrow, if not you have given her fair warring on what will happen. Hope for the best for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 She has never once sent me a naughty picture. Before, during, after. Never. One thing I asked her after I found out, Me: how could you send the OM naked pictures but you never sent me one? Her: because he asked. The truth is that it got her attention when she sent them. Dude - this is very, very bad. I'm sure you'd agree that this is a little more than simply breaking NC. I don't know how you are going to bust her now but I hope you can find a way. If she is still in contact, her slip-up will force everything deeper underground until she is confident you are fat, dumb, and happy - again. Until then it's going to be tough to catch her in another mistake like this. You've shown the patience of Job until now and earned the respect of many of us on this forum - even the ones like me who disagreed with your stance earlier on. It's time to consider the 180 for your own sanity. There's really no getting around the fact that she's been lying all this time. That picture is for him. It's time for you to simply end the charade that you have been trying so hard to believe was real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If your spouse is having an affair I think the "rules of the marraige" have changed and you are well within your rights to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself. That does not mean cheating yourself or doing something to cause harm to them. But anything that falls under "protecting yourself" is not only fair but totally justified. Sure, protect yourself within the bounds of the law and moral standards. Hiding money though? No way. I mean if your WS is stealing money then maybe that would be protecting yourself. If your WS is engaging in an affair, that does not mean you should hide money in a divorce action. That is theft. To steal money as a revenge strategy is even worse, IMHO, than a revenge affair. At least a RA, while terribly wrong and harmful to yourself, at least that could be considered an eye for an eye. Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 VeryBrokenMan, Occasionally I will snap a selfie to send to my wife, but never get around to actually sending it (or just decide not to send it because I don't like the pic). Then later on my wife will be looking at the pics on my phone and will notice the pic that I never sent. She then gets all suspicious and becomes convinced that the pic was sent to somebody else. My point is that your wife's story is very plausible because I've done the same exact thing. I can actually see how your wife wanted to send you a naughty picture then changed her mind for any number of reasons. Of course, there's also the very real possibility that your wife took that picture for another man--and you need to raise your guard and keep your eyes open. Unlike me, your wife has a history of sending pictures of herself to somebody other than her spouse, so she's not entitled to any presumption of good faith. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Dude - this is very, very bad. I'm sure you'd agree that this is a little more than simply breaking NC. I don't know how you are going to bust her now but I hope you can find a way. If she is still in contact, her slip-up will force everything deeper underground until she is confident you are fat, dumb, and happy - again. Until then it's going to be tough to catch her in another mistake like this. You've shown the patience of Job until now and earned the respect of many of us on this forum - even the ones like me who disagreed with your stance earlier on. It's time to consider the 180 for your own sanity. There's really no getting around the fact that she's been lying all this time. That picture is for him. It's time for you to simply end the charade that you have been trying so hard to believe was real. I'm not going to jump all the way to that conclusion just yet Drifter. But I can appreciate where it comes from and I don't disagree that may be happening. And I'm also not going to close my eyes and hope it all goes away. If ever a cool hand was needed this is it because if it's happening I'm going to move forward with the divorce and make it a huge spectacle. I think BadKarma's scorched earth campaign will look like child's play. It's one think to lie and cheat, but to tell your spouse everything is OK and then do it again while your trying to reconcile is insane. But let's just hope that everything is fine for now and she was going to send that pic to me. If it turns out to be nothing then it will have been just a bad trigger. I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from all this crap. I've got a call into the PI that worked for me before to see what he can turn up. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's one think to lie and cheat, but to tell your spouse everything is OK and then do it again while your trying to reconcile is insane. It may be insane but you have been on LS long enough to know that it is VERY common. It is the successful reconciliations that are rare. The repeat cheaters after being given a second chance, they are a dime a dozen here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It may be insane but you have been on LS long enough to know that it is VERY common. It is the successful reconciliations that are rare. The repeat cheaters after being given a second chance, they are a dime a dozen here. Let see what comes out. This maybe nothing, and VBM and Co, may still beat the odds. As "Be_Strong", stated in his post, her story is "plausible", but given her past history, VBM would be a fool not to check it out. Let's wait until we know, and hope the best for him and his wife. Yes, the odds are long that reconciliation takes, but I like to root for the underdog. Here's hoping. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doble Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I am stunned you didn't take her phone and look. Instead you chickened out. Your answers were all right there. Now she can cover up. Cheating again. Get her phone now see who she is texting 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I took a short hiatus from LS the past few days and things have been going really well until last night. Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far. It was a picture of her from the waist down with her panties pulled down. I just stared at it and did not say anything. She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not. I'm not sure what to believe at this point. I want to believe that she is telling the truth but trusting her again is the hardest thing I've even had to do. I guess I'm going to lie low and just start snooping around again to see if I can find any trails. I'm pretty devastated today thinking that she has something going on again. But I'm trying to remain calm and assume she is telling the truth. Did you look at the date the photo was taken? Have you searched through her whole phone? If not, it's time to do that. Since she has never sent you that type of picture before - it's safe to assume she didn't take it for you. And you stayed quiet? Where's your voice man???? Say how you feel!! State out loud to her that it's hard to believe and it appears she is back to her old tricks of sending nudie pics to someone other than you! Speak up! Staying silent does not help to resolve your uneasy feelings. She's up to something - and it doesn't look right. Being passive means you are a willing victim. Maybe that's why you have been feeling uneasy for so long - you're not saying enough of how you feel about what she has done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Cmon Man. For real? I will browse by in a month and see how the divorce is going Edited July 14, 2015 by 66Charger Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far. It was a picture of her from the waist down with her panties pulled down. I just stared at it and did not say anything. She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not. I'm not sure what to believe at this point. I want to believe that she is telling the truth but trusting her again is the hardest thing I've even had to do. I guess I'm going to lie low and just start snooping around again to see if I can find any trails. I'm pretty devastated today thinking that she has something going on again. But I'm trying to remain calm and assume she is telling the truth. If she was planning on sending it to you but didn't, do you think she would have had that really guilty moment of silence before she told you told you that was meant for you but she didn't send it yet? Take it from someone who went through over a year of fake reconciliation while my STBXW was still banging her OM behind my back. You may think you are over-sensitive to everything right now, but your gut has never been more in tune with what is going on around you. I can't tell you how many times something exactly like that came up for me and my STBXW would give me some lame excuse and in my head I would think "Uhhh I guess that makes sense." They know how to play you and tell you what you want to hear. I know you probably want to think that this is just an odd coincidence, but your gut is screaming at you "SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT!" Listen to your gut. I'm telling you it knows more than you right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm not going to jump all the way to that conclusion just yet Drifter. But I can appreciate where it comes from and I don't disagree that may be happening. And I'm also not going to close my eyes and hope it all goes away. If ever a cool hand was needed this is it because if it's happening I'm going to move forward with the divorce and make it a huge spectacle. I think BadKarma's scorched earth campaign will look like child's play. It's one think to lie and cheat, but to tell your spouse everything is OK and then do it again while your trying to reconcile is insane. But let's just hope that everything is fine for now and she was going to send that pic to me. If it turns out to be nothing then it will have been just a bad trigger. I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from all this crap. I've got a call into the PI that worked for me before to see what he can turn up. Devil’s advocate: I could see her starting to send you a "pic" being it was an issue during/after the A. Could also see her having second thoughts since potentially might be a trigger for you all. You busted her before. Does this have a similar “feel?” Have you been having a particularly sexual and playful time lately where a ”selfie” would fit in with a seduction for you? Mostly there is no logic or reasoning to an affair and the participants certainly don’t consider consequences or repercussions…. Would she at this point? After everything you as a couple have gone through, she would have to be arrogant beyond belief to be sending out nudes to others, or wanting to be caught… VBM, you’ve indicated she’s an intelligent woman. If she has gone off the rails this far while leading you on, she needs medical evaluation. Something is wrong! At this point, with this picture surfacing., you’re just needing to calmly set down as a couple with you asking, point blank---DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE? VBM, I’m still rooting for your R. I like happy stories. I enjoy seeing love overcoming obstacles. I hope its not the case, but if she is playing you now----she deserves her world crashing around her. Let us know yor PI's opinion. They usually pickup on deception better than a polygraph. I hope it proves to be a misunderstanding and your story once again is a LoveShack inspiration ….. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JonasR Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far. It was a picture of her from the waist down with her panties pulled down. I just stared at it and did not say anything. She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not. I'm not sure what to believe at this point. I want to believe that she is telling the truth but trusting her again is the hardest thing I've even had to do. I guess I'm going to lie low and just start snooping around again to see if I can find any trails. I'm pretty devastated today thinking that she has something going on again. But I'm trying to remain calm and assume she is telling the truth. OP how long are you going to a naive shell of a man? You've been working to provide for her for years while she sat and home, then she gets worked over endlessly by another man, positions and acts she never did with you, sends him sexual pictures that she has never once sent you, then lies to the bitter end trying to hide it all from you. Now, you stumble on a naked picture on her phone similar to what she sent OM. How can you possibly think it was meant for you?? She has never once sent you anything like that! If it was meant for you she would not have forgotten to send it. You are willingly making yourself into a cuckold. Have some self respect and demand answers. Take control of the situation. You know deep down that picture was not meant for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I cant imagine what you are going thru now. What a f ing mindfck. Lets be honest here, there is no way she can prove that the picture was meant for you. I rarely post on your thread and I have read all of it., but if you were my brother or my blood freind, I would be beating you over the head with a 2x4 Edited July 15, 2015 by 66Charger 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Um, okay. She sat in silence? She did not immediately say that she was going to send it to you? She did not immediately offer to show you her message history? She did not immediately offer to provide proof? Dude, c'mon. While I don't get the whole photo of her lady parts with the undies pulled down as a text to you, I guess some people do it. Is that something she regularly does for you? If not, well, there you go. If she decided not to send it to you, she would have deleted it as soon as she made a choice not to send it. Of course, I anticipate that you will quickly rise to her defense as your history on this thread has been. I make no accusation, but I tell you, she should have been immediately showing you stuff, proving it was for you, etc. Dude, c'mon. Best of luck cause it will not matter if she was sending it to OM or another OM. You will suck it up, and hang in there. That is not a slam against you, its just that you will just suck it up, deny, defend, or whatever. If it works for you, then fine. You are not married to the internet, you are married to her. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Wow, that sucks and must have been a punch to the gut moment for you regardless of whether it was for you or someone else. Big trigger. It doesn't sound good. On the other hand, there is a certain level of paranoia that never really goes away when you reconcile imo. I have come across things before either when snooping or just randomly where my initial reaction was that my H was cheating again. Only to figure out independently of any response my H had that he wasn't. Personally, even while engaging the PI again, I would confront her again if you don't believe her. The pause before telling you it was for you, would give me a lot of doubt. What is your gut telling you? Have there been other things recently that raised your hackles? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 i am so sorry that you're going through this again. listen to your gut feeling, your intuition.... & it will tell you everything you need to know. maybe it's time for you to finally move on & leave her in your past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Given the caliber of OM she fell for I find it pretty easy to believe she's simple enough to accidentally show you a dirty photo that was meant for another. Having said that if she really is (finally) being truthful with you, I almost feel bad for her. I could imagine her wanting to do something for you that you've complained about not getting in the past and when even that blows up in her face because of the broken trust her adultery caused in your marriage she would have to feel pretty foolish/defeated at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 It has been her responsibility to provide you with complete peace of mind. Even IF she took it and intended to send it to you - she could have told you at the time she took it and decided not to send it - that way you wouldn't wonder. But she didn't. And that's what I have suspicions about. IF it was for you she would have discussed it with you instead of you accidentally seeing it at a later date. I find her story difficult to believe. Especially given that she really likes the attention the pictures got her in the past. She may also try explaining it away by saying "but I didn't sleep with him - they were only pictures - that's not cheating..." And what would you do about that scenario when she lays it out that way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 VBM, I am also heartbroken to read of the latest turn of events and am keeping fingers crossed for you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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