Wife of 31 years had an affair, my story

[Seachan]

I have dealt with numerous sex abuse survivors. I totally get those issues. I also know from my experience as a prosecutor and defense lawyer that just because someone says that it happened does not make it true. Sorry, but I have personally and professionally been convinced of a so called victim's story only to find IRREFUTABLE proof that it was not true. I don't want this to fall into a debate about true or false allegations, I just was pointing that out.

 

I am so dubious of so much.

 

It does not surprise me that a member of the legal profession would seek to cast doubt on Mrs. VBM's story. Like clergy who hide abuse, the legal profession is notorious for intimidating victims of sexual abuse and are a significant deterent to seeking justice against abusers.

 

As for the others who cast aspersions on the character of someone who has admitted to being a victim of CSA, it begs the question if they themselves had participated in taking sexual advantage of others in the past and are minimizing the harm they did.

[bigman1]

Your statements are ludicrous. To be clear, I was a sex crimes prosecutor. For years I put rapists and molesters in jail. Without outing myself, I was known for my compassion for victims and made my name by taking on and winning the tough cases. I did not plead cases out for cheap. If you did it, then you were going to prison for a long time. Period. I was known for that.

 

I also know the feeling that comes with keeping men locked in pretrial detention and almost putting them in prison for a sex crime that they did not commit. BTW, these were not cases where I just doubted the victim, these were cases where the proof was irrefutable. DNA exclusions, confessions by the so called victim, letters and diary entries discovered all detailing the falsity of the claims.

 

In law, we are taught to question everything. Thankfully, I did that. I kept innocent people out of jail and I have put guilty ones in prison for decades. All of that as a prosecutor...no, a sex crimes prosecutor.

 

Your comment is hereby disregarded. Please no collateral attacks.

[autumnnight]

VBM....my heart is just broken for you.

 

I hope its OK to say this....

 

The best advice I could give you right now is this: find a good face to face counselor who specializes in this and make THAT your central means of support.

 

What you and your wife don't need is a peanut gallery picking each of you apart, seeing you through our own stories, and spouting the completely WRONG idea that this type of childhood trauma is irrelevant.

 

Trust me on this one.

 

I wish you the best.

[Horton]

As for the others who cast aspersions on the character of someone who has admitted to being a victim of CSA, it begs the question if they themselves had participated in taking sexual advantage of others in the past and are minimizing the harm they did.

 

Questioning the validity of a known liars claims now makes the questioner a rapist/child abuser? Really is this where we're at now? Personally I believe she was raped, however this woman(VBM's wife) has cheated with at least three people over the course of their marriage all while pulling the wool over her husbands eyes for decades and is an admitted narcissist. Questioning everything she says ought to come as second nature to VBM and all other sentient beings at this point.

[m.snow]

funny stuff, to lighten the mood.

 

shes on myfreecam surprising, whats the highest amount of token ever paid to her?

 

another question would be can you live with her?

can you live with a partner who is an exhibitionist?

can you satisfy her urge's?

 

she will never get satisfied with vanilla missionary sex in the bedroom.

she rather do it; in a car on a public road, public park, public restrooms, dressing rooms, on a balcony, a large window in a hotel-room.

 

not only is she a exhibitionist but also a masochist.

time to bring out the whips and candles, don't forget the cuffs and blindfolds.

time to unleash the inner Mr. Grey.

 

still you should also see the shrink, if you can feed her urges or eliminate them entirely.

Edited July 28, 2015 by m.snow

[beach]

Bigman1 - is there a statute of limitations on something like this?

 

Can his wife file charges? I'm thinking it would help her to take her power back if she did take action. And there must be other victims this man attacked... VBM - have you looked up the man's criminal history to see if anyone filed charges against him throughout the years?

 

It may be useful to see if he's still living and what happened to him through the years...

 

 

M.snow - are you saying people pay money to webcam pictures on that site? Are you inferring that VBM's wife may have been making big money by posting her pictures? Sorry to be ignorant - I don't know how this works. If she did - what did she do with that money?

Edited July 28, 2015 by beach

[66Charger]

Coming on this thread throwing around a badge and making up crap will get you collateral reponse.

First. You made up the LIE that she blocked IP addresses. VBM clearly stated she blocked LOCATIONS (nothing CLEARLY stated ip addresses, you did) therefore it is quite easy to create a profile that says I am from Romania and search local chicks in So Cal. Therfore your entire analysis is FACTUALLY INCORRECT.

 

Next time you spout statistics or "theories" get your facts right. Thats a BIG mistake for such a big time litigator. And I aint done.

Edited July 28, 2015 by 66Charger

[aliveagain]

M.snow - are you saying people pay money to webcam pictures on that site? Are you inferring that VBM's wife may have been making big money by posting her pictures? Sorry to be ignorant - I don't know how this works. If she did - what did she do with that money?

 

This appears to be the case, you tip them for their performance. The better you perform the more they come back to your site, the more followers you have the larger tips you get. This is how she met other man, he was one of her followers.

[minimariah]

5. VBM asserts that his wife was somehow blocking local ip addresses.

6. Despite this, OM uses some sort of cloaking software to hide himself and manages to penetrate her impenetrable defense.

 

this isn't weird at all -- IP manipulation is pretty simple to do. block or hide your own IP & "steal" other IPs so it would appear that you're from a totally other country -- you don't even need to install a software for it.

 

i do it every day.

[beach]

This appears to be the case, you tip them for their performance. The better you perform the more they come back to your site, the more followers you have the larger tips you get. This is how she met other man, he was one of her followers.

 

So this isn't just posting a picture. It actually attracts fans and attention. Do we know if she only posted pics or also did webcams and videos?

 

How much money can one person on a site like that make in a day - on average?

 

Are we to assume that the nudie picture CBM saw just a week or so ago means she was on there as recently as last week?

 

Wait, she claimed to be faithful since ending it with OM but has has nudie pics all along since DDay? If so, oh man, that really sucks... That's not my idea of trying to reconcile.

[beach]

this isn't weird at all -- IP manipulation is pretty simple to do. block or hide your own IP & "steal" other IPs so it would appear that you're from a totally other country -- you don't even need to install a software for it.

 

i do it every day.

 

What would you need to do that for?

[minimariah]

What would you need to do that for?

 

so i can access pages that usually aren't available in my own country -- such as Netflix.

[minimariah]

How much money can one person on a site like that make in a day - on average?

 

depends on views, clicks & popularity but... A LOT. some people literally make their entire living out of it.

[66Charger]

Some may have sat in a legal chair, but many here have sat in the chair that she occupied when she was 11. At 15, I threatened the mans life that f'ed with my sister. He left our house the next day. My sister is still not right almost 25 years later.. This affected her all her life and she reacted to it in different ways at different times. In my EXPERT opinion this certainly appears to be CSA and her exhibitionism is clearly a result of childhood trauma. Fire away if you wish, but you havent been in her shoes, you just think you have.

 

it is obvious she went into the test TO PROVE her statements as facts. She scheduled it. She did not fear it and VBM stated the poly backed up EVERYTHING she stated. Hard to cheat on EVERY question, dont you think prosecutor?

 

Does this excuse her infidelity, No, but VBM knew about the OM and was reconciling for that sin. There is the ONS bisexual issue, but by HIS own words that is less relevant.

 

Therefore the issue for him APPEARS to be the exhibitionism, which IMHO is clearly tied to the CSA.

Anyone who has read my post knows I dont defend cheaters and I have not given VBM or Ann positive post in the past, but. Her story fits

Edited July 28, 2015 by 66Charger

[beach]

depends on views, clicks & popularity but... A LOT. some people literally make their entire living out of it.

 

I may have missed it- did VBM state how much money she was bringing in? If so, what did she do with the money?

[beach]

I'm left wondering this:

 

VBM - were ever abused or neglected as a child?

[m.snow]

M.snow - are you saying people pay money to webcam pictures on that site? Are you inferring that VBM's wife may have been making big money by posting her pictures? Sorry to be ignorant - I don't know how this works. If she did - what did she do with that money?

 

jokingly i don't know which rock you came out of.

 

if she wants to be a stripper. then myfreecam is the ultimate stripper fantasy the whole world can practically see you.

 

and not its not just pictures on a website.

 

its LIVE streaming, like live chat except 100 if not 1000 are chatting and people will give you tokens which can be transferred to cash.

 

they essentially throw cash at you to flash,strip and even masturbate on live camera. people can record you if they want.

 

and yes 1000 women are on that site live. stripping and masturbating in front of the whole world. and yes fans cheer praise them on they are just so happy.

 

and yeah Only SOLO performances no Partners.

 

yeah people make a living out of it, just last week a girl was just taking a shower live and people where throwing 100$ of dollars at her. yes woman gets thrown money for taking a shower. peace out! how sad the world is. bunch of perverted men.

Edited July 28, 2015 by m.snow

[Hope Shimmers]

I don't want to seem insensitive so I will word this carefully.

 

I think it is a long stretch that her past abuse has resulted in her current exhibitionism. Unfortunately, many MANY women have to deal with sexual abuse as a child. I did too - from the age of 12 to 14, at the hands of my step brother (who I still have to deal with) who was 20 when it started. At a later point I also have gone through rape. I did not turn into an exhibitionist. It is shocking how many women endure these kinds of things at an early age (or any age).

 

Plus now there is another affair that has come to light, with a woman. She had a lesbian affair.

 

This woman is slightly older than me, a 50 year old mother and housewife and has been a cam girl for all these years. And has had a lesbian affair. I'm guessing this is still only the tip of the iceberg of all of it.

 

I'm sorry but VBM deserves much better. This woman has had it made. She has not had to work, had the privilege of being able to raise her kids while VBM worked his a** off to provide a nice life so she could do so. I would have loved to have a husband like that, who valued that.

 

And she had her own money - inheritances that came in, and she wasn't required to even contribute that money to the family income. She spent it how she wished - with the blessing of VBM. I can't even fathom a relationship like that.

 

She had it made. Yet she took advantage and lied and deceived and lived a complete whole other LIFE behind her husband's back and now she wants to be forgiven for it, because she wants to play the 'sexual abuse' card. Plus, the reason she revealed any of this at ALL was because she was between a rock and a hard place and had no way to explain the photo that she accidentally showed VBM. If that screwup on her part had not happened, what are the chances that she EVER would have revealed any of this to him?

 

LOTS of us were physically or sexually abused or had less than ideal childhoods and we still suck it up and be real and honest when we are adults.

 

Sorry VBM, I don't mean this to be harsh but it's how I feel, and I just think you deserve SO much more than this after all you have done and endured.

Edited July 28, 2015 by Hope Shimmers

[WomenWubber]

@VeryBrokenMan

 

That must have been a lot to take in.

 

Your wife certainly needs help, but you do as well.

 

I think you two should go on your separate ways to heal yourselves, but that's just me.

 

Hope the best for you.

[aliveagain]

I have to tell you I am totally in shock that sites like this cam site exist. It looks like the women on these sites are set up in their own homes. I wonder how many are married and have a secret life that their husbands and children don't know about? They all promote movies of themselves, they have raffles for dates, their worn underwear and I have found all this out in just under 10 minutes of visiting the site. His wife spent 3 years on there, a stay at home wife and mother, my heart breaks for VBM. I'm sorry but this is just so twisted.

[velvette]

I just went and checked it out like most people on this site, I'm in shock, honestly. Anyone on that site is about one thing, show as many of your orifices and collect tokens. If she was on that site for three years, she's pro, sorry VBM, your married to a porn star.

 

 

Classic repetition of what she actually experienced at the hands of her rapist as a child. VBM said it started by being made to show herself to the rapist.

 

 

This was her attempt to take power over what happened to her.

 

 

BTW you didn't even begin to answer my question, so I am left to assume you have no idea how you might have acted out if you were raped as a child.

[velvette]

eeehhhhhhh... can we really call it a kink with her background...?

 

it's tricky with abuse. takes time for a victim to admit that abuse to herself/himself... let alone others. maybe she didn't recognize the "kink" being the consequence of her abuse.

 

victims deal with their pain the only way they know how. it takes time to recognize and "correct" that.

 

VBM, you can always ask for a 2nd opinion with a counselor/therapist of your choice if it comes to that.

 

 

Very true. We see it here all the time. Posters involved in A who go on and on about how strong they are, how much self esteem they have, etc. Later they mention in passing they were abused in some way as children. Then you find out they were/are in an abusive M. Next, they go on and on about how their affair partner is treating them badly.

 

 

They make no connection between the fact that the abuse they suffered in childhood which likely made them feel damaged and unlovable at some level they cant even connect to anymore because it is so painful and all the bad choices they continue to make.....i.e. choosing partners who wont love them or treat them well.

 

 

It doesn't click until it does and frequently that's when you are facing a consequence and/or have a therapist astute enough to recognize it and call you on it.

[Hope Shimmers]

Very true. We see it here all the time. Posters involved in A who go on and on about how strong they are, how much self esteem they have, etc. Later they mention in passing they were abused in some way as children. Then you find out they were/are in an abusive M. Next, they go on and on about how their affair partner is treating them badly.

 

 

They make no connection between the fact that the abuse they suffered in childhood which likely made them feel damaged and unlovable at some level they cant even connect to anymore because it is so painful and all the bad choices they continue to make.....i.e. choosing partners who wont love them or treat them well.

 

 

It doesn't click until it does and frequently that's when you are facing a consequence and/or have a therapist astute enough to recognize it and call you on it.

 

That's a pretty big connection to make, velvette.

 

Because I could be that person. But so could many others in any one of the situations you mentioned. In my case, the husband I chose (I was married for 16 years) didn't show a sign of his abusive nature until several years in.

 

I would say the same for BS's... choosing partners who won't love them or treat them well. It's the same thing - they were shocked and blown away when it happened. I was too shocked and blown away when I figured out who I really married.

 

On him, not me.

[velvette]

That's a pretty big connection to make, velvette.

 

Because I could be that person. But so could many others in any one of the situations you mentioned. In my case, the husband I chose (I was married for 16 years) didn't show a sign of his abusive nature until several years in.

 

I would say the same for BS's... choosing partners who won't love them or treat them well. It's the same thing - they were shocked and blown away when it happened. I was too shocked and blown away when I figured out who I really married.

 

On him, not me.

 

 

Its Pschology 101 Hope, not rocket science. BTW lots of abusers are very smart people and don't show their true colors right away. Ditto lots of very smart women don't see the red flags that were present from day one. As well, lots of smart women prefer to be blindsided rather than make the connection they will then need to deal with.

[velvette]

This appears to be the case, you tip them for their performance. The better you perform the more they come back to your site, the more followers you have the larger tips you get. This is how she met other man, he was one of her followers.

 

VBM said she got tokens. Are the tokens actually worth money or is it just a "like" button type thing?