Wife of 31 years had an affair, my story

[Rainbowlove]

I'm just not feeling any real joy in what we do right now (with her or anything). It's not that our relationship is strained or awkward, I just don't feel like anything we do is bringing me any happiness. We are both being kind and respectful of each other. She seems to be happy but I don't really know. I know it's still early in the process but the deep feelings are not coming back. I feel like I'm just existing and not looking forward to anything.

 

VBM, the brokenness infidelity causes is not something anyone can explain or fix with words.

 

The deadness you feel inside sounds familiar. My soul felt nothing for a long time. As you know, I'm the betrayer and it's a horrible thing to just exist.

 

Joy is something I had to seek. It dawned on me one day that healing and peace was not something time would give me. No one was going to just hand it to me. No one was going to dump happiness and peace in my lap. I realized I would need to do some deep self-work to begin to feel connected to anyone again.

 

I had to start living with intention daily. Through meditation, prayer and walking, I began to feel connected to myself. This may sound odd or fluffy or flaky...I'm not some enlightenment guru or anything like that...but I did realize I had to make my healing my daily work.

 

It helps connect me to today - not yesterday - not the past, but the present. It keeps me grounded and focused on this moment in time.

 

I don't want to waste another second living in yesterday - when there's so much to be grateful for today.

 

Keep working through it. You are in the early stages still. Talk to your counselor. Get help when you need it.

 

Make your healing your life's work right now...

 

You are not alone.

 

RL

[Cephalopod]

Overall it was a good trip but I'm just not feeling any real joy in what we do right now (with her or anything). It's not that our relationship is strained or awkward, I just don't feel like anything we do is bringing me any happiness. We are both being kind and respectful of each other.

 

Why do you expect to be happy?

 

She cheated on you. It is going to take you years to get over this.

 

 

She seems to be happy but I don't really know.

 

If I was allowed to get away with cheating on my spouse, without having to face any consequences whatsoever, I would be happy too. She got to have fun sex with another man, got plenty of ego kibbles, got to keep her husband, her lifestyle and marriage too. She has lost nothing really. You? You got humiliation, degradation, emasculation, anxiety, loss of self esteem, loss of hope, loss of your sense of self and loss of a sense of all that used to be right and good with the world. You got punished for her sins.

 

She made out like a bandit in the end.

[understand50]

Why do you expect to be happy?

 

She cheated on you. It is going to take you years to get over this.

 

If I was allowed to get away with cheating on my spouse, without having to face any consequences whatsoever, I would be happy too. She got to have fun sex with another man, got plenty of ego kibbles, got to keep her husband, her lifestyle and marriage too. She has lost nothing really. You? You got humiliation, degradation, emasculation, anxiety, loss of self esteem, loss of hope, loss of your sense of self and loss of a sense of all that used to be right and good with the world. You got punished for her sins.

 

She made out like a bandit in the end.

 

Cephalopod,

 

Kind of harsh, don't you not think?

 

VBM is working on reconciliation, and it is a hard thing to do, and requires his courage, tenacity and just plain guts. He is forgiving his wife, and she has shown remorse and is making every effort change. Yet, all this may still not be enough to save their marriage. We need to cheer on VBM in his goals, as it is what he has stated he wants. We also need to cheer on his wife as she works hard as well. I myself, wish both well.

 

 

2743

[Cephalopod]

Cephalopod,

 

Kind of harsh, don't you not think?

 

VBM is working on reconciliation, and it is a hard thing to do, and requires his courage, tenacity and just plain guts. He is forgiving his wife, and she has shown remorse and is making every effort change. Yet, all this may still not be enough to save their marriage. We need to cheer on VBM in his goals, as it is what he has stated he wants. We also need to cheer on his wife as she works hard as well. I myself, wish both well.

 

 

2743

 

I do cheer him in his goals...and I hope his wife has turned a corner and has decided to start acting like a wife. But let's not mince words and meanings here. I believe, IMO, that I summed up what happened here very accurately. He's trying to find out why he's not feeling the joy. The reason he is not feeling the joy is because he got the raw end of the deal... all the way around.

 

For VBM to heal completely he has to be able to look at the situation objectively. Sometimes a guy needs an honest assessment from an outside party instead of comfort. You are and encourager and a comforter. I am not so much.

 

I'm glad his wife is showing some remorse. I'm happy she is working hard to regain his trust. But they are at milepost 3, and they have 997 miles to go before they can call themselves reconciled.

[fellini]

But they are at milepost 3, and they have 997 miles to go before they can call themselves reconciled.

 

I for one do not see how someone can make this assessment. What are your personal experiences with infidelity and with reconciliation that you can say such a thing! milepost 3?

 

Based on WHAT?

 

From what I can see they have some time ahead of them to get through, but the better years of their new marriage are surely before them and will outweigh these next few in reconciliation.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Why do you expect to be happy?

 

She cheated on you. It is going to take you years to get over this.

 

 

 

 

If I was allowed to get away with cheating on my spouse, without having to face any consequences whatsoever, I would be happy too. She got to have fun sex with another man, got plenty of ego kibbles, got to keep her husband, her lifestyle and marriage too. She has lost nothing really. You? You got humiliation, degradation, emasculation, anxiety, loss of self esteem, loss of hope, loss of your sense of self and loss of a sense of all that used to be right and good with the world. You got punished for her sins.

 

She made out like a bandit in the end.

 

I hear what you are saying and see your good intentions but I see the situation differently.

 

All those things you mentioned were my choice to feel(or not) and after about 3 months of wallowing those feelings were GONE. I chose not to allow her choices to make me feel humiliated, degraded, emasculated or any of those things you mention. I am not feeling joy or happiness and after thinking about what I'm typing in this message I see that those are choices that I can make as well. But while the other choices were easy I'm finding the choice to be happy harder.

 

So what exactly do you want her to lose? I believe she has lost a tremendous amount including my respect, the moral high ground, the standing in the marriage, the lifetime label of a cheater. She is also working her ass off trying to succeed in her new career because I think she is afraid I might dump her at some point. Other than her affair she considers herself a moral person and losing those things and having to "work" means a great deal to her. I'm certain she thought before all this she was set for life. Those thoughts are gone.

 

So is that not enough? Do you want to see a divorce or a public stoning?

[velvette]

I hear what you are saying and see your good intentions but I see the situation differently.

 

All those things you mentioned were my choice to feel(or not) and after about 3 months of wallowing those feelings were GONE. I chose not to allow her choices to make me feel humiliated, degraded, emasculated or any of those things you mention. I am not feeling joy or happiness and after thinking about what I'm typing in this message I see that those are choices that I can make as well. But while the other choices were easy I'm finding the choice to be happy harder.

 

So what exactly do you want her to lose? I believe she has lost a tremendous amount including my respect, the moral high ground, the standing in the marriage, the lifetime label of a cheater. She is also working her ass off trying to succeed in her new career because I think she is afraid I might dump her at some point. Other than her affair she considers herself a moral person and losing those things and having to "work" means a great deal to her. I'm certain she thought before all this she was set for life. Those thoughts are gone.

 

So is that not enough? Do you want to see a divorce or a public stoning?

 

 

I agree with this to a large extent. However, you do sound slightly depressed, so I would talk to your therapist about ways to manage that so that it doesn't take on a life of its own. Also, if it is depression, what message/alert is your body trying to give you. Could be a feeling of loss, fear or anger that you haven't worked through or have pushed down.

[bigman1]

VBM,

 

I think that you are in a good place. This spot allows you to make a choice free from emotion, or at least not a slave to it. Not feeling any joy, well there is really no reason to feel it. Not feeling all happy with her, well, why?

 

As to her loss of your respect, I hate to be a kill joy, but I always question that when I hear betrayed say that. In the end, she will get that back. You wanted her, want her and will always want her. Respect is so nebulous in a marriage. What changed between you? I mean really? Sex, companionship, desire, presence, does loss of respect really mean anything? All that loss of standing stuff is really just words. They are not measurable, not observable, they are just concepts with no teeth. Sorry, but that is how I see it.

 

I think that now you get to decide what you want. No public stoning. A lifetime of being known as a cheater? By whom? No scarlet letter for her. She hurt you, she banged another dude, you wanted her and you got her. I am a firm believer that punishing a wayward is fruitless. I don't think marriage is a reward nor is divorce a punishment. Both are results of a process.

 

Do some soul searching and decide what you are gonna do. Sometimes you are depressed because your heart and mind have had a chance to reset themselves and are not happy with the course you are taking. Sometimes, you are just hurt. Sometimes, you are worn out from the emotional roller coaster. Sometimes, this is part of the roller coaster. Don't read too much into it, instead, use this time to reassess, re evaluate, and then regroup. Whatever steps that you you take, they should be based on what you want, what is best for you ALONE. Good luck.

[66Charger]

You seem tired of all this. I wonder what your marital status will be when you change your name to NoLongeraBrokenMan. You cannot be VBM forever.

[merrmeade]

VBM, I reread your entire "Disclosure to adult children if trying to reconcile" thread and didn't see what you decided to do. There were lots of opinions both ways on this. What did you do? Did you disclose to anyone else and are you okay with it?

[VeryBrokenMan]

VBM, I reread your entire "Disclosure to adult children if trying to reconcile" thread and didn't see what you decided to do. There were lots of opinions both ways on this. What did you do? Did you disclose to anyone else and are you okay with it?

 

I decided not to decide for now about the kids. She told her sister who supported me fully and even sent me a bigger than normal birthday gift I guess to make up for her sisters poor choices.

 

But I do feel shame even though I did nothing wrong, or maybe it's more embarrassment that this has happened to us. The disclosure to her sister made me re-think telling the kids because I reacted differently that I thought I would.

 

My IC also told me to give it "a good while" to make sure my reasons for disclosure were not revenge or punishment and to be sure disclosure is what I really wanted. The choice is mine at this point but I'm struggling to see the benefits. What I do see is feeling more embarrassment and shame even though she should be the one that is embarrassed and shamed if we disclose.

 

So at this point I'm OK with not disclosing. I still feel like there is about a 50/50 chance I will divorce her and even then I'm not sure I would disclose to anyone.

[Sticky Fingers]

VBM, disclosure is good for when the cheating spouse refuses to end the affair and doesn't give a crap about how it is tearing the betrayed spouse apart and his/her children. Yet to the outside, they want to maintain the facade of respectability. These blatant cheaters are like the vampires of horror movies, in that they suck out the life of those around them, but they are terrified of sunset and can't stand to be exposed to the light of day.

 

Your cheating wife doesn't seem to be this kind of cheater and to expose the truth of her affair, may end up doing more harm than good for everybody involved.

[peruano99]

If you two have children, are they grown now?

[oldshirt]

Celophod was on the money. She is happier than a hog in slop because she was able to have a whole lot of extra fun and excitement and has completely gotten away with it. She has had no negative consequences for her actions so it was a solid win for her. She is happy because she was able to pull off having a fun extra life on the side, but has also been able to retain her lifestyle and has not had her life disrupted in any meaningful manner (to her).

 

 

You on the other hand have been the one who was crapped on, betrayed, made the fool, lied to, cheated on and have been the one who has had to make all the concessions and capitulations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

More responses in bold below....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All those things you mentioned were my choice to feel(or not)

 

 

 

 

But did you feel that you had any other options?????

If in your heart of hearts you felt you had no other options - then it really is not a choice.

 

 

 

 

So what exactly do you want her to lose? I believe she has lost a tremendous amount including my respect,

 

 

She didn't/doesn't respect you. That means she doesn't really care if you respect her and the loss of your respect means nothing to her. It's not a loss to her.

 

 

the moral high ground,

 

 

What she did was a conscious choice of immorality. so again, the moral high ground means nothing to her. not a loss.

 

 

 

 

the standing in the marriage,

 

 

This is the part that you aren't getting. She hasn't lost any standing in the marriage. her standing is, was and continues to be rock solid.

You have been hurt and saddened and have had to carry the weight of her affair, but she has gotten off scott-free and has had no consequences,

 

 

 

 

the lifetime label of a cheater.

 

 

One area where good, decent people have a big blind spot is that they think other people think and feel goodness in the same manner that they do. To a good, decent person being labeled a cheater would be unthinkable and devastating. But actual cheaters don't think or feel that. They just like the extra poontang and fun and are good with it. They may feel some discomfort that others are on to them and they have to act like Susy Sunshine in public , but they aren't devastated at their loss of purety.

So again, no loss to her.

 

 

 

 

She is also working her ass off trying to succeed in her new career because I think she is afraid I might dump her at some point.

 

 

The more likely explanation is she knows that once she gets through this little probationary period, she is going to get involved with someone else again and will probably leave on her own next time.

In other words she isn't working to succeed in case you dump her and she needs something to fall back on.

She is planning or at least assuming she will be leaving you some day.

 

 

 

 

Other than her affair she considers herself a moral person and losing those things and having to "work" means a great deal to her.

 

 

you are just simply mistaken on those points. You are projecting your morality and ethics on to her. She has lost nothing and her "work" is simply damage control and biding her time until she's ready for the exit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm certain she thought before all this she was set for life. Those thoughts are gone.

 

 

you do have a certain amount of truth to that statement. She had it good and she is trying to keep her gravy train, that much is very true. Now she is probably trying to position herself for something altogether different. That's what you need to be aware of and looking out for. you are being played here. you just haven't been willing to believe that yet.

 

So is that not enough? Do you want to see a divorce or a public stoning?

 

 

No it's not enough because it hasn't had any meaningful impact on her. Those things that you think have hurt her really haven't. You think she is crushed and devastated but she is not. she is breathing a sigh of relief and thanking her lucky stars that she got away with it.

She may have cried and made apologies and shed buckets of tears and looked distraught but she hasn't had her life impacted at all to any meaningful degree.

She hasn't had to look for an apartment and sort through the marital home to gather up her stuff and move. She hasn't had to put down deposits on a lease or on utilities with a frozen credit account.

She hasn't had spend a night alone in an apt wondering if the kids will come see her or be bitter against her.

She hasn't had to secure an attorney and accrue thousands and thousands of dollars of lawyer and legal fees while trying to fight for, negotiate and compromise on her fair share of all the marital assets.

She hasn't experienced the actual shame of an adultress in the public's eye or seen the scorn and contempt in the eyes of your close friends and relatives.

She hasn't had the rejection of a decent single man when he finds out she is a divorced woman because she cheated on her husband nor has she had the boarish approach from skanky men who assume they can tear off a quick and easy piece since she is a cheating ho.

She hasn't had to deal with working out which holidays she will have the kids......assuming the kids will want to spend holidays with her at all.

She hasn't had to unclog her own toilet, fix her own flat or find her own plumber at night when a pipe breaks.

She hasn't slept one night alone in a little apartment listening to the drunks hooting and hollering next door and wondering what she is going to do if they decide to come knocking on her door for some partying in the middle of the night.

She hasn't faced an apposing attorney in a deposition while that attorney rubs her into the mud asking her why she feels entitled to any of the marital assets when she had another man bouncing on her and there is documented dialogue of her telling the OM that she was in love with him and wanted to be with him.

She hasn't had to have countless meetings with her lawyer and then heading down to the courthouse to plead her case before the judge on why she should be entitled to certain marital assets from the marriage that she betrayed all while in open, public court.

She hasn't experienced or gone through ANY of those things. The only negative thing she has experienced is being restricted from seeing her OM. And having the inconvenience of going to MC appointments and listening to you whine if you guys are in MC (I can't remember if you are in MC or not)

The OM is the only thing she has lost and for all we know they may be laying low until they can start up again.

 

 

 

 

[VeryBrokenMan]

Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly but you could not be further off the mark in most of your assessments.

 

I've made no concessions or capitulations. The reconciliation is on my terms and my terms alone. Please point out any concessions I've made and I'll reconsider this point.

 

What you are describing in most of your assessments is a serial cheater and I don't believe that is the case here. I think she got caught up in something really ugly (by choice but not intentional) and it snowballed on her. He was aggressive in his pursuit and was/is a serial cheat, and a convicted rapist. He knew exactly what the right things to say were to push her buttons and it worked. She knows it was a terrible choice, she regrets that she let it happen but she takes full responsibility that she made the choice to do it. She tells me that often and sincerely.

 

I think DKT3 said it best: "she can't un-f&*k the OM", and that is 100% the truth. She can't take it back and she can't "fix it". We just have to muddle through and see where we end up. I'm not certain I can get over it and forgive her at this point but I'm willing to give it some time to see what happens.

[JohnAdams]

Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoroughly but you could not be further off the mark in most of your assessments.

 

I've made no concessions or capitulations. The reconciliation is on my terms and my terms alone. Please point out any concessions I've made and I'll reconsider this point.

 

What you are describing in most of your assessments is a serial cheater and I don't believe that is the case here. I think she got caught up in something really ugly (by choice but not intentional) and it snowballed on her. He was aggressive in his pursuit and was/is a serial cheat, and a convicted rapist. He knew exactly what the right things to say were to push her buttons and it worked. She knows it was a terrible choice, she regrets that she let it happen but she takes full responsibility that she made the choice to do it. She tells me that often and sincerely.

 

I think DKT3 said it best: "she can't un-f&*k the OM", and that is 100% the truth. She can't take it back and she can't "fix it". We just have to muddle through and see where we end up. I'm not certain I can get over it and forgive her at this point but I'm willing to give it some time to see what happens.

 

VBM, you make some very good points. My wife also was caught up in an ugly situation and it was her choice, but I do not think it was ever her intention. We were much younger when it happened to us and it took me years to get over it. You do not have as many years left, but appear to have better self control of your emotions than I did. You appear to be assessing the situation in a rationale, analytical manner. It appears to be working for you. I learned in my situation, and I am a rationale and analytical person, that when it came to love and emotions it is hard to remain rationale and analytical.

[understand50]

As some point, we have to accept that VBM wife is working to fix her marriage. I somewhat agree with fellini, that on LS there is a group that is for divorce no matter what, and bag on anyone trying for a reconciliation. That is fine, may work for you, but if someone try's for reconciliation, states they are trying and that things seem to be working, why keep bringing up that the wife has not been punished much, or questioning her commitment?

If the BS punishes too much, there is no chance of a reconciliation.

 

You know what is her punishment? Her marriage is in danger. Her kids, family, friends, may have to be told why her marriage ended. Lastly, she hurt the man she loves, and cannot do anything to take it back. If the only decision for a affair, both EA or PA is divorce, why bother talking about reconciliation? Why would any WS, be honest about anything, as the consequences are divorce and shame.

 

Lastly, all we know about VBM's wife is, from what he has told us. We should not impress what we think she is thinking, doing, her motives, ect. We can only go on what he has told us. Anything else is just a guess, unless she joins on LS, and VBM has stated he needs this space as his own. VBM and his wife are walking a hard, fine path. We should look upon reconciliation between an man and a woman as a worthy goal. I hope they can make it work. In the end, it is VBM, and his wife's, choice to follow this path.

 

 

30333035

[VeryBrokenMan]

VBM, you make some very good points. My wife also was caught up in an ugly situation and it was her choice, but I do not think it was ever her intention. We were much younger when it happened to us and it took me years to get over it. You do not have as many years left, but appear to have better self control of your emotions than I did. You appear to be assessing the situation in a rationale, analytical manner. It appears to be working for you. I learned in my situation, and I am a rationale and analytical person, that when it came to love and emotions it is hard to remain rationale and analytical.

 

You're right about the emotions. And I'm not sure how well it's working, some days I think I'm fine and then other days it all comes crashing down around me due to the emotions involved. But then I pick myself up and move on and she is none the wiser most of the time. I'm just not going to let myself wallow in misery

[VeryBrokenMan]

As some point, we have to accept that VBM wife is working to fix her marriage. I somewhat agree with fellini, that on LS there is a group that is for divorce no matter what, and bag on anyone trying for a reconciliation. That is fine, may work for you, but if someone try's for reconciliation, states they are trying and that things seem to be working, why keep bringing up that the wife has not been punished much, or questioning her commitment?

If the BS punishes too much, there is no chance of a reconciliation.

 

You know what is her punishment? Her marriage is in danger. Her kids, family, friends, may have to be told why her marriage ended. Lastly, she hurt the man she loves, and cannot do anything to take it back. If the only decision for a affair, both EA or PA is divorce, why bother talking about reconciliation? Why would any WS, be honest about anything, as the consequences are divorce and shame.

 

Lastly, all we know about VBM's wife is, from what he has told us. We should not impress what we think she is thinking, doing, her motives, ect. We can only go on what he has told us. Anything else is just a guess, unless she joins on LS, and VBM has stated he needs this space as his own. VBM and his wife are walking a hard, fine path. We should look upon reconciliation between an man and a woman as a worthy goal. I hope they can make it work. In the end, it is VBM, and his wife's, choice to follow this path.

 

 

30333035

 

You're right. I think there is a very vocal group that believes that divorce is the only answer to infidelity. And many that are vocal have chosen that route to deal with their spouses infidelity. More power to them, but my question to them is why are they here years later if that worked out so well for them? I suspect that the pain from infidelity does not magically go away once the divorce is final and I really believe the the pain may even be worse than reconciling. There are no easy answers or quick paths to recovery. That is what sucks the most, you can't just "get over it", you have to pay your dues and work through it.

[eric1]

I am here years later (started on another board) because of the hundreds of people who helped me when I was as low as a human can help. I learned a boatload of stuff too and I feel that paying that kindness forward is ethically the right thing to do.

[VeryBrokenMan]

I am here years later (started on another board) because of the hundreds of people who helped me when I was as low as a human can help. I learned a boatload of stuff too and I feel that paying that kindness forward is ethically the right thing to do.

 

There are members here that the only answer for infidelity is divorce and they actively push very emotionally venerable BS's in that direction regardless of facts and regardless of what the WS is doing recover the marriage. They play the what-if game and expect fully the WS will cheat again because that is what happened to THEM. Not every WS cheats again and not every situation matches what happened to them. When a BS states many times that they are trying to reconcile, they still come at them with all the reasons it won't work with their contrived ideas of what is happening in the reconciliation. I think they believe themselves to be mind readers but much of the time their vision of what is going on is so far off base it's laughable.

 

I've read your posts and you don't seem to be one of them. Good for you for giving back!

[eric1]

VBM,

 

In my opinion it boils both ways. I do think that one of the reasons why people tend to be so "pro divorce" is that we see so many cases of the betrayed spouse in clear cut cases needing a good ol kick in the pants to look at the situation objectively. In my experience it's those people who need tough love. I've admittedly been too tough in the tough love department, maybe because I'm such a stubborn a$$ and assume that everyone is as equally pig headed as I!

 

The only thing that I feel strongly about is that everyone deep down knows where their line is... and the person that knows this for sure is the dude (or dudette) staring at the ceiling at 3am. It's one of those times when truths reveal themselves, soon to be forgotten when the sun comes up and reality comes whooshing back at you.

 

Either way, in your case you do display a large portion of self-awareness. I've read through your thread a few times and it's not one of the ones that I feel compelled to discuss because you're one of the ones who seems to use posting as a form of therapy (which in turn helps others). I do get a pit when I read through your story, this wasn't a drive-by affair. I have the deepest respect for you for being able to navigate through this as you have. I can only wish that I handled my past incidents of infidelity with the dignity that you have.

 

Eric

[VeryBrokenMan]

VBM,

 

In my opinion it boils both ways. I do think that one of the reasons why people tend to be so "pro divorce" is that we see so many cases of the betrayed spouse in clear cut cases needing a good ol kick in the pants to look at the situation objectively. In my experience it's those people who need tough love. I've admittedly been too tough in the tough love department, maybe because I'm such a stubborn a$$ and assume that everyone is as equally pig headed as I!

 

The only thing that I feel strongly about is that everyone deep down knows where their line is... and the person that knows this for sure is the dude (or dudette) staring at the ceiling at 3am. It's one of those times when truths reveal themselves, soon to be forgotten when the sun comes up and reality comes whooshing back at you.

 

Either way, in your case you do display a large portion of self-awareness. I've read through your thread a few times and it's not one of the ones that I feel compelled to discuss because you're one of the ones who seems to use posting as a form of therapy (which in turn helps others). I do get a pit when I read through your story, this wasn't a drive-by affair. I have the deepest respect for you for being able to navigate through this as you have. I can only wish that I handled my past incidents of infidelity with the dignity that you have.

 

Eric

 

Thanks. What do you mean by a "drive-by" affair?

[bobwhite007]

It's been two years since I found out about my wife's other life and we ,as it's called, are "reconciling". There is never complete reconciliation, never. It is something I think about everyday. I still follow her on a gps app she knows is on her phone. Sometimes it gets turned off but never for more than 8 hours, then when she gets back home she acts different, maybe it's because I do. I catch her lying to me about things that don't matter and can be easily explained , like oh I forgot. I think she does it to see if I'm still watching. We have been married 35 years. I don't really think I'd feel any different if we we apart. Do I trust her? No. Why am I still around? We'll because it's taken 35 years to build what I have. I have kids and grandkids and I'm not leaving.will she meet my stares ? No she always looks away. Reconciliation? Bull****. It can never happen after the one person you would have trusted more than anyone deceive you. It's the worst feeling in the world. What's changed in me? I've grown , a lot. Wanna cheat on your spouse? Go ahead if they can live with it , you can. I can stare and her and never blink, she can't. My point? I dunno but it helps to rant a little.

[eric1]

Thanks. What do you mean by a "drive-by" affair?

 

 

ONS or similar-ish. Basically no emotions, just pure sex