Wife of 31 years had an affair, my story

[Poutrew]

You might want to consider having her get a CAT scan - this type of behavior, where it is truly insane and completely out of character, could be indicative of a brain tumor. The fact that she would actually show you the picture and the complete silence while she thought of some excuse for it to be on her device, could be a sign of something like a tumor, or aneurysm getting swollen to the point where it could rupture. Has she been getting headaches? Are both her pupils reactive and equal? The fact that this (her behavior) could be organic in nature ought to be looked into...this just doesn't make sense, even by LS standards.

[Morro72]

Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far...

Yeah, you should have taken the phone at that point and gone over it with a microscope. It's worth thinking about why you didn't do so.

 

Meanwhile, do you at least have an idea when the picture was taken?

[turnera]

You might want to consider having her get a CAT scan - this type of behavior, where it is truly insane and completely out of character, could be indicative of a brain tumor. The fact that she would actually show you the picture and the complete silence while she thought of some excuse for it to be on her device, could be a sign of something like a tumor, or aneurysm getting swollen to the point where it could rupture. Has she been getting headaches? Are both her pupils reactive and equal? The fact that this (her behavior) could be organic in nature ought to be looked into...this just doesn't make sense, even by LS standards.

Gotta say I agree with this. My dad had a brain tumor once and he turned into a completely different person. After surgery, back to normal. Weird as hell.

[Be_Strong]

If she decided not to send it to you, she would have deleted it as soon as she made a choice not to send it.

 

I actually think the fact that she didn't delete the picture weighs in favor of her story. If the picture was for an AP, she likely would have deleted the evidence. The fact that she left the picture on her phone tends to show that it had an innocent motive so she didn't think to delete it.

 

Having said that, innumerable affairs have been discovered via a stupid mistake made by the WS. So it is plausible that even if the picture was meant for an AP, she simply screwed up and forgot to delete the picture.

[aliveagain]

I took a short hiatus from LS the past few days and things have been going really well until last night.

 

Wife was swiping through pictures on her phone to show me a house and she went one picture too far. It was a picture of her from the waist down with her panties pulled down. I just stared at it and did not say anything. She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not.

 

I'm not sure what to believe at this point. I want to believe that she is telling the truth but trusting her again is the hardest thing I've even had to do. I guess I'm going to lie low and just start snooping around again to see if I can find any trails. I'm pretty devastated today thinking that she has something going on again. But I'm trying to remain calm and assume she is telling the truth.

 

I guess all I can say is, she has a history of sending pictures to O/M, she does not have a history of sending pictures to you. She has chosen to go into the same business as her O/M, she likes attention from men and is in an industry where she can meet men in private. Who leaves a picture of their private parts in with pictures of homes she is viewing, what Realtor would risk showing a client pictures of homes with her selfies mixed in with them?

 

A selfie can be deleted and taken again at anytime, you just need a phone with a camera and mirror. Why keep it on your phone with your business stuff, why wouldn't you just delete it if she wasn't comfortable sending it to you than take another one when she was ready? VBM, something stinks. All these things have happened in a very short period of time, first affair, than sometime later falls for her girlfriends bad boy husband and starts second affair, gets her Realtors licence like her bad boy, you catch her she dumps him immediately and now how many weeks later you find new selfies of her private parts on her cell phone(she just happens to use the exact line that 99.9% of all cheaters use, it was meant for you just haven't sent it yet).

 

I am sure she will be able to explain it all in such a way that all of us on LS will feel foolish for giving you our opinion or suggesting a polygraph to you again.

[turnera]

WHEN the picture was taken matters, IMO. If it was taken back during the affair, it's possible she just missed it and forgot to delete it. Which means that her offense was that she lied about it. Which needs to be addressed, of course, but is not as big a deal as if she's still cheating.

 

If it was taken AFTER the affair supposedly ended, you need to determine for whom it was intended.

[Confused48]

All these things have happened in a very short period of time, first affair, than sometime later falls for her girlfriends bad boy husband and starts second affair, gets her Realtors licence like her bad boy, you catch her she dumps him immediately and now how many weeks later you find new selfies of her private parts on her cell phone(she just happens to use the exact line that 99.9% of all cheaters use, it was meant for you just haven't sent it yet).

 

Very good point. It could be she has changed. A brain tumor or just a mid life crisis. Whatever, VBM remembers who she was and is loath to think she may have changed, permanently. I've seen this before where there is a history of normal early sexual activity or even conservative early sexual history and then many years of undoubted loyalty is broken by infidelity. Then the person just goes wild, becoming very promiscuous. It happens with men and women of a certain age.

[beach]

Normally a brain tumor would show signs of concern in other areas as well.

 

Does she get lost driving in areas she's known for years? Odd behaviors would show in a variety of ways.

 

 

Haven't you put a tracker on her phone and a key logger on her computer she uses? If not, do it immediately. Does she have any random apps on that phone that would secretly allow her to communicate with the OM more easily without you knowing? Look at her phone and see what apps she's downloaded in the past year. Start searching MORE.

 

Has she spent money lately - what is she spending on?

 

 

 

I hope you've moved your assets into your name... Which was suggested a loooong time ago.

[Seachan]

VBM,

 

Was your wife a victim of childhood sexual abuse, by any chance?

 

Her semi-nude selfie - something she has never done for you - suggests that she is objectifying herself.

 

I wonder if she has repressed memories that she is acting out. Is she in IC? Has she figured out *why* she had her affairs?

[beatcuff]

VBM,

 

i am trying to be positive (and its tough). maybe she forgot it was there. maybe she was truthful. maybe this is one of 'hard' days to full recovery. maybe you should not overreact. maybe...

[VeryBrokenMan]

Thanks for all the responses and support. I'll try to respond to everyone below.

 

Im sorry. Even if it is legit it is a trigger. Everyone is different, but if it were me I'd have to do some quiet digging, like look at the phone/text records at least. I really hope that she is teling the truth.

I'm re-immersed now in "quiet digging". Not much I can do but sit back and watch and wait to see if it's anything. I hope she is telling the truth too but I've read to many stories here to accept it at face value.

 

Wow - what a horrible development. Sorry, man. Its more than a trigger and I think you are taking appropriate action by starting the snoop machine back up. I'm sure that many other poster's are going to have a question similar to mine: How often does she send you naughty pictures? Lately?

 

This is kind of like trickle-truth except with this there is some suggestion that she's still in contact with OM. An agonizing situation as you try to regain some measure of trust in her.

Thanks my friend. I'll be the first to say you were right if this goes south.

 

Well, let us hope that your digging shows she is on the straight and narrow, if not you have given her fair warring on what will happen.

 

Hope for the best for you.

Thanks. Time will tell what it amounts to. I guess I'm not surprised and that is why my reaction is so calm.

 

Dude - this is very, very bad. I'm sure you'd agree that this is a little more than simply breaking NC. I don't know how you are going to bust her now but I hope you can find a way. If she is still in contact, her slip-up will force everything deeper underground until she is confident you are fat, dumb, and happy - again. Until then it's going to be tough to catch her in another mistake like this.

 

You've shown the patience of Job until now and earned the respect of many of us on this forum - even the ones like me who disagreed with your stance earlier on. It's time to consider the 180 for your own sanity. There's really no getting around the fact that she's been lying all this time. That picture is for him. It's time for you to simply end the charade that you have been trying so hard to believe was real.

It is bad and goes way beyond breaking NC if she sent the pic to him or some other piece of s^&t. I'm going to lie low and act like I've forgotten about it. That calmness and pragmatic approach I think helped me find out all I did the first time. The PI is back on retainer and she won't be farting without him knowing about it.

 

Of course, there's also the very real possibility that your wife took that picture for another man--and you need to raise your guard and keep your eyes open. Unlike me, your wife has a history of sending pictures of herself to somebody other than her spouse, so she's not entitled to any presumption of good faith.

Thanks Be_Strong. You raise a good point. When is a WS ever entitled to a presumption of good faith ever again? I'm pretty bummed out by the whole thing even if its innocent.

 

It may be insane but you have been on LS long enough to know that it is VERY common. It is the successful reconciliations that are rare. The repeat cheaters after being given a second chance, they are a dime a dozen here.

Believe me I fully get that. That is why so many affairs cause divorces I think, the WS just can't give up the thrill of cheating.

 

Let see what comes out. This maybe nothing, and VBM and Co, may still beat the odds. As "Be_Strong", stated in his post, her story is "plausible", but given her past history, VBM would be a fool not to check it out. Let's wait until we know, and hope the best for him and his wife.

 

Yes, the odds are long that reconciliation takes, but I like to root for the underdog. Here's hoping.

Thanks. I'm waiting patiently but it's very hard just not to go ballistic. If it's an innocent picture and she is telling the truth I don't want to derail what we've built.

 

I am stunned you didn't take her phone and look. Instead you chickened out. Your answers were all right there.

Now she can cover up.

Cheating again.

Get her phone now see who she is texting

You really think she would not be covering her tracks perfectly at this point if she was cheating? I think she would have another phone don't you? I did snoop last night and found nothing. No calls/texts/internet history.

 

Did you look at the date the photo was taken? Have you searched through her whole phone? If not, it's time to do that.

 

Since she has never sent you that type of picture before - it's safe to assume she didn't take it for you.

 

And you stayed quiet? Where's your voice man???? Say how you feel!! State out loud to her that it's hard to believe and it appears she is back to her old tricks of sending nudie pics to someone other than you!

 

Speak up!

 

 

Staying silent does not help to resolve your uneasy feelings. She's up to something - and it doesn't look right.

 

Being passive means you are a willing victim. Maybe that's why you have been feeling uneasy for so long - you're not saying enough of how you feel about what she has done.

Picture was taken just this week. She was swiping through pictures and they are in date order on her phone. I really want to remain silent until I have definitive proof. If I call her on it at this point she will just deny, deny, deny. You know how this is, until confronted with proof they will lie.

 

They know how to play you and tell you what you want to hear. I know you probably want to think that this is just an odd coincidence, but your gut is screaming at you "SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT!"

 

Listen to your gut. I'm telling you it knows more than you right now.

Thanks RightThere. I know what my gut is telling me and that is why I've gone into full battle mode. I'm just going to do it methodically and make sure I know what is going on. She will deny it without proof, guaranteed.

 

Devil’s advocate: I could see her starting to send you a "pic" being it was an issue during/after the A. Could also see her having second thoughts since potentially might be a trigger for you all.

 

You busted her before. Does this have a similar “feel?”

Have you been having a particularly sexual and playful time lately where a ”selfie” would fit in with a seduction for you?

 

Mostly there is no logic or reasoning to an affair and the participants certainly don’t consider consequences or repercussions…. Would she at this point?

After everything you as a couple have gone through, she would have to be arrogant beyond belief to be sending out nudes to others, or wanting to be caught…

 

VBM, you’ve indicated she’s an intelligent woman. If she has gone off the rails this far while leading you on, she needs medical evaluation. Something is wrong!

 

At this point, with this picture surfacing., you’re just needing to calmly set down as a couple with you asking, point blank---DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

 

VBM, I’m still rooting for your R. I like happy stories. I enjoy seeing love overcoming obstacles.

 

I hope its not the case, but if she is playing you now----she deserves her world crashing around her.

Let us know yor PI's opinion. They usually pickup on deception better than a polygraph.

 

I hope it proves to be a misunderstanding and your story once again is a LoveShack inspiration …..

I see your point. She could have taken the pic for me and then thought better of sending it to me to avoid triggering. I do think it would be a trigger. Her reaction did feel similar to the first dday so that has me really concerned. She has not been sexual or playful and really the sex has been strained for a couple of months. Sex was great during the hysterical bonding period but the last couple of months it's been tough. It's physically good but I can't get into it. It's like I just want to get it over with and I suspect she does too. That is totally unlike us prior to her affair. I've been talking with the IC about that. She says it's normal for both of us.

 

There may be something to "wanting to be caught". From what I've read it's like a child acting out and they get addicted to the drama. Maybe the pic was just a shot across the bow. Jeez, this is complicated.

 

I've asked her several times about divorce the past few months and within the past month I've talked in terms of "maybe we were not meant to be together our entire lives". She adamantly insists that she loves me and wants to remain a couple. And other than the picture she has been a joy to be with. She is attentive and engaged when we are together. She is happy and goes out of her way to make sure I'm OK. She has not given me a single indication that something is up. Thanks for your thoughts!

 

OP how long are you going to a naive shell of a man? You've been working to provide for her for years while she sat and home, then she gets worked over endlessly by another man, positions and acts she never did with you, sends him sexual pictures that she has never once sent you, then lies to the bitter end trying to hide it all from you. Now, you stumble on a naked picture on her phone similar to what she sent OM. How can you possibly think it was meant for you?? She has never once sent you anything like that! If it was meant for you she would not have forgotten to send it. You are willingly making yourself into a cuckold. Have some self respect and demand answers. Take control of the situation. You know deep down that picture was not meant for you.

For the record having sex twice does not amount to "being worked over endlessly". She also did not just sit home, she raised my children who turned out great, she volunteered endlessly. I don't know who the pic was for but I will find out.

 

I cant imagine what you are going thru now. What a f ing mindfck. Lets be honest here, there is no way she can prove that the picture was meant for you. I rarely post on your thread and I have read all of it., but if you were my brother or my blood freind, I would be beating you over the head with a 2x4

I probably need to be beat over the head. But just try to support me being patient and pragmatic while I get to the whole truth.

 

Wow, that sucks and must have been a punch to the gut moment for you regardless of whether it was for you or someone else. Big trigger.

 

 

It doesn't sound good.

 

 

On the other hand, there is a certain level of paranoia that never really goes away when you reconcile imo. I have come across things before either when snooping or just randomly where my initial reaction was that my H was cheating again. Only to figure out independently of any response my H had that he wasn't.

 

 

Personally, even while engaging the PI again, I would confront her again if you don't believe her. The pause before telling you it was for you, would give me a lot of doubt.

 

 

What is your gut telling you? Have there been other things recently that raised your hackles?

My gut is telling me to be very vigilant and not to let my guard down. It's also telling me I will never know the truth if I go in with guns blazing. I've got to sit back, pretend to forget and watch and wait.

 

i am so sorry that you're going through this again.

 

listen to your gut feeling, your intuition.... & it will tell you everything you need to know. maybe it's time for you to finally move on & leave her in your past.

Thank you. If this turns out to be a smoking gun that is exactly what I intend to do. And I feel no pain over that at all.

 

It has been her responsibility to provide you with complete peace of mind. Even IF she took it and intended to send it to you - she could have told you at the time she took it and decided not to send it - that way you wouldn't wonder.

 

 

But she didn't. And that's what I have suspicions about. IF it was for you she would have discussed it with you instead of you accidentally seeing it at a later date.

 

I find her story difficult to believe. Especially given that she really likes the attention the pictures got her in the past.

 

She may also try explaining it away by saying "but I didn't sleep with him - they were only pictures - that's not cheating..."

 

And what would you do about that scenario when she lays it out that way?

I find it hard to believe that it was innocent as well. I think you are onto the key reason she did it the first time, the attention it got her from the OM. If she has any contact, text, pics, phone, smoke signals, whatever it's over and I will file for divorce. Period. My mind has been made up on that since dday. That was a hard line in the sand that I drew on dday and I really hope she has not crossed it.

 

VBM, I am also heartbroken to read of the latest turn of events and am keeping fingers crossed for you...

Thank you! Mine are crossed too.

 

You might want to consider having her get a CAT scan - this type of behavior, where it is truly insane and completely out of character, could be indicative of a brain tumor. The fact that she would actually show you the picture and the complete silence while she thought of some excuse for it to be on her device, could be a sign of something like a tumor, or aneurysm getting swollen to the point where it could rupture. Has she been getting headaches? Are both her pupils reactive and equal? The fact that this (her behavior) could be organic in nature ought to be looked into...this just doesn't make sense, even by LS standards.

Something like that has crossed my mind more than once. She has had daily headaches since all this broke but we've also been under tremendous stress. She used to have gorgeous long thick hair but it's gotten so thin and breaks so easily now that she is getting extensions. She was not in any way fat before the affair but she lost so much weight after that I insisted she go to the doctor to check things out. She was scary thin but everything was normal and we worked on getting her to eat again.

 

I guess all I can say is, she has a history of sending pictures to O/M, she does not have a history of sending pictures to you. She has chosen to go into the same business as her O/M, she likes attention from men and is in an industry where she can meet men in private. Who leaves a picture of their private parts in with pictures of homes she is viewing, what Realtor would risk showing a client pictures of homes with her selfies mixed in with them?

 

A selfie can be deleted and taken again at anytime, you just need a phone with a camera and mirror. Why keep it on your phone with your business stuff, why wouldn't you just delete it if she wasn't comfortable sending it to you than take another one when she was ready? VBM, something stinks. All these things have happened in a very short period of time, first affair, than sometime later falls for her girlfriends bad boy husband and starts second affair, gets her Realtors licence like her bad boy, you catch her she dumps him immediately and now how many weeks later you find new selfies of her private parts on her cell phone(she just happens to use the exact line that 99.9% of all cheaters use, it was meant for you just haven't sent it yet).

 

I am sure she will be able to explain it all in such a way that all of us on LS will feel foolish for giving you our opinion or suggesting a polygraph to you again.

I don't discount ANYTHING you are saying at this point. I hope your not right but I'm strong enough to see that you very well may be. And as I told drifter I'll be the first to say you guys were right.

 

Very good point. It could be she has changed. A brain tumor or just a mid life crisis. Whatever, VBM remembers who she was and is loath to think she may have changed, permanently. I've seen this before where there is a history of normal early sexual activity or even conservative early sexual history and then many years of undoubted loyalty is broken by infidelity. Then the person just goes wild, becoming very promiscuous. It happens with men and women of a certain age.

That's what I'm afraid of.

 

Normally a brain tumor would show signs of concern in other areas as well.

 

Does she get lost driving in areas she's known for years? Odd behaviors would show in a variety of ways.

 

 

Haven't you put a tracker on her phone and a key logger on her computer she uses? If not, do it immediately. Does she have any random apps on that phone that would secretly allow her to communicate with the OM more easily without you knowing? Look at her phone and see what apps she's downloaded in the past year. Start searching MORE.

 

Has she spent money lately - what is she spending on?

 

 

 

I hope you've moved your assets into your name... Which was suggested a loooong time ago.

She does not get lost or anything like that. She has a GPS tracker on her phone but she is very busy(realtor) and I would not have a clue who she was with. Bottom line is she could be cheating and I could not catch her with just a GPS tracker. No way to track her spending she has her own accounts that she has always used. No sense in moving any assets according to my attorney. PI is on the case and that is the best I can do.

 

VBM,

 

Was your wife a victim of childhood sexual abuse, by any chance?

 

Her semi-nude selfie - something she has never done for you - suggests that she is objectifying herself.

 

I wonder if she has repressed memories that she is acting out. Is she in IC? Has she figured out *why* she had her affairs?

I've asked her and she denies having been abused. I never had any indication of that. She is seeing IC. There is no real definitive answer "WHY" that will satisfiy me or anyone here. She is narsisstic and thrives on the attention from other men. I guess to the point where she will risk everything to get that attention.

i am trying to be positive (and its tough). maybe she forgot it was there. maybe she was truthful. maybe this is one of 'hard' days to full recovery. maybe you should not overreact. maybe...

Maybe. Trying hard not to overreact. Thanks.

[SpokenFor]

You said she went mute for a few agonizing seconds when the image came up, you waited her out, and she said she took it to send to you but didn't follow through.

 

OK.

 

You've said many times here how hard she is trying, all the things she has done to help your marriage get past her affair and fix whatever you both want to fix in the marriage.

 

OK.

 

Enough time has passed since you saw the picture. If she brought it up since then and had a substantive conversation about it with you, then it could be innocent. If she has not, then you have caught her in a second affair. Could be same guy, could be new guy, doesn't matter. Not talking about it most likely means she is guilty, caught, and has no way to dodge it in a real in-depth conversation.

 

That's my perspective anyway. She absolutely knows seeing the picture hurt and triggered you -- she should be doing everything possible to fix that.

 

So from here on in this post I will assume she is cheating you now, again. If she is really working it with you already, maybe I would change my opinion.

 

I know you want to go the PI route, and I think in part it is because you can withdraw from her and wait to see what happens. When she was unaware you had a way to check on her, you got the facts on the previous affair. Now she knows you can do that. She can either go quiet for a while or decide to take control and make a break with you herself by proceeding in full knowledge that you will find out and again ask her to stop.

 

Clearly she has the ability to hook new suitors and stopping this next affair for a bit while you settle down will not impede her in the future if she wishes to continue. You cannot pay a PI forever, which is why she was able to resume her affairs without being caught until she got careless with a picture.

 

In any case, you are giving over control of your happiness to her. I think you need to think about how to break that cycle. Only you can decide if your happiness needs to include this marriage going forward and if so how to fight for it. I wouldn't presume to offer advice on that!

[Confused48]

I wonder why not try the polygraph? She must understand it would be reasonable under the circumstances. A PI costs far more and since she knows you have used a PI before, she will be harder to catch with that method. There was a serial cheater on here that boasted of staying undetected by a PI for years.

[beach]

This new revelation has created more suspicion.

 

There's no way to trust her - without trust, there's no way to build anything healthy in the marriage.

 

 

She could be doing everything right for years and a picture like this pops up and there's no way to determine what she intended to do with it.

 

Do you intend to live your life wondering?

[66Charger]

I read your story looking for redemption of a WS and thought it was possible.

As requested, I will quietly support and wish you well.

If you do decide to divorce, may I suggest you change your name.

 

Be at peace...soon

[autumnnight]

The more I read the more it just breaks my heart. It is so evident that you really want this to work out. I admit to feeling a bit irrationally angry at your WW. Most WS/FWS would give their eye teeth and left kidney to have a BH who actually WANTS to see them as a whole and valuable woman again who is worth actually authentically loving. That is what she has....and then she screws it up (if she is cheating again). I mean, she got the rarest creature on earth - even more rare than a unicorn - and she's gonna mess it up?????

 

I really really REALLY hope there is some provably logical explanation.....

[singer23]

I'm not going to jump all the way to that conclusion just yet Drifter. But I can appreciate where it comes from and I don't disagree that may be happening. And I'm also not going to close my eyes and hope it all goes away. If ever a cool hand was needed this is it because if it's happening I'm going to move forward with the divorce and make it a huge spectacle. I think BadKarma's scorched earth campaign will look like child's play. It's one think to lie and cheat, but to tell your spouse everything is OK and then do it again while your trying to reconcile is insane. But let's just hope that everything is fine for now and she was going to send that pic to me. If it turns out to be nothing then it will have been just a bad trigger. I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from all this crap.

 

I've got a call into the PI that worked for me before to see what he can turn up.

 

It is very unlikely she will keep any evidence if she is cheating.. She will also lie low for a while as she is caught red handed. PI is going to be an expensive waste...

 

Your face must have told her everything that she needs to do. Whether in affair or not.

 

 

In the mean time, try doing an image data recovery on her phone. She might even lose the phone in the next few days

[RightThere]

It is very unlikely she will keep any evidence if she is cheating.. She will also lie low for a while as she is caught red handed. PI is going to be an expensive waste...

 

I agree with this. The likely continued affair is going deeper underground. My STBXW did the same thing to me.

 

Started calling her OM from work only (so I would never know). She would go and see him only during lunch.

 

Now that she's been busted doing the careless affair things, she's going to cover her tracks much better. You'll wait with little sign of anything going on, but she's just better at hiding all of it from you.

[singer23]

And did she eventually send you the pic ? Are you sure it was a recent pic ? I would check the exif data if I were you, just to be sure

[doble]

You really think she would not be covering her tracks perfectly at this point if she was cheating? I think she would have another phone don't you? I did snoop last night and found nothing. No calls/texts/internet history.

 

 

Obviously not perfectly, since you saw a pic of her with her panties down just ahead of real estate listings.

Of course snooping last night you didn't find anything. It's called "delete". Your opportunity passed the moment you decided NOT to take her phone. I doubt your PI will find anything, and she will be on guard now. It's been a while since her A, and she felt comfortable again to start up. Now that she is a realtor she has had ample opportunity to pull the wool over your closed eyes.

I think you refuse to see the obvious, and that's why you didn't take her phone. Sorry but you were weak.

 

I truly was rooting for a reconciliation. Now I'm hoping you will be alright.

[beach]

If she's sending them to someone else - expect her to wait a week or so to find any new evidence... She will lay low until the coast is clear.

 

Can the PI look at her history on her phone? Access all data in real time moving forward? Have you looked in her car for a burner phone and/or placed a VAR in her car? If not, you should.

[Seachan]

 

I've asked her and she denies having been abused. I never had any indication of that. She is seeing IC. There is no real definitive answer "WHY" that will satisfiy me or anyone here. She is narsisstic and thrives on the attention from other men. I guess to the point where she will risk everything to get that attention.

Maybe. Trying hard not to overreact. Thanks.

 

Someone told me that narcissists are fixated on themselves because they cannot *see* themselves. That Narcissus was obsessed with his reflection not because of self-love, but because he could not *recognize* himself. Anyway....?

[VeryBrokenMan]

This new revelation has created more suspicion.

 

There's no way to trust her - without trust, there's no way to build anything healthy in the marriage.

 

 

She could be doing everything right for years and a picture like this pops up and there's no way to determine what she intended to do with it.

 

Do you intend to live your life wondering?

 

No I don't want to live wondering. But I also don't want to have a knee jerk reaction if it was meant for me.

[VeryBrokenMan]

The more I read the more it just breaks my heart. It is so evident that you really want this to work out. I admit to feeling a bit irrationally angry at your WW. Most WS/FWS would give their eye teeth and left kidney to have a BH who actually WANTS to see them as a whole and valuable woman again who is worth actually authentically loving. That is what she has....and then she screws it up (if she is cheating again). I mean, she got the rarest creature on earth - even more rare than a unicorn - and she's gonna mess it up?????

 

I really really REALLY hope there is some provably logical explanation.....

 

 

Thanks for your comments, I'm sorry your angry, I get that way too when I read others stories here.

 

I'd actually love to see her whole with or without me. I'm not really sure how she lost her way or what's going on in her mind at this point. I'm wondering if it's just a full blown mid-life crisis where nothing she is doing makes any sense even to her. I don't know. I'm trying to remain positive about this but it will be a pretty hard blow if it's true. And for the record I don't think I'm that rare, just rare here on LS.

[VeryBrokenMan]

It is very unlikely she will keep any evidence if she is cheating.. She will also lie low for a while as she is caught red handed. PI is going to be an expensive waste...

 

Your face must have told her everything that she needs to do. Whether in affair or not.

 

 

In the mean time, try doing an image data recovery on her phone. She might even lose the phone in the next few days

 

It's not about the money, it's about peace of mind. Everything I've read and my experience with her last year tells me that she will never admit to it unless confronted with evidence.