TobyBoy Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Where was the picture taken? Was it a selfie taken with a mirror? When was it taken? Did you have sex the day the pic was taken? Did you or PI check phone records on the day the pic was taken? Imagine a client/coworker of hers....she's showing him the same pics.....goes one pic to far.......oops!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrisstro6692 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 VBM, I am so sorry to read about what your going through. If this were my wife, and she had just been caught carrying on an affair and she sore up and down that it would never happen again and that she says she loved me and then I find a photo of her from the waist down with no PANTIES on and she had never once sent me a photo in all our years of marriage like that, then from her past history of lying, and the photo, it would seem that she does not make good judgment calls. If I had done what she had done I wouldn't do anything that could be thought of as cheating. She should have been going out of her way to do that. To me from the outside looking in, it looks as if, she is back to her old ways again and cant help herself. Tell her she can hook up with her Slum AP all she wants after the divorce and send him all the picks she wants, but she is not going to treat you like a fool. Don't believe the tears and crying, she just wants to keep her lifestyle and her reputation. If she cared about you then she would have never cheated and would have never done anything to be construed as cheating. Good Luck and God Bless V/R Chrisstro6692 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 She needs to knock herself out to prove her contention that it was intended for you and/or she needs to give her full cooperation to your proving or disproving her innocence. This should have happened yesterday. I'd think you should tell her that. If she's innocent (really meant the pic for you) and is just scared because she's "damned if she do and damned if she don't," then she'll JUMP at the chance to collaborate with whatever you need to do (download deleted message/image retrieval software, etc.). Better than the PI imho. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clam Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 The pic was not meant for VBM. He has stated that she has never sent him a sexy pic. He seems to have vanished from his own thread. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 The pic was not meant for VBM. He has stated that she has never sent him a sexy pic. He seems to have vanished from his own thread. He was here today. Go back and read. If you do read, she sent pic's to the OM, and never to VBM. It was one of the things that bothered him. It is "plausible" that she took it to send to him, and then thought better of it, and did not delete it, or was still trying to decide. I can see why. It was something she did for the OM, and She will do it now for VBM because, anything she did for the OM she will do for her husband. That could have been the start, after thinking about it, decide not to, or, wanted to think more on it. This is "plausible". She could be taking pic and posting them god knows where, and that is a possibility. VBM is looking into it as her past is such, that he needs to. We need to wait to find out, he is using a PI, that uncovered EVERYTHING last time, so if she is cheating he will know. I am sure VBM will tell us. He has been brave, if nothing else. In the mean time, although it will not do any good, I wish folks would not speculate and post on what is in Ann's mind and her actions with so little information. I find it unfair and unsettling. She is a real complex human being, that has so far done everything VBM has asked of her. Until, and unless, VBM comes back and tells that she gone bad, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. In the end, it is Ann's and VBM's life. I only can hope for the best, and wish them luck. Lord knows VBM and his wife do not need any more pain and hurt from this. I hope this is nothing, but it has to checked out. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 He was here today. Go back and read. If you do read, she sent pic's to the OM, and never to VBM. It was one of the things that bothered him. It is "plausible" that she took it to send to him, and then thought better of it, and did not delete it, or was still trying to decide. I can see why. It was something she did for the OM, and She will do it now for VBM because, anything she did for the OM she will do for her husband. That could have been the start, after thinking about it, decide not to, or, wanted to think more on it. This is "plausible". She could be taking pic and posting them god knows where, and that is a possibility. VBM is looking into it as her past is such, that he needs to. We need to wait to find out, he is using a PI, that uncovered EVERYTHING last time, so if she is cheating he will know. I am sure VBM will tell us. He has been brave, if nothing else. In the mean time, although it will not do any good, I wish folks would not speculate and post on what is in Ann's mind and her actions with so little information. I find it unfair and unsettling. She is a real complex human being, that has so far done everything VBM has asked of her. Until, and unless, VBM comes back and tells that she gone bad, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. In the end, it is Ann's and VBM's life. I only can hope for the best, and wish them luck. Lord knows VBM and his wife do not need any more pain and hurt from this. I hope this is nothing, but it has to checked out. All true, but what sticks in my craw is his description of her reaction: She tried to swipe off of it but it was too late. She did not say anything and I just looked at her until she did. It was an agonizing few seconds until she spoke. She says she was going to send it to me and did not. Why did she react like that? She knew it looked bad. They discussed it. She must have dropped it because VBM had time to brood a bit, post on LS and hire a PI. Why? If she's innocent, seems like she'd anticipate his reaction and do everything she could think of to convince him otherwise ... Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 All true, but what sticks in my craw is his description of her reaction: Why did she react like that? She knew it looked bad. They discussed it. She must have dropped it because VBM had time to brood a bit, post on LS and hire a PI. Why? If she's innocent, seems like she'd anticipate his reaction and do everything she could think of to convince him otherwise ... Merrmeade, Yeah, VBM needs to check it out. So agree with you, but you have to admit, sometime we go over board on trying to figure out what is going on. I just saying we need to wait to find out what going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Merrmeade, Yeah, VBM needs to check it out. So agree with you, but you have to admit, sometime we go over board on trying to figure out what is going on. I just saying we need to wait to find out what going on. Yes, pretty much what I meant. That is, it wasn't enough information. I felt like - after all they've been through - that surely she realizes how important this would be for him. I want to know more about her reaction and why they're not talking about it. I don't understand and can't begin to imagine what she was thinking. That she was caught? That it looked very bad and nothing she said would be believable? Too many questions left unanswered... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I can't remember if you informed the MM's wife or not. Did you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 She has asked me to accompany her to her IC appointment tomorrow. I've never met this IC and I don't know any background. Not sure what is going on but I suspect she wants to tell me something with her IC present. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 I've read all the responses the last day or two, I'm not going to respond to each and everyone but I will say thanks for all the input. It's truly appreciated. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 VBM, how are *you* holding up? Thinking of you... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hang in there VBM. Keep an open mind. You all have come a long way. R and recovery isn't a straight line. Setbacks are part and parcel. I've suspected she's been dealing with some internal issues and you may now find some of your answers. Patience and understanding may bring you both a happier future.... Good luck 5 Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 After all that's gone on making you wait 24 hours without knowing what is going on should be considered cruel and unusual punishment. You're playing by her rules now. If personally tell her to pound sand that if she has something to say to just say it, but I can also understand waiting. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst for you, man 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 She has asked me to accompany her to her IC appointment tomorrow. I've never met this IC and I don't know any background. Not sure what is going on but I suspect she wants to tell me something with her IC present. Brace yourself and be prepared. I have the feeling people rarely ask their spouse to come to the IC with them so they can tell them good news. We can hope for the best, but prudence dictates being prepared for something else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 VBM, how are *you* holding up? Thinking of you... Thanks. I'll be honest and say not well and I've not slept in days. I guess right now the best word I can come up with is "defeated". I could add more words but that sums up my thinking right now. Maybe the stress of nine months of hell is catching up with me. I guess I'm also resigned, what ever happens, happens. I'm scratching my head trying to come up with positive scenario's but I can't. I'm trying to stay positive but I'm also realistic enough to know I might be filing for divorce after tomorrow. I have some hard lines in the sand in my head that will trigger divorce. If she has broken no contact it's over. If she has someone new it's over. The list goes on and on. Maybe it's nothing or maybe our lives are about the change drastically. She has been acting differently since I saw the picture and I really suspect that tomorrow is not going to be a good day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 She's created suspicion over the picture... And knows you must be wondering... Yet she isn't explaining things or how she feels except under direction and safety of the counselor? These are two huge issues to address. Add in lack of trust and it's hard to imagine what the foundation of this marriage is built on. It's certainly not built on trust, feeling safe and communication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thanks. I'll be honest and say not well and I've not slept in days. I guess right now the best word I can come up with is "defeated". I could add more words but that sums up my thinking right now. Maybe the stress of nine months of hell is catching up with me. I guess I'm also resigned, what ever happens, happens. I'm scratching my head trying to come up with positive scenario's but I can't. I'm trying to stay positive but I'm also realistic enough to know I might be filing for divorce after tomorrow. I have some hard lines in the sand in my head that will trigger divorce. If she has broken no contact it's over. If she has someone new it's over. The list goes on and on. Maybe it's nothing or maybe our lives are about the change drastically. She has been acting differently since I saw the picture and I really suspect that tomorrow is not going to be a good day. Good luck to you. I know very well the "defeated mentality" you describe. I felt it did not do me any good at the time because I just "existed" instead of moving forward on anything. My inaction made me stay with my STBXW longer than I should have. Don't move your boundaries. I moved mine (constantly) and found I got into a further downward spiral of being self-defeated. Once you get all the information tomorrow, make sure you take time to yourself to process it all. Making rash decisions in the moment won't do you any good. I share your suspicion you are going along to the IC in order to hear some news in a "safe environment." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thanks. I'll be honest and say not well and I've not slept in days. I guess right now the best word I can come up with is "defeated". I could add more words but that sums up my thinking right now. Maybe the stress of nine months of hell is catching up with me. I guess I'm also resigned, what ever happens, happens. I'm scratching my head trying to come up with positive scenario's but I can't. I'm trying to stay positive but I'm also realistic enough to know I might be filing for divorce after tomorrow. I have some hard lines in the sand in my head that will trigger divorce. If she has broken no contact it's over. If she has someone new it's over. The list goes on and on. Maybe it's nothing or maybe our lives are about the change drastically. She has been acting differently since I saw the picture and I really suspect that tomorrow is not going to be a good day. You are strong. No matter what happens, you will be okay. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I remember the day I had to make the most difficult decision of my life, fu*k I hated it. My heart goes out to you, I pray it can be explained but I am having a very hard time believing it can be. You do not deserve any of this crap, I feel anger for the woman that hurt you, be strong, it is not you that has changed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I share your suspicion you are going along to the IC in order to hear some news in a "safe environment." Yeah, I'm afraid your spouse doesn't schedule an appointment with the accountant and ask you to come along and then spends the next few days acting all uncomfortable and awkward so that she/he can break the news to you in the accountant's office that she/he picked the winning lottery ticket and the reason for breaking it to you at the accountant's office was so the accountant could help explain the good news and let you know what a good impact all that money is going to have on your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm glad that you have set firm lines in your mind regarding what behavior will not accept. Tomorrow, when she makes the big reveal, you will likely face an avalanche of gaslighting from WW and her IC. Believe me, if her IC wasn't going to support her on this thing you wouldn't be going there. If I were you I wouldn't go. I would insist that she tell me right now. Expecting you to twist in the wind until tomorrow is just plain cruel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 But that being said, go into it with firm boundaries and don't let her/them push you around or BS you or try to pi$$ on your shoes and tell you that you are standing in the rain. You have given this reconciliation more than your fair share of heavy lifting and you have made far more accommidations and considerations than she ever deserved. Don't let them try to take anything more from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm glad that you have set firm lines in your mind regarding what behavior will not accept. Tomorrow, when she makes the big reveal, you will likely face an avalanche of gaslighting from WW and her IC. Believe me, if her IC wasn't going to support her on this thing you wouldn't be going there. If I were you I wouldn't go. I would insist that she tell me right now. Expecting you to twist in the wind until tomorrow is just plain cruel. I kind of disagree and think VBM should go and let the IC play referee. The point is well taken that the IC is her advocate and is not there to represent VBM's best interests. But the IC will have an interest in insuring that things won't get out of hand and if the IC has the least bit of professional ethics, he won't let her outright lie about anything that the IC knows to be patently untrue. The IC will help her express herself and will be there to assist her in communicating her position and will be there to help keep the peace and keep things from escalating out of hand. My recommendation is to go to the meeting. Sit and listen to what they have to say. Then say, "thank you for explaining that to me." And then leave and contact your attorney and anybody else that you want in your corner advocating for your best interests. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I would not be surprised if your wife and the IC tells you that your wife is simply a exhibitionist. That the recipient is unimportant and therefore you should understand that she is not "cheating" on you with a particular person, but simply "flashing" strangers. The definition of a stranger may be subjective. It also isnt the same thrill as flashing you. This is a reason that would put the burden back on you to accept her exhibitionism as a perversion and not technicaly cheating. (?) Could you accept that VBM? Of course, this might be a stupid post and she will tell you she is what she is...a cheater. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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