So she's with someone else...

[Maestro13]

I recently posted a thread here about my ex having a new boyfriend and me wanting her back.

She convinced me that she was really happy in this new relationship and that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore because she doesn't want to hurt him.

I accepted the fact that she is with someone else now but I'm still hoping that one day she'll realise he's not the one and she'll come back to me. Anyway, I can't get her back Right Now so...

 

At the moment we are in a very weird situation in which she told me to leave her alone (in a polite way) and me acting a bit too desperate. I don't want to cut off communication here! This is an awkward situation.

There's this party where we both will be going to tomorrow and I would like to talk to her about how I still love her, make my apologies for the mistakes that I've made which caused the break-up, and for disappointing her (twice). I just want to have a short conversation with her so she knows what I really think at this moment. So she'll know that I still love her and care about her. After that, if she still confirms this new guy is good to her and she'd like to move on with him I will act like I understand it and leave her alone. So I just want her to know how I feel about this before I cut down the communication between us. So that we end this in a good way, me telling her about my feelings and she officially breaking up with me. This will also make me feel MUCH better knowing that she knows. If she dumps me there I will leave her alone and start the NC.

 

Now the point is this, she told me to leave her alone to not hurt her boyfriend so she probably will be avoiding me at the party (I don't think her BF will be there). At least my guess is if I ask her if she'd like to talk with me for a second she will refuse. Probably she also doesn't want to be seen with me. But it is very important that I tell her these things in person.

How should I approach her? just wait till the right moment then go and ask, or text her first if it's okay if we go outside for a talk... Does someone (a girl maybe) got good advice for this one?

[NopeNah]

She's told you she doesn't want to talk to you and your first instinct is that you must talk to her? Respect her request or you'll push her even further away. Nothing you say will be heard. If anything she'll be annoyed by it. Leave it.

[Simon Phoenix]

I recently posted a thread here about my ex having a new boyfriend and me wanting her back.

She convinced me that she was really happy in this new relationship and that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore because she doesn't want to hurt him.

I accepted the fact that she is with someone else now but I'm still hoping that one day she'll realise he's not the one and she'll come back to me. Anyway, I can't get her back Right Now so...

 

At the moment we are in a very weird situation in which she told me to leave her alone (in a polite way) and me acting a bit too desperate. I don't want to cut off communication here! This is an awkward situation.

There's this party where we both will be going to tomorrow and I would like to talk to her about how I still love her, make my apologies for the mistakes that I've made which caused the break-up, and for disappointing her (twice). I just want to have a short conversation with her so she knows what I really think at this moment. So she'll know that I still love her and care about her. After that, if she still confirms this new guy is good to her and she'd like to move on with him I will act like I understand it and leave her alone. So I just want her to know how I feel about this before I cut down the communication between us. So that we end this in a good way, me telling her about my feelings and she officially breaking up with me. This will also make me feel MUCH better knowing that she knows. If she dumps me there I will leave her alone and start the NC.

 

Now the point is this, she told me to leave her alone to not hurt her boyfriend so she probably will be avoiding me at the party (I don't think her BF will be there). At least my guess is if I ask her if she'd like to talk with me for a second she will refuse. Probably she also doesn't want to be seen with me. But it is very important that I tell her these things in person.

How should I approach her? just wait till the right moment then go and ask, or text her first if it's okay if we go outside for a talk... Does someone (a girl maybe) got good advice for this one?

 

Don't approach her. I wouldn't even go to the party. You aren't in a state where you can talk to her without coming off as clingy, desperate, weird, goofy, etc. She broke up with you and she's dating someone else, so you need to back off completely. You don't need to tell her anything because she doesn't really care what you have to say, not to mention that she won't listen to any of it right now. She knows you love her, she knows you want her, but she broke up with you anyway. You having a "talk" will do nothing but smother her and annoy her.

 

The best thing you can do is leave her alone and respect the break-up. She's already said you're acting too desperate -- continuing to act desperate is not the way to go. Give her some space, and more importantly, give yourself some space. You need to be away from this woman to get your head straight, make the necessary improvements, and get away from being the sad, clingy, desperate fool that you have been lately.

 

No "last speeches". They are a terrible idea. The sooner you accept the breakup, the sooner you'll be in a much happier place and the more attractive you'll be for the next person, whoever it is.

[Zard0z]

I wrote am e-mail to my ex after our breakup. She left a little room for the possibility of reconciliation the last time we met in person (when she told me she started having feelings for another guy).

 

Needless to say that potential reconciliation just kept spinning around in my mind. She said something that got on my nerves over text. I blew up at her and she blocked me.

 

A few weeks and an apology accepted later I sent her an email telling her all the things I was willing to do to reconcile. She was understanding and responded kindly, but indicated that it really was time to move on.

 

I'm im NC now (3 weeks). I prolly will contact her again tho just to catch up and keep things friendly but distant.

[Maestro13]

Don't approach her. I wouldn't even go to the party. You aren't in a state where you can talk to her without coming off as clingy, desperate, weird, goofy, etc. She broke up with you and she's dating someone else, so you need to back off completely. You don't need to tell her anything because she doesn't really care what you have to say, not to mention that she won't listen to any of it right now. She knows you love her, she knows you want her, but she broke up with you anyway. You having a "talk" will do nothing but smother her and annoy her.

 

The best thing you can do is leave her alone and respect the break-up. She's already said you're acting too desperate -- continuing to act desperate is not the way to go. Give her some space, and more importantly, give yourself some space. You need to be away from this woman to get your head straight, make the necessary improvements, and get away from being the sad, clingy, desperate fool that you have been lately.

 

No "last speeches". They are a terrible idea. The sooner you accept the breakup, the sooner you'll be in a much happier place and the more attractive you'll be for the next person, whoever it is.

 

I might have said it the wrong way. She didn't really tell me to leave her alone. this is what she told me: "I, also, don't want a fight and I also want to be in contact casually. But I don't want to hurt -guy x-. But I am hurting him when I talk with you, or at least, when you keep talking about the past". I'm not a native english speaker so I might've translated that wrong the first time. I know, right know, she doesn't think I love her. She thinks I don't care about her. Some complicated things have happened that I haven't been able to explain to her yet. That's why I want a last talk with her. Just 10mins, telling her how I feel about this situation. What happens after that is up to her. I will accept any of her decisions.

[evanescentworld]

I recently posted a thread here about my ex having a new boyfriend and me wanting her back.

She convinced me that she was really happy in this new relationship and that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore because she doesn't want to hurt him.

I accepted the fact that she is with someone else now but I'm still hoping that one day she'll realise he's not the one and she'll come back to me. Anyway, I can't get her back Right Now so...

 

At the moment we are in a very weird situation in which she told me to leave her alone (in a polite way) and me acting a bit too desperate. I don't want to cut off communication here! This is an awkward situation.

There's this party where we both will be going to tomorrow and I would like to talk to her about how I still love her, make my apologies for the mistakes that I've made which caused the break-up, and for disappointing her (twice). I just want to have a short conversation with her so she knows what I really think at this moment. So she'll know that I still love her and care about her. After that, if she still confirms this new guy is good to her and she'd like to move on with him I will act like I understand it and leave her alone. So I just want her to know how I feel about this before I cut down the communication between us. So that we end this in a good way, me telling her about my feelings and she officially breaking up with me. This will also make me feel MUCH better knowing that she knows. If she dumps me there I will leave her alone and start the NC.

 

Now the point is this, she told me to leave her alone to not hurt her boyfriend so she probably will be avoiding me at the party (I don't think her BF will be there). At least my guess is if I ask her if she'd like to talk with me for a second she will refuse. Probably she also doesn't want to be seen with me. But it is very important that I tell her these things in person.

How should I approach her? just wait till the right moment then go and ask, or text her first if it's okay if we go outside for a talk... Does someone (a girl maybe) got good advice for this one?

I'm a girl.

And boy oh boy, you are really getting on my nerves.

you're guilty of selective deafness, and a selfish insistence - You're being really, really irritating - and I don't even know you!

 

She has told you - not asked you, TOLD YOU - to Leave - her - alone.

 

Now, I would suggest you look up those words in a dictionary, because they don't mean "talk to me when you get the opportunity, I'd love to chat"....! They mean "Leave me alone!"

 

You're being really pushy, and you're adamant that she MUST hear what you have to say, because you obviously believe it is so much more important to bother her, than to respect her.

 

I'm sorry this post sounds so harsh, but please believe me - coming from a 'girl' - you need to hear it, and to pay attention.

 

Big - Time.

[Maestro13]

I'm a girl.

And boy oh boy, you are really getting on my nerves.

you're guilty of selective deafness, and a selfish insistence - You're being really, really irritating - and I don't even know you!

 

She has told you - not asked you, TOLD YOU - to Leave - her - alone.

 

Now, I would suggest you look up those words in a dictionary, because they don't mean "talk to me when you get the opportunity, I'd love to chat"....! They mean "Leave me alone!"

 

You're being really pushy, and you're adamant that she MUST hear what you have to say, because you obviously believe it is so much more important to bother her, than to respect her.

 

I'm sorry this post sounds so harsh, but please believe me - coming from a 'girl' - you need to hear it, and to pay attention.

 

Big - Time.

 

I don't think this post is harsh, you can tell this to me because that's why I'm here but could you maybe reconsider your answer by reading what I posted after? It's not that I really have to leave her alone. I said this the wrong way. She still wants contact with me, but more in a casual way. Like friends. What she DID tell me was to stop talking about the past because she doesn't want to be confused.

[evanescentworld]

I might have said it the wrong way. She didn't really tell me to leave her alone. this is what she told me: "I, also, don't want a fight and I also want to be in contact casually. But I don't want to hurt -guy x-. But I am hurting him when I talk with you, or at least, when you keep talking about the past". I'm not a native english speaker so I might've translated that wrong the first time. I know, right know, she doesn't think I love her. She thinks I don't care about her. Some complicated things have happened that I haven't been able to explain to her yet. That's why I want a last talk with her. Just 10mins, telling her how I feel about this situation. What happens after that is up to her. I will accept any of her decisions.

 

No. In spite of english not being your first language, please believe me - she really does want you to leave her alone.

you're confusing her with your constant presence, and she wants to try to let you down gently, because you just don't get it.

 

She's more concerned about his feelings than yours.

you really do need to 'hear' what she's saying.

She really does want you to back off.

Like, for good.

[Simon Phoenix]

I might have said it the wrong way. She didn't really tell me to leave her alone. this is what she told me: "I, also, don't want a fight and I also want to be in contact casually. But I don't want to hurt -guy x-. But I am hurting him when I talk with you, or at least, when you keep talking about the past". I'm not a native english speaker so I might've translated that wrong the first time. I know, right know, she doesn't think I love her. She thinks I don't care about her. Some complicated things have happened that I haven't been able to explain to her yet. That's why I want a last talk with her. Just 10mins, telling her how I feel about this situation. What happens after that is up to her. I will accept any of her decisions.

 

My advice hasn't changed. You need to give her space and you need to get your head straight. She's trying to get you to back off without being mean about it. Don't push it and make her get mean about it. Take the hint and leave it be.

[CarrieT]

No, no, no.

 

She is with a new guy. She is throwing you breadcrumbs because she likes the attention.

 

Don't give it to her.

 

Leave her alone.