outdooradventurer Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Okay, so about me: I'm 19 years old. For all of my life I have gotten on better with people older than me. I have a history of being most interested in older Women(only a year or two older usually). I have always been unsuccessful romantically, though I'm not bad looking, I just don't know how to flirt or ask people on dates. It has also been made worse by the fact that I've always known that women & girls in my age range almost never date younger guys. On that note, however, I have more than once been told by female friends my age and older to just go for it because I'm mature enough. I'm a second year University student studying science. A month and a half ago, I joined a club that I was interested in. I didn't expect too much from it, but it seemed fun. Since then, it has completely consumed my life. We go out as a club every weekend, and I haven't missed one yet. Right away, I made friends with a girl who helped run the club. I immediately had a crush on her, and the better I got to know her the more I liked her. We have been on more than one multi-day trip together, and had a lot of bonding time. The two problems are that 1) She's 22 years old, and 2) She has a boyfriend. Now in most cases I would just back off completely because she has a boyfriend, and as it is I would never try to come between them, but I don't need to. Their relationship is quickly coming apart, and judging by her attitude it won't be a big deal when it's over. The bigger problem is that she's 3 years older than me. She's in her 4th year of university out of 5. We're definitely friends, and she has other friends my age, but she obviously sees me as younger. She's said that I look young before(though we were talking about it in terms of being ID'd for buying beer, so I'm not sure how young she meant). I know she thinks I'm attractive, but more cute than anything else, which doesn't seem to be what she's usually into. I mean, she's really open about who she finds attractive, and not much has been said about me. I know it sounds like I'm just insecure, which I am, but I still think it's relevant. I don't just want to give up because I haven't felt this way about anyone since I was in high school, and if she and her boyfriend break up as soon as they probably will(likely within a couple weeks, but a couple months at most), then I'll want to do something even more, but I don't know what to do. She and I have a ton of similar interests and world views. We both really want to date someone who shares the passions that we share. I don't know what else to say. Any thoughts or advice? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I don't think that age difference ought to really matter. Just because someone says you look young isn't a criticism. I wouldn't worry too much about anything yet and just keep going and doing things and interacting with her. See what happens with her boyfriend. Just keep enjoying things and don't get ahead of yourself. She likes you some or wouldn't be interacting this much. Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 ..since you don't know what's going on with her & her bf. If they DO break up then don't make a move right away unless you feel like risking being a rebound thing since you're not really her type. Besides, just because she's playing it down to you doesn't mean that it wasn't serious or that she won't still have feelings to get over once it's all over. I'm not saying DON'T EVER make a move, but if she's been confiding all these feelings in you about her romantic life then you spilling your heart out full Romeo style may not go over very well. (Especially if she DOES NOT think of you as a potential partner) Just things to consider. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdooradventurer Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 Thanks for your input! For one thing, I was never planning on "spilling my heart out full Romeo style", because in my experience that never works unless the person is already into you. Also, It's not like she's specially confiding in me about her relationship problems. It's well known to all of her friends that her relationship is not a priority, and while it wouldn't be a good thing if they broke up, it wouldn't be heartbreaking. Either way, I'd still wait a while before I made a move out of respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdooradventurer Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 Update: she's single now, and she doesn't seem at all upset about it Link to post Share on other sites
Zzyxx Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) I say go for it! (Sorry about the title, my post somehow went to the wrong place). Edited November 15, 2014 by Zzyxx Posted in the wrong place. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Update: she's single now, and she doesn't seem at all upset about it wow, almost unbelievable. so you want a relationship that is mild . she would be a fit then. Not a fan of rebound relations, yet it does give you that experience. Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Go for it dude. As long as your both of age, 3 years is a joke...I've seen people with the better part of two decades between them dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 3 years is nothing in the dating game shouldnt stop you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdooradventurer Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 Thanks guys, I really appreciate the responses! And I want to preface this next part by saying: I know I'm just making excuses because I'm afraid of rejection, and I won't get anywhere on the dating world if I don't just get over it, but rejection is all I have ever known. For the past 6 years, as long as I have experienced romantic and sexual attraction, I have been rejected by everyone I have liked and it's made our friendships incredibly awkward. Okay so with that said, there is some more stuff that I think is important. I'm not so much discouraged by the age difference, but more by the life experience difference. She's been through so much more than I have, and it's obvious. She has dated many people, and I haven't dated anyone. I feel like the fact that I don't even know how to kiss someone and would be kind of awkward about doing so would be off-putting for her. I also just absolutely don't understand how relationships work. I don't get how to start them, or what you do in the early stages, or anything. I somehow never learned how that was supposed to work. Last, I'm concerned that if she rejected me, that it wood get weird. She's involved in the running of a club that I go on a trip with every weekend. Ive become good friends with all of them. If I asked her out or something, everyone would probably find out, and I would be really embarrassed. And like, when I ask someone out or tell that I like them I always get really flustered, and I stutter, and blush a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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