When it rains it pours

[losangelena]

I have no idea if we'll hit it off in person, but to be honest this whole thing seems fateful and I'm feeling hopeful.

 

Girl ... I hear you, and not to temper your enthusiasm, but don't get caught up in "fateful" thinking. A good partner is based on good compatibility, not fate!

Edited December 31, 2014 by losangelena

[venusishername]

Sigh...

Next time I start getting down or antsy about dating, I'm going to snap myself out of it fast.

Like the title of this thread reads... WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS!!

I have this pending date with this sexy TOPGUN when he gets back from his trip... and I'm really nervous and excited about it....! All this pressure and waiting, I hope it is just as good in person. You never know if the chemistry will be there. I hope it is.

 

Then being back on Tinder, I mentioned there's someone on there who I've matched with in the past, each time, and I finally agreed to give him my number.. we are planning for sometime soon.

He's been so persistent, I'm sure it's going to happen.

 

Then another guy... he's the acquaintance or quite possibly under the command (I don't know yet) of the guy I dated over the summer. Which is awkward... but he keeps contacting me! I guess it doesn't bother him. He asked if I still talked to that guy (we'll call him B) and I said no, it's been quite a few months. When I was with B that day, I thought his friend (who is now contacting me) was attractive.. he had his own date but clearly in both of our situations it didn't last with the dates we had that day

My concern with agreeing to see him is that if he and B are socially close. If B is his boss, I don't care too much. But if they're more than just distant acquaintances, no way.

Edited January 2, 2015 by venusishername

[Eighty_nine]

I don't think you should worry at all about the guy you dated in the summer. He's a jerk and you should give his friend a try regardless of their relationship. Whatever happened with that guy, anyway? Did he ever try to get you in bed again or basically disappeared?

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Agreed that B is a non-factor, especially since it wasn't really a dating situation. Didn't you only hook up twice? That's not going to cause any issues.

 

Also, where is "all this pressure" coming from? There shouldn't be any pressure at all. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

[venusishername]

I don't think you should worry at all about the guy you dated in the summer. He's a jerk and you should give his friend a try regardless of their relationship. Whatever happened with that guy, anyway? Did he ever try to get you in bed again or basically disappeared?

 

I don't think he's a jerk. if he tried to get me in bed again, I'd think he was a jerk. More than anything I think he's a fool because I'm a great catch. He spotted me on the street a few times and approached me and flirted but nothing came of it.

I deleted his number some time ago. However, he's still in the same town so seeing each other on the street is bound to happen.

 

Agreed that B is a non-factor, especially since it wasn't really a dating situation. Didn't you only hook up twice? That's not going to cause any issues.

 

Also, where is "all this pressure" coming from? There shouldn't be any pressure at all. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

 

Well...we hooked up a couple of times. I don't know.. I've just never had this kind of thing present itself. Plus, I thought B's friend was cute that day anyway. In fact he had a girlfriend at that time. Hey, if he's ok with it, it's more about his relationship with B than mine (because mine is nonexistent). Obviously they're not that close otherwise he wouldn't be asking me out.

 

As far as the 'pressure' I'm feeling; just that for not knowing someone in person yet, not knowing if you'll have chemistry... after time has passed, it just adds to the hope I'm feeling, I guess.

[BluEyeL]

With B's coworker, the only thing I'd be worried is that if they are on speaking/sharing terms he might have told him about you and that he "hooked up" with you and he'd try to do the same thing. Nothing convinces me that men don't talk like that with each other. So I'd be very careful with that one.

[venusishername]

Yes, I'm sure it's possible that they will talk. But he said they haven't seen each other since that day (months ago) and will no longer be 'coworkers'. So not too worried about it. We met last night, spontaneously. I prob won't see him again. Don't have too much to say about it but my friends who were there said I could do better. He was arrogant, attractive but arrogant. Very macho and alpha, which I always like. Showed a lot of the sexual aggression I was lacking with A.

But I'm really excited about hearing from Mr. Ski slopes when he returns home. He's been polite, persistent, and seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. Even after I turned him down before because of A. I had no clue that would've ended so suddenly and silently like it did.

I guess everything works out for a reason.

Mr. Ski slopes seems far more mature and looking for something at the level I am. Also just based on our limited interaction, I can tell he's got a lot of th qualities that I'm looking for.

I'm always a sucker for the alpha guys, but there's a balance between aggressive and respectful. He seems to have that going for him for sure.

Edited January 4, 2015 by venusishername

[venusishername]

Now I'm feeling totally overwhelmed with all these men. They're coming from all angles. I know, cry me a river!

 

I'm flattered and happy that now I see there are many options out there. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now I see that it was ME that wasn't ready. I'm really ready now and cutting out the BS with dating. I want to give it my best effort and not get too hung up on someone until they've proven over and over that they're worth my time. My dad told me that no man should ever keep me waiting, and I will never forget that again. Speaking of which, I'm not sad about the fact that A never contacted me again; I think it was a mutual understanding that it wasn't working out. So, gladly moving on! I don't need an explanation.

 

B's friend that I met up with over the weekend keeps contacting me, which is flattering, but I'm not sure I'm interested after meeting again the other night. He messaged me the day after on Tinder and gave me his number. I responded, but didn't give him mine. He contacted me again today and asked how I was doing. He wants to see me again. But I'm not really feeling it. He was arrogant and too schmoozy for me. My friend said he was attractive but he knew it, he's rich and he knows it, he's got a big head and he wasn't really too nice. Crap. I guess I need to respond to him but what to say? I liked how forward he was and I do like that macho and sexually aggressive type of guy, but it was just a little too much for me. After the lack of that with A, I admit I welcomed his advances and it felt good to be 'honed' in on like that. He was on me like white on rice and really took control. He's a decent guy. Just not really my type, and I'm now wary when there's too much of that going on. It's a red flag and puts me off (in the long run). I enjoy it in the moment but I am looking for something just a bit more subdued.

 

Mr. Ski Slopes is clearly very excited that I reached out to him a month later, and he's already nailed down a date with me for this coming weekend! He seems to travel a lot for work, which I already knew from before. We haven't yet spoken on the phone. But we're exchanging lengthy texts and he's asking me a lot of questions about myself.

How could he possibly be so interested if we haven't even met, and never even heard my voice? Based on my pictures and our messages we've exchanged I assume??! He seems just as intrigued as I am.

 

I kind of wish that he would just call me. Maybe he will to firm up the details of our date for this weekend when he returns. He's a military officer (as in 'An Officer and A Gentleman' ;)) so I can respect that he's busy and is called to travel often. But now I have almost a week more of this anticipation!!! I feel like he's WAY out of my league. He's older, almost 10 years older... and seems to have so much going for him. I wonder if I'm mature enough for HIM!

 

He contacted me when he returned from his holiday trip (today), like he said he would... and that he wished he had some more time to be home but work was taking him out of town until mid-week or so. But that if I'd like to go finally get that drink this weekend, he'd like to take me. Ha! Like it's his idea. Picked up right where we left off. He seems the type that's going to wine and dine me.. I can feel it! And that's exactly what I've been craving for YEARS. I haven't had a man wine and dine me FOR A DAMN LONG TIME. I'm talking call me, pick me up in your car, take me to a nice dinner, do romantic things and put real EFFORT into it. None of this 'come meet me and my friends out' or 'I'll catch up with you' or god forbid going dutch on a date. The nerve!! I know there are the real gentlemen out there, it just takes patience to find them, as the pool keeps getting smaller.

 

I REALLY hope we hit it off in person. It's hard not to fantasize when you don't have the actual reality in front of you. But really, just the little things so far... he seems different. And that's promising. I think it's thoughtful that he's sent me pictures of what he's doing, like the ski trip and today he sent a pic of the beautiful sunset from his view at home.

Just like before, he'd contact me every couple days or so, before it was Happy Thanksgiving; or how was your weekend; what are your plans for this week;how was work, etc. I do appreciate that. It's not too much or too often, it's just right. All this is just new to me. But so far, it all seems very good.

 

In the meantime, I'm still obviously open to meeting others... but it's a little too much! Especially being online, I'm getting bombarded.

I'm not sure at what point I need to stop being 'available' to other men so I can focus in on the one or two I really want to meet.

Edited January 5, 2015 by venusishername

[BluEyeL]

You are attractive and there is an infinite supply of me available to you. It's up to you to decide how many you want to meet. At some point, I decided to just slow down and meet one at a time for time management purposes, but you could talk to two men at once (or more if you have time).

 

Tell the arrogant guy I'm sorry, you are a great guy, but I didn't feel the connection. Good luck to you!

[Eighty_nine]

I'd be available to as many men as you can fit in your schedule (ha!) until at least 2 good, promising dates with one person. Even then I might keep your "2nd choice" in the picture for a little bit. I understand this sort of sounds awful, but dating is incredibly hard and the odds of meeting a match, low. You learned with the ski slope guy that you should've kept him around longer, luckily he's still available now. But don't get too invested in anyone until you're pretty sure there's a future.

[venusishername]

I'd be available to as many men as you can fit in your schedule (ha!) until at least 2 good, promising dates with one person. Even then I might keep your "2nd choice" in the picture for a little bit. I understand this sort of sounds awful, but dating is incredibly hard and the odds of meeting a match, low. You learned with the ski slope guy that you should've kept him around longer, luckily he's still available now. But don't get too invested in anyone until you're pretty sure there's a future.

 

But this is nearly impossible to predict. Like what happened with A... that seemed to be very promising and look how that fizzled out. Total silence.

It's just hard to tell!!

 

I think 2 at a time is fair, to narrow it down... but once sex happens all bets are off in my book. I can't sleep with someone and go out with another at the same time.

But in my current situation, that's a non-issue anyway.

 

And on another note: Flipping I-phone. I was in the middle of a super sensitive personal phone call and my cheek hit FACETIME with the last person I messaged....SKI SLOPES!!!! I'm pretty sure I caught it before it connected but holy ****. How EMBARRASSING!!! I sent him a text: please disregard that attempted FaceTime!! I hope to god he didn't hear or see any of that... because I look like hell this morning with no makeup and when realized what was happening I was dropping all kinds of swear words! Oh man!

Edited January 5, 2015 by venusishername

[venusishername]

The message to guys is be hot and sexy and very persistent. if the guy isn't attractive enough it's stalking. dating is so much easier for females and this is proof.

 

I don't totally agree with all this.

But being sexy and persistent (a fine line) certainly never hurts.

I never got very far being a Negative Nancy.

Edited January 5, 2015 by venusishername

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

It's great to see you so upbeat again, but you might feel better if you cooled down a little. You haven't even gone on a date and you've already built up this incredibly elaborate, detailed fantasy of what he'll be like. That is a huge amount of pressure to put on anyone, much less a complete stranger, and it may color your opinions unfairly. Take a bubble bath and go with the flow. Accept that he's going to disappoint you in some ways and hopefully rock your world in others. The reality is always much more interesting---not necessarily better, but definitely more interesting---than the fantasy anyhow!

[venusishername]

It's great to see you so upbeat again, but you might feel better if you cooled down a little. You haven't even gone on a date and you've already built up this incredibly elaborate, detailed fantasy of what he'll be like. That is a huge amount of pressure to put on anyone, much less a complete stranger, and it may color your opinions unfairly. Take a bubble bath and go with the flow. Accept that he's going to disappoint you in some ways and hopefully rock your world in others. The reality is always much more interesting---not necessarily better, but definitely more interesting---than the fantasy anyhow!

 

Thanks, I know. Hopefully he'll rock my world But it's ok if he doesn't.

It's hard not to get caught up in the 'fantasy' just a little!! I've never been one to just 'chill and go with the flow' anyway! I feel like an idiot for a) thinking I saw him when I didn't, and then looking like a creeper when I found out it wasn't him; and b) accidentally FaceTiming him and now PRAYING that call didn't connect :/

I'm sure it's alright.

Edited January 5, 2015 by venusishername

[Eighty_nine]

Thanks, I know. Hopefully he'll rock my world But it's ok if he doesn't.

It's hard not to get caught up in the 'fantasy' just a little!! I've never been one to just 'chill and go with the flow' anyway! I feel like an idiot for a) thinking I saw him when I didn't, and then looking like a creeper when I found out it wasn't him; and b) accidentally FaceTiming him and now PRAYING that call didn't connect :/

I'm sure it's alright.

 

I'm sure it didn't... in my experience they always take a little while to connect

[losangelena]

I feel like an idiot for a) thinking I saw him when I didn't, and then looking like a creeper when I found out it wasn't him; and b) accidentally FaceTiming him and now PRAYING that call didn't connect :/

I'm sure it's alright.

 

I told you not to mention the thing about seeing him!

 

Also, don't worry about the Facetime thing. It happens, like accidentally butt dialing people. He's not going to think less of you for it, and if he did, he'd be the idiot.

[venusishername]

Ha, he responded and said he was sorry he missed my 'butt dial'

Ok, so anyway...

He's been in very regular contact with me over the past few days now. He had to go out of state for work this week, but last night sent a picture from his gorgeous view at a restaurant. Just telling me how it was there.. (it's an exotic location, not just a regular old state.

 

 

I feel like at this point if he's going to be contacting me so regularly, why doesn't he pick up the phone and dial?? Maybe he's a little nervous and reserved.

Even said 'good morning' this morning. Sounds like he's got some nice time off despite having to work over there.

Anyway, I'm intrigued by this guy... and last night I found myself wanting to ask him all these questions... then wishing we could just have a phone call.Is this what 'letting the anticipation build' is about??! Because it's working!

 

 

Do you all think this is 'normal'... so much exchange before we even MEET? I think maybe it would be better to WAIT until we do meet to see if there's even chemistry before all this. Am I wrong? What's been your experience with this?

Hearing from him certainly isn't not off-putting, and it's not too much. I think what he's doing is making sure I don't slip away from him again, right? I'm flattered if that's the case!

[venusishername]

I told you not to mention the thing about seeing him!

 

Also, don't worry about the Facetime thing. It happens, like accidentally butt dialing people. He's not going to think less of you for it, and if he did, he'd be the idiot.

 

 

I know, I know.. I just thought I'd use that excuse for contacting him a month later. I really did think I saw him! In any case, my opening worked, so whatever!

 

 

I've also disabled FaceTime (I think I have) so that won't happen again.

[losangelena]

Do you all think this is 'normal'... so much exchange before we even MEET? I think maybe it would be better to WAIT until we do meet to see if there's even chemistry before all this. Am I wrong? What's been your experience with this?

Hearing from him certainly isn't not off-putting, and it's not too much. I think what he's doing is making sure I don't slip away from him again, right? I'm flattered if that's the case!

 

It's too much, in my opinion. So much expectation can be built up, so often over nothing. I hope you'd understand by this point that men say things all the time that they don't really "mean." Take your last guy, for instance, who was SO INTERESTED at first, but fizzled out into nothing at the end. He just straight up stopped talking to you after six weeks.

 

You don't know how things are gonna pan out with this new guy, and sure you can get yourself all revved up beforehand each and every time, but as a fellow woman, I can definitely tell you that it gets tiring after a while.

 

Hold off on your expectations for now. Rein in your excitement. Wait and see how this man actually conducts himself—and not just on date one or two, but in month one and month two and so on. Time always tells.

[venusishername]

It's too much, in my opinion. So much expectation can be built up, so often over nothing. I hope you'd understand by this point that men say things all the time that they don't really "mean." Take your last guy, for instance, who was SO INTERESTED at first, but fizzled out into nothing at the end. He just straight up stopped talking to you after six weeks.

You don't know how things are gonna pan out with this new guy, and sure you can get yourself all revved up beforehand each and every time, but as a fellow woman, I can definitely tell you that it gets tiring after a while.

Hold off on your expectations for now. Rein in your excitement. Wait and see how this man actually conducts himself—and not just on date one or two, but in month one and month two and so on. Time always tells.

 

I know these things, thank you. I'm still slightly in shock that A just stopped all contact. I wouldn't doubt he's curious. I mean, I've dropped off the face of the earth myself, which shows how really interested I am in him anymore.

 

As far as the 'new' guy, it does seem a LITTLE too much for not even meeting yet... BUT it just seems as though he's trying to keep a line of communication going before we do finally meet. Considering I bailed on him before because I was tied up with A, I think that's understandable. I'd rather have someone be consistent in contacting me and letting me know they're interested than the opposite, ya know!?

I know not to put so much stock into it. I just think it's thoughtful that he's been so communicative and is showing interest. No games here.

[BluEyeL]

Yes, texting should be kept as little as possible before meeting because of building a false persona via text and being possibly disappointed when meeting in real life! But I don't think you can control that much. It's good he doesn't text day in day out though.

 

What you do now is wait to meet and then wait to see what he does after! Not what he says, what he does! And do not do anything beyond kissing until you are exclusive and he absolutely proved not that he just likes you, but you two are a match for longer term and he's making effort. Just likes you is not good enough. They like you and then just poof. But you'll worry about that later.

 

I am not shocked that A disappeared. He wasn't pursuing you the way he should have from the start. It was too casual. I gave it 40/60 chance with the 60 being that it will not work out. And, like I said before, if you have to talk to them so early, they usually pull back. Because if they were really intending to build something serious with you, they would have already and you wouldn't need to discuss things. It would be easy. But if they don't do what they should do is because they simply don't want to. When you tell them what you want, they STILL don't want to do it, so now you told them your expectations, they decide NO and they end things. Usually just disappear.

[Leigh 87]

Yes, texting should be kept as little as possible before meeting because of building a false persona via text and being possibly disappointed when meeting in real life! But I don't think you can control that much. It's good he doesn't text day in day out though.

 

What you do now is wait to meet and then wait to see what he does after! Not what he says, what he does! And do not do anything beyond kissing until you are exclusive and he absolutely proved not that he just likes you, but you two are a match for longer term and he's making effort. Just likes you is not good enough. They like you and then just poof. But you'll worry about that later.

 

I am not shocked that A disappeared. He wasn't pursuing you the way he should have from the start. It was too casual. I gave it 40/60 chance with the 60 being that it will not work out. And, like I said before, if you have to talk to them so early, they usually pull back. Because if they were really intending to build something serious with you, they would have already and you wouldn't need to discuss things. It would be easy. But if they don't do what they should do is because they simply don't want to. When you tell them what you want, they STILL don't want to do it, so now you told them your expectations, they decide NO and they end things. Usually just disappear.

 

 

Hmm I thought A seemed into her initially. He initiated texts and calls every day, he arranged to see her regularly; she didn't have to chase, he set up dates at least once per week.

 

I think he just changed his mind.

 

Although I am not sure that he was ever infatuated with her or in deep lust with her - since he didn't bother contacting her again after they met on the beach all those months ago.

 

The lack of passion was alarming since normally, couples have at least some degree of sparks and fire works present that makes the guy want to rip their clothes off. And then the late night booty call to her accompanied by dwindling interest....and yeah it was as clear as mud that he just wasn't into her!

 

I think Venus - is like me - in that she always enjoys having at least one guy she is "texting" with. I ALWAYS have at least one guy I am interested in, in my phone, texting me.

 

It is fun. And in order to take the emphasis off the one guy we are most interested in - I think it is also nice to have one or two other men you are also texting - and not getting intimate with - rather, just texting and getting to know....

 

I don't multi date per say- but I to ask to get to "know" a couple of men that I feel chemistry with - while I pursue one initial interest.

[Leigh 87]

Venus - This is just what I am doing right now in my dating life. It may inspire you to not get so fixated on one man.

 

I met a guy on a train the other week. We had the fire works and the spark, sexually speaking. Passion in a relationship is key, and I liked his personality.

 

We are dating.

 

I have him as my "primary" love interest. However, on the side, I also talk to men I am attracted to and have chemistry with - I make it known that I am not out to "date" them in the physical sense of kissing and fondling one another - I explain to them that I would like to get to know them before becoming physical or even kissing. I detail my case - that I am sick of enjoying physical chemistry that never amounts to anything when we both realise that we don't have a solid foundation for a relationship"

 

So... date your primary interest..but still get to know other guys, unded the guise of " I am not up for getting physical with men at this stage, I want to adopt a new method where I get to know you first"

 

See one guy primarily. Text other guys.

 

When guy one inevitably fails (most dating leads to nothing..), you have other men that you feel adequate chemistry with, and that you have also gotten to know!

 

So while I am experiencing the butterflies and excitement with the Irish man I met on the train - I also have men who I have sexual chemistry with, that I am getting to know as people. If Irish guy disappears, fades out slowly or just generally loses interest in me - then I have a few guys who I have actually gotten to know outside the bedroom, who I also have chemistry with - ready to date me if they are still "single".

 

I also don't multi date - I am much like yourself in that, once I am into a man and I have been intimate with him, I DO NOT want to let another man touch me - I am "his" in that sense... However, I am enjoying still having other options that I "talk" to via text and the occasional phone call. Men who I ALSO have good chemistry with, who I am getting to know slowly. This way, you don't lose out on potentially good partners simply because you are in a new dating scenario - dating rarely pans out the way we want it to, so it is neat to have other potentially good matches floating about.

 

I am always honest! I explain to my other dates " look, I just want to get to know you well at this stage before I progress into the physical - this is my method atm, rather than date, I want to get to know you before I ascertain whether or not I want to explore a romantic connection"

 

I am not lying - they don't need to know I am seeing others - but I refrain from getting physical, I state my reasoning (that it is easy to have chemistry but very hard to also find someone compatible).

 

After all - what do we owe a new guy? They could turn out to be creeps! Just because we are really into a guy, that DOES NOT mean we owe it to them to give them our heart on a silver platter UNTIL they have proved themselves.

[BluEyeL]

Hmm I thought A seemed into her initially. He initiated texts and calls every day, he arranged to see her regularly; she didn't have to chase, he set up dates at least once per week.

 

I think he just changed his mind.

 

Although I am not sure that he was ever infatuated with her or in deep lust with her - since he didn't bother contacting her again after they met on the beach all those months ago.

 

The lack of passion was alarming since normally, couples have at least some degree of sparks and fire works present that makes the guy want to rip their clothes off. And then the late night booty call to her accompanied by dwindling interest....and yeah it was as clear as mud that he just wasn't into her!

 

I think Venus - is like me - in that she always enjoys having at least one guy she is "texting" with. I ALWAYS have at least one guy I am interested in, in my phone, texting me.

 

It is fun. And in order to take the emphasis off the one guy we are most interested in - I think it is also nice to have one or two other men you are also texting - and not getting intimate with - rather, just texting and getting to know....

 

I don't multi date per say- but I to ask to get to "know" a couple of men that I feel chemistry with - while I pursue one initial interest.

I just didn't think the romance with A started quite right. But you never know, so I said that probably it had a 40% chance of working out. First, he came back to her after months. He texted and called but there was a lot of last minute stuff going on, that's too casual. Texting and calling don't necessarily mean much.

 

She also got physical waaay too fast. Oral is sex, you may as well go all the way, big difference.

[sagamore]

Ha, he responded and said he was sorry he missed my 'butt dial'

Ok, so anyway...

He's been in very regular contact with me over the past few days now. He had to go out of state for work this week, but last night sent a picture from his gorgeous view at a restaurant. Just telling me how it was there.. (it's an exotic location, not just a regular old state.

 

 

I feel like at this point if he's going to be contacting me so regularly, why doesn't he pick up the phone and dial?? Maybe he's a little nervous and reserved.

Even said 'good morning' this morning. Sounds like he's got some nice time off despite having to work over there.

Anyway, I'm intrigued by this guy... and last night I found myself wanting to ask him all these questions... then wishing we could just have a phone call.Is this what 'letting the anticipation build' is about??! Because it's working!

 

 

Do you all think this is 'normal'... so much exchange before we even MEET? I think maybe it would be better to WAIT until we do meet to see if there's even chemistry before all this. Am I wrong? What's been your experience with this?

Hearing from him certainly isn't not off-putting, and it's not too much. I think what he's doing is making sure I don't slip away from him again, right? I'm flattered if that's the case!

 

Venus. I'm going to quote Lloyd Dobler here:

 

You must chill. You. Must. Chill!!

The quickest way to kill a budding relationship is to over-analyze it. So stop hypothesizing about this guy and letting your mind run wild! We have no way of knowing why he is texting you, but I'll tell you the simplest and most likely explanation: you're there, and it's fun. At this point he likely has zero emotional investment in this - he thinks you're cute, and it's exciting to flirt via text. Honestly, I've done it with guys I had no intention of seriously dating. They were into me and I was into the attention. Oops.

 

I think you need to date multiple guys at once so that you force yourself into looking at each relationship more casually. You're obviously a beautiful, smart woman, but I do worry that your eagerness for a committed relationship may be coming across in a way you don't want. No one wants a blast from the serious hose so early on! They want to have fun and get to know you in a relaxed way. So take up yoga, do some meditation, drink some herbal tea and, above all, CHILL!! Lloyd Dobler is God.