When it rains it pours

[venusishername]

He wasn't very verbally expressive in response, but the few words he said spoke volumes to me. * didnt say he wanted to be exclusive

 

He said he wants something serious, he really likes the way this is going between us, and he wants to continue that. * The sex

 

He's not seeing or talking to anyone else. He didnj't ASK me if I was, I think the fact that I even brought it up was his answer. Told you what you wanted to hear for the Sex If he was really interested in being exclusive he wouldve asked you if you are seeing anybody else...

 

Besides, he's contacting me so often I don't have time! He is? Your latest thread days hes not.. Or just not asking to do things with you?

 

 

He's been making sure no one else can date me because he's the one staying at the front of the line! He always talks about our future plans... [B]Then why cant you just ask him yourself? Least you'll have an answer, how long are you going to wait?

 

I'm sorry, I give the man the benefit of the doubt because he's actually taking me on dates, introducing me to his friends, spending quality time with me, making phone calls, following through, showing me that he's sincere and interested, etc. I thought those were my indications of sincere interest.

I wasn't looking for the exclusivity talk. Again, I didn't say that to him, I just wanted to reiterate that I'm not interested in anything casual.

Sure, I can see why he would say he likes the way things are going (because so do I). I also like sex and said the same thing to him. I'm not going to lie, that's a driving force for me as well.

 

 

Yes, he is contacting me every day if not every other day. If you read my update, he contacted me this afternoon offering his schedule.

 

 

I asked him over for dinner the last time, which was Monday. I feel that if he wants to see me this weekend, he can make the invitation. Especially since reading these last two posts made me really upset.

Edited December 5, 2014 by venusishername

[Brooke02]

I don't know, I don't think there's any room for 'games' or 'matching' here... after I posted, I got a text from him apologizing for not responding last night, as he fell asleep again. He offered his work schedule for the weekend, which is what I had asked (about his time off, hinting that I'd like to see him at some point). He didn't make any suggestion to get together, but I'm hoping that may be coming later. I'm not going to respond and just go about my plans for the night. I just wish he'd take more initiative (all around). That's my only complaint so far.

I feel like we are not at the point you are, Lissvarna... I was hoping that he would bring up the exclusivity talk soon. Maybe it is too soon still. When I mentioned it the other night, it wasn't about being exclusive. It was about what are you looking for, what are we doing, etc. I did ask him if he was talking to or seeing anyone else (for purposes of sleeping together) but it's still really bothering me, as we have yet to have the 'exclusive' talk. I'm pretty sure we are on the same page as that goes, I'm just mistrusting I guess. It's been a long time since I cared and am now actually taking it seriously.

 

 

You voice your dissapointed, but hen when someone makes points about it you stick up for him.. Your all over the place on this.

[venusishername]

You voice your dissapointed, but hen when someone makes points about it you stick up for him.. Your all over the place on this.

 

I know, Brooke. I'm feeling a mess today Probably then a good idea for me to take a step back from this. I'm not going to externalize it and contact him or show any insecurity.

I refuse to believe that he's yet another who is only looking for sex with me. I'm better than that.

I feel like most men I've been involved with lately have only wanted something casual (as have I) until recently. Now that I'm making that clear as day, I don't want someone to pull one over on me. I'm hoping that he will continue to earn my trust. So far, he has.. I just can't help but put up some walls. Especially when I hear people who don't even know me and this situation say 'he's only interested in the sex'.

I guess all the more reason for me to close myself off to exploring this further. This is why I have been single for over three years. Because I close down out of fear of being taken advantage of and hurt.

Edited December 5, 2014 by venusishername

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

It seems like this could go either way. He keeps contacting you; he's clearly interested in something. The only red flags I see are "he wasn't very expressive in response" and that you're still unclear on the Tinder deal.

 

What are you disappointed in, exactly? How did you anticipate things would pick up? Seeing someone 2-3 times a week seems like plenty or even more than necessary for a new relationship. Do you want him to say something specific?

[venusishername]

It seems like this could go either way. He keeps contacting you; he's clearly interested in something. The only red flags I see are "he wasn't very expressive in response" and that you're still unclear on the Tinder deal.

 

What are you disappointed in, exactly? How did you anticipate things would pick up? Seeing someone 2-3 times a week seems like plenty or even more than necessary for a new relationship. Do you want him to say something specific?

 

I think I'm just being impatient and feeling unreasonably insecure about his intentions. He seems to be more comfortable staying at this pace than I am. He did say in so many words recently that he needs some time (to ease into it). I feel the same, actually. Therefore, I tend to think it's just me being impatient and expecting too much too soon when it just needs to continue developing at whatever pace it will. What I want is someone who not only contacts me regularly (like he does) but who makes plans with me in advance, like for example for this weekend. Now, when he contacts me tonight or tomorrow to see me, I'll have made other plans and would rather he had taken the initiative to plan in advance. That's my disappointment. I guess I can communicate that to him.

 

I kind of expected things to 'pick up' meaning seeing each other more often than we have been. Maybe that will happen in time. Maybe more phone calls? I don't know. I can't think of anything specific that I would've liked him to say. What he did tell me and has shown me was reassuring at the time. (although some people took what he said as being content with just having sex) which really pissed me off. I mean, it's CLEAR that he's interested in more than that. Of course he would also be interested in sex. Why else do people have romantic relationships if they aren't interested sexually too? It's TOO BAD that's not happening more often than it has. That's what I want. I admit, I've been incredibly fired up physically about him and the fact that he holds back is driving me CRAZY!

 

It also bothered me the other night that he didn't ask me in return if I was talking to or seeing anyone else, but I guess that could be very well implied that I wasn't by the fact I even brought it up to him. I put a lot of thought into that conversation and then turning down a date with the other guy because it seemed this was worth devoting my time to. Like I said I don't expect to have the exclusive talk so soon, but if we are going to continue as we have I want to feel more secure that he isn't still looking on Tinder and open to dating others. Because I stopped doing that last week and once things started progressing between us, and my now my fear is the uncertainty that it may be one sided.

Edited December 6, 2014 by venusishername

[GildedLily]

Since the other night's conversation (on Monday), I'm disappointed that things haven't picked up a little. In fact, now I'm feeling insecure. Trying to do my best to be patient and not expect too much so soon.

I think I was expecting things to move a little faster once I brought that up, but things at least this week have stayed about the same. I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision.

We are still getting to know each other and ironically, the physical part has kind of cooled (a little) compared to the beginning. I think that part comes easy, it's the other stuff that's more difficult.

After Monday night, we did spend the night together (no sex because I wasn't able) and I had a busy week and was happy to hear from him Wednesday night asking how was the play that I went to. He remembered, I didn't respond until later because I was in the play, and I didn't hear back from him for almost 24 hours! I assumed he fell asleep after he texted me, which he said he did. (He has done that before, and I believe him). So last night we just texted a little bit, and he did it again! The last thing he said was he was really tired. I asked him a question and he never responded, so I'm guessing the same thing happened! I can't help but feel insecure, wondering if I brought that conversation up too soon. I mainly did that because I want to continue sleeping with him and be sure that I'm not wasting my time.

 

So now it's Friday. I have already made plans for this weekend but I would really like to see him in between those plans. Now I'm not sure that will happen. He has a tendency to be a spontaneous inviter, calling me once he gets home from work to ask me out. It's been every weekend so far.

Looking back on the past month now, it's been 2-3 times a week for dates and no more than two days have gone by without contact, almost always by his initiative.

Am I just being impatient? Are there red flags I'm blind to? I don't think so... I feel he is trustworthy and genuine. My concern is still that he's using Tinder or not sure about me and therefore keeping a safe distance. My gut is that he's just trying to pace the relationship... and I should too. Thoughts?

 

Do you mind that he doesn't ask you out a few days in advance? Not a snarky comment just wondering if that bothers you. When I was dating I was always noticing if a guy made plans with me (at the latest) by Thursday for Saturday night.

[juicygirl]

Men do stuff like this all the time. Hanging out with him and his friends is nothing because to him you are just friends. Did he introduce you as his girlfriend? He doesn't care who you're seeing because your not his girlfriend. Women do this all the time over romanticize the situation in their head , but if a man doesn't tell you he wants you it's because he doesn't.If he want you he would have said and he would make damn sure you aren't sleeping with anyone else because he doesn't want to share. I hear this story all the time.

Don't take it to heart, but do t waste to long on him.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

And on that note it's bothered me that since we both agreed how great that was that he hasn't been urgently trying to have that again, but just gives me 'other' indications that he wants to have a romantic relationship with me. Very frustrating. I just want him and I feel like he's teasing a little. I'm disappointed in his lack of urgency.

 

This is in reference to sex, right? That's a little strange. In my experience, when you have a good mental connection with a man and then have spectacular sex for the first time, it's all he wants for a few weeks or until he's physically worn out. And it's odd that he says he needs to "ease into it" when by all indications it's already pretty casual.

 

It seems like you're trying very hard to be The Cool Girl, that image of carefree femininity that the media want us to aspire to: she's so relaxed, easy-going, eats steak and pasta, and wears sweatpants around the house but looks amazingly beautiful in a little black dress. She's somehow like one of the guys and the girl next door at the same time. And she never, ever worries about her relationship status. Of course, she doesn't have to; she always has a ring on it by the end of the story. But The Cool Girl doesn't exist! It is an impossible ideal. (As I've told many a man in my life, I don't stay a size zero by eating steak and pasta every night.)

 

Anyway, I think you think that you have to be like this. You're afraid of messing things up if you're somehow too interested. When you told him you wanted to see where things led and take it easy, you didn't really mean it. What you really want is for him to want you. You want to be introduced as his girlfriend, to fall into the daily texting routine, to be able to complain about his weird habits with your female friends. I think that's a completely fair thing to want. But you have to be honest about it. You may be confusing him by saying you want to go really slowly while also want a serious commitment.

 

I feel a lot of empathy for you. When I started dating my current boyfriend, he had literally just ended a long-term relationship. I knew that I wanted to be with him, but I also wasn't interested in dating anyone else, and he wanted to be sure he wasn't embarking on a rebound (less of a concern since he was the one who broke up with her, but still). We talked it out and decided we would take it very slowly, as casually as possible, but also be exclusive. It worked quite well until we were ready for a serious relationship and boyfriend/girlfriend/SO labels.

 

You're obviously not yet at the stage where it's assumed that you'll be spending at least some of your weekends together, so until you get there you should put your life first. If he makes plans, great, and if you find something you want to do together, invite him! Meanwhile, take some time to think about how much of your current situation is due to your own failure to communicate and/or his inability to meet your needs. If it doesn't seem like something that can be fixed, it may be best to move on. You shouldn't be so stressed this early.

[venusishername]

This is in reference to sex, right? That's a little strange. In my experience, when you have a good mental connection with a man and then have spectacular sex for the first time, it's all he wants for a few weeks or until he's physically worn out. And it's odd that he says he needs to "ease into it" when by all indications it's already pretty casual.

 

Yes, I mean sex. But I also mean urgency in general (like to see me). I'm eager to speed it up (and have sex) so I think that my hormones may be causing these nerves and anxiety more than anything he is or isn't doing. I'll be blunt: I have a very high sex drive (like wanting it several times a day), and I understand not everyone is like that. We have a great chemistry and very high sexual attraction, so I guess I'm just antsy because I really want that with him again. I also don't want to give myself over fully that way until I feel more secure about things. I guess that's part of the reason it hasn't happened since. It also makes me wonder if he's holding back on it for some reason too. I always think sex makes things more complicated. Who knows what he's thinking about it. But I know we both want it, that's for sure.

As far as 'easing into it', he said that in the context of emotionally, not physically. Just to clarify.

 

It seems like you're trying very hard to be The Cool Girl, that image of carefree femininity that the media want us to aspire to: she's so relaxed, easy-going, eats steak and pasta, and wears sweatpants around the house but looks amazingly beautiful in a little black dress. She's somehow like one of the guys and the girl next door at the same time. And she never, ever worries about her relationship status. Of course, she doesn't have to; she always has a ring on it by the end of the story. But The Cool Girl doesn't exist! It is an impossible ideal. (As I've told many a man in my life, I don't stay a size zero by eating steak and pasta every night.)

 

Ha! Ehh.... I don't know about that I never want to be or try to be one of the guys or the girl next door, I don't own sweats, and I'm not really a fan of steak! I prefer to think of myself as Sex and the City. Desired by many, elusive to all. Goddess of love, independent, sexy and strong. But deep down yes, I want to let down that guard. I want to give myself to someone who has earned my trust and I want love and affection and protection.

 

You may be confusing him by saying you want to go really slowly while also want a serious commitment.

 

I didn't say that I wanted to go really slowly. I also didn't say I wanted a serious commitment. I simply agreed with him and said I like the way this is going, the pace, I want it to continue. I was the one who brought up whether he was seeing anyone else, considering that we found each other again on Tinder. I was wondering if he was still looking, because I decided not to, I wanted to be sure he was on the same page. I asked that because I didn't want to continue being physical if that was the case. He just said that he isn't seeing or talking to anyone else. I'm really not sure if its anything I can or should say anymore. I just don't want to devote my attention to this if it's not mutual. I guess actions, not words.

 

We talked it out and decided we would take it very slowly, as casually as possible, but also be exclusive.

 

 

I don't understand how you can be 'casual' and also 'exclusive'. I would like to have that with this guy and ease into it. I don't want to immediately be his girlfriend and rush. But I do want his company on a regular basis. But it takes two, and this week he seems to have dropped off a bit as far as his effort to actually SEE me. Casual and exclusive don't go hand in hand in my book. If I'm exclusive with someone, that means being together half the week and having lots of sex and meeting each others' family and friends. Casual to me is no strings attached and irregular contact, and dating others.

 

You're obviously not yet at the stage where it's assumed that you'll be spending at least some of your weekends together, so until you get there you should put your life first. If he makes plans, great, and if you find something you want to do together, invite him! Meanwhile, take some time to think about how much of your current situation is due to your own failure to communicate and/or his inability to meet your needs. If it doesn't seem like something that can be fixed, it may be best to move on. You shouldn't be so stressed this early.

 

 

Well, for the past almost month now, we've spent our weekend nights together, as well as one day per week at least. The lack of phone call this week and the fact that he hasn't made plans to see me since our last date (during which I brought up that conversation) has caused me to get all worked up and feel insecure. After last night, I was so disappointed that he didn't make any effort to see me or make plans for a better time. I can't imagine too much has changed since Monday though. He's been contacting me every day since Wednesday, so it's not like he's disappeared on me. I'm just anxious to see him again. And I'm 'stressing' because I'm worried I've scared him off. And again, the hormones are probably creating unnecessary anxiety too.

 

 

For the time being, I'm busy tonight, so going to do my best to put this out of my mind. It's going to be hard because I wish he could be with me tonight. Would be nice to hear from him but I doubt it. I think it's a good idea for me to take a step back and take the pressure off. I'm on a fine line of wanting to go full speed ahead and play it cool so to appear not too interested. Damn, it's hard.

Edited December 6, 2014 by venusishername

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I think you should just say hello or text him a picture, or something. That shows you're thinking about him without sounding very desperate. If he responds enthusiastically and suggests you meet up, then go from there. I'm sure you'll go on another date. At some point you should talk about what your expectations are---once you decide what those are, since it doesn't sound like you're too sure yourself---and stick to them. Don't hem and haw, don't be ambiguous, don't choose your words based on what you think he wants to hear. You need to know that you're exclusive and that he isn't seeing anyone else. You've been dating two months, right? It's not too soon to ask some questions. And if a man is truly into you, he will agree to just about anything you suggest.

 

As for being "casual" and "exclusive" in my case...I made it clear that I would not sleep with him while sleeping with anyone else, and I wasn't going to sleep with him if he was with anyone else. I just don't do that. But I was also well aware that this was a brand-new relationship and I didn't want to pin all my hopes on it. We agreed we wouldn't see anyone else, but we'd keep our dates to once per week for the first six weeks. By five weeks in he confessed he'd fallen quite hard and had felt very serious from our first date, but was worried about going too fast. Now it's an in-joke, and occasionally we'll interrupt a lovey-dovey conversation with "But we're still casual, right?"

[GildedLily]

Since you brought up Sex and The City, do you remember that episode with Miranda going on a date and the guy having to "make it an early night" because he had to get up early in the morning? I think it was Carries date Berger that said "no man has to go home early if he's really into you" I butchered the quote but I can see why you were upset about him having said near the same.

 

Regarding the sex several times a day, do you think you may be using sex to relieve anxiety?. It's a common way sex is misused. The person experiencing this calls it " a high sex drive" but sex several times a day is not usually indicative of a high sex drive rather its sex being used to quell anxiety.

 

Again none of these comments are meant negatively at all, take care!

[Leigh 87]

I hate to sound like I'm shooting you down in flames, but you really are too forgiving, and will end up hurt if you insist on believing the best of people you don't even really know yet! If a guy was interested in meeting you, he'd be meeting you. If he had flu, he would let you know a day or two beforehand rather than text that morning to cancel. He'd respect your time and the fact you could be making other plans and not wait until the last minute like that. He wouldn't be content with 'shooting for next week', he'd know that as someone on online dating, he needs to pin you down for a date fast because somebody else might snap you up before he gets chance to see you. Take it from someone who has done lots of online dating, seen a lot of crappy behaviour that men thought I would take, and wound up finding relationships as a result of not settling for the kind of lukewarm behaviour that this guy 2 chap is pulling.

 

As for things with guy 1, if you've been on multiple dates, and been intimate several times, that's enough for him to know whether or not he wants you with exclusivity or not. If he was really into you then he knows enough by now to know that he dislikes the thought of other men sleeping with you and to ask you if you're seeing anyone else. I read that his behaviour is quite lukewarm but because you are so desperate to find a relationship, you're sort of jamming him into the 'potential boyfriend' shaped hole when really, he doesn't fit. I'm sorry to say, because you've been having sex with him without even finding out where he wants this to go with you, he's probably pleasantly passing the time of day with you or doing whatever he needs to to keep the sex going, while unfortunately you're building up a potential relationship in your head. And I can't say the guy is doing anything wrong either, it doesn't sound like he's lied to you. What's holding you back from asking him where he sees this going? There's nothing wrong with that. Although to be fair, most of the time if you have to ask then the answer isn't usually going to be positive!

 

 

 

I don't really get this, each to their own but... if I've agreed to be exclusive with somebody, and turn down other options for relationships and other options for fun social activity (going on dates), then I'd definitely expect to be hearing from the person I'd basically promised myself romantically and sexually to on a daily basis. If the chemistry and budding bond is that strong that you both are happy to be exclusive, I don't see how it's weak enough that neither of you mind if you don't share at least a few texts or a phone call about your days. I think it's normal behaviour when two people aren't hugely into one another, but I don't think it's usual for the majority of happy relationships when they start out. Usually you're so smitten with one another you can hardly hold back from getting in touch. Most people talk about trying to hold back when they're truly into somebody, I'd wonder if somebody was into me enough for me to be willing to be exclusive if all day, and all night, they didn't send a single text.

 

Trust your gut. Don't force yourself to be okay with that level of interest from somebody if deep down you'd rather be with somebody who is swept away by you!

 

 

 

This.

 

 

Trust me. Guy one isn't that into you.

 

He sounds like he really likes spending time with you and he enjoys your good sexual chemistry.

 

That's it. There's no deep rooted emotional bond.

 

He definitely isn't smitten by you.

 

I know you want a relationship and to fall in love. I do too. You have actually behaved well... you don't over text.. you are cool..

 

He seems to only text you daily if you initiate some days. He probably wouldn't have invited you out for thanksgiving dinner or what ever it was that night, if you hadn't reached out first.

 

I also have the tendency to want to rush into things with men simply because we share a good sexual chemistry.

 

I have learnt that great times in the bedroom and good conversation is NORMALLY all it is Venus. ....

 

Great sexual chemistry rarely amounts to more. It takes time to find the whole package.

[venusishername]

This.

 

 

Trust me. Guy one isn't that into you.

 

He sounds like he really likes spending time with you and he enjoys your good sexual chemistry.

 

That's it. There's no deep rooted emotional bond.

 

He definitely isn't smitten by you.

 

I know you want a relationship and to fall in love. I do too. You have actually behaved well... you don't over text.. you are cool..

 

He seems to only text you daily if you initiate some days. He probably wouldn't have invited you out for thanksgiving dinner or what ever it was that night, if you hadn't reached out first.

 

I also have the tendency to want to rush into things with men simply because we share a good sexual chemistry.

 

I have learnt that great times in the bedroom and good conversation is NORMALLY all it is Venus. ....

 

Great sexual chemistry rarely amounts to more. It takes time to find the whole package.

 

It sure does take time. What a negative post! I feel very different now after the talk he and i had last night. He came to me. I had my own plans and he'd been calling me wanting to see me and I didn't run to him. I was with friends. He showed up. I've known him a month. I don't expect a deep emotional bond in that time. At this point I think we are both really enjoying each other's company, and great times in and out of the bedroom. We can talk to each other. He told me last night that he's been thinking about it and he thinks we should start seeing each other more. He said all week he's been thinking of me and he wants me to call him, wants to talk even if we can't see each other. It was cute. I'm not too worried about it anymore. I'm feeling confident that this is heading in a good direction.

[cif]

I was going to post that you should initiate more and maybe even plan a date.. But there you have it ,he's asking you to call more

[venusishername]

Having trouble focusing. I'm doing my best to get a grip. Bummed that he's not so good about planning in advance. Also was bummed I couldn't spend more time with him yesterday.

 

I was on a high all day yesterday after Saturday night and morning with him.

Unfortunately he was summoned to work early. We parted in the morning, had mentioned we were going to get breakfast at a local place but had to do it separately due to time.

I was there sitting down eating, and he walked in. He picked up his order to go, and on his way out, he bent down and kissed me in the restaurant. The thought of it made me smile all day.

 

He texted me after he got off work, we chatted back and forth, I asked if he wanted to get together for a drink and he said he just wanted to relax at home and was wiped out. I was so anxious to see him, I was disappointed. I want more sex

 

I tried to initiate. He didn't offer an alternative. He seems to fly by the seat of his pants most of the time... he'll talk about things loosely, as far as getting together and things to do together, but I never know when that will happen. I'm a control freak and he seems very easy going. I just get disappointed when I have initiated with him and he declines. I realize people don't generally drop everything including rest to go on a date. I know he'll come around, I just wish I had some advance notice.

Suggestions?

 

On another note, I just have to get into a little more detail about our night together.

On Saturday, he had been contacting me every hour since about 6 p.m. (aka not a booty call, right?! . I was clear on my plans and wouldn't budge to see him, but invited him to join at my house party. He wanted me to come out because he was with his buddies and having fun. But he wanted to see me. He called finally and was freed up. When I answered the phone, he was singing the song I was named after (which is not Venus, btw ) It was really sweet and I knew then I was toast. Let down my walls and stop trying to be the cool girl. I just had to see him then. I told him that I was headed out to xyz, if he wants to see me that's where I'll be. And then 5 minutes later, he walked in.

 

He met some of my good friends, for the most part he and I were completely absorbed in each other, what intense chemistry in general. It's palpable. He was touching my arm, leaning in close to me, kissed me, we were being very flirtatious. The tension was building. I'm not going to lie, every time I see him I get turned on and I know the feeling is mutual. Can't help these things. He said something pretty forward which expressed how 'urgent' he was feeling, and we split.

 

Finally alone, we walked holding hands, and what he said to me really made me happy. Granted, we were both buzzed, and he had loose lips. But it was good. He said that he's been thinking a lot about it, and he thinks we need to start spending more time together. He was disappointed that he didn't hear from ME most of this last week, and he was the one initiating. With his work schedule lately he hasn't had much free time and energy but still wants us to talk at least, if we can't see each other. He mentioned how busy I seem to be, and he's wanted to hear all about it, that I should call him and talk. I said 'I didn't know that's what we were doing at this point.' I guess it will be now.

I occasionally smoke cigarettes when I'm drinking. He has seen me smoke before but he doesn't like it. On our walk back I mentioned how I really wanted one, and was going to light up. He said "I'm not your boyfriend yet, but if I was, I would want to make sure you never smoked another cigarette again. For now, I'm not telling you not to smoke, just don't smoke around me."

How do you read the 'boyfriend' comment? He said the "B" word! Does that mean he's thinking about being my boyfriend or did that come off as 'I'm not your boyfriend." Ugh. He brought it up!

 

On the walk back, we stopped often to kiss.. I noticed he was more affectionate than usual this weekend. As eager as he was to get me alone, we actually sat and talked and listened to music for awhile. I feel an emotional connection really growing... I hope it isn't just me that feels that way. I'm in the clouds.

The sex was good and well, brief! He always has made the effort to please me too, he likes it. Woke up in the morning and he reached for me again. This time in the light, we made a lot of eye contact and well, it was really sexy. The act was brief but the connection I felt was what made it so good. I have no problem expressing my needs in bed so next time I'm going to be more assertive about certain things. I feel comfortable saying those things to him. It takes time.

 

Apart from the lack of making plans ahead for dates, so far, so good.

Edited December 8, 2014 by venusishername

[juicygirl]

This.

 

 

Trust me. Guy one isn't that into you.

 

He sounds like he really likes spending time with you and he enjoys your good sexual chemistry.

 

That's it. There's no deep rooted emotional bond.

 

He definitely isn't smitten by you.

 

I know you want a relationship and to fall in love. I do too. You have actually behaved well... you don't over text.. you are cool..

 

He seems to only text you daily if you initiate some days. He probably wouldn't have invited you out for thanksgiving dinner or what ever it was that night, if you hadn't reached out first.

 

I also have the tendency to want to rush into things with men simply because we share a good sexual chemistry.

 

I have learnt that great times in the bedroom and good conversation is NORMALLY all it is Venus. ....

 

Great sexual chemistry rarely amounts to more. It takes time to find the whole package.

 

Your not being harsh at all, she just doesn't get it. This one is going to come down like a rock, I wish we could stop it,but maybe op needs to learn the lesson. OP, you seems very defensive when people offer advice that you don't want to hear because you are too invested in him. You pretend you're not that in to him, but we know and he knows that you are.You write these long essays about him. What he says and does bothers you. Are you falling in love with him?

 

"I'm not your boyfriend yet" how rude, I would have walked off and left him standing there wondering what f just happened. The "yet," was him holding a carrot out for you to chase.

 

Wishing you luck.

[venusishername]

Your not being harsh at all, she just doesn't get it. This one is going to come down like a rock, I wish we could stop it,but maybe op needs to learn the lesson. OP, you seems very defensive when people offer advice that you don't want to hear because you are too invested in him. You pretend you're not that in to him, but we know and he knows that you are.You write these long essays about him. What he says and does bothers you. Are you falling in love with him?

 

"I'm not your boyfriend yet" how rude, I would have walked off and left him standing there wondering what f just happened. The "yet," was him holding a carrot out for you to chase.

 

Wishing you luck.

 

I'm sorry, I just don't see how this can be spun so negatively. I took the 'boyfriend' comment in context of our conversation. The way I took it was he didn't think he had any say in my smoking yet and didn't want to appear like he was telling me what to do. He mentioned the "B" word before too, asking me something along the lines of why I didn't have a boyfriend. He was asking why it was that I was single, inquiring as to my past and what I'm looking for.

 

I just tend to write a lot, like a journal entry. I'm not pretending to not be into him. I am. It just helps to write about it, gets the anxiety out a little.

I just don't see why I should be so doubtful and that he's being manipulative, holding a carrot for me to chase. Seriously? I'm an awesome chick. I know damn well he and others can see that about me. I really don't think it's such a far stretch that someone could GENUINELY be into me and falling, and wanting to have a relationship with me. I'm a catch!

My gut tells me he has good intentions. My gut also tells me that half of the posters on LS blow a lot of smoke based in their own negative experiences. (Not getting defensive, just stating the facts).

Edited December 8, 2014 by venusishername

[Brooke02]

I'm sorry, I just don't see how this can be spun so negatively. I took the 'boyfriend' comment in context of our conversation. The way I took it was he didn't think he had any say in my smoking yet and didn't want to appear like he was telling me what to do. He mentioned the "B" word before too, asking me something along the lines of why I didn't have a boyfriend. He was asking why it was that I was single, inquiring as to my past and what I'm looking for.

 

I just tend to write a lot, like a journal entry. I'm not pretending to not be into him. I am. It just helps to write about it, gets the anxiety out a little.

I just don't see why I should be so doubtful and that he's being manipulative, holding a carrot for me to chase. Seriously? I'm an awesome chick. I know damn well he and others can see that about me. I really don't think it's such a far stretch that someone could GENUINELY be into me and falling, and wanting to have a relationship with me. I'm a catch!

My gut tells me he has good intentions. My gut also tells me that half of the posters on LS blow a lot of smoke based in their own negative experiences. (Not getting defensive, just stating the facts).

 

Then WHY isnt he your boyfriend? I think thats what everyone on LS is trying to say...

[BluEyeL]

It's too soon to be her boyfriend. I think this one could go either way. Not great signs all around, but who knows? I'm not liking his lack of effort to take her out on proper dates, but there is about 40% chance it'll work out if she's keeping her cool.

[venusishername]

Then WHY isnt he your boyfriend? I think thats what everyone on LS is trying to say...

 

Well, I'm pretty sure that's supposed to take time, right??!

It's been less than a month that we have been dating. I personally feel that is too soon to have that label or that conversation. From what he's indicated to me in actions and words, he's looking for a serious relationship, he wants to spend more time with me, he now wants to increase the pace and that seems the direction it's heading.

 

I guess until he sits me down and has 'the talk', it seems to be just developing right now. It can't be rushed, right? I don't want to rush it and we've talked about that... he says he wants to ease into it, I think both of us are of the mindset that we need to take time. I thought it was pretty standard that people be dating for at least a month or so before that topic even comes up. My last boyfriend and I didn't talk about that until three months into it!

 

 

As far as being 'exclusive', I'm self-imposing it now that we are sleeping together. After he told me he wasn't seeing anyone else, I felt confident in continuing the physical relationship because I am not either.

To be honest, at this point I am happy to pick up the pace slightly and see where it goes from there. I would worry if it was regressing, but it seems to be progressing. I could be totally wrong and blind, but my gut tells me to be positive about it.

 

One of the first nights we spent together, he was falling asleep and was kind of mumbling half asleep. He said something like, 'I don't want the other girls. I just want you.' To me, that was a good indication that he was pretty into me.

Edited December 8, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

It's too soon to be her boyfriend. I think this one could go either way. Not great signs all around, but who knows? I'm not liking his lack of effort to take her out on proper dates, but there is about 40% chance it'll work out if she's keeping her cool.

 

Thanks, BlueEye. I don't think relationships can be reduced to a mathematical percentage like predicting the weather though

 

 

As far as the dates, he has taken me on proper dates. I'd like more of them, I suppose that's something I could keep an eye on.

 

 

I'll be cool It's hard for me to be patient.

[BluEyeL]

I don't know, that percentage is just for the fun of it. I think there is some chance this would work, although I'm not liking the last minute thing. I like that he said he wants to see you more often, that's a good sign. I don't like that he wants you to call him. So I like some things, I don't like others, I think time and patience will get you through either way.

[venusishername]

I don't know, that percentage is just for the fun of it. I think there is some chance this would work, although I'm not liking the last minute thing. I like that he said he wants to see you more often, that's a good sign. I don't like that he wants you to call him. So I like some things, I don't like others, I think time and patience will get you through either way.

 

I'm completely with you on this. I don't see why I can't bring up the fact that I don't like the last minute stuff to him. Maybe that's something to talk about one of these days. I've been holding back on being communicative, obviously. And he noticed that, which is why he asked me to call him if I wanted to. The fact that he wants to have contact with me nearly every day is a very good thing! We'll see how things go from here. I'm not going to chase or be too available.

 

It's tempting to want to jump the gun and move full speed ahead. My last relationship took over 4 months to become serious. We started out at rapid speed, then he pulled back and then we were just 'friends' (meaning we still spent time together but nothing physical or affectionate words, etc). It was during that time that I think we fell in love. So, for that reason with something new like this, I think time and patience really are key.

[BluEyeL]

I don't think talking about the last minute thing will be useful. You either deal with it, or you don't. If you do eventually become a couple, times you two meet will become more predictable but probably he'll never be a planner.

[GildedLily]

You could totally bring up the last minute thing. Other girls have probably spoiled him into accepting dates this way so he may think that's how it's done. Tell him once sweetly what you prefer and see if he does it, that way you are not making him read your mind. If he doesn't fulfill your wishes, that right there is a clue to how he feels about you. Btw what OTHER girls, wtf?